Immaturity in homeschooling kids?

Discussion in 'Christian Issues' started by TeacherMom, Feb 8, 2010.

  1. Frugalcountrymom

    Frugalcountrymom New Member

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    I sort of agree on that on what your asking. My daughter and her best friend have been homeschooled most their life. They are 16yr going on 17yrs yet they act like 12yrs! hehe they even hang with these age of girls. Its ok though cause kids now a days grow up so fast, its so sad. I tell her its ok cause she has years to be an adult and only a few more years to be a kid.
     
  2. Emma's#1fan

    Emma's#1fan Active Member

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    That is great!:D

    When I was a child, my oldest sister had all the "cool" Barbies. She was in 8th grade and was so embarrassed when I ran up the street to meet her bus and yelled to her as she was walking off, "Can I play with your Barbies???":eek:

    Yikes, I thought my sister was going to die from embarrassment. LOL She gave me the dirtiest look and said, "Shhhhh! I don't want people know know I still have Barbies!"

    So I think most girls still like dolls and "cutsie stuff" but it isn't the norm anymore so they either put it aside prematurely or they deny it.


    By the way, TMom, thanks for this thread. I am enjoying it.
     
  3. Sherry

    Sherry New Member

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    I wouldn't be concerned if she were acting like her peers or not according to other people's observations, simply because children that spend a lot of time around their peers tend to become very self conscious about their behavior in order to fit in and please their peers. That does not mean that they have developed virtuous traits and have a good character. What so many people view as being "mature" is really just bending to peer pressure and has nothing to do with being grown up and less selfish at all.
    I have to agree that your friends mom saying "she acts like girls used to act when I was growing up" is probably a good thing. The culture has become more geared toward pushing our young ladies into being overly sensual and rebellious. I don't think that's mature at all. It's just worldly.
     
  4. becky

    becky New Member

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    TM- I love your picture!!! Everybody- is TM beautiful or what???

    My doctor said Jeannie is very mature some ways, immature in others. She's mature in that she can hold a conversation with adults, for example. She's immature in that she's quick to interrupt, she addresses things that aren't appropriate for her to address, she's quick to interject where she should actually not speak at all, and she's quick to question people. For example, her guitar teacher was late one week. He comes in and Jeannie asks 'Why were you late?' She was simply curious, not condescending, and you could hear concern in her voice. Still, she should not have questioned the guy, even if she was worried about him. I really get on her to watch how she speaks to people, even though she never means to be rude.
    The doctor said this is common in hs families where the kids are mostly around adults. They don't learn the boundaries ps kids do, and they pick up adult 'cues', although that's not the word I want.
     
  5. momofafew

    momofafew New Member

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    I think this is a huge issue of measure of maturity. I see the public schoolers only talking about cell phones, sex, partying, shopping, etc. Then I see the homeschoolers talking about a wide variety of things from their studies to classical music to modern music to history, etc. My daughter knows about cell phones, sex, parties, and shopping. I feel she is too mature to fixate on it. She has a life beyond it. Plus, she is mature enough to not think it is really cool or funny to ridicule someone or use foul language. Nor does she think it is a sign of maturity to be having sex at 13.

    Maybe things are different where you are at. But this is how it is here. My children know my stance..talking about sex, using foul language, etc does not make you mature nor does it make you look mature. Adults do not act that way, or should not anyway. Neither should teens. I have heard people say they think kids these days are so mature because they are having sex so young and on cell phones and so on. Giving a child a cell phone does not make them mature. A child having sex is not mature. It is stupid and the fact that they chose to do it like they do (i.e. in the school bathrooms, at parties in front of others, in the school locker rooms, etc) shows all the more how immature they are.
     
  6. momofafew

    momofafew New Member

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    I might disagree with your doctor from the point of view that some of these behaviors are immature (the interrupting) but many of them are adult behaviors. Someone told me early on in homeschooling that someone else had complained to them that their teens did not act much like other teens. She said that was fine as she was not raising them to be teens, she was raising them to be adults. So if your daughter does not act child-like enough, or she acts too adultlike, I think that is ok.
     
