Just a little vent here. Why does our western society think that unless kids are bubbly and vivacious and outgoing they need help with their social skills? It frustrates me. My kids aren't outgoing and aren't very reserved either. Yet when they meet someone new they take time to warm up before becoming talkative. Recently I had my boys evaluated for their gross motor skills and in the report the therapist indicated in the "what steps to take area" that they needed support for their social skills. In the report she had said that my boys were reserved at the beginning of the 50 minutes with the examiner. But as time went on they became talkative asking questions, commenting, etc. So here I am scratching my head at this. Isn't this normal behavior? Is it normal for a child to be instantly comfortable with a stranger? I used to work as a speech therapist and I worked with hundreds of children in schools and homes. It was unusual to meet a child who was instantly comfortable. The fact that the occupational therapist made suggestions related to social skills when her area of expertise is not related to social skills is a whole separate ventable issue I'm guessing that the way the reports were written that it is a standard thing they comment about with every child.
It would be interesting to note if the OT was using subjectivity to score the report or if there is a list of objective criteria on a check system and the checks add up to a certian repsonse on the "what steps to take" comment area. I'm guessing that if the child was outgoing (as my ds was when he was younger), she might have noted that he needed to work on his assertive/aggressive tendencies. Not that he was ever evaluated that way....:lol: He didn't know a stranger, was always ready to converse, but that is how he was evaluated when he was 4.
Did the therapist know you were a homeschooler? Maybe it was her personal views on homeschooling (homeschoolers don't know how to socialize) that came through on her report. It never ceases to amaze me how many times, in social situations where my children are socializing with other people, that someone will ask me, "what about socialization?".
Yes she did know and that may have influenced her subjectivity on social issues. Still from the way the report is written in a cookie-cutter style I'm guessing they comment on every child's social skills in the "what steps to take area."
I doubt it has anything to do with the fact that your children are homeschooled. I went through a fair bit of testing as a child, and so have both my children. In every case there were comments on our reports about our "social skills" and how we interacted with the tester. I do think the information on how the child interacts with the tester is important, as a shy reserved child may not be fully engaged in the testing. So, if scores on tests administered earlier in the session are lower, then that points to a possible explanation. On the other hand, I take any conclusions about children's social skills with a huge grain of salt. My tester said I was "immature". Bah! I was 11!
I totally get that. It is very important information. My problem isn't with the subjective reporting of how my children interacted. It is the recommendation that my children need support for their social skills when the only thing in the report that could lead them to that conclusion was that my children were not chatty off the bat.
Your children sound perfectly normal to me. It amazes me how a 50 minute interview with your children can determine your children's personality. We can all get a feel for someone's personality in a few short minutes, but to really know someone takes a lot longer than that.
One of my daughter's testers (long before she was home schooled) recommended that she watch more TV, in order to stay connected with popular kid culture. I think "social skills" is a loaded word for homeschoolers, but I had "needs to work on her social skills" written on all my tests (and report cards!) and I was never homeschooled. My daughter's always had it written on her tests, too. My son on the other hand - who was homeschooled most of his young life - has never had it. I think we're all just fine socially - we just have different personalities. It's just standard jargon, and an easy (and meaningless) thing for testers to recommend. "Support for social skills..." If anyone cares, just tell them you'll arrange a few more playdates in the future. In my opinion, BTW, some psycho-educational testing is no better than reading tea leaves or having your horoscope read. On the other hand, it CAN be very useful for finding out where your kids are academically, for identifying learning disabilities, and qualifying for programs. Take what's useful and discard the rest.
For me this isn't about homeschooling and social skills, but society in general thinking that reserved=not good and outgoing=good.
I'd blow off those comments, if it were me. You know your kids. If you feel like something needs to change, change it. Just yesterday, Jeannie and I were at my mom's house when a boy about 10 yrs old came outside. I could tell they both wanted to talk to each other, but neither wanted to speak first. He's a ps kid, too, so it's not just a hs kid thing.
I agree with Becky blow it off. They are silly. I wonder what they would of said if you child went in there and didn't stop talking... Well me and my mouth I would look at her and said I teach my children not to be friendly and talk to strangers. You are stranger.
When my dd was evaluated for a learning disability, the psychologist recommended that we pursue ADHD testing, because she "played with the zipper on her sweater" during the interview part. Of course, the fix was to immediately enroll her in school. :roll: My kids all take a while to warm up to strangers. So do I... I think we're all fine!
I heard this from my son's speech therapist! I couldn't believe that there was ONE person who say such a ridiculous thing, but it's kind of scary that there are at least TWO who have this opinion.
Even before I was homeschooling, there was a family in our church with three children that homeschooled. The girls were very friendly, outgoing children, but the son was very quiet and reserved. I remember talking to her once about "social skills", not sure HOW we got on that subject! But I remember telling her that her son was naturally shyer than the girls, and guess what! If he were in school, he'd STILL be shyer than the girls! And is that WRONG? NOOOO!!! That's just how he is! She was thrilled to see that I could recognize that there was nothing "wrong" with her boy.
The possibility that there's something "wrong" with our children is an issue that cuts right to a parent's heart. It's both terrifying and infuriating at the same time. I found that it really came down to faith - I'm doing the best I possibly can with my child, so I just have to trust that my child is going to be fine. But it's very hard to ignore people when they say your child isn't okay. Worst public school teacher we ever had? She taught a combined junior and senior kindergarten class, which both my children were attending. I was having a difficult conference with her about my eldest, who was quite the active young lady at the time. At one point I said to her, "I don't know what else you expect me to do!" And she responded, "Believe me, I know you're not doing anything wrong - because your other child's perfectly normal!" I never came so close to punching someone in the nose, as I did then. Kids develop at different rates. My hyperactive impulsive little girl has grown into a perfectly lovely, thoughtful, responsible young lady. No need for drugs or therapy or any such thing - just time and patience. I think too many professionals don't realize that kids are individuals and works in progress. Just because they're different doesn't meant they're defective.
My oldest son is painfully shy, and will not talk to anyone unless mom and dad say it's ok, and he warms up to the person. That does not mean that he has social issues. It means he's cautious. My youngest is bubbly and lively adn will talk to anyone! It's all about personality. I agree with someone above and I would ahve looked at the comment and said, "I teach my children not to talk to strangers, and to get to know people before he begins to divulge any kind of information." boom. lol
Rachael, at 3, told the new neighbor "My name is Rachael K-----, and I'm three years old!" I found this out a week later, when I met the neighbor for the first time! But she grew out of it quickly. Soon she was getting so mad at her sister: "FAYTHE!!! You don't have to tell everyone your business!!!"
