I am a concerned father of 3 kids (20mo, 5yrs, and 11yrs old). I will get straight to the point...In theory I like the advantages of homeschooling. Child specific teaching, biblical teaching, flexibility and so on. But the way that my wife is homeschooling my kids, it seems more like no school. She has no set schedule or routine. An average day starts at 10am and there is at most an hour of school work. The rest of the day is a free for all. I feel that my 11 year old is very behind. She still doesn't know her multiplication and division tables and has very poor penmanship and spelling skills. History and the sciences are non-existent. The curriculum is a hodgepodge of different books. In addition to all of this my wife feels that I have never supported her homeschooling our kids. Sadly she is right. I don't feel that my children are receiving a good education. I feel like they would be learning more in public school. I wish i could do more with my kids but I work during the day and I cherish my social time with the kids in the evening. Should i put my kids in public school? Is there anything I can be doing to encourage a better education at home? Anytime I share my concerns with my wife she becomes very defensive and an argument usually ensues. We both come from two different educational backgrounds. I went to public school, went on to college and then received my masters degree from an ivy league school. She was home schooled and never went to college. Any thoughts? Suggestions please!!!
Maybe it's time you support her in her journey to educate your children. Look at curriculums, ask her why she chooses what she chooses, and offer to help her teach one of the kids subjects for her. My kids love when daddy gets his shirt sleeves dirty and does school with them. By the way a hodge podge of books is usually the best fit for a family
Why not make your social time a great learning time too? Learning doesn't have to feel like a grind, it can be fun. Discuss those history and science topics you feel your 11 yr old is weak on. You could plan some fun science experiments to do together, read great books together, play with some math concepts, etc. My daughter has always been homeschooled by a hodge-podge of books and resources, rather than working though a set curriculum or program. She is very advanced for her age and attended a charter high school part-time this year. She easily made 'A's despite the accelerated rigorous environment. She's decided that she learns more while homeschooling though, so next year it is back to homeschool full-time. Hurray! You want an environment that supports your children's learning - jump in and make it. Learning is not restricted to 8-5. If you do it in a supportive way, your children will find a closer bond with their dad and that will be important to them forever. This is your family too - join in.
I'd sit down with your wife and help formulate a schedule. While an hour is plenty of time for a 5 year old to finish with all the schoolwork he/she needs, it really shouldn't cover what an 11 year old is doing. Perhaps it's time to look at an all-in-one curriculum or even an online/CD/DVD-driven curriculum to help get things back on track. I'm an eclectic homeschooler [meaning I use different curricula for different subjects], so I'm not opposed to that idea at all. But perhaps a lack of organizational skills on your wife's part is making balancing the different curricula more difficult, or perhaps she's finding it hard to balance 3 such different age groups at once and can't quite get a handle on how to schedule a day. I tend to follow a pretty set routine daily--- spelling, vocabulary, health, grammar, and math in the morning; hour for lunch; science, history, bible, and reading after lunch. We're generally done by around 2 or 2:30. So, I would recommend sitting down with your wife in the evening with all the books laid out in front of you. Sort them into their subjects. Then, work with your wife to create a schedule that she feels they can realistically follow. And I'd look at taking on one subject that you think you can at least help with in the evenings--- perhaps it's just working with your 11 year old on learning the times tables and such. Be the 'homework' guy who supplements with some fun math games or reading games or whatever in the evening or on weekends. The key is to work WITH your spouse. You're both the parents here, and you both need to be part of the process if it's going to improve.
I agree, you just need to dig in and give her your support and be involved. Tell her you would like to help pick out curriculum and help with the teaching. You can look up the scope and sequence for your children's grade levels and help your wife plan so that each required area is taught. A hodge podge of books isn't a bad thing, but for my family we need something more structured as well. In the evenings after work, spend time reading with your 11 year old. Pick books that cover topics in history or science. My son enjoys reading books over textbooks and learns so much from them. Of course we still use textbooks, but he really enjoys his free reading times as well. Kids also learn a lot through hands on activities. Do some science experiments with them, learning can be fun! Maybe seeing you get involved will encourage your wife and allow you to talk about their education without arguments.
offer to help pick the curriculum and then offer to help teach it! with 3 kids I bet she'd love the help and support of her husband. but start off the conversation with "hey I've been thinking I should spend more time with the kids. Which subject do you think I'd be good at teaching?" This way sounds less confrontational and judgemental. I have had similar debates with my dh and I would appreciate this approach from him. making hs goals together as a team will help her to see what areas are weak and you can encourage her and the kids to improve in these areas. Also remember that hs doesn't always look like school. sometimes it looks like fun!