  7. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    wow this really got into a wide discussion lol, I was just talking about whinning and not accepting when wrong and that sort of immaturity, but the other stuff we have no problem in, so I guess its just her personality and I need to work on it.

    Problem is she is usually right, answers most questions right in school, knows more than her peers, etc, so when she is wrong its really bad! I tried to stop this years back and thought we had it but its reared its ugly head again so its crack down time.
     
  8. momofafew

    momofafew New Member

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    My public schooled son (who is homeschooled now, but was mostly public schooled) is so beyond apathetic that it drives me insane. My homeschooled daughter is passionate about everything from the recession to...oh, just everything. I don't know if it is because of how they were schooled or their genders or just them. But I have noticed that the kids at the public school were trying to hard to be cool that they were never themselves. And it was most certainly uncool to act interested in anything decent. How old is she?
     
  9. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    15 there abouts
     
  10. seekingmyLord

    seekingmyLord Active Member

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    So many points have been brought up broadening and discussing what we might see as immature!

    I was asking my husband recently if he saw anything to be concerned about because my daughter likes playing with girls and boys about two years or more younger than she is. She is an only child and there are limited choices in the ages of children around us, particularly at our small church there is no one her age. We came to the conclusion that she likes to play with the younger children and selected older children, who have less complicated personalities, which is to say when you ask them if they want to play they just say "yes" and play. She does not get moodiness or putting on airs or that kind of playing is beneath them types as many of the ps children are around her age and older, accept for the few she finds that do not act that way--and she does find them! We see far less of this in homeschool children generally.

    My daughter does interrupt some, but mostly she makes her argument. I chose the classical approach, so I admire a good logical argument and she is quite good at doing it appropriately most of the time, but there are times she still tries to go past "That was a very good point, but the answer is still no just because I say so." She is also a fixer/troubleshooter, so cannot do is really just something she might be able to fix and make into a can do--I admire that spirit and do not wish to break it, just bend it a bit--and she gets that quite honestly from both her father, as that is is job, and me, as I have always found a way to do things that I was told was impossible for me to do.

    My daughter has to be right also. Again, a very strong trait that I think most firstborns have naturally. I definitely was like that as child. My husband has it too. Being that I understand trait, it is my responsibility to help her temper it while she is still a child. BUT it does come in handy too; when I cannot get her to engage in lessons, I start giving wrong answers and she cannot wait to correct me.

    I just spent several days with my in-laws and it became apparent that my MIL thought some of the things my daughter did was not polite to just bad behavior for a child of her age. For instance, my daughter whispered at the dining table to ask me a question. Other people whispering in any situation, to my MIL, is very rude, but I feel that whispering is appropriate when someone else talking and my daughter respectfully does not wish to interrupt, but she needs to go to the bathroom. It was not like she was talking about anyone; she was trying to be subtle. I also find it rather ironic that while my MIL tells my daughter whispering is rude, she herself does not whisper when it would be far more appropriate if she would or just keep her thoughts to herself (she is rather critical) and when she does whisper it is to talk about people in the vicinity while she is looking at them--which is rude! I am wondering how it will go over when my daughter figures it out and corrects her grandmother.

    As I see it, every trait a child has was given by our Lord for a purpose and it is my parental responsibility to be sure that it is tempered to be usable according to His Will, so I really don't worry about what other people are thinking about her or how she will fit into society or what is "normal," only if she is as the Lord needs her to be.
     
