My boys are 10 and 11. My friend and I were discussing this topic yesterday and she has already told her children about sex. I have been wanting to but I really wanted the boys dad to talk to them. I don't really know how to do this and I don't want it to be akward for them. Although I know it probably will be. Probably more for me than for them. I know there are books for girls but is there something for boys? And are they old enough? I was told by my mom that you don't talk about sex with your kids until they ask. Well I never did ask. I learned everything from other kids around me. I don't want that distorted view of sex embedded into my boys minds. I don't want them making some of the same mistakes I made. I'm hoping that opening the lines of communication between us will help. I also have 2 girls as well but they are 7 and 3. WAY too young to learn this stuff. How do I set the foundation for my 7 year old? I want her to be able to talk openly to me and know that it's not a taboo subject. Not just the sex stuff but also all the changes that girls go through as they mature. My mother didn't talk to me about this either. I watched a film in school when I was in 4th grade. How old should she be before I tell her about periods?
Well.. I am a little unconventional I guess.. but I started talking with my son about sex when he was about 7, and as far as babies go, he had questions at about 4 and 5, which I answered in a very gentle way. He is now 10, and seems somewhat uncomfortable around girls all of a sudden, which I think is normal, but he will still come to me with his "weird feelings". We also talk about how he feels angry for no reason, or sad for no reason, etc. My advice would be that you may feel uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean "stop talking".. it's normal. Heck, your kids might feel uncomfortable, too. But that's okay! That will ease up. I've noticed that talking candidly about my feelings helps my son open up and realize his are ok. I've also noticed that when he asks me a question about something "uncomfortable".. if I act totally normal and nonchalant (even though I may be going AAARRRAAGAGA).. he will ask the next. I had the same thing growing up.. I didn't ask squat. I, like you, wanted to avoid that mess with my son. I don't know if I'm doing it right, but hey who has that handbook anyway? You do your best, that's all you can do. I hope this helps.
My twins (7) already know the basic story of the birds and the bees.. When we moved in a hurry, due to DH's accident, our DVD collection was messed up. We used to have our dvd seperated. One pack that the kids could not touch without permission and one that they could pick a movie at their whim... (Pre-approved Kid friendly movies) Anyway, one got away... It was the dvd "Where do babies come from" with Howie mandel voice over. I had a copy but planned to introduce it at the end of second grade... 6months from NOW.... They found it and popped it in their dvd player one evening a few months ago... I was at my computer, dad was at the sofa... I heard some lines from the movie and it took a few moments for me to snap to what they were watching. In my horror I jumped up and shouted something about "Oh craaap!" AS I ran to the hall towards their room, DH, still unable to walk at the time, was leaning towards his crutches, worried that one of the kids got hrt, asking "What?!?! What!?!?!" I froze when I got to their bedroom door... they were watching the How babies are made movie! Oh Crap! But I froze, because WAIT! DO I make a scene? Do I scream at them for grabbing a movie they were not supposed to watch, even though I know that they movies got messed up? Do I back off and NOT make a big deal out of it? This is a once in a lifetime moment to make a great choice... I chose to stand down... I let the movie play without them knowing that I was there... Dad and I stood in the doorway Cringing at some of the info that we KNEW they needed (But we're parents, so it was GOING to be uncomfortable, eh?) We snuk out as it ended... When they came into the livingroom a few minutes later to put it away, I asked carelessly, "What movie did youwatch?" >."eh, how babies are made..." .." Oh! Was it any good? I haven't seen that one yet.?" ".. it was ok..." "But mom! You know what?" "...What...?" "..Babies do NOT come from the CABAGE PATCH!!!" (My soda squirted outa my nose in a beautiful arc that I wish I had captured on film... but I am sure you can visualize...) I doubt they are damaged from it... We have talked since then and I do let them direct the conversation... However, by the time they are ten they will be THE most informed kids on the playground. I want them to BALK at other kids who try to trick them or pass untruths.
I think it's probably easier to address some thing in sex ed. when they're younger. I think we started talking when my daughter was 5 and I answered some questions she had. I think people hold off because they associate sex ed. with sex, but it's really about how our bodies work and relationships with others and I think that's info a child should know when they decide to ask about it, regardless of age.
We started with very small discussions when my kids were about 7. Then we progressed at their pace. My dd wanted more facts more quickly than my ds. But by the time they were about 8 or 9, we had covered about all of it. Depending on how much time they spend with other kids (especially who go to ps) you should probably think about having that discussion. It is amazing to me how much my kids have heard from other kids. Thankfully, they had already heard it from me, so it wasn't too shocking for them!
I began small when Samantha was 7. One day she wanted to come into the bathroom with me but it was "that time of the month". I said no and she asked why so i sat her down and told her what happens to girls when they reach a certain age. She looked grossed out and asked to change the subject. So then two years ago - the last time she was in ps - she came home and said some kids had sex at the bus stop. I asked if she knew what sex was and she said kissing. I told her that we would discuss it all when we had time to sit down and discuss if fully. A day or so later I made time to give her my total and full attention and we discussed it at length. She knows it all now and we discussed it from a Biblical standpoint. She has a huge heart for the Lord and that was teh best way to approach it with her.
