I know some of you don't allow dating and some don't have children anywhere near that age yet, but I have to tell you I hate dating. I mean I hate my kids dating. It is always so strange to me. Bobby has a girlfriend we haven't met yet. She is 20 like him and lives in Washington state where he is stationed or will be when he get back from Afghanistan. They are pretty serious and I am expecting an engagement soon. Sigh! Crystal is 17 and is dating a new young man. He is very nice and I have nothing against him other than he is dating my daughter. He is a good guy as far as we can tell and he is in college and still lives at home. He is a little older than I would like, but she likes him a lot. He is 22 by the way. One of my other gripes about dating is that we start getting used to and liking these boy or girl friends and suddenly they break up! This happened with my nephew and his girlfriend and our whole family still misses the girl he was dating in college. I am just not good at this part of parenthood. Our older three dated very little. They were like Freddy and me. They knew they had found the right person and they dated them and married them eventually. Our daughter Katie dated more people but she didn't date anyone for long until she went out with our son in law and they knew right away that they were meant to be together. I wonder if I dislike this part of parenthood so much because it leads to another one leaving the nest? Anyway that is just my vent for the afternoon.
I have two children. One is 14 but the other is a 20 year old girl. She does not date and does not want to, at least that is what she says. I sometimes wonder Why? As soon as that thought flashes through my mind, I ask myself what is wrong with me. I should be glad that she is focused on accomplishing her goals which is finishing her education. I don't look forward to when my children start dating. Hopefully they will be like you and Freddy. Hopefully they will just know when they have met the right person and get married.
Mine are 10, 8 and 5....there will be no dating. I've already arranged spouses for my children. When the time is right, they will marry who I say they will marry. LOL!!!!!!!!! There is some good things about arranged marriages. SO DREADING THE DATING SCENE. Planning on drilling in the "I kissed Dating Goodbye" mentality if at all possible!!!
So far with this new boyfriend it is different. She has had bfs in the past and it has been sort of silly and lots of phone calls and drama. You know the silly kind of drama that is really nothing but every little thing is a big deal to them. With this new guy she seems more at ease. She seems more herself and she is not acting like she is trying to make him like her by acting the way she thinks he would want her to act. I don't know if that makes sense but the last bf she had I always felt like she was trying to please him and sometimes I felt like he judged her. It was nothing I could put my finger on but there was just something that didn't feel right. Another guy that asked her out a few weeks ago was closer to her age but he turned out to be really a mean guy. I am so thankful that she never went out with him. He sent her some very ugly mean messages after he called and suddenly canceled the date they had planned for that night. I have heard since then that he has done that to other girls. He called Crystal some ugly names and suggested she jump off a bridge and kill herself! Crystal's best friend said this guy is super smart but has terrible anger issues. I think he is a mental case! Crystal blocked him from contacting her and she doesn't speak to him when she runs into him anywhere. I don't think he will bother her or anything but I did ask my son if he knew the boy. (our oldest son is a policeman) He asked around and said his wife's nephew went to school with the mean boy and he said he was odd and he tried to avoid him. I don't know if poor Emily will ever get to date since she is the baby! By the time she is 16 I will be 59!
I met my dh when I was 17. He asked me to marry him 5 days after we met. We met on a Monday night, he called me for 10 mins on Tues, and picked me up on Sat. We went out for Pizza and drove to his house where I met his mom and dad. Later that night he asked me to marry him. I said yes. We married 6 months later, 1 month after I graduated from hs. He is 6 yrs older than me. So far we are still married LOL His brother on the other hand, dated a girl for 4 yrs? something like that, and then married. Within 4 months of marrying, she cleaned him dry and moved out one day while he was at work. Couple years later she had a girlfriend. :shock: whoda knew ! Then he met a girl who was barely 18. Married her over night, and the whole family was shocked. We didn't like her at first and they certainly have had problems, but in the long run it has worked out. She is better as she has matured some. They have been married now for 13 years. bottom line is, everyone is so very different, you can't predict how a relationship will work out. Some seemingly odd paired couples thrive, while other 'heaven made matches' fall apart. I think I'm still married because I am so stubborn LOL " I refuse to fail, I refuse to fail, I re..." :mrgreen:
Wow...thats my life. lol. I was friends w/ DH in highschool and we dated each others best friends. After I graduated (he had been in college two years by then) we met each other again at a BBQ cookoff on our town, and I just knew I was going to marry this man. Four months later we were married in a courthouse, and this September will be our 4 year anniversary! I wouldn't trade my life, and I know there is no one else out there for me except him! Best of luck on everyone's dating scene! I dread when my boys grow up and date. :/
I've said all along that my kids can't get older than 5 or else I'll lock them in their room until they're 40. LOL! One has a birthday coming up soon. Hope he enjoys it. Won't be seeing him again for 35 years. I really want a house full of grandkids, but can we just skip the dating stuff, please? Not looking forward to that. My oldest already has 5 girlfriends... one of which he plans to marry. Um... hello? You're FOUR, son!!!!! (But in his defense, he says he's going to be a preacher, and she's going to stay home to homeschool their kids. I guess that's acceptable! HA!)
