Hi All, My husband is asking me to go to marriage counseling sessions with him at our church with our pastor. Have any of you gone through this? I'm very nervous (literally shaking right now). In part I don't feel our pastor is the right person to guide us through our tough time. Yet, I don't know who else can help us right now (besides God). Today dh and I had another argument. It ended with us deciding to get help because if we don't we know divorce is on the horizon. Please give any advice that you can give me or prayers. Thank you!
is there a mentoring couple in your church you would feel more comfortable with or do you just not like the idea of someone you know at all lead you through this? Personally,I would be thrilled if my husband wanted to work on our marriage! but that's just me, I don't expect your situation to be like mine. Really though,if you don't feel entirely comfortable with this particular element, it really won't do either of you a bit of good. you need to be completely comfortable with who you are working with. I would maybe try it once to show you are working with him but then work out a different alternative if you didn't feel good about it. please keep us updated on your progress and let us know how we can pray!
Thank you! I e-mailed dh that I would give it a try with our pastor. Unfortunately, dh sent me back a nasty e-mail saying that he knew I really didn't want to go, so I should just forget it now. Hopefully this evening we can work something out. I think part of dh's lashing out today is due that fact that his employer is more than likely letting him go at the end of the month.
I would be so happy he wanted to try I would go see anyone I don't care who it is. hang in there girl. Go if it don't work you can try someone else.
I would urge you to go to the pastor with an open mind. We had a pastor that neither of us cared for help us save our marriage. It actually helped that neither of us had much of an attachment to him. It seemed as though he was much more neutral and was able to "say-it-like-it-was" to each of us. We did most of our marriage work at home. We watched the video series by Gary Chapman called Toward a Growing Marriage. It had workbooks that went along with it. The series was supposed to be done over the course of a month or two. We finished it in a week, it was so good! By the time we were finished, we had all of our major issues out on the table and began dealing with them. I could not speak more highly of a course to save a marriage. Our issues had to do with control and communication, as well as disappointment and contentment. If you are dealing with other issues (adultery, abuse, etc.), I really can't speak to that, but as long as both parties are willing, any marriage can become better than you ever imagined!
I hope that you and your husband will be able to work out everything. I hate to see any marriage break up. My husband have had a rocky year because of finances. We were both so stressed all the time. We love each other so much and were able to work out a plan to make things better. I wish you luck.
Thank you for your prayers, kind and supportive words, ladies! Last evening I came home from grocery shopping with the kids and dh gave me a big hug and seemed to be fine. It's as if our argument never happened. strange.... I know we still have to work hard on our marriage though. I'll try to let you ladies know how we are doing and how our counseling goes.
My husband and I went to our former pastor for counseling, before he left our church. I felt like it was time wasted. He sat us down in front of a Gary Smalley video, and that was the gist of the sessions. I slept through them, because I was still on night work back then. You don't put a sleepy third shift worker in a dark room and walk away, lol. I got zero out of the videos and lost precious sleep time to boot.
Good for him. It sounds to me like he is trying. The past is dead and can't be changed but the coming hours, minutes, seconds do not have to be played out like they did in the past. As long as you both are blessed with another breath of air, you can be blessing your marriage with a renewed attitude. This is something counseling can't do for you or your husband. It is a choice to be nice or be cruel, regardless of the past. I am not knocking counceling because Handsome and I went through counceling in our early marriage and it helped. But in the end, how we choose to behave, regardless of the past, was our choice. I am praying that your pastor is a great blessing in your lives.:angel:
I appreciated your comments, too, Patty. One thing I would like to point out, though, is that very behavior (acting like the argument never happened) can also be a symptom of the bigger problem. If someone doesn't like confrontation, they will often choose to avoid conflict rather than get it out in the open and resolved. We dealt with this in our marriage. The same problems will resurface, and they will be worse each time because they have had time to fester.
I agree. Yet it still doesn't change the fact that responding in kindness is a choice and necessary regardless of the problems they are dealing with.
Our pastor helped us a LOT when we had some trouble a few years ago. What better person to get some help, than from someone who shares your faith and has your best interest at heart? I say go for it. I hope the 2 of you are able to work it out.
Thank you ladies! I am guilty of not saying how I'm feeling and letting it fester. I tend to avoid confrontation. That is a major reason why we are in the spot we are in. Lately I've been telling hubby how I'm feeling (trying hard to work on the "I" statements). Another thing I have to work on is telling him how I am feeling at the time (not days later written out in a letter). I have always had a problem in this area. In the last few days I've been requesting time off in the evenings, so I can have some "me" time. I attended a study circle meeting on Tuesday night and I am going shopping tonight for some new tennis shoes/sneakers. In the past (past 3 years anyway) I would have just let dh get home from work and tell me he was going running or biking for an hour or so. After my Tuesday night "me" time I felt refreshed and I handled Wednesday morning and the entire day much better. I had more energy, felt better and saw things in a positive light. As for the counseling...dh and I haven't discussed it further. I know that we do need to discuss it. I plan on doing that over the weekend or tomorrow night.
