Those of you who have a spouse or sig. other I would like some input on division of labor. I'm wondering about the chores/jobs that you don't normally do. Would you know what to do or how to do those chores if your spouse suddenly couldn't do those for some reason? I'm asking this because I feel totally dependent on my hubby for some things. I need to learn to be more independent. I need to learn how to do some chores just in case dh can't be there for me. Today I'm going to handle getting new tires on the car at the car shop. I have zero knowledge on how to handle car things. Yesterday I got a flat tire and luckily my parents were able to pick me up from the grocery store, so I could get to my dd's school on time to pick her up. My mom also helped out by doing some math with my son and cooking us supper. I at least helped my dad shovel his sidewalks and driveway yesterday as a return favor. My dh was at work and then had a voluntary meeting, so he was unable to help until 7:30 last night. At that point he did go over to the grocery store parking lot and put the spare tire on, so I could use the car today. There are other things I need to learn such as using the grill, snow blowing, lawn mowing, taxes, insurance and billing. Do you have chores that you don't normally do that you don't know how to do?
I don't know how to vacuum the pool or clean the pool filter and I don't know how to use the weed wacker or the lawn mower. There are also some aspects of our business that I have no clue about. I'm confident, though, that if I had to, I could figure it out or find someone to teach me if anything happened to him. I do know how to change a tire, check the oil and transmission fluid etc. I do all of the budgeting, bill paying etc. and that's something I wish my husband knew more about in case something happened to me, but we keep putting off sitting down and going over it together.
I wish I knew less so my dh would do more! I always thought I would grow up and get married to someone who would do all the outside and car stuff...nope. He knows how to do it all but I end up doing because, well, He has severe allergies so the yard stuff falls on me. I mow the lawn, and take care of the yard work. As for the car stuff, he knows how to do it but he will procrastinate it and I can't stand that so I change the oil...yes I don't take it in, I do it myself...I even change the brakes when needed. I do all the bills and budgeting and I file taxes. I know how to cook on the grill but dh does it because he loves to, I pressure wash the driveway and patio, I do the house painting, fixing holes in the walls, replacing toilets and all that fun handy man stuff. The more I type the more I realize how great my dh has it! I need to get him back to doing all the things men do so I can have a break!
If I had to rely on DH to handle the car stuff, he'd wait until the vehicles didn't run anymore. Case in point: he drove his Samarai for three years and never once got the oil changed. I take care of my old van and new van. And I would probably have to take care of the Samarai, too, except that I can't drive a standard to get it to the shop. So it will die (probably this summer) and that will be that. My Mom (my single Mom) made me learn to completely maintain our car before she let me take my permit test. I even had to change the oil myself. I'm thankful for that. I do the bills and budget and such. Like mandiana, I see DH struggling with that if something ever happened to me. I did make detailed instructions of where to pay what bill (web address, mailing address, etc) and all pertinent account and log-in information. It's in our safe deposit box. He knows it's there so he can use it if I could no longer do the job. At this point, he doesn't even know where the rental office is (to drop the rent check) and we've lived here for six years. Dh does handle the yard work, but again, since I grew up with a man in the house and my mother was disabled, mowing was my responsibility. It's been 13 years since I've done it, but I'm sure it would come back to me. However, I don't know how to work his weed-eater. That's a tool we never had when I was a kid. I had to trim with garden sheets. So this thread has made me think that maybe I'd better have him show me.
I can do a lot of the stuff he does..... I have gotten tires for the car etc. However - we do have a strange deal.... if something happens to him (death mainly) I am to sell this farm and move. I can pay bills and I know where everything is so that's fine. I'm not the BEST at a lot of it - but I am capable. I can mow the lawn, drive a truck, pull a trailer..... etc. There are things he can't do here - and I know he would move if something happened to me......he can't give shots or do vet work.....he CAN'T homeschool he can't do the paperwork for the taxes or even run Quicken. Who knows what he would do if we had a baby in the house
well this is a good subject. to tell you the truth I rely a lot on my dh and when he broke his back last summer that change fast. I learn how to do a lot. I mean a lot. Mow the lawn, weed eat the lawn the whole nine yards. So, yes you all can do if you have too. But, hey remember one thing its nice to know but they love helping too. Makes them feel important I know one thing when dh felt better I gave them the ropes with no problem.
FINANCES!!! I am capable, but haven't done them in so long! Any "handyman" type work around the house, any car repairs. I would probably call a male friend and ask him for advice/help in those areas.
Honestly, I can do anything my hubby can (chore-wise), except maybe wiring and plumbing repairs, and my son is learning how to do those. I handle the finances, most of the yardwork, we split the housework between us and the kids, and I handle any issues with the car (helps that my dad owned an auto parts store for 30+ years). I do consult dh for opinions on major issues, but I've always wanted to be able to do for myself, if need be. I'm training my kids to do the same. I've seen too many widows in my family flounder upon the death of their husbands not knowing how or what to do. Carol
I don't think there is anything here that I *can't* do, I grew up on a farm and mom insisted that I learn every life skill she could think of because in her words "no woman should ever be dependent on a man for anything" and though I don't agree with her reasoning for that I do agree that it's a good thing to know how to do things for oneself. I take care of all car maintenance around here mostly because I can do most of it myself and if I can't I'll find a qualified person to do it, DH does many things around here but if he couldn't for some reason then I know I can.
There are a lot of things that he does that I don't. Do I know how to do them? Not off hand, necessarily, but I did everything for myself before we got married. I am confident in my research and learning skills that I could learn whatever I might need to. This has been a point of contention between us at times. For example, when our first child was born, DH sort of "took on" installing car seats as "his" job. Well, that's something IMPORTANT that I should understand. Even when we got to #3, I had to ride in a friend's car. She had enough car seats for all but one of mine, and I simply wasn't experienced enough to put it in efficiently. She ended up showing me how to get the latch done. Really frustrating.
Wow...you ladies are awesome! That's wonderful that you all can do the car stuff and the other chores. I guess I was spoiled in some ways growing up (not materialistically though). My dad taught me how to garden (plant/harvest/weed), trim bushes, how to care for trees, how to hand wash cars, how to fill the tank with gas, how to paint a wood house, how to shovel, how to fish and ice fish, but that was it for those types of chores. I guess I mowed the lawn for my dad once, but that was mainly my other sister's job when Dad couldn't do it. My mom taught me about other household stuff along with child care and balancing checkbooks/paying bills. My mom hardly ever dealt with car stuff and let my dad handle it. When my husband and I were first married we agreed that he would take care of the car stuff and most of the outside chores. It never really dawned on me that there might come a day when I would need to know how to do some of these things on my own. It is a good thing that today I called hubby to get his advice on getting new tires because I needed to know how much to spend. I thought over $700 for 4 tires sounded ridiculous! Good thing I only went with 2 tires for a little over $200 (all they had in stock in the size I needed).
Handsome and I both do what needs to be done. Sometimes I have to have the tires taken care of and other times he does. He cooks sometimes and I cook sometimes and so on.
