I can't/won't pray for my g'ma (Alzheimer's/dementia) to recover from her pneumonia.

My g'ma with Alzheimer's/dementia died today. Post #24

I love my grandma. She raised me while my mother worked. We never had a babysitter, we never went to summer camp, it was always Grandma's. I slept at her house every other night on school nights so that my mom 'only had one to get ready in the morning.' My sister and I alternated. We spent a lot of time there and I distinctly remember praying, "Dear Lord, please don't let my grandparents die. Please let them live a long, long time! I love them and can't do without them! Amen."

Fast forward to today, Grandma is 90 and has Alzheimer's with dementia. She's in a nursing home because we couldn't care for her 24/7 and when bathroom issues started happening we were out of our league and so early last year we had to put her in the nursing home. It's a very nice nursing home. One of us from the immediate family (mom was an only child, so it's just me, mom, and my sister) sits with grandma for hours every day at the nursing home. (Which is uncomfortable for us because she keeps her heater on always -- it's smothering hot in there, but she's always cold.) She wishes one of us could be with her always. She cries when we leave.

Grandma is miserable. She confused ("Where's my stove? How am I supposed to clean these dishes?") about where she is and very, very, very unhappy about us putting her there. She cries and wishes she were dead. She always asks, "Why did Pawpaw die first and not me? I can't stand it here! These people just barge into my house anytime they want and come clean the bathroom!! They look in on me at night!! Can't we get a lock for the door?!" She's GREATLY offended with the 3X's/week baths they give her. "Why can't I just clean myself in the sink like I did at home?!" She's not a happy camper.

She developed a fever over the weekend and they were treating her for a bladder infection, but now she appears to have pneumonia. Her oxygen was low and they heard gurgling in her lung. They've just brought her to the ER in an ambulance. My mom is there in the ER.

How do I pray? I don't really want to pray for her to get well. She's miserable.

I just prayed with my boys, "Dear Lord, Please help Mawmaw to not be afraid. She is so scared of new places and people. Please help her to not be afraid of the people trying to help her right now. Please help her to be warm and not cold. Lord, let Your will be done. If Mawmaw is to get better, please help her to get better quickly. If she isn't, then please let that happen quickly too. Please help Mom to not be stressed and please surround them both with caring people in the ER. Amen."

Am I wrong to not pray for my grandma to get well? I just can't do it.

I am waiting to hear if they have moved grandma to a room, then we will go and sit with her. She must be terrified.

Bless you, if you've read this far. Thanks.

 

YOU ARE NOT WRONG!!!, so please don't feel guilty for not wanting your g'ma to continue living as she is! She has led a full life, and it's time for her to move on. My g'ma also sufferd from Alzheimer's; I understand the frustration of that. My other g'ma had as stroke which left her in a wheelchair and unable to do for herself. She spent her last three years in a nursing home, then had another stroke. My parents called hospice, then brought her home with them until she passed away within a week. Praying for strength for you and your mom.

 

((((hugs)))) to you. I know that this must be difficult. You are turning it over to the Lord and that is the best that we can do.

 

so sorry. These situations are so difficult. I don't think there is a way to pray that is wrong. You are praying for HIS will to be done and that is admirable.

 

Thank you. (((hug)))

I asked my mom if she had a DNR order at the nursing home and she said yes. I guess it doesn't cover ER visits. Maybe the nursing home has a rule? IDK.

She has been so miserable. It feels wrong wishing for the end, but that's basically what I'm doing.

 

Thanks! (((hug)))

 

Thanks! (((hug)))


UPDATE: She's still in the ER, hasn't been moved to a room yet. They are running tests. They are thinking pneumonia by aspiration. She choked while drinking over the weekend.

Mom said she is lucid and is covered up with a couple of blankets.

 

Beezer, its sad I feel so sorry for them. I just went through that it will be a year in Aug. with my MIL she was 92. Its sad to see them slip away. you are doing the best thing you can ever do, turn it over to the Lord and when its her time it's her time.

