I haven't been here in a while, but I thought you ladies could probably give me an opinion on this situation. Our church went through something about 2 years ago. A family had a child molested by an associate pastors son(the son was 16 at the time). The church did not disclose to the congregation what happened. Only a VERY few people new what happened. We new before it came out because the family of the young child were personal friends and the reason we were invited to this church. We have known them for 16 years. The assoc. pastor left stating "family reasons" and that they would come back "after a season". The pastor left is his bil. The pastor called us personally to make sure that we wouldn't talk to anyone about it. We were not planning on it so that rankled, of course. The pastors wives parents go to this church and the mother is very "nosy"-for lack of a better word. They have tried to come back already and haven't yet. The mother of the young child cleans our church. They have given her a 30 day notice that her job will end due to economical reasons. They were not going to be run off before, but have now decided when her time is up they will leave the church. I really don't want them to leave!! They are really good friends of ours, we only live about a mile away and we see them about every other day anyway - so it's not that we won't see them. I don't even mind the assoc. pastor and his family coming back. I am not wanted my children around this son, but he is 18 now and still on probation so I don't even know if he will come with them. We do not hold the son's crime against the parents. My husband has not been happy with the pastor or the "family interference" in the church business. The mother in law of the pastor is just not nice. We went to one of the hearings for the boys probation and she was really rude and said "we should leave because it wouldn't be good for the church"! We were there for support for the child's family. There was also another incident with another family who came. They were very poor. We invited them because they needed to be uplifted and cared for. Our church administrator started spreading rumors about how they were "church hoppers" and were only there to take advantage of us. They eventually left. Our pastor gave a message on love on Sunday. I really bit my tongue because I wanted to shout "What about....... and .......! They were NOT shown the love they should have been. Our pastor keeps talking about being accepting and how he wants people of all colors and races and then I find he can't really accept people who don't have a lot. We are NOT rich and don't tithe very much. We do however have some church members who do. The assoc. pastor would be one of them if he came back. I hate to say "stuck up!", but that is how we feel about this pastor and his family. The church people have become our family and I really don't want to leave. Dh is talking about it though. The children(14 and 16) are involved with youth, but dd14 still feels not included. She says the kids are "fake" and she was already planning on looking for another church as soon as she was free to do so, the news hasn't hurt her feelings at all. Our church has grown leaps and bounds for about 4 years now. Our pastor keeps talking about "getting out of your box and doing things that make you uncomfortable", but didn't when we were trying to help this poor family stay together and lift them up. Needed to vent, but I didn't know where else to go! I don't really feel that any other church members would feel this way. I know they are from all walks of life and I think we feel we are better suited(maybe) than others to know what being really poor feels like. I hate going to food banks!! I know what it is like to have to be humble and swallow your feelings to ask for help. I want our church to REALLY accept ALL people because God made all of us and loves each and every one of us!! My husband has talked to the pastor about this before. The rumors were ridiculous and they should never have been talked about as no one should be. I just don't know about this. I don't want to leave. I really think we could not find a better church. All churches have their problems because we are made up of real people. I hope that we can, as a church, change the hearts of one another. Dh is still not happy with our pastor though. How do you feel about your church. Do the people tend to accept anyone who may walk in the door? It took us 5 years of looking and attending to finally join this church. Our church does thing for the community and seem to truly have a heart for the people, but then there is the feeling about what happened with the families I mentioned. How do you feel about that? Do you think the congregation should have been told about why the assoc. pastor left? I know this rant was long(and kind of run-on), but I don't really have anyone else to talk to. Thanks, Sabrina
I am sorry that all this is happenning in your church. There are some in churches who are "stuck up". They think that because they have a postion of somekind of authority that they are better than most. THIS IS NOT TRUE.. WE ARE ALL THE SAME IN THE LORD'S EYES. Your ass. pastor did good by leaving..... now sure we can't punish them for the son's sins, but if everybody in the church knew... it would be hard for them to come back and start where they left off at. God forgives, but it is hard for people to forget. I don't agree with letting the church cleanner go, and then you find out that the bil ass pastor is coming back... seems fishey to me:shock: I will tell you this from experence that your hubby as the "spirital head" of your house, if he feels it might be time to leave... then follow his lead. Since your daughter has the same feelings, and it seems she has been feeling like leave for some time, it might be best for your family. Remember God does not always bless a church because the pastor is doing it right.... He blesses the church because the people in it are living right.... A church can not be bless and stay bless if SIN IS IN THE HOUSE ( MEANING THE PEOPLE IN AUTHORITY). some times we see things going on and wonder why it seems that God is still blessing them, but everything works in HIs timing... My advice to you would be to keep praying about it and ask God to show you also what is best for your family. Will keep you in pray.
I would, of course, follow my husband if he wanted to go to another church. I also trust that everything happens for a reason and if we are meant to go to another church we will find it. I just hate that we are at a church that I really like and are maybe going to go somewhere else. Yes, the fishy part about the return I see too.
We'll keep your family in our prayers as you make the decision. Hopefully the Lord will guide you to a wonderful church where you all feel included.
