Kissing games at my DD's school in 3rd grade - TMI warning

My niece is in ps and the things she has learned from her peers are absolutely appalling. It makes me sad. Her innocence has been robbed of her at 7 years old. She has good parents that teach her right from wrong, unfortunately, they have no control over her classmates.
Truth be told, my children can't even go to the local park without finding vulgar graffiti all over the playground. You can only protect them so much. I try to do my best with giving them a strong moral ground, but I have no control over what is written on a public bathroom stall.

 

I have to agree that we should not just blame the ps system. The kids learn this stuff elsewhere and since they are in school all day it is just becomes a breading ground for kids to teach each other all the nasty stuff. There is only so much we can do as parents to protect our kids from the filth, but I will do everything I can to teach them and give them a solid foundation or right and wrong and what is acceptable and what is not until they reach a mature age and can handle things on their own. I firmly believe that the home is where most of the learning is done whether the children are in ps or hs'ed.

I know so many families that allow their young children (and I mean 2yo+) to watch R rated movies, read whatever magazines they want, watch anything on youtube and the internet that they want and even let their children have a "sip" alcohol on occasion. If the parents freely allow whatever a child wants in their home, and let their young children view adult natured things like R rated movies etc, that is what I call a lack of parenting and that leds to the kids seeing things and learning about things that at their ages they should not know about.

The thing that drives me crazy is that my son has some friends at church that are allowed to do whatever they want and then he comes to me and complains that he is not allowed to do it. For example, given my sons maturity level I don't think he should see the movie Avatar. All his friends have seen it and they tell him it's awesome and that he should see it. He is not happy that he can't see it but he understands that it is not appropriate for kids under 13, hence the PG-13 rating and that at the age of 13 he will be allowed to see it as long as he is mature enough. It's just hard to explain to him why all his friends who are 9 and 10 have seen it especially when he says, "they go to church too, shouldn't they know not to see it if they are too young?" *sigh*

 

I agree that the PS system isn't the only blame factor here, but it IS part of it!! It can start with the parents being absent (even when they are home around the child they can be mysteriously absent). A child gets curious and may look something up on the computer/hear vulgar music/even listen to their parents talk and they suddenly think it's ok to act that way, and say those things way beyond their years. Then they walk to school and extend their knowledge to another, either via word of mout or physically like the "hey open your mouth while I kiss you" kissing game.

Even if a parent is highly protective of computer usage, and homeschools there are other factors as well like friends, and ETCrmine points out that the grafitti in the park is a contributor as well, which I agree. At one of the parks here (the better one unfortunatly) parents there have no problem yelling "come here idiot, what are you thinking?!" And yelling obscenities at their children, and Visa Versa!!

We have to prepare our children for what people are going to say and show, and that it's not always right to do these things. Arm them with proper morals and good reasoning skills is all we can do in the long run.

 

I've had numerous students tell me a fellow classmate kissed them, I take care of the issue swiftly and firmly. I let offending student know it is not appropriate to kiss another student in school and certainly not appropriate without that student's permission-boundary issues.

 

I know for a FACT it is not the schools - the blame must fall to the parents. I had to pull my kids out of Religious Ed classes at CHURCH because of the language and behaviors they were exposed to - my 13 was so good about it all and really stood his ground (translation - he had only two friends and they stayed far away from the other kids) but it drove him nuts. It was my baby dd age 8 who really got the brunt of it - she came home making some Lady gaga joke to her sister (dd age 10) and I lost it - it wasn't even that bad, but it was the culmination of all the behavior to date, you know?

And this is a class that meets once a week for an hour and a half in a church. If these kids can't get their act together for God, they certainly aren't going to do it for school.

A friend who works with us at one of the homeschool charters used to be a ps teacher and she told me the reason she got out of it was she was tired of being "mommy" to all the kids. I told her that I am glad that so many parents (in CA, the homeschool movement is huge and has gained more momentum over that past few years, both indepenent and charter school versions) and that school officials should be glad when parents homeschool as it provides the the students who remain in school better access to teachers and resources, instead of being stuffed in a class with 40 other kids. But then the argument comes down to money, so not much is done there. It's just aggravating.

