When people have their kids in PS, especially around puberty, I hear them complain that their child is too small, too big, too mature, too immature, too shy, too outgoing, too ... whatever ... to make friends. "How do I socialize my child?" or "How do I get my child to find similar friends?" or "How can my child get other kids to like them"... or the worst ... "How can I find 'good' friends for my child, because all the kids at school are into (whatever horrible activity you can think of)?" When will people realize that being x-years old has nothing to do with anything? When will they realize that 33 year olds can be friends with 36 year olds just as well as 13 year olds can be friends with 10 or 16 year olds? If your child is too immature for their age peers, why not meet up with younger kids in the neighborhood or in local groups (sports, scouts, etc.)? I'm in an area where the options are limitless, so maybe that's why it annoys me so much. :roll: Spending 6-9 hours a day with 300 other kids whose bday is within months of your own, day after day after day? Never getting to meet other kids? It's crazy!
I agree! I've never done well with people my own age, I've always prefered older or younger than me. I also was an only child though so I had all sorts of "roles" to play in my family/neighborhood/school/whatever. I had/have a few friends my own age but most are older or younger.
I agree, but I do have a 14yo who has trouble making friends. No, it's not an age thing-she's always been this way, and it IS frustrating. I'd love her to have just one or two good friends!!!
Two different issues here. One, being able to make good/appropriate friends. and two, whether friends one owns age are the only options that "count". I hurt with my children when friends are not as good as one wants them to be, certainly around puberty the issues get more intense. Being too small, too big, imature, too mature all matter in this fishbowl of adolesence.
Middle school is BRUTAL. I have a friend who works in the middle school and the stories she tells me are scary. My dad was a middle school teacher for 40 years and, although he loves kids that age, he is supportive of my decision to homeschool next year because he knows what goes on in school. They are somewhere between childhood and adulthood and the physical and emotional maturity is at such a wide range that kids on both sides have a tough time.
I was a middle school teacher. It's my second-favorite age (first is preschool). Actually, the reason I quit teaching was the admin and parents... not the kids.
Oh I have decided that most kids today (high school) that I have been meeting from public school are just plain rude. Example: Oldest had a friend over all day during the farm tour so she could show her what she does around here etc. First time girl was over here. Sure she walked with her and stuff - but she was TEXTING other people at the same time she was here with her?? HUH?! Sorry - I just thought it was rude and so did my husband. We get to explain a few things to the 2 oldest soon about "our family" as they are now legally up for adoption and are deciding if this is where they want to stay or not because they don't seem to "get it" and the wonderful government people are "babying" them. Guess what?! We get to help you CHOOSE your friends!! TA DA! No you will never spend the night at their house..... no you may NOT ride in a car with them...... FUN! But otherwise - Jake and Alexis are friends with kids from ages 8-16/17 no big deal to them at this point and that's fine with us..... we know the kids AND parents (shocker how many parents just pawn their kids off without knowing everyone)
This is our first year homeschooling and my biggest complaint about it? The generalizations that some homeschooling mothers make about those "public school students." These are parenting issues, not public school student vs. home school student issues.
Yes, Ksol, it is. But the problem is that a lot of public school kids don't act that way around their parents, so their parents don't know to correct it. And what we homeschoolers consider "problem behaviors" just get reinforced in public school with the peer-led nobody's-really-watching mentality. Since our kids are around us more, we have more influence, and most of the time if they wouldn't think of doing it in front of us, they won't do it when out with their friends either. Public school kids' poor behavior seems to feed off each other, and it seems they try to outdo each other in "how bad can I be?" Don't get me wrong, I learned early on never to say "Not MY kid!"
Ditto! After teaching PS, I always told myself I would believe a teacher over my own child. Yes, there are some idiots out there who shouldn't be teaching, but I've never personally met one. Teachers usually have kids' best interest at heart. I HATED having to tell a parent what their child was doing in my class, because I knew they wouldn't believe me. Not only that, but the parent would question the child about it later, and the child would come back to class telling all of the other kids (in an announcement sort of tone) how stupid their parents are and how gullible I am. It happened over and over. Deep down, these kids were good kids. When you get them in a room alone, they're wonderful. When you put them in a classroom, suddenly they think they have to pretend they're someone else. Sorry to get off topic. I really love the middle school age. I just hate how disconnected parents can be if they don't see their kids more than a couple of hours before bedtime.
