So today was my monthly PTO board meeting at my DS' ps. I let the board know that I will be homeschooling next year and will not be serving as the VP anymore after this year. None of them had anything positive to say about my choice. It was much harder to hear than I was expecting. ALL of my family has been very positive and supportive about our decision so this was the first negative responce that I have had. I hope there will not be many more, but I was hoping that these four women who I have been working next to side by side and who have seen how bad the ps system has gotten would be more understanding. How did/do you all handle the negative comments that people have about home schooling?
Pass them some Bean Dip! Really you have to learn that you aren't going to make lots of people happy.. and you have to have confidence that you are doing what is right for YOU not them. That confidence will grow as you get a few years (or even a few months) into your homeschooling journey.
Try not to let those ladies get to you. There will always be people who will not agree with how you live. For some reason I seldom get the negative comments I hear others talk about. Maybe it is because I am an older mother now (I am 55) or maybe I just look scary. I don't know. On the rare occasion anyone even comments about how we educate our two youngest daughters it has been supportive or even wishful as in, "I wish I could do that with my kids." Just keep doing what is right for your kids and let your confidence grow as you get into your homeschool journey. I usually try to not argue or explain myself to people because I know what is best for my kids. That's my story and I am sticking to it. Best of luck as you begin. Beth
I don't believe in brainwashing per se, but I think the way we have been taught to think of education is close to it. People who respond negatively just haven't rethought of the fact that maybe there is a better way, IMO. "This is the way it has been and by golly that is the way it should stay." Well, I think that the modern "schoolish" way is SO wrong that I would love to be able to convince others, but I keep myself from speaking to everyone and anyone. I do tell people that I homeschool, it isn't a secret, but I don't share it with everyone. Even the people who know I homeschool--I don't share everything about my way of doing things, because I know my viewpoints are not shared and may seem "odd". I would tell certain things if asked, but I don't volunteer all the time. I can tell you not to let it bother you, but that should come with time as crazymama said. It may bother you a little even then, but you are not alone. Also, be aware that even in the homeschooling circle there will be people who question your methods/schedules/curriculum or what not. Don't let that bother you either. I have figured out who the people are who think more like I do and I try to restrict going into detail with the others. We can have lovely discussions about other things, but I don't need someone judging me about how I homeschool. Oh yeah, I have to be careful not to judge them also. I don't think this is a huge problem, just be aware there are differing opinions out there. That is why it is so great to post my beliefs, no face to face conflict.
I have found most people who tend to be negative about homeschooling ..... It's usually less about you and more about them. My best friend from school, she's a single mum to two boys, she once 'admonished' me for being a stay home mum (I was and am still happily married) because I am not giving my kids an adequate role model of a working mother. I very politely told her that staying at home is work and I get very tired of hearing, especially from women, that being a wife and mother isn't 'enough'. She was rather vocal in her opinion, mostly negative, of my decision to homeschool. But what I believe it really boils down to is our choices make THEM feel inadequate as mothers. Because we all appear to relish our roles as wives and mothers in a way they don't seem to. (Another friend actually used those words, she told me she felt very insecure and intimidated by my obvious joy in being "just" a wife and mother.) So just grit your teeth and smile politely through the negativity. You can feel validated in knowing you are doing what's best for your family and ignore the nay sayers who feel a need to criticise in order to validate their own choices. At least the people that count support you and that's what really matters.
I think the negative comments I get from people in that situtation (still in PS) is a defense mechanism. Of course, everyone wants what is best for thier kids. They think that public school is the best way (mostly because they don't know any different) and if they "bad mouth" the something that is different, it keeps what their view of "best" is from being "bettered" by something else. Does that make ANY sense? It makes sense in my mind, I just can't seem to get the words out right. :roll: My advice, be kind but take crazymama's advice and pass the bean dip. (Read her link if you don't understand the bean dip comment.)
Yeah, I think this is the issue most of the time. And the stay-at-home mom and homeschooling negativity are based on the same issue I think. You hit the nail on the head.
I'm blessed in the regard that I haven't had any negative comments made to me about our decision to hs. There may have been some, but none to my face. With the ps in our area like it is, there is NO WAY I'd send my children there!!! Our oldest son went to the local ps for his last three years of high school and practically begged us NOT to send his brother and sister there! That was enough for me!
Well, bultercrew4, my first question would be why would you expect anyone on a PTO board to feel you homeschooling is a good thing to do? I understand they might be your friends and that they may see the decline in the ps system, but they most likely believe their efforts in trying to improve the ps system are worthwhile and you must have felt the same as well. So, on the flip side of the coin, even though you may not have meant it this way, they may have taken your decision a bit personal as if you think what they are doing is not worth the effort or that you have given up on them. As to how I take negative comments...well, I do not expect approval so I am not disappointment when I don't get it.
I can see your point. I didn't look at it that way. However, two out of the four of them have told me they have thought of homeschooling before so I wasn't really expecting that kind of response. The other two are pretty open minded. I am the only one of the them without a full time job outside of the home so I do most of the volunteer work in the school and it just made me feel like if what I am doing does not benefit them then they will not support me even if they have thought of doing it themselves. One of them even refused to say goodbye after the meeting. I just wasn't expecting that from grown women is all. I am going to avoid discussing it with them in the future. I know this is the right decision for my family and I am very excited about it!!
I would avoid discussing anything with them, doesn't sound like 'friend' material to me. I guess not as open minded as they thought.
Not as open minded or "friend like" as I thought! It was really disappointing. Oh well!! On a positive note I went to my first homeshooling meeting tonight and met some great families so hopefully we will get to know some of them!! They are all veterans so I hope to learn a lot from them!!
Sorry you had this problem when you thought you were dealing with friends. I have not had to deal with any negative comments like this so I am sure wondering what I would do when/if it ever happens.
I am also on our PTO board and two others from our board have actually gone to the HS fairs with me looking at various curriculms, but I am still scared to tell them that we have decided to do this. I consider these ladies my friends and will be very hurt if they have negative comments!
I have had quite a few negative and quite a few positive over the past 3 1/2 years. You have to have confidence when you respond because it will show through to your answers (even if you're not confident entirely yet--as we all are when we start-- you should sound like it). And you have two choices, either take the "it's not your decision" stance. It really isn't their decision so it doesn't matter or take the "educational stance" where you try to explain and answer any questions that someone has. I use both depending on the situation. Some people are just hostile and negative because of the myths and misconceptions out there and it's just unfamiliar to them and I consider it a blessing that I may get to at least clarify a few of the myths. Although some people still hold staunchly to those ideas and don't waver...then you just move on. The most important thing is to know that you are making a decision based on the best interest of your kids.
I actually just got off the phone with my mother. We didnt want to mention the HS thing until we were sure. I wasn't sure what to expect, however, my mother was way more supportive then I could have imagined:love:. She said she was shocked that I hadn't done it earlier and that the girls would be so much better off... That made me feel so much better, we would have still done it had she not been on board, but having my mom's support makes it easier to stand up to the nay-sayers I'm going to run into.
I just told my MIL yesterday. I was a bit worried as she is a public school teacher so I figured she'd either be WAY for it or WAY against it. She's for it. And was the 1st person to ask me what I planned to teach, ect. So I enjoyed talking with her about it.
