How have you approached this with your kids? I ran into a situation today. My kids were climbing the walls today so I took them to the park late this afternoon. We live in a big city so our yard is very small. However, we have a huge park right outside our backyard. Anyway, my boys were playing football in a large field and I was in the same field with my toddler. There is a walkway next to the field. Well today a man was on the walkway a distance from us, but close to one of the goal lines the boys had set up. He just stood there staring at the boys. It seemed quite odd. Granted we live in a very multicultural area and seeing young kids play football is probably quite rare. Still he seemed a bit weird so I called my boys to where I was and informed them to move their goal line and to stay closer to me than to the stranger. Just after this happened the man left. Five minutes later he was back. I didn't see him walking up, but I did see him standing next to the light pole (the former goal line) and peeking around it watching my boys again. It was like he was trying not to be seen. I thought that was a bit creepy so I gathered up my kids and told them we were going to head home. Our backyard has a gate to the park which is only about 2 minutes from where we were, but I didn't want the guy to know where we lived. So we went home the long way. As soon as we started leaving the guy left again. Doesn't that sound a bit creepy to you? At least it isn't as bad as when I was watching my little brother. He was playing in the backyard by himself. There was a part of the backyard that wasn't fenced and it was right next to a street. Apparently an adult in a car came by and asked him if he would come and help him find his missing dog. Yikes! I praise God that my little brother came inside to ask permission that day. I haven't done much regarding stranger danger with my boys although I do plan on covering that this year. They are pretty much with me or my husband all the time so there hasn't been a great need. My oldest son was asking tons of questions wondering why he had to leave. I didn't really know what to tell him. I pretty much told him that we left because the guy was watching them and he was a stranger and that some strangers aren't good.
We talked about it a little when he was 2 (because he got a children's book about it from a big preschool shindig downtown), and then again in social studies this year when we did a community helpers unit on policemen. It's something I like to touch on everytime we go out, though. I always tell him to stay where I can see him because there are weirdos out there who like to steal things, and sometimes the things they steal are kids.
I forgot to answer the original question. I teach Ems that she isn't to talk to strangers if I am not around. She isn't allowd to go anywhere without us and usually isn't allowed to play in the front yard alone. Although I allow her to ride her scooter if I am out front. But because of the streets speed limit, she usually doesn't play out front. We also have a park behind our house. Actually it is at an angle so people who live in the apartments tend to walk up one of the back trails. One of them runs along my back fence line. For this reason Ems is not allowed to play in the back third alone. She can only do it when I am watching. She also has to take the dogs with her. Once a man was staring way more than what I am comfortalbe with. Right or wrong, I stared back at him and asked why he was staring at a little girl. I want them to know I see them. I have also called the police to report a man who parked in front of our house. Ems was riding her scooter with her friend and I was working in the front yard. He didn't see me but I saw him. He literally parked and was more than staring at them as they rode. So I walked up to the fence so he could see me and he left. I do not want Ems to be fearful but it is difficult to teach caution in this day and age without being overboard. I'd rather her be over cautious than under.
Thanks for the input. I do need to go over things with them. My boys have been more on the anxious side so I have avoided talking about things that would bring greater anxiety. I guess it is time though. I forgot to mention that the creepy guy was in a perfect spot for a grab and run. He was right near a park exit that went into a maze of apartment buildings and houses.
A few of the things i really stressed to my kids were bad touch is bad touch. the majority of molestations and such are from family members or friends of the family. I also taught my children that if they got lost (at a zoo or park etc) that they should look for a mommy or a grandma if they can't immediately see an employee. We made a unit study of this for about a week actually. The reason i tell them to find someone who is a mommy or grandma is simple 1- Mom's understand slightly panicked kids, even if the kids are not theirs 2- i have yet to run into a mother with her kids that would hand over a child to a stranger 9 out of 10 will stay with a child until the situation is resolved to her satisfaction. 3- i watch too many crime shows where the "bad guy" has stolen or made a uniform that is similar to employee uniforms During that week i also taught them to watch body language and to be aware of their own body language. I also taught them how our body responds to fear. as in when something is not right you FEEL it in your tummy and the hair on the back of your neck stands up. Then we ran through possible scenarios. and what to do if....
By the way, thanks for starting this thread. We can share a lot of great tips to help our children stay safe.
i teach my girls that if anyone seems creepy or comes to talk to them... run away and run towards me... but mostly I am very close by. Had a man walk up into my yard were my girls were playing and try to talk to them. I gathered them up and ran inside.
teaching stranger danger is never a bad thing, but you should NEVER rely on it. Kids are kids and they basically don't learn lol. They can't be trusted, are naive. I have taught stranger danger to my kids, and we even watch news stories of missing kids, some graphic, but it doesn't seem to soak in. When my daughter was 5 or 6? we went to a park, we live in a small town. I had her little sister and my disabled son with us. It was fairly early on a sat morning. To be honest we went to put a frog in the pond that I didn't want at home in my goldfish pond. After putting the frog in the kids wanted to stay and play. This man comes up to me, there are no other mothers or kids, but maybe a 1/2 dozen other men fishing. The guy walks up and started talking to me as if he knew me. I couldn't place him. He asked if my husband was at work. (I was wearing a ring, so I guess that gave the husband part away?) I then thought he knew my dh from work or something, so I said 'yeah'. I'm sort of feeling like I wish I could puff myself away out of thin air. Next, my older dd said she had to use the bathroom. My son is screaming for me to make the merry go round faster and younger dd is hanging on me. I just can't haul of them up the hill to the potty, and that early in the morning, I figured it could be locked anyway, and as a park bathroom I knew it would be nasty. So I told her to just play a few more mins and we would leave. The man kept on talking about whatever, and I marked him off as mentally disturbed lol. So a few mins later dd asks again about having to go to the potty, and this man whom I have never seen in my life, says he will take her!!!!!! My dd is like OK! Please mommy? :shock: I thought, yeah, right. I told dd to go to the car, NOW. and I made no uncertain attention about it, we left. I wondered later if I should have called the police?