I HAVE!!! OK, I taught over 10 years in one particular district, and subbed many several years before/after that. In all that time, I can only think of ONE who should never have been in the classroom. She was having trouble in one school in the district, so she pulled a Seniority Transfer before they could follow through with parental complaints. We had no choice but to take her, but finally it caught up with her and she was removed from the classroom. So only one out of how-many teachers I think is really good! And then there was the teacher I was a long-term sub for, but her problems were more because the super of the special ed program pulled her from high school where she had been teaching for 10+ years to a first grade classroom at the last minute. She was woefully unprepared, but as I said, I won't blame her for that!
I have to agree with ksol. The biggest reason kids are rude or the ps students get comments on are actually the parents. And for that matter - to be honest -and I have first hand knowledge of this after many years as PTO president-is that parents of ps'ers are not (generally) as involved. Private schools very often have hourly requirements that MAKE you involved.... however my sister (who is 9) is horribly rude and watches horribly inappropraite things on tv...and SAYS even more inappropraite things. This doesn't come from her schooling!! As luck would have it, I just feel that part of my goal in hsing is that I can lead my children in ways ps teachers shouldn't have to. Oh, um and all kids feed off each other. That's one reason 30-35 kids in a classroom with 1 adult (and that WAS the ratio for my son's 1st grade class) and 400 kids (also an actual #) on a playground leads to um...."socialization" that is so readily acceptable.
Oh it definitely is a parenting issue - and this is the problem that we are running into - the parents aren't there..... we have had people here who homeschool and I would never let my kids hang out with theirs - they were rude and unbelievable..... I've had PS kids over that were awesome and exceptional..... I see more PS kids act out though than homeschoolers..... the PS kids seem to act and then reap the consequences.... homeschoolers appear to ask more before they do it. This is my experience with doing farm tours with public school kids and homeschoolers....I tell a homeschooler once NO.... then a PSer 3+ times.....
Well, in defense of PS kids.... Back when Bush was running against Kerry, and the lines were out the door, we voted in the elementary school down the street. I had been there for over an hour, with three kids. It was lunch time, and the fifth grade class was coming down to the cafeteria. The teacher said "Excuse me", and broke through the line with her students. Which is what I expected. What I did NOT expect was that almost EVERY ONE of those fifth graders also said "Excuse me" when they passed through. It wasn't necessary, but it was a very nice, polite touch. When I left the building, I went into the office and told the secretary to let the fifth grade teacher know what a good job her kids did. Because you KNOW that if only one kid decided to act off in front of all those people, EVERYONE would be complaining about how TERRIBLE ps kids were. And here was a whole class who behaved exemplary, and I felt they needed to know they did well. (I later learned from a mom that the teacher has a jar of marbles, and every time the class does good, they get a marble in the jar. When it's full, they get a pizza party. Well, the secretary told her, and she gave the kids a whole handful of marbles!)
Yep - there are good PS teachers and good PS kids. I just wish that people who learn that I am homeschooling would really stop thinking I lock my kids in a closet You can SEE that's not true - they have sun burns!
AH! So you admit to abusing them! Leaving them outside to fend for themselves in all kinds of weather, allowing them to burn all day in the hot sun while you sit inside the cool aircondition drinking lemonaid! And they probably get nothing to drink but WATER!!! :love:
Hey they were in the pool! It was 90 degrees yesterday!! And I sat outside WITHOUT AN UMBRELLA watching them in the hot sun! The pool was just a little too cold for me yesterday....
I understand the middle school thing only because I deal with the public schools middle schoolers tuesday nights. I have found they are lost at times, they want to be tough to fit in, with the tough people but when you get one alone they will be so sweet and helpful. As a parent of the third child this age I want my kid to have good friends too, I don't care if they are the same age but since most of his Friends from church are near his age by the fact they are in a class together there I think my kids are okay with that. My dd has friends from 12 -20 that she hangs with and she is 16 . (she looks like she is 12 though LOL or 13 as of yesterday someone thought she was 13 lol, this is a family traite and we love it! btw!) Now I am not psing my kids but I know they hang with some kids who are psers. so I think it goes with hsers and psers both we want our kdis to hang with good kids. I don't feel so bad though if they are being analised by their parents that at least means the parents are watching their kids, I have parents of kids I know who just let thier kids run while they go to classes and ignore them thinking they are "ok", one such girl has a broken foot and was needing her mommy to hold her she is 11 and trying so hard to be a big kid, but she really was in a lot of pain the other night, was getting a hard cast the next day I saw as soon as her friend who is two to three years younger but same height came along she was okay.. btw they are both public schooled kids too.. kinda funny but kids today are learning its okay to be friends with whomever, but I think us parents do need to sit up and take note of how our kdis respond to whom, sorry I rambled, lol been working around thehouse trying to get stuff done and felt like blabbing a bit!