I don't have the books myself but...a very Christian woman recommended Stan & Brenna Jones Gods Design for Sex http://www.amazon.com/gp/search?index=blended&keywords=gods design for sex&_encoding=UTF8
My son is going to be 9, and although we have never had an actual talk, we have never kept anything from him either. We are very open.. if he happens to see me without my clothes I have chosen to not make a big deal about it.. we feel the more you try to hide from them the more they want to find out.. and if you aren't totally open with them they will go other places to learn it. Also.. just because you have "the talk" with your kids, don't think that they aren't going to get "the facts" from other kids or who ever really and believe them over you. My mom did have the talk from me, but honestly the stuff I learned from friends and what not is what really stuck with me the most.
My daughter has seen first hand what happens when kids have sex. Her step brother who just turned 16 has a baby with his 15 year old girl friend. Samantha already couldn't stand him. Now she thinks he is a total looser. She wants to do the exact opposite of anything he has done. I guess his having a baby as a baby was the best example for her to see of why teenage sex is such a bad idea. Better than any previous talk we had.
Not to hijack the thread but when I read this I thought wow we are going to talk about our sex life.. great... LOL I am just tired today.
Okay, by reading this old thread I realize that maybe my husband is right. He thinks it is good to wait to talk about sex. I started answering questions about sex and talking to my kids about it when they were only 2 and 3. It seems like everyone else here has waited much longer. I've answered questions with slightly more detail as my kids have aged, but usually my answer satisfies them.
I have talked about some things with my 8 year old dd. She has questioned and I answered her honestly. I also asked her to keep what we discuss between us and not share it with her younger siblings or the children of others. My dc have been very involved in my pregnancies, all doctor check ups, ultrasounds. When I had a homebirth they were even more involved since the prenatal care was in my home. They were not in the room for my homebirth though my older two were in the room for my prior hospital delivery. I feel like the questions my dd began to have seemed a very natural progression. I only have 1 ds and not sure if my will do the talk with him. I figure we'll address that when the time gets closer. edited: didn't realize this was an older topic, sorry.
I have a very inquisitive oldest dd. She's asked about alot all along. We do have a farm and all the kids do see what the bull and cows are up to. Not sure exactly whether they are thinking that Mom and Dad do THAT!!!! They know the anatomical differences since they have a baby brother and they help with the cattle. I got dd 12 a book a couple months back called "you want to be a teenager" that she could read to prove to her that mom knows SOME stuff correctly. For awkward conversations, we take late night drives. It is dark, so they can't see if I am blushing and I can't watch their faces , which makes them more comfortable. Especially if it is an awkward embarrassing topic. So go out for a milkshake or ice cream cone and take a drive. Start the conversation. "hey, you know I've been wondering if you have thought about how babies are made. You've never brought it up and I need to make sure you learn about this stuff. You are growing up and it is time to talk about it." Then let them ask questions. Don't assume that if they say, "oh mom I know all about it" that they have an accurate picture. Sometimes kids get things jumbled up in their heads, so I would advise having them tell you what they think about it.
Yes... that's where we do all of our awkward conversations too.. the car! I actually had a long talk with my girls this week... they didn't like it. I heard things like "Ooh, Mom, I'm never going to do that", and, "Okay, okay, Mom, please stop talking about this". I usually bring it up about twice a year. This year I brought it up because I was listening to a radio show that was giving some pretty staggering statistics about stds. Apparently 1 out of every 3 sexually active people aged 12 and older have an std. And 1 out of every 4 teenage girls (all teens, sexually active or not) have or have had an std. So when they say they don't want to hear about it, I tell them, "Tough. This is your life we're talking about. I don't want you killing yourself or giving some poor child a much harder life because you become a teen mother or become pregnant by some guy who isn't going to stay around". There are two things I wrongly believed that played a major role in me becoming a teenage mother: #1) I felt like since I had already had sex with this guy one time that if he had any diseases I already had them. #2) He told me that we could prevent pregnancy by him "pulling out"... and I believed him. I was a fundamentalist Christian at 16 and wanted very much to be a virgin when I got married, but I didn't realize how quickly making out can become sex. And after it happened, I just felt like it was all over. So, I think it's very important to not only discuss sexual morality, but also what does happen and what can happen emotionally and physically when two people who are attracted to each other are alone. Plus, I think it's good to discuss that sex, when participated in appropriately, is a positive thing. For a long time, even after I was married, I viewed sex as something bad. I don't really want that for my daughters either.
My daughter has already asked the, "Where do babies come from?" question. She's 7 years old. I told her basics about mommies having eggs inside and how a daddy makes sure the egg can grow. It wasn't an awkward conversation to me. I do think our attitudes about sex affect our children greatly. I want my daughter to know that sex is a wonderful thing created by God for a husband and wife to share. I do not want her to grow up thinking it is vile, dirty or shameful. As she gets older (12 or older), I'm actually looking forward to having the mother/daughter talk. My own mother was too ashamed and just ignored our questions, so I learned about the sex act from a friend at the age of 10 on the school playground.