NO WAY!!!: He said he would take her?! By the way, I do not think you are fibbing. No way is just my expression of shock.
Recently, Handsome was home and I went shopping. I left the gate open so I could just pull in the driveway when I got home. After Handsome told me that a man came to the door. He asked for one of our neighbors, who is a drug dealer . Handsome looked out the window and decided it wasn't wise to open the door, especially with Ems home with him. He told the man he had the wrong house. Yet the man kept talking, through the closed door, as if Handsome was right with him having a conversation. Handsome told him to leave and the man didn't. Finally Handsome raised his voice and told him one more time to get lost because he had to wrong house. Finally the man left. BUT! He didn't walk to the neighbor's house that he was supposedly looking for, he walked the opposite direction.
I love this! I'm definitely going to have to talk to my girls about this. My husband was molested as a child by a babysitter and then he had a Big Brother (as in the Big Brother/Sister Org) who got in a hot tub naked and asked him to join him, so we've always been incredibly over protective. My husband declined the Big Brother, and we've told that story to our children so they know they have the right to say no as well. When my girls were little, all under the age of 8, they were playing in the front yard and a mother of a friend of theirs stopped by in a car and my girls went right up to the car window to talk to her. I was watching them from my office, and ran out screaming, "Never go up to a car, EVEN if you know someone. MOST people are kidnapped by people they know". I've always told my girls that anyone who talks to a child when they are alone is a creep. Everytime they leave my side in public (like to go to the bathroom in a restaurant or go to another isle in the grocery store to grab something), I ask them, "What do you do if someone talks to you?". They respond, "Walk away and run screaming if they follow" They are also taking Gracie/Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Most martial arts programs have kids stand there and punch/kick the air. Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu was started by a guy that was 5'0" that mastered techniques of beating guys who are much bigger than you are. All of the techniques they learn teach them to first try to get away from someone (like if they grab your arm), then how to make someone submit (put them in pain so they will give up), or how to choke someone if they refuse to give up. And these techniques actually work on people who are much bigger than you are, and they are taught standing and on the floor (like if someone was on top of you). The teacher is constantly telling them never to hit anyone, because if you hit someone, that person will feel like they then have the right to hit you back. I like the transition of the techniques as well. If someone tries to kidnap you, you first try to get away. If they don't let you get away, try to put them in a position where they can't move and are in pain and want to give up. If that doesn't work, you choke them. I really think all kids, girls especially, should take Brazilian Jiu-Jistu.
My four younger kids are adopted and the youngest especially does not know what her birth relatives look like except for three who are still children or young adults. Her birth mom is a criminal and we have no idea where she is now. That is one reason I am especially concerned with strangers. I have taught them to avoid strangers and to yell very loudly and run if someone bothers them, but I always wonder if they would do it. I have told them if someone bothers them and they yell and cause a scene I will handle it if the person was really just being too friendly and meant no harm. I tell them never to believe anyone if they say they should go somewhere with them unless that person knows our secret code word. I once set my daughter up to see if she would follow our computer safety rules and she failed terribly! It only took a few minutes and she was willing to give out lots of personal information about where she lived and if it had been real she would have put herself in a lot of danger. She was 14 at the time. We all learned a lot that day. I know my girls love animals and if someone tried the old help me look for my lost puppy routine, I think they would come tell me, but I do worry that they would forget and want to help. I often hear that I am over protective but I don't think you can be too careful. Our children are precious to me and my husband and if we don't look out for them then who will?
There's this great video for kids about strangers.Can't think of the name but it's by the guy from America Most Wanted. The girl is very funny and they present things in a non scary way but it does a great job at differentiating between people you casually know(not ok to go with ever!!!) and friends Just because someone knows your name doesn't mean you should trust them. This is very important cause most kids usually think strangers will look horrible. (warts ugly monstery.....) I will go hunt for the tile i can't recommend it highly enough. On a side note, I practiced this with all my kids. Got someone they didn't know from church and had them offer candy from the side of the fence. My oldest 3 ran inside dragging my wayward 2 yr old who really wanted that lolipop!!!( i was very proud) It was a good way to continue talking about the subject so u don't bring it up once and forget it.
We use the Safe Side Stranger Danger DVD that unjugetito mentioned. It's really excellent. I thought it would annoy the bejeebers out of me, but it was actually really engaging. It covered all the information you should and had time-outs where you could pause it to discuss the previous part. She covered the fact that bad strangers look just like everyone else and that no adult that you don't know should ever ask you to help them find something or be alone with them or keep something a secret from your parents. The 'bad strangers' they used in the video really did look just like someone from next door---- I liked that. They went into how to prevent strangers from coming near you and what to do if they do come near. None of the DVD was scary in any way, and I think they made the points well. We watch it before we go anywhere where we might get separated--- like a theme park or something--- just to refresh the rules.
Just a couple of days ago, dgs (5 next month) was playing in the back yard. I had to go in the house for a bit, and while I was inside, he decided to go play in the big puddle in the driveway. He came inside with a brochure and said two guys told him to give it to me. As it turns out, they were Jehovah's Witnesses handing out invitations to some event or other. But they had asked his name, because he told me one had the same name. He knows he's supposed to stay in the back yard... but we know how well nearly-5's obey, don't we? We live in a very very small town, and we have a very very big backyard...
