My hubby thinks 7 yo is too young to see birth experience but dd really wants to go and she know all the details. We've read books and watched videos and she has 3 younger siblings so being older sister is not new to her. My MIL is telling my dh that she will be traumatized blah blah blah... But I think she's just mad I've never let her attend any of the births
I think that as long as you and her are both comfortable with it and she understands everything, I don't see why not. I would make sure that she understands that if it becomes to overwhelming for her that she is always free to leave the room. My midwife told me that sometimes the most traumatizing part for children isn't the actual birth part, it is the labor part because they see their mom in pain and they can't help make it go away. I personally don't want my kids to be there when I give birth because I see it as a very private time for my dh and I. Just my 2 cents.
I would agree that it depends on how comfortable you feel. I think my oldest would have been fine at that age, but not sure about my middle one! I have been told that with children like that, you really need another adult with you (other than DH!) who is responsible for that child. They can concentrate on the child, answer any questions, allow the child to leave if she feels uncomfortable being there, get her something to eat, whatever. My understanding is that the way to make this a memorable occasion is to allow the CHILD to decide how much she wants to be there/see.
I agree with the previous posters. My oldest was present for the birth of my second - not because we planned it that way, but because it was a very precipitous birth, no one else (midwife, doula, or friend) had arrived yet (baby didn't want to wait), and Mr Older brother marched right in (DH & I were quite busy). The whole things didn't phase him one bit. Now, with my third, our oldest again wanted to be present. In fact, this time he came in the bedroom where I was laboring and announced he wanted to watch(!). However, what I found was that he kept saying things that were making me and the other women laugh (lots of people around this time), and I had to send him out of the room because *I* couldn't manage my contractions with all the laughing (ouch). Now, later, I feel a little guilty about it, but my sister told me he was very much over the fact I sent him out. Her words were, "It's like Christmas out here." (in the living room) We always talk about how kids are flexible, but sometimes I think we forget just how much so. If you & your DH can't agree to have her present for the big event, she may be happy to come in moments after the birth (which was what our midwife with #2 had suggested). She'll be so excited and in the moment she may very well forget all about not being there for the birth. Good luck, wishing you an easy (although not precipitous) and safe birth.
As a L&D nurse, with multiple children myself....I think 7, especially for a girl...is usually ok. Personality matters...preparation matters. How needy is she of YOU, because I have seen kids get just crazy because thier moms can't pay attention to THEM and that has never happened before. You didn't mention if you were planning a homebirth or a hospital birth...that can matter. Even hospitals that allowed siblings/children are not now, because of H1N1. So check before you make any promises. Another thing I recomend is to have one person...usually a woman, whose roll it is to hang with your daughter. Someone who is supportive of your birthing plan and can explain it and demystify it as it occurs. Someone who is ok with taking her out if it gets to be too much. I think watching your siblings be born can be very powerful, but I do think sometimes the younger ones think it all happens like on tv. even the actually birth shows are distorted because of editing. My eldest dd came into the room when my youngest was born (homebirth) because I was making so much noise she thought I was dying. (oops) (she was 13) My 8 yo dd (at the time) choose to be at grandma's along with the 3yo ds. My eldest chose not to go to the hospital with my older son (she was 10). I think it depends on the kid and the mom and the space.
I would agree with everything that's already been said. I'm considering allowing my children to stay home when this baby is born. My midwife echoed a lot of what I've seen suggested here so far. Honestly, the only thing holding me back is that my 7 and 5 yos talk incesently about everything they see and I'd hate for them to go to church and launch into a detailed account of mommy's labor and delivery (lol).
I am having a hospital birth but in a very patient friendly hospital (or maybe I am just their most frequent patient ) My neice will be staying with dd during the whole thing and will be bringing her nintendo ds for entertainment in waiting room if it gets too much for dd. But I never thought about the stories she might tell. Hmmmm Do I want her sunday school teacher hearing juicy details about my delivery? I might have to rethink this........
LOL!!! Yes, they do tell tales! I had a preschooler once who announced, "Daddy chews on Mommy's neck and leaves black and blue marks...." Rachael wasn't present for Phillip's birth (age 5), but came to the hospital shortly after. She wouldn't speak to Carl the whole half-hour trip to the hospital, because she wanted another sister, NOT a brother (because her two half-brothers would tease her, and she DIDN'T want THAT!!!). She arrived, I asked her if she wanted to hold the baby. She nodded, sat down with him, and he went to sleep in her arms. My parents arrived a bit later, and I suggested, "Why don't you let Grandma hold him now?" Still not talking, she shook her head no, and wouldn't give him up for ANYTHING! So I guess a brother was OK after all!
LOL!!! I nearly fell on the floor laughing. Same things in my house...only slightly different. I heard my ds tell someone how his dad liked to spank his mom. That was a little awkward! I had to quickly explain what he meant was that my dh will walk into a room and will tap my rear end as he comes in to kiss me. Not sure if they bought that or not...oh well.
I never had any of my kids witness their sibling being born. My two older ones wouldn't want to see that anyway. Having kids in there isn't my cup of tea. I would not allow it. That is because of my personality. lol. Now, I don't see anything wrong with it. Do what you like and what you are comfortable with. A girl of 7, if she is mature, may be perfectly fine. I would be concerned only with her reaction to you in pain or God forbid, if something were to go wrong.
You are the mom, you know best. If your MIL were saying this about homeschooling, would you go along with her? No, you would not. Every child is different. I would ignore your MIL and have your child there. Just don't have your MIL there. She might scare your daughter with her attitude. I am not being funny about that. If your MIL is so convinced it will traumatize your daughter, you never know what she might say or what thoughts she might project on to your daughter.
Good point. You might not even tell your MIL that you are planning to have her in, so she won't say something even before the event.
Once I was heading to an appointment at a medical center and as I passed an ob/gyn office a man with two young girls stepped out. The oldest one must have been about 6 and she was clutching a sonogram picture and sobbing because she wanted a brother and not another sister. It was a hoot! My wanted the sibs present at the birth but wound up not being able to for some reason. She showed them the film later at home and one of her boys especially was very upset by it.