  11. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    As I see it, every trait a child has was given by our Lord for a purpose and it is my parental responsibility to be sure that it is tempered to be usable according to His Will, so I really don't worry about what other people are thinking about her or how she will fit into society or what is "normal," only if she is as the Lord needs her to be.

    seekingmylord this is true. Her normal is what she is, and you made me think on some things, my dh ( or so I am told) was like this when he was younger the wanting to be right, because he was... most of the time. So it is probably a personality trait that we can work on. I know at her age she is emotionally charged being a girl and that she need to learn to control them.
    I love that your dd whispers at approriate moments, somehow my children forget how to whisper and I am continuously putting a finger to my mouth. I taught them sign to a certain amount so that we can exchange a few words when we dont want to interupt and its not obvious to most.
    I do have to say it is quite hallarious when my ds argues with me that way. He will make a request and I will say no ( in sign) then he will plead, and I still say no, and he gets silently frustrated for not getting what he wants, lol!
    I wish they all could jus sign when they are upset hahah!
     
  12. seekingmyLord

    seekingmyLord Active Member

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    My daughter and I sign to each other as well. It comes in real handy during church services.
     
  13. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    yep or if someone is in front of or between you and the child and they need your help or something
     
  14. MonkeyMamma

    MonkeyMamma New Member

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    Wow what an interesting conversation!

    From my experiences with kids immaturity certainly is not a homeschool thing. Nor is maturity for that matter. Samantha has been both homeschooled and in public school and is currently in public school. She is and has always been very mature. She is almost 14 and still LOVES Build a Bears and American Girl dolls but I don't see that as immature. Sam is honest and trustworthy and able to handle whatever is thrown at her. She can carry on a conversation with anyone. Her counselor called me earlier this year when she was being talked about by another student. She said in all her years of teaching she has never seen a student so articulate and unafraid of the bully. And all the things Momofafew said public schoolers talk about like sex and partying and all that I just don't see. I'm sure somewhere there are kids talking about that but none of the ps'er I have ever seen or heard and I am always around Sam and her friend and volunteering at the school. I don't think it is a public school thing but a low class thing instead.

    By the way - the most immature kid I know goes to public school. So don't worry about homeschooling making them immature. It just isn't true.
     
  15. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    I was thinking of how blessed I am that my kids dont talk about what other kids do too, Listening to ds on the way home last night in the car he started up a conversation about currrent events, Clinton bieng in the hospital then to Iraq and Iran etc, he has good points too! for a 12yr old he has a clue!
     
  16. MonkeyMamma

    MonkeyMamma New Member

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    My daughter is usually talking about dance. Either about practice, a specific dance, competitions and the most recent is what song to do her next solo to. Pretty much all her friends dance so they all have that in common. They all talk music, choreography and costumes.
     
  17. becky

    becky New Member

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    Well for me, I'm going to work on Jeannie and how she comes off. Mind you, she honestly doesn't mean to be rude or fresh, but it looks that way. In my mind, if I correct her now, I don't have to worry about how she will look to a potential employer down the road.
     
  18. fairfarmhand

    fairfarmhand Member

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    I have had to write down a list of inappropriate things for my daughter, so she can see in black and white, what is rude and what is ok. For instance, I tell her to never correct an adult, but she may politely say, "I disagree" if someone mentions some thing she thinks is dumb or whatever. I think it's hard for young people to figure out how to respectfully disagree (really, that is hard for many adults too!) especially when the person is an adult. If it is essential to interrupt, there needs to be an excuse me. My daughter does better if we can keep our conversations less antagonistic, and try to keep things from turning into an argument. That is when interruptions and disrespectful talk really escalates!!! And really, even if you are right about something, that is no reason to be a jerk about it!!!
     
  19. Sue May

    Sue May New Member

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    Our daughter had some unusually behavior that we could not exactly put into words. We delt with each issue as it arose with no lasting results. Now that she is a young adult, this unusual behavior has raised its ugly head. She has OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). One of many things that our daughter could not do was accept that she was wrong. She still cannot accept that she is wrong. I am not saying that your daughter has OCD. There are certainly more signs than not accepting being wrong.

    If your daughter's behavior is a big concern, get books to read about her behavior. I wish someone had told me that years ago. Wish I knew then what I know now about OCD. Again, I want to assure you that from what you said, it does not sound like your daughter has OCD.
     

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