Hello, I don't post often bc I haven't started hs yet we will be starting next September (I think we may have even found our school.... YAY, but that's another topic - in BC you either enroll or register with a school) Anyway, our dds are 2.5 yo twins and our eldest is 4. I am constantly struggling as to what is the best balance for the girls. Prior to all the H1N1 business, we were going out probably every day to activities, gymnastics, library, drop-in preschool. There was usually something to do every day and my eldest would get up every day and say "where are we going today mummy?" In my gut this did not give me a good feeling. On the one hand I thought it was great that there was so much to do and so many opportunities for "socialization," but on the other I wondered about the expectations I was implanting in my children of having to be constantly taken somewhere. When the H1N1 scare was here, we stayed home and layed low, we only went out 1 or two times a week, if that. At first my oldest resisted, but after a while an amazing thing happened.... the girls happily learnt to play on their own with each other. We chose to get the shots, and I felt comfortable again to venture out. But now I am wondering... have we as a society placed so much emphasis on "socialization" that it is expected of us to constantly take our children out to have those opportunities? Realistically, how much "socialization" do 4 yo and 2.5 yo need when they have each other? When we are out with other children my girls only play amongst themselves anyway and ignore the other children. I never arrange playdates because it is impossible to find a family with similar demographics. The girls are not interested in playing with boys and with twins, somebody is usually left out. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that a healthy dose of "socialization" does not mean having to take up every opportunity out there, and it's perfectly okay for them to just stay at home and play. Of course they do get their dose of t.v. too, but I try to minimize that as much as possible. Thanks for listening, Katrina.
Actually, I suspect we socialize far less today than did previous generations. They had no TV, no radio, and no long distances to drive to work. The children followed the parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. everywhere, because extended families were the norm. They learned by watching others and doing, and apprentices were as young as 11 years old. Compared with that, Western society has become quite isolationist. Personally, I'd continue letting your girls spend time with others, but especially with the adults in the family (which might very well mean at home). Do you have extended family living by?
Hmmm... that's an interesting thought... I guess what I meant was the constant pressure of putting your kids into "everything." I guess it's more "organized" socialization that's available today. No we don't have any family nearby and we are new to town, so no friends established yet, which makes it harder. I guess I'm a bit of an isolationist myself, therefore I could be struggling with "too much" socialization and am quite happy to keep them at home. Thanks for your thoughts, that's why I asked the question... I just want to do what's best for the girls. Katrina.
For their ages now, I wouldn't be too concerned about them playing with other kids their own ages, especially because they're happy with each other. When they're older, like maybe 8 and 6, you might want to find a homeschool group, or just some other homeschool families, that you'll want to associate with for some activities, or community activities/classes you'd be interested in having them in. IMHO, we push our kids too soon to "be social" and "have friends their own age". As Steve was saying, generations of people for centuries grew up with only their extended family, and if there were any other children their own age they were probably cousins... When I hear people insist that kids have to be in school so they can be with tons of other kids their own age, I cringe. I have long held that if you want your child to act like "everybody else's kid" put your child with 30 age-peers. But if you want your child to act his own age, learn how to be an adult eventually, keep 'em home! There's no better role model than the child's own parent!
I would say you don't have to be going all the time to be "socialized." Socializing with your family is a BIG part of socialization. I know so many families who can "get along" outside the home, but fight constantly with each other. At one point, we go so "busy" that my kids BEGGED for a day at home. Now, I try to schedule at least one or two per week where we have nowhere to go. Now that they are older, that's a good thing, because their "schoolwork" is more involved and they need the time here. Best wishes!
My boys (7, 5, 3) attend a homeschool fine arts academy for 4 hours one afternoon a week. Other than that, they each are allowed ONE activity. My oldest does Cub Scouts and my middle does Awanas. That's it. The only other things we do during the week (read: on school days) are go pick up milk (we get raw milk so we have to go to the farm to get it) and they occasionally go to Granny's for a couple of hours if I have a pile of homework of my own that I can't limit to when Daddy is home. Once you actually start HSing I think your schedule will also limit your options for outings. I know I have to bump errands around a lot because our lessons took longer than I anticipated.
Thank you very much for your replies. I think I am going to try to find a balance in starting January. We'll probably participate in activities 4 days a week and have at least one day at home. Thanks again. Katrina
I think in some cases less is more. Not that I think people should be isolated, but a constant moving about to "fill" the socialization need may be conterproductive. You already see that when activities are limited that your kids are finding things to do and interacting with each other. That is socialization in my book. I want my son to have many friends, but I don't think he needs dozens of close friends. He has about 5 really close friends (some live farther away, but are close in relationship). Then he gets out and plays with the neighbors, who range in ages from 2 to 17 and he has fun with the whole gang of them. The really neat thing is that we have three families right next to us who are all related and they are from Mexico (or the adults are). The culture they come from is a very inviting and family oriented culture. This is socialization. I do have my son involved in a Royal Ranger program and it does help him meet other people. The unfortunate thing is I cannot always get him together with his friends because of my work schedule. I really wish our culture wasn't always so busy and isolated.
For my kids, they do pretty much everything together. We do AWANA's and I still go to MOPs but that will change next year. We go everywhere together. They sometimes go and hang out at their grandparents, but pretty much everything we do, there is family at least present. I like it that way. Back in the day, everything that was done pretty much revolved around family, and I think we've lost some of that. I feel like our society pushes our children onto others to socialize, which in my opionion, is wrong.
Wow, 4 days a week is still pretty hectic sounding in my book! I agree with what the others said--it used to ALWAYS be family kids spent time with. I mean, some families were in wagon trains across the US, but then lived miles and miles and miles from ANYone once they got to their destination! Really, major socialization is NOT needed at those ages! They're happy being together, that's what you want--close family bonds! One of the reasons I homeschool is for family closeness. My kids don't rely on friends or peer pressure to make decisions on what to do, where to go, what to say, how to dress, what to eat and drink, etc.! When they need support, they know their parents (my dh and I) are there for them, instead of rebelling against us! When you constatly take them places to do things and get "socialization", they'll learn to depend on that, not family! Here's how one dictionary describes socialization: 1. To place under government or group ownership or control. 2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable. 3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society. Doesn't really sound like what I want for my kids! 2 sounds okay to an extent, though "to make fit..." is rather a crude way of putting somthing that grows naturally when you spend time together!