your wife won't get it if all you do is criticize and gripe and say "my way is better". Talk to her, tell her your concerns. Ask her what her ideal curriculum is and see if you like it too. She may not want to spend the money on what she'd really like because she thinks you will criticize the expense. Realize that she loves the kids too and wants the best for them. Approach this from the angle of "honey, I think you and the kids are capable of so much more. We both want our kids to be prepared for the future; how can we get there from here? I want to understand what you do each day and support you in this." Doesn't that sound better than "You are doing terrible at this! You need to quit and put the kids in REAL school, NOW!" One reason she may be defensive is possibly because of criticism in the past and you not being supportive. She might feel like any time you bring up the topic it will turn into you wanting to put the kids in school. You may want to offer a sincere apology for things that you may have done or said in the past. You know the best way to approach her. Looking at the kids ages, I can see that she is trying to teach a kindergartner and fourth or fifth grader, while having a toddler run around. See if there are any books she would like to read about homeschooling; get her a subscription to a homeschooling magazine; make sure she is involved in a group to get out of the house and have friends she can talk to about homeschooling. These may generate some ideas on how to juggle all the tasks she needs to do. It IS overwhelming at times to try to get it all done, but it can be done. As far as your kids being up to grade level, look at what their work is. See what they are struggling with and ask your wife what you could do to help with those struggles. The kids may learn more in the PS system; or they may not. They may be part of the group of kids who get passed along even though they know NOTHING! Just because your kids might be in the PS system, you won't get out of doing some learning in the evening. Many parents work till 6 pick up the kids eat dinner and help with homework for 1 hour or more after work.
I agree with the others. If you are really concerned with the level of education being given to your children you really need to step and and HELP come up with something that works better. Now this might mean you need to help with spelling, math, history or something after work or on the weekends. But that is the price you pay for helping your children get a better education. She might need your help and not know how to ask for it in the right way, without you taking it the wrong way that she is not capable. I would ask her nicely to see all the books used for certain subjects, then go through them and make suggestions of what might work better here, or what you would like to see them learning. I know when Steven (my other half) does mention such things I really try to make them happen. It is a family journey not just a mother and childrens journey. Now reading a history or science book in the evening as a family is by no means cutting into any social time that you cherish. I would think it would make is better. Knowing that you are adding to your childrens knowledge of different things should also be cherished.
I can sense your frustration and I can imagine how your wife is feeling. She has a toddler, a kindergarten and a 4th grader (approximately)- that is a HUGE age range to teach to and can be very overwhelming. I get overwhelmed with just a 2 yr age gap in kids. The kindergartener and the toddler need very little "formal" schooling. The 4th grader needs more. You will also be surprised on how much kids learn from reading, talking and exploring their interests. What are your wife thoughts? Does she feel that there are gaps? Is she frustrated with how it is going? Sit and listen- no opinions from you- listen to her and what she thinks about how it is going. Ask her how you can help, what she needs from you to support her. Each Mom/Wife is going to need something different. For me, I need my husband to be my sounding board, my cheerleader and to give me a break from the kids on occasion. Others need their husband to teach a few subjects. What does YOUR wife need? What does YOUR wife think about how it is going? My husband and I really enjoyed the book 100 Top Picks by Cathy Duffy. At the beginning, there is a little quiz for parents to take to figure out what is important to you to teach. We each took the quiz and that gave us a starting point to discuss what our goals where as a homeschooling family. It helped us get on the same page and opened up some great conversations on what was important to us to teach. Also keep in mind that the beauty of homeschooling is that each child goes at their own pace- not the public school pace. Are your children growing and learning is more important then if they are on track with the public school!
First, I want to say, no matter what, do not fight with your wife about this. Make sure not to criticize or put her down. I do agree that there is not enough schooling going on, if they are done in one hour. Young children can do this, but as they go up grades, it becomes more time consuming. I have three children (3rd, 1st, and pre-k), and it takes us several hours to finish our school day (not the preschooler). I don't quite know what you mean by a hodge-podge of different books... does this mean curricula from different providers, or just random books? We get different (complete) subjects from a couple of curriculum providers, and this can be beneficial (getting the best out there for each subject). As far as starting times for the school day, that doesn't matter so much as long as the time is put in. Say four or five hours are needed... it doesn't matter if it is from 8-12 or 10-2, as long as the work is completed. As far as skills levels, IMO, an 11 year old should definitely know multiplication/division... my 8 year old is currently learning multiplication. I know there are more relaxed homeschoolers out there, but I am not one of them. An 11 year old should also have science/history included in their school day. I don't understand why your wife is not teaching this, but maybe you should start teaching it. As far as bad penmanship, well some children just need more practice, and some always have bad penmanship. It's legible, right? If you truly feel like your child is suffering, public school might be the way to go, but I would try to solve the problem before it came to that. Homeschooling has a lot of benefits if it is done well. See if this can be worked out. Let your wife know that you will be okay with her buying additional supplies/curriculum. She may just be trying to save money if she feels like you will be angry... curriculum can get pricey, but there are several low cost, but very good ones out there. Good luck! ETA: Her level of previous schooling vs. yours does not mean anything. Statistics show that homeschooled children with a parent that has a high school diploma do just as well as the homeschooled children with a parent that has a college degree.