 

I retired from the public school system where I was a school social worker - 10 years ago. And the things I saw and heard about that long and longer ago made me cringe. In first grade, teachers intercepted notes passed in class that said "I want to sex you. Do you want to sex me? Answer yes or no." At a preK to 3 school, they told me about unbelievable things scrawled on bathroom walls. On the playground, they had to stop K'ers from simulating "the act"! And in a middle school, while both the teacher and the aide were occupied, several boys were in the storage closet with a girl who was performing oral sex on them in turn... Not to mention the high schools where kids were having sex in bathrooms, stairwells, and any other spot they could find where no one was watching for a couple minutes. That was ten and more years ago -- I shudder to think what goes on NOW!!! My dd and sil, and my ds and dil, can't seem to imagine why I try so hard to convince them NOT to send my precious dgc to public schools!

 

My brother graduated this year, but when I went to be with him during the school dances I was Apalled!!!! (Bro is handicapped and I go along as a "para" or "guardian") Girls and boys dressed in barely nothing, GRINDING in a mosh pit in the center of the gym!! If a couple of kids were in teh middle it would be no problem for them to sex it up, or whatever. I guess thats a problem in the bigger cities like Kansas City. They've caught some kids doing that at dances. The last dance I went to there were Police officers circling the gym floor! GEEZ! The only music that was played was a Hip Hop thing, and I caught a few words (what I could understand of it :roll: ) "Kiss a bi**h, f**k a bi**h" I couldn't believe it. When I was in HS (which was 4 years ago) we actually had fast dances, slow dances, and so on. NOTHING like that. Shocking how things change in just a couple of years!!!! We never even thought of doing things like that when I was in HS.

Also, Band got invited to play at Disney land every 4 years, and they stopped that trip after I graduated too. Apparently they found out that some kids were having sex in the hotel rooms rather than going to the parks. :/ A once in a lifetime thing to march and play down mainstreet and because of sex minded teens that once in a life time trip was cancelled for good.

 

All the behavior described is nothing new, this has all been done before!

 

I understand it's nothing new in general. I would agree if we were talking about middle school, or even kids the grade before middle school, but this is third grade - 7, 8 and 9 year olds. That's absolutely new. And hearing so many people here say it's going on where they live too? I was actually expecting people here to be like - "Wow! Third grade? That's crazy." But to hear that it's par for the course? {shudder}

 

By taking God out of our morality, we have regressed to the point of acting like animals. Not surprising when children are taught that we are merely animals on the evolutionary chain anyway. God help us all.

 

I agree that its all been done before-as I knew girls in 7th grade that were pregnant. But I agree - the ages are definitely earlier.

However, there's something to be said when every parenting book/show known to man currently says the number 1 thing parents need to do is be aware of what their kids are watching/seeing (not just the titles-but KNOW whats on) and the number 2 is "talking" to their kids.

Theres definitely a disconnect happening-and it's becoming "the norm" whether we like it or not.

 

While I will agree that what is happening is nothing new; these events are definitely more frequent. It is becoming the norm rather than an occasional incident. I do believe the parents play a huge role in what is going on and YES I do believe the school does need to take some blame as well. Especially in situations like the one I shared in my previous post. HOW did the teacher not notice. Perhaps he/she did?

 

There was a 2nd grader last year who attended a brand new k-8 school in a prominent neighborhood near me. When I arrived at church one Wed night my friend told me they were doing a search in the neighborhood for a missing child (the 2nd grader mentioned above). A local mom found him in the bushes unconscious. It turns out he got beat up by some 7th graders. And this was at a "good" A school!

All I have to do it watch the news and know without a doubt that we are doing the right thing by homeschooling our girls!

 

Yikes...I know this all goes on but I always pray I am just being paranoid or heard isolated events. Scary. I am just so prayerful the Lord will allow me to continue to homeschool.