We currently attend the church I grew up in (and stopped going and came back and stopped again and back..... as my walk with the Lord waxed and waned). I feel more a part of this church now than I ever did. We have not always been a very accepting church, but through the last twenty or so years, we are becoming one. For quite some time we have had rich, poor, white, black, and red members. One of our past pastors once was asked by someone (not of our church) whether he would want "those people" (substitute group of your choice here) in our church, to which he repllied, "Oh, I'm very choosy about who I worship with." The asker got a really smug look on his face, then the pastor continued, "I will only worship with those for whom Jesus died." And it's been opening slowly by slowly ever since. Our church now has a single man as a deacon, and at least one who was divorced (before he got saved), and we now have a Faith Riders chapter, and an Outdoors Adventure group that goes 4-wheeling/ministering/skeet shooting etc. Never had those before this current pastor. Who the pastor is shouldn't make a huge difference in the personality of the church, but it does. I would say, if your husband is ready to leave and your daughter is ready to leave, maybe it's time to leave. Keep praying about it until you have a clear message about it from the Lord. But I'd say if the pastor is preaching love but not showing love, that'd be a clear sign to me....
I would leave this church. Church is about the people...and look at these people!! Time to move on. I am so sorry for all that has happened. If you stayed, honestly, I would consider it tolerance of the sexual abuse. People do need to know and have a right to know that this 18 yr old is a sex offender. He might be registered. But the whole hush-hush biz, no way!! Even if you just take this time to recover and regroup and not find a new church, fine. That is better than continuing with this church. (((hugs)))
BTW, something to consider..why would you stay? Because it is easy and comfortable? Seriously...is that even OK? Because I do not think it would be OK to stay. If you did, it would be because it is easier to stay. And people like these people get away with their abuses because people want what is comfy.
I would pray and ask God to give me a clear direction, if HE wants you to move on to a different church it could be because of someone there that you can reach or something that no one else can, and sometimes He will use what the enemy means for bad for a good thing that way. But if God does not want you to leave Pray for Him to heal the hurts and the church and help your hubby to be able to see that God is in control not man. That is such a tough situation to be in,my dh has continued at our churh for a few years though he would rather be elsewhere because he knows God is still using us all there, everyone one in our family is doing something there to beinfit the kingdom of God via that location. Sometimes we have to accept the things we can't change, but somethings we neeed to push to make a change on.. I would seriously pray for clear guidance. I will too! HUGS!
I don't know what the right thing for you to do as far as changing churches is, but to me people should know that this young man molested a child. I don't mean to sound like his life is over and he should never be able to get past what he did, but I would not trust him around my children and other parents should be allowed to know and be able to protect their kids if he comes back to the church. I would think his probation would keep him away from the church, but maybe not. Just my thoughts, for what they are worth.
sometimes God asks us to do hard things.Sometimes it means leaving a place where we feel comfortable.When I'm faced with change I don't like,I'm reminded by a quote I read in a bible study somewhere;God's will will not take you where His grace cannot keep you. If He's leading you somewhere else, just imagine the growth He's got planned for you! to me,that's exciting.
If a person is labeled as a "sex preditor", they are not permitted to hang around places where children gather. Does a church fall into this category? SHOULD a church fall into this catagory? If a person has made a mistake, and has repented of it, do we tell him he is no longer alowed to attend a church as a result? I don't know. We have several sex preditors in our church, one dealing with young children. I know this, because I am in charge of children's ministry, and someone checks on-line and will show me their picture. I wouldn't be surprised if most suburb churches have one or two. It's easy for them to join in, and play the game. Our church is different in that we actively look for them, due to the fact our church is geared to make "street people" welcome. But making them welcome and trusting them with our kids is NOT the same thing! I'm not sure if EVERYONE in the church should know about this young man. But the people in authority need to keep a VERY careful eye on him! If he's coming, there need to be some strict ground rules set, such as NEVER being alone with a young person, not being alowed to help with children, etc.
Thanks for all your input. The decision to stay when this first happened was a hard one, but we were also being supportive of the young child and his family(we are really close to them, I actually nursed him when he was born because I was nursing my 1 yr old at the time and he was an adopted grandchild - now the couples adopted son, hope that makes sense). I am not sure if he is registered - I will have to ask. We do check at our church and have everyone checked if they are in any of the children's church or nursery activities. The people with children who found out(I don't know how)months later were really angry that they were not told and their kids were around him. We asked our children and I am sure they talked to theirs after they found out too. It is a hard subject to bring up when you are having to use a specific name and then ask them not to mention it either. If we do leave I will miss the people and the pastor too. He NEVER bores me. That I would miss, because I am learning so much there; in Sunday school and church, too. Yes, I am comfortable there because I love the people.
I haven't had a chance to ask, but he did have to continue with the probation after he turned 18. So I would say that he probably have to register.
leaving a church is such a difficult decision. I ache for you and your family and this decision. I don't know that anything you have talked about in and of itself is grounds for leaving, on the other hand false praphets can be great teachers...meaning if someone is a good preacher...that doesn't always make them a great pastor. This is a decision for your husband with your input. we have done it (changing churches) and even though we are still friends with our friends from the old church there is a distinct difference that breaks my heart. We left because of some specific teachings we did not feel were biblical...but we did not doubt that the pastor is a man of God. Pray. (so will I)