Well being that your dd is 11 and still doesn't know her X tables and basic things, you have every right to be concerned. If you work and your wife stays home IMO SHE is responsible for their schooling. I see no reason for you to work full time and then have to come home and teach. Now if she is working, that would be different. Each state has regulations for homeschooling. what you described, 1 hour a day with no science or history, ect, Is NOT complying with the laws of your state most likely. I would print a copy of the law and ask your wife about it. It probably will cause an argument. You know her of course, we don't. Maybe you could leave it on her desk? or on the fridge? See what she says? Most states require a journal or a log book be kept and a minimum # of hours for core subjects must be taught. Your wife is right in the fact that most states allow you to pick your books, and a hodgepodge is fine if that works for the child. I like a more structured approach myself. But that is an opinion. You should be careful not to compare your child with 'other' kids, Public schooled OR homeschooled. On the other hand, if you believe your child is bright and has more potential than what she is meeting, you will need to change something for her best interest. At 11 she should be doing WAY more than 1 hour a day IMO. I think that would fit the law's opinion too. By arguing the law with her, instead of your OPINION there wouldn't be much there for her to disagree with I wouldn't think? At either rate, it doesn't sound like your wife is doing what your daughter needs.
Just as you have confessed, it sounds to me like you have not supported her homeschooling, but worse is that means you yourself have not been involved in the education of your children either, because right now they are being homeschooled and homeschooling is not just a method of education, it is a lifestyle. For homeschooling to work best for your children, you need to be a part of that lifestyle. First of all, you came to a homeschooling board, so most of us are going to be biased in favor of homeschooling--no surprise there, I am sure. Instead of voicing your concerns about what your children are not learning, why not get involved and offer to teach a subject yourself in the traditional fashion if you like? I do the bulk of the teaching as my husband is gone some weeks from Monday to Friday, but when he is home he is also teaching, not from textbooks but still.... He reads and has our daughter read to him every night at bedtime when he is home. He looks for opportunities to teach her in the moment, explaining the science behind clouds, snow, and condensation or why the moon looks so much bigger/closer when it is low on the horizon; she knows those things well. He encourages her to write emails to her grandparents and helps her with spelling and grammar as he is working on his computer beside her. As to the hodge-podge of books, I am into the classical/living books/journaling approach mostly, which is a more traditional method, but not based on textbooks. When my daughter goes to the library she is required to pick out one book on a person, one on a place, and one on a science of her choosing. I may guide the choice so that the book is not over her head. However, if you ask my daughter about the Michangelo, Mozart, Issac Newton, Mother Theresa, the Civil War, Morocco, Ancient Egypt, and a number of other subjects, she is rather knowledgeable, even if she cannot spell some of them without help yet. As to handwriting, many public schools are hardly bothering with it in favor of teaching keyboarding/typing and many public school teachers cannot spell well themselves because it just matters little when you have spell check, so some have said to me. I am not saying you do not have reason for concern, only that public school may not be any better. If you want your children to have a better education, be involved in their education. Show your wife that you not only have the same goals as she does, but are willing to be supportive and involved, and she will be more receptive to your ideas.
Oh, about penmanship, some kids just have bad writing and can't help it. Others are just too lazy to write neatly and don't give a hoot. I make my daughter re-do that slop. As often as needed. A college professor wouldn't accept that. An employer wouldn't accept that. Why should I?
Some thoughts. My time homeschooling my children is really the most fun we have together. It's not that there's no fun in the rest of our/their day. It's that we're building something together, whether theoretically or literally. My DH works full time outside the home, and also works with me on our business. He still has a very active roll in homeschooling, even though we never laid it out formally. He and the children take taekwondo, which means that although I attend all classes, he is far more helpful when giving pointers and practicing. He reads to them every night. It started out with him choosing books he (and they) liked, and then they started "getting ahead of him..." so he turned to me and I started handing him books that I would otherwise be reading to them for literature during the day. For me, a little flag went up when you said: That could be interpreted as, "I work hard and when I come home, I just wanna have fun." I'm not saying that *is* what you meant, but it could be. I think you have a very valid position to be concerned about your children's educational progress, and you need to discuss how to address this with your wife. Being willing to take on a part (even the fun science experiments) will help tremendously. BTW - from what I've seen, sending kids to public school doesn't generally take up less time. They're gone all day, but then they're home with work and guess who's expected to help them get it done.
