Potty training + "I don't want to!"

I was watching my nephew for a few days. He was over 4 but had a habit of every night at bedtime pooping in his pull-up and then getting up to have his mom change him. He would purposefully wait for bedtime and use it as a way of being able to stay up and just being defiant. I was given permission to handle it as we saw fit.

The first night, I told him now was his chance to go potty because once I put him to bed, that was it and I would not change him- he would have to sleep in it and I would clean him up in a cold shower. Sure enough, he pooped as soon as I left and wanted me to change him. I told him he would have to wait until morning. His little bottom was quite sore the next day but he no longer pulled that trick on me and he even stopped for his mom! Sometimes, you just need to get a bit tough.

 

Have you ever thought about making him help clean up his mess? I did that with all three of my kids and the girls were easy they didn't like it and thought it was gross. My son, after a few times decided it was really gross and told everyone he knew that he didn't poop his pants he pooped in the toilet because that's where it's suppose to go. I don't know but it was effective for my kids, good luck on potty training your little guy.

 

Ok - maybe not TOTAL nakedness - but with underwear on.... he poops in it - fine.... make him clean them out - pees on the floor - make him clean it up.

DS was doing great..... until we moved and then he reverted - WHAT A PAIN!!! But I refused to buy diapers and I made him wear the dirty underwear in the apartment if I was busy. He lasted 3 days.....and then started going back on the potty - he didn't like the feeling of the wet/dirty underwear on his butt.

 

You know, I've heard that disposable diapers actually make training harder, because the kids DON'T feel the wet on their bottoms.

 

Well I don't agree with Jackie letting them run naked around the house they wouldn't go any place. I know a lady that lets her boy run naked all the time. He is always playing with his thing and pees and poops all over the place. Its sad.

I think I would do the tough love thing. I know its hard he is your boy and its hard.
But, you have try every thing and nothing. So, now its time for tough love.
Hang in there.


How I train my little one she was almost 3 and came home so excited to that she seen Santa at the store with Daddy and wanted to know when Santa was coming. Yes, I know we let played the Santa game and I don't think you do. But, anyway I told her Santa don't come to little girls that go potty in there pants. She looked at me and said really, I said yes and that was the end of that. No more diapers in our house.
Maybe you think of something along that line.

 

poor DH you had your work cut out for you. You would of thought his mother would of trained him. LOL just giving you a hard time. Don't be mad.

 

Awe Kris!!! This made me laugh soooo hard!!! I meant ds not dh. Wow, that sounds really funny as dh!! Thanks, I really needed a good laugh. I don't know how funny my dh would think it was though, lol. I guess I have been spending waaaayy to much time on the computer working on my taxes. I think that I need a break.

 

I know you have said that you are sure this is a defiance issue, but have you checked with his pediatrician to be sure? There are cases where children honestly can't tell when they need to go. When you said he just sat in it and acted surprised by it made me wonder.

It very well may just be a power thing, but I'd hate to think of a 4 year-old being punished for something he truly couldn't control.

If everything checks out with the Dr., I still say take the positive approach and give him as much positive attention as you can.

 

No Sweetie don't take a break, we will miss you. I needed the laugh too. Thanks again.

 

Na, just a break from my taxes. I can't see straight.

Sorry, not trying to hijack thread. Just explaining my blonde moment.

 

yea, thanks Lee for clearing this up, not trying to hijack it. I think we are done now. LOL

 

Hi there,

It took me a long long long time to train my dd. We used cloth, and it didn't help one bit. She didn't care if she pooped and didn't get changed, but I didn't leave her in it, she would fight me to have it changed.

Anyway, we got the pee thing down but it took a while. I put her in knickers and would place towels handy and yes she also peed throughout the house. It probably took 2 weeks and constant asking if she had to go pee. Then the pooping was a whole other story. She literally pooped in her pants every day for 8 MONTHS!!!! I tried making her clean her own knickers and I tried putting her in the naughty corner.

Then a friend told me that a ped dr had told her that sometimes children feel like the poop is an actual part of their body and they have difficulty accepting that it goes down the toilet.

So, I just accepted it. I just lived with it, telling myself that in time she would start pooping in the toilet and she now does. This happened early summer and she has not pooped or peed in her pants since.

Now my twins are almost three and I'm not pushing them to train them. I ask them daily if they want to use the potty and they do not want to. I have learnt that if you start something before they are ready it takes longer in the end.