Next I want to tell you, you will need a DNR for the nursing home, doctors, and hospital, we were even told we need one for EMT if we called them or have one at home. So, we had them all over. Ever place wants there own.


Hang in there, we are here for you.
Oh if you talk to your mom, tell her to as the ER for a heated blanket for her. They help alot, they have them. When any body of any age goes to ER they are nervous and we all get cold.

 

Thanks. I will tell my mom. I think she thought she had it covered, but apparently it isn't.

Thanks. (((hug)))

 

I lost my dad in October of last year. He was 74. He had emphasema and COPD for years and it finally got the best of him. He was born and raised in the country and was a true blue southern man. When he was transfered from his hometown to a hospital in Houston he hated it. Every minute of it. We all hoped and prayed they would help him but he only got worse. All he wanted was to go home. His body started shutting down and things just didn't work anymore. He was miserable. He just wanted to go home and he was tired of fighting. My prayer daily was for God to heal him or take him Home. Home being heaven. I hated it for him and it made me sick to see him that way. He was finally transfered back to his hometown and two days later was put on life support. A week later he died. He just wanted to go home and die. I knew that. We all knew that. By my prayer Heal Him or Take Him Home I meant heal him completely or take him to be with God. I couldn't see him wearing diapers and in a hospital bed for ever. That was no way to live for a man like he was and God answered my prayers. He took him to a better place. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do.

 

:cry:

Thank you for sharing your story. (((hug)))

 

UPDATE:
They just took her back for x-rays.They have taken tons of blood for tests. The ER dr. told mama that she has only 1/4 the amount of blood in her that she should have. Mom asked if it could be leukemia (because her father died of that) and he said no, the white blood cell count is fine. There's just not enough total blood. He said they are going to 'juice her up' while she stays there.

Mom said she seems nervous, her hands don't stop moving. She doesn't understand their questions and answers the wrong thing. She keeps telling them she fell on a concrete floor and that's why she's there. (She did slide out of her wheelchair a week ago onto the floor.)

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your gma, Beezer. ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) I don't blame you for praying for her release. She has had a wonderful life with your mom, and you and your sister. Now it may be time for her to continue her life in heaven. You will never loose her loving presence.

 

UPDATE: No pneumonia.

Severe anemia, stressed kidneys and heart. They asked about directives for resuscitation and Mom (rightly) said DNR. So they aren't putting her in ICU. She'll be in a normal room. They are moving her to a room very soon where she will receive antibiotics and blood.

They said in her weakened state a simple infection overwhelmed her body. From the x-rays they could apparently tell that the heart was under stress (Maybe it was enlarged??) and that her kidneys were under stress.

 

Thanks. (((hug)))

 

So what does that mean? Do they think she'll pull through on her own? Or do they think it's a matter of time? If so, has anyone considered bringing her home and calling in Hospice? My fil passed away last spring, and my mil brought him home for about a week. Hospice was very helpful, and I was able to come over in the mornings so my mil could have a short break.

 

Please don't feel bad about praying for her release. Isn't that all, ultimately, what we want: eternity with our Savior? It would be selfish of you to pray otherwise at this point. Of course, it's in the Father's hands. Perhaps there are more people who will be touched through her healing, or through her pain. Maybe a nurse will hear you praying with your grandma and the Lord will speak to that nurse. I don't know. Either way, there is nothing wrong with wanting her whole, and dancing with her Creator on the streets of gold, mentally sound and physically perfect.

 

I am sorry!
My grandma passed away from Alzheimer’s and it is a horrible disease for anybody to deal with. I am praying for your family for peace and for your grandma not to suffer.

 

The dr. says the next 24 hours will tell us which way she's going to go.

This could be 'it' or she could just spend a couple days in the hospital and be sent back to the nursing home. Maybe this is the beginning of a slippery slope for her?

I think my Mom would have trouble ordering Hospice in unless the dr. told her 'this is it.' She had such a hard time with the guilt from putting g'ma in the nursing home.

She's still in the ER, we're waiting on a room.

 

I don't think Hospice would come in unless the doctor said she wasn't going to last much longer. Praying for God's will and peace on all of you!