Ladies, Thank you for your suggestions and encouraging words. Most of you are correct, the reason I resorted to posting my thread today was out of frustration. I often learn from my 11 year old that she has gone over to a friends house to play with another home schooler before any school work is done. Likewise, she doesn't make up the work and ends up not doing any work that day. It doesn't help that the other family in my opinion also has no regard for their kids education. I have in the past attempted to educate my kids, reading at night, math, etc. To give them the education I feel they deserve and know they are capable of I feel that i would have to spend several hours in the evenings in order to accomplish this. My kids are very bright, they do well with the logic and reasoning games that i play with them at night. They even beat me at some of the Mensa games we play. I love my kids and I know my wife does too. I just don't think that she has the mind-set to be the best teacher for them. She keeps telling me that flexibility is one of the benefits of home schooling. I agree, but without discipline you cant have knowledge (Proverbs 23:14). I will continue to pray on how to approach my wife and come along side her. Maybe a structured curriculum is what she needs. Feel free to provide more suggestions, I will take them to heart. Thank you.
Ok - my 2 cents..... my 10 year old is AWFUL at her multiplication tables but she rocks at fractions and decimals...ask her 4x4 and she'll likely say 44..... <sigh> Yes we work on this stuff all the time - she can apply it but can't say it out loud when asked. Makes me look like an awful teacher to my mother! Now - do you work from home? Do you know how much time is actually spent doing school? The only one it sounds like who needs formal instruction is the 11 year old. Ask your wife WHAT she is using - sit back and see how excited her face can become when she shows you. My husband HATES it when boxes come in with curriculum - not always because of what I spent - but because I have to explain everything to him!! Honestly he doesn't care - as long as the kids are getting educated and pass the test at a high level at the end of the year (he will not tolerate the minimum requirement and neither do I) - but if the man wants a beer, he can listen to me dang it It's actually become a small joke at our house. I see my 2 older kids in PS and honestly - they aren't learning a huge amount either - it's mostly "memorize & spit back out".... which is ok I think for some things. Maybe go to a curriculum fair WITH your wife and kids. Do you ask about what they did today in school? Maybe see if your kids will draw you a poster or something about what they learned that day - and HANG IT UP!! Now - writing and penmanship. This is a whole other thing..... honestly - we just switched to a mechanical pencil and now I can read the handwriting of all 4 children! It was amazing - just wished it would work for my husband It's just practice practice practice.....
Going to go out on a limb here but here is my 2c As long as you are not on the same page homeschooling will not work. At least not as well as it could. I think the one thing that solidified HSing as our educational choice was when my husband who was not happy at the idea decided that homeschooling was the right choice for our family. I took it as a sign so to speak, that God was behind our choice. I think the He gives peace to both parents when things are right. Since you do not have peace I would say something is not right. Now whether that is your attitude or her HSing meathods only you can know. I also know that DH and I do not have the same views on HSing meathods. He needs me to have at least a basic structure while I very much could fly by the seat of my pants and be happy. After my own soul searching, we have come to a compromise that works for both of us. I provide some of the structure he requested and he allows me to chose all of our materials and so on. What you both need to do is first to sit down and pray. Pray for wisdom together on how to proceed, pray for wisdom on every choice right down to the minute choices that seem like they don't matter. Then sit down together in the spirit of cooperation and talk about your goals together as parents, for your children. Come to a compromise together. I will probably get flamed for this, but if you still do not have peace, I would say that the burden then falls on you as head of the home to make the final decision. However, I think that if you send them back to PS without your wife's support you will find yourself having the same argument just a different topic.
I think this is a very valid topic and that you have reason to be upset. This is our first year home schooling and my dh was very worried about how I would school with 4 kids and do a good job. He was concerned about the amount of time it would take and he was also concerned whether it was a phase for me. There are a lot of home school families that take a this is why we home school approach to justify not putting in a lot of time or effort. I am not writing this to cause debate. It is what I have witnessed this year at a co-op and among other home school parents. I was even encouraged by our co-op to continue even though it was interfering with our school at home and was told by several people to just not worry that my ds7 wasn't reading and such. :shock: There is a much bigger mentality around where I live that homeschooling is a license to be way too flexible. I would look into your state laws, but even if the law doesn't require it I would buy a CAT test ($25) and see exactly where the 11 yr old tests. A lot of people don't believe in tests, but maybe something concrete for your wife to see would be helpful. If your daughter tests on grade level, then your fears will be alleviated. If not, then you have concrete proof for your wife that your fears aren't unfounded. You can administer a CAT test in 2 1/2 hours and have the results in 2 weeks. I would be very concerned if my dd9 was only doing school for an hour and if she didn't know her multiplication/division at 11. I would probably just tell your wife that you will be getting the CAT test (or another standardized test) and giving it on a Saturday and just say we can talk about next school year after we get the test results back.
I agree, you stated this perfectly! I totally agree with that there are too many who use homeschooling as a license to be way too flexible. (I even am guilty of this at times)