 

Hummm... I had my first kiss from a boy in grade 1, under the stairs at the side of the school, and it was completely innocent. My son, age 5, had his first kiss last year! He and a little girl in his sunday school class decided they'd marry each other. During a prayer in the meeting, they were standing between her mom and me, standing on their chairs holding hands, and when I glanced over during the prayer to see if they were behaving, they were kissing!

I don't think it's always something that we need to have our jaws hit the floor, but I would agree that the way things are going in ps in this regard are more often out of a less innocent motivation. But hey, what exactly do we expect when our kids are exposed to the media that is around now? When I was a child, an ad containing a picture of a woman in a halter top sitting kneeling beside and looking up at a man holding a rifle caused an uproar in our city. Now, that same ad looks completely modest in comparison to the sexualized ads that children are exposed to daily. People comments when they see it are that the man looks like he has such a wholesome face!

So many children are left to themselves at home to explore the internet, and what horrors they find are talked about on the playground in the tone of "I saw something grosser/cooler than you did". From what I've read and heard, I don't think, say, beastiality, would be an uncommon topic of playground conversation these days. The more shocking it is, the 'cooler' it is, especially for boys. Not to mention the rediculous shows, like jacka** that the kids go an imitate. The girls are left in the difficult position of dealing with how sexualized our culture has become, and the immense pressure they are put under to look like the girls they see on the magazines.

So is it loads worse than when we were kids? In some ways, of course it is. I would say especially in the departments of violence and sex. But on the other side of the coin, some things are better. Take racism for example. Still here, but not considered as acceptable as it once was.

It's great to be able to hs to keep our kids away from so much of this, but I think for parents who can't, keeping a line of communication open (especially with boys, who are less likely to communicate with parents) is absolutely key.

If we can shelter our kids from this nonsense by homeschooling, great. If not though, keep the lines of communication as open as possible. For the boys, keep your words short, and listen.

 

I think racism depends on who the offending party is. There have been some ugly racist remarks on this forum that have gone unnoticed and apparently they were acceptable, but some seem to be flabbergasted when a third grader kisses a class mate.

When I was in 3rd grade I remember having a crush on a boy along with other kids having crushes. This is nothing new, it is not a reflection on the ps school system, its life!

 

I have not taken notice of ugly racist remarks on this forum...well at least those that have gone unnoticed. Huh. Very sad.

My kids are homeschooled...want to know where they learned the word "Fag" and what a fag is? Church. lol. In fact, my kids learned quite a few things from church like this. So, it's everywhere. We cannot avoid it. So, we need to equip our children as best as possible. I also think we need to cut down as much exposure as possible too and if possible.

 

This is the fact of the matter. The point is, it is happening. We can let our jaws drop to the floor and then hide our children from it. OR we can equip our children how to handle these things properly. I don't think our children need intentional exposure, but trying to pretend it's not there doesn't work either. Instead of pointing fingers at other parents, let's make sure we are doing everything we can to help our children make wise, educated choices.

 

Wow..I just noticed I typed "as possible too and if possible" LOL.

anyway...yes we cannot avoid the world as much as we would like. From a Christian perspective we are supposed to guard our eyes and ears. That becomes increasingly more difficult in this day and age. We can hardly walk through the mall without our eyes being assaulted. Sadly, what should offend us does not because we have grown accustomed. This is the reason we equip our children AND provide a safe place at home. We need to be vigilante with our children but that does not mean hiding them in a bomb shelter until the end of the world.

 

well I will tell the truth I never read all the threads but I will say you can't just blame the ps. I think its the parents not the school fault.
One main reason I hs is because my dd when she was in K who is now 15 came home one day and told us at the supper table, daddy you have a hot dog and mommy has the bun to keep it warm. I think if my dh would of had dentures they would of fell to the floor. I didn't blame the school for it. I blame the parents for teaching there young child. We talk to her and told her to stay away from kids that talk that way, they are trying to act smart and big. Then we took her out of school.