If it were my child I would not punish him. I would give it a rest (I know he's 4 but it seems to have become a control issue) and try again in a couple of weeks. He's not going to be in diapers when he's 5, he'll realize that other kids his age are not in diapers. I would also offer incentives Smarties worked great for us, for a pee she got one, for a poop she got 5.

Sorry, but I do not agree with the cold water thing or being "tough." I try to accept that my kids have their reasons and when I find myself getting into battles with them, I try to back off and accept the situation and tell myself that this is how it is. For example, my 4 year old still does not sleep through the night. It's difficult, but we have tried all sorts of ways to resolve the issue (except punishment). Now we are offering smarties if she will stay in bed all night. So far we have had one night when she has slept through.

That's my 5 cents worth, hope it helps.

Katrina.

 

I recently took video of my 5 yr old recently rolling over and I called the grandparents to let them know he had rolled over. I just babied him all he wanted. Then he moved back on to being a big brother. Someone did a talk at a homeschool meeting a long time ago that said something about maybe their love cup just needs more filling, so just do that. So I did and it worked. Try giving him what he wants. Baby him, take away the power struggle. Then he will get tired of it and move on. As long as you are still fighting with him, he has enough to keep him going. Basically, he will get bored with it eventually...I mean...being the baby.

 

I'll caution you that technically the cold water treatment is considered child abuse, at least on the book in our state. You might want to say "cool" water instead. That was effective for a friend who had a reluctant pottier. She didn't present it as a punishment; she had to get him clean, so she simply stuck him in the tub but didn't wait for the water to warm up.

Do you still use cloth diapers on him? Cloth was another tactic we used on our boy; we wanted to make sure he really felt wet.

My son was reluctant to wipe himself; he said it was gross. We had to do it for him til he was five. My husband had had enough, so he kept telling him that when he was five, he'd have to do it himself. "It's the law," he'd say. He just failed to mention that it was his law. Finally, we celebrated his fifth birthday. He opened his presents and loved them. Then came the time for him to wipe his own hinney. He didn't want to. So my husband said, "You can't be five if you don't wipe your own tush." My son said,"I don't want to be five." My husband said, "Ok, you can stay four, but I'm going to have to return your presents because they're for a five year old." "Oh," said my son as he reached for the toilet paper.

 

I'm not sure I could bring myself to spray him with cold water. My boys have my skin and I am super sensitive to cold water. It literally hurts. I'm guessing it would be the same for him.

He outgrew the biggest cloth I have months ago. But he never cared about being wet/poopy. He'd sit in it all day if I didn't keep checking him.

I wiped for my other two for a long time after they were potty trained. I don't consider that part of being potty trained. It's more that they couldn't really reach well enough to get their bottoms clean. Either they'd end up with a rash or they would get poop on their arm trying.

 

I'm going to throw my 2 cents in...even though so many good, funny & boy I wish I would have thought of that moments.

Someone said something about the pull ups. We would put underwear on under those so they could "feel" the wet!!!

We also made a rule that if we wanted to go outside to play they had to go potty. They would sit for awhile...but I at least felt they knew this is what we do before we go out & make a habit out of it... You know the "schedule" like thing.

In the summer (ours were younger than yours), but I would just put underwear on so they could "feel" the wet when we were out there...less mess in the house, plus timing was just right for us. I can tell you only a couple times of pee running down the legs when they were playing & they were doing a better job of telling or trying to get in before it happened.

We used temp tattoos for ours. First it was sitting on it (beginning), then it was doing something on it usually #1...sometimes if they tried really hard for #2 & just passed gas we would give them a tattoo. Once the #1 was solved at going, then we only rewarded for #2. They loved it they picked out there own. Fam member would find them & give them to us.

Enlist others...if they like to do something at friends, grandparents or other fam...maybe they will help you reward them with time with just them doing something. Could maybe Daddy help as well...maybe the standing up thing or see Daddy sitting on the potty. Just thowing stuff out there.

We didn't move super fast, but it all fell into place at a speed we were all comfortable with.
I think I would definately talk to the doc about this though as well.

 

You said that his birthday is coming up soon. Maybe you could ask him what he really wants for his birthday and then tell him he needs to work towards it to earn it. This way if he can go on the potty and continue he can get his new birthday ___. Just an idea.