Sorry this is only slightly school related but it is kid related - I'm sitting at my computer with no on else to vent to. Just so hate the feeling of me and/or my kid being "left out" or not included. It's so immature and grade schoolish but even at 49 it still gets to me. I was recently on a Facebook page of a friend and saw pictures of her kids and three other boys making gingerbread houses at Christmas time. These are boys that we know and were doing a writing class every Friday with in the last 3 months and now we're doing a book discussion group. My son was not invited to do the gingerbread houses. Makes me feel sad - they had every right not to invite him - but it still hurts.....Doesn't help that my son has Aspergers and sometimes kids don't take to him right away. These kids seem to like him but maybe they really don't... I don't know Sigh....typing it out does help. Having kids sometimes just knocks the wind out of you. Jane
That's sad. Does your son not have alot of friends? I'm like that. I make friends very slowly, but the friends I do have are very close. I hope something opens up for him very soon. I remember my own hurts as a child when I was left out and wish I could protect my kids from the same.
first here's a big (((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) second.try not to let it bother you, I know its easier said then done. But, maybe she had a reason for it, not enough room for everyone who knows. You and your children go for a walk, hug each other and be thankful you have each other to lend on.
I am sorry (((hugs))). I actually know how you feel. I deal with this all the time it seems like. But your friend is rude. I have taught my children to not talk about things they do with people they are not doing it with. I also would never post something on facebook unless everyone on facebook was meant to be included. In addition...did this woman have permission from those other children to post their pictures? I never ever post pictures of other people's children, or other people, without their permission.
I feel a little better - thanks to all. I sent an email (very rational, not accusatory) to the woman who had the actitivty and just basically told her I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I have to get this off my chest and move on. Like Judge Judy says "Put a period and move on!" we'll see what kind of reaction I get...shes' a nice woman but kind of touchy(if you know what I mean)
I think it's O.K. to post about things we do with others and others see it, but yes, in this instance when children are involved and someone was left out that this woman's children regularly associate with, it wasn't very sensitive at all. But I think sometimes people just put things together spur of the moment, whoever happens to be in a conversation with them at the time it comes to mind is the one to get invited, not the one's that socially should be in line to get invited. I remember being hurt one time by a family that we associated with regularly, I babyset for as favors, she did for me to, etc. etc. Her son had a birthday party and his sisters made a point of telling my children that the boy did not want my son at his party. My son was much younger, so I think it was to be expected that the older boy didn't want him at the party but for him to hear that was very hurtful. Especially after my son had invited all of the children in that family to his party at a pizza parlor and they all came. I tried to explain to my son that the older boy was wanting to do something with other older boys his age but I don't know how much it got through to him. I do wonder if it didn't bother me more than it bothered my ds because ds never said anything more about it later. My dh was a little ticked off about it, because of how many times we had invited ALL of their children to social things and paid for Pizza and other things for them. At least they could have made an effort not to let my son know, but when we went to their home one night, the birthday cake was still out, decorations were still out, and it was obvious they had had a party.
I would go with the assumption of a space issue. We have a cookie decorating party every year at my house. There are so many families that I would love to be involved- I just don't have the room for all of them in my house. Because of that, I have to limit who is invited or who isn't invited.
well was your son the only one in the group not invited? I don't have a problem with her telling her son he could have 2 or 3 friends over for a party, but not everyone in the group.
Yes my son was the only one not invited. I have since found out that they didn't invite him because they didn't think he would enjoy it since he's not into "crafty" things but I know he has made gingerbread houses in the past and enjoyed it (they just didn't know that)....still feel like they should have at least offered. I'm over it and do feel better that I got it out instead of letting it fester -which is never, ever a good thing. Life goes on.
What I mean, is if it is something like, you go on vacation, it is ok to talk about it. But it would be rude to post anything online that you would not say in person. So, to tell others about a party you had for these children when you excluded the child of one of the people would be rude. I would never have a birthday party for my children and then run tell one of their friends about it who was excluded. Rules followed in real life should pretty much be followed online. Many people will put things online that they would never do in non-online world.
So in otherwords, if I were having a baby shower but did not want to invite my inlaws, I would not go and tell my inlaws all about the babyshower. I would keep it to myself. AND, knowing they might be on my facebook or have friends there, I would not post about my babyshower on facebook. KWIM?
Sounds like an excuse to me. but oh, well. some folks are like that. If there started to be a pattern of this, you would need to do something, like find a different group or whatever.
HUGS, yep its hard when your kid does not get counted in, but the best thing to do is to plan to do something with your own kid(s) invite the others so they know you are game! Then they will know to invite you the next time! That is the way it has worked with us, its like tag for parties, if I invite this kid, then my kid gets invited, if I don't then they dont invite us, maybe its petty but it works and my kid has no clue so it works for him/her to have fun!
I wouldn't have done this, even though I know exactly how you feel. These moms are not obligated to include our kids, even though you'd think they would. You just have to remember it's their choice to include what kids they want to. My Jeannie knows these two girls that she has taken various classes with over time. Many, many times their moms will do things together, or the one mom will take the girls somewhere, and Jeannie gets left out. The girls will tell Jeannie what they did, too, which really makes me mad. Other times, the one mom will let it 'slip' what they did. Up her *ss- she's rude and she knows it! Do yourself another favor and stay off the FB pages of moms you think are excluding your kid. You'll just get more irritated, and for what?
my oldest ds(20) has aspergeers too and I can't tell you how many nights my heart broke for him when he was left out of someting. not everybody "gets" him and making and keeping friends was a total mystery to him. I know you feel totally helpless when his feelings are hurt. this probably isn't any comfort to you now but my ds is almost 21 and he now has a small but reliable (as reliable as 20 yr olds can be) group of good friends that accept him for who he is. it can happen but until it does you are his support system. no pressure though,right?
My daughter is bipolar and my heart goes out to you. It is hard to watch your child get hurt over stuff like that. I know how you feel.
I love that line! I do feel like that with my son but it's necessary because he doesn't naturally get the whole social world- it's part of Aspergers. Silver lining - Yesterday we met a NEW boy and his mom -this boy also has Aspergers and is a social geek like my son so we are expanding our little social world so maybe I won't be overly sensitive when my son doesn't get included.....nah...it's always gonna stink