The quick marriages really warms my heart. It sounds so romantic . I heard once that those relationships that share all the advantages of a married couple (the bed), have a higher rate of divorce. Wonder if it is true.
I have heard that those who live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. So do couples who are in the military, work in emergency work (police, fire, ER) and those couples who have a disabled child. I heard a stat recently that "Christian" couples' divorce rate is higher than 'secular' couples. I don't believe that. For one thing, 'secular' couples don't marry, they live together, moving in and out on a whim, with no commitment. Of courseChristians would have a higher divorce rate then, they are the only ones that actually get married!
don't believe any of that stuff. Its a joke. Beth, every family is different you have to do what you think is best for your family. My girls can't date till there 82
I think there are too many variables in culture to really compare couples who live together with those who don't. I don't even think you can compare one group of unmarried couples to another! My in-laws lived together for quite awhile before they married. And they weren't the only ones in their generation by a long shot - it was a fairly common arrangement in northern Canada. They both worked hard to make their marriage work, and were quite happy until my FIL died. Everyone I knew in university lived with their significant others for some time before getting married. One couple (still married) had their two sons act as ring-bearer and flower-boy at their wedding. I only dated one boy before I met my husband and we weren't intimate. My husband worried about my "lack of experience" a great deal when we were younger. "How can you possibly know I'm right for you? You've never been with anyone else. You've got nothing to compare me to!" I told him he was being silly. I knew what I wanted. We lived together for 3 years before we decided to get married. And you know what? Our marriage couldn't be more solid, coming up on 15 years. I adore him, and he calls me his best friend. So I will not be surprised if my children choose to live common law with their lovers before they eventually marry them - or not. My husband wouldn't be happy, otherwise. He says marriage is too important to just jump into blindly. Me, I have faith in my children's good sense and solid moral foundation. They are truthful and kind and they care - I think that that'll carry them far.
Well I don't know what happened, but Crystal just told me that she and the new guy are just friends. They might still go do things together, but it won't be a date. Just friends. I think she is happy about that. Maybe she will say why later. I personally like the idea. He is just a little too old for her I think.
If this is true then my marriage is in TROUBLE!!! We lived together before marriage, he was in the military for the first 5 years, now he is a police officer and our first child was disabled though she passed away. But for some reason our marriage get's stronger every year!
Oh, and Beth I don't envy you at all! I don't look forward to the day that my kids start dating, but I hope my radar is strong like yours when they do
My dh and I have had the awesome oppertunity of focusing our pastoral ministry on young adults and young families for the last 4 yrs...so I just wanted to add my 2cents. Marraige and dating/courtship is one of the main thing's these young people are focused on...not the ONLY thing, but one of the primary. Recently, we've seen some really disconcerting things in regards to courtship...the amount of control it gives parents over their adult children has led to some pretty serious reprecussions. On the other hand....it has brought some things to light that might have remained hidden about all the individuals involved I used to think I would be pretty staunch on the "No Dating" as this is what dh and I did, but that is no longer the case. Guess my goals are simpler...raising healthy, sound, strong individuals who have a running start at life and a solid foundation. Sorry, I took it a bit off topic....this is a subject close to my heart right now
I thought I had years but It can start early too. My son is 9 and he wanted to take this girl to the movies. I thought at 9 you still think girls are yucky. He adores her. I told him he is not old enough to date and I doubt her mother will let her either. She is a very nice little girl. Well spoken, sings in the choir, very polite and well manered. We set up a hang out day. Her mom and I are going to the movies with the kids. They are welcome to sit together right in front of us, but not futher away. He is fine with that. He thinks it's a date. LOL. DH thinks it's cute, but I don't. DH says let the kid off the leash. NO WAY! The only reason I agreed is because her mom and I hang out anyway. This time we'll just take the kids along.
My 10 yr old thinks she is going on 16. She has a 'crushing' on a neighbor kid who is 13? I think. I really do like the boy, and he has a nice family. He is adopted and so is my daughter. They are in the process of adopting another. She has had a crush on him since she met him it seems like. I often wonder if her 'fondness' of him is because he is black. OK, now don't go off on me lol! My daughter is from India, and we live in a predominately 'white' area. So I think she is really drawn to him because he is not white and she feels more comfortable with him. At least they are friends, and I told her she is too young for anything more than that. They watch movies together here at the house, play board games and video games. Really I would rather she hung around him as a friend, than some of the girls in our neighborhood. So I have told her there is to be NO gf bf stuff, or anything like that, but she still says she is 'crushing' on him lol
Peanuts it's interesting that you should say that. I was wondering the same thing about DS. I am black and something else and something else. lol. DS is black and DH is white.Our neighborhood was mixed when we moved here but now it is predominately black. The little girl that DS has a crush on is white. That being said, I often wonder if our kids our influenced relationship wise by their up bringing. Our family is very mixed up,on both sides. The boys are around people of all races. However, I notice when it comes to hanging out and making friends (boys or girls) they seem to have more white friends than any other race. Last year a very nice white kid moved here and both DS's took to him immediately and became good friends. While there are kids that have been in the neighborhood for a very long time and they don't play with them. Don't mean to hijack but I thought that was an interesting thought.
