When we hear about homeschooling we often hear stories of the kids who are woefully behind in their education or super geniuses about to solve the riddle of the Spinx. I was talking to a homeschooling mom who feels the pressure to raise a brilliant mind or she is not doing a good job. I wondered how everyone else felt. I also wonder if that is self induced pressure. Do you feel like the world expects homeschoolers to be the extreme of behind or advanced? I do not feel that pressure. After all, the junior high in my area is just above failing. So, I'm more than happy to compare my dd's education to that school. So, I do not feel I have to exceed the school...I naturally do that...1)because the school in my area is just above failing 2)because my child is getting a personal education.
I see the tendency but I don't feel the pressure. As long as my my child makes progress, I'll be happy. I'm not concerned with grade level or state standards or them being better/smarter/more advanced than their peers of the same age. That is the one of the main reasons I am homeschooling. My son isn't ready to read at the same or expected level of his peers, but at the same time he's bored with how 'slow' his peers do math. I do see many who throw out any state standards or exceptions and refuse to 'push' their kids at all and their kids are extremely behind in their worst subject and others are pushing their kids so hard to be 'better' than PS kids, better than their sister's kids, better than the other homeschoolers. But you know what, their are PS kids and parents who fit these molds as well. I think it's just parenting....
I see the expectation from others. It could be that we homeschool. It could be my & DH's personality/characteristics. We've each been fairly successful in our endeavors. But I'm just at the point where we do what we do (in terms of school and what the kids need). Honestly, we have to be careful because acquaintances - and relatives, truth be told - comment on how BRIGHT one of our children is, how SMART he is...The fact of the matter is that we have another son who is MUCH smarter than his brother. He's not as social, and people don't pay as much attention to him or they do something that puts him off and he withdraws, so they never get to find out how smart he is, but I'm quite certain he's overheard the comments of some of these well-meaning but not terribly sensitive folks. And, well, I don't need a conceited kid or a kid with hang-ups about not being smart. Now that I think about it, I think my kids may get some of it at church - from other kids. You know, you're only in <whatever> grade (because few who are not homeschooling really understand that <whatever> grade doesn't mean a whole lot for us), you can't possibly be doing fill-in-topic-here. And then one of my sons gives the answer. Oh, well.
I used to think my kids had to be brillant or I was failing them until I had an aha moment. I know people who send their kids to ps will sometimes probe me to see if my kids are "behind", "right on track", or "ahead". I don't let them get to far before I start questioning things about their children education. That tends to bug them and they drop the subject. My kids are behind in some areas, ahead in others and on track in others...so I just tell people there are on track. It has been so much easier since I realized they don't have to be einsteins.
It really bugs me when someone says so and so is so smart. This is probably because I grew up in a family where my parents put great value on education (aka being smart). My dad thought he was so smart and both of my parents thought I was sort of stupid. My parents, many people, and schools measure smartness in book learning alone. Book learning is only one part of being smart. Some people are very smart in the arts, others are very good at communicating, and other people are very compassionate. We are all different and have our strengths and weaknesses. When I first began homeschooling, I did feel the pressure to have my first child excel. All along knowing that mindset is wrong. As time went on, I relaxed. Unfortunately this achievement pendulum has swung too far the other way. The last four years of my son's education, our only child at home, should be right in the middle.
Ok - first thing that came to my mind (which is mush at this moment) Yes - I am raising a superior MIND - which does not always equal superior GRADES
I can definitely see how people could feel this pressure. In the area where I live, it's not that common. In order to prove that their children are receiving a quality education (which those who don't GET home schooling just cannot seem to fathom that possibility), it seems they must be way beyond the curve.
I think it speaks volumes of the lack of insight that people have when they expect homeschoolers to be either geniuses or morons. If you just look at the spectrum of people in the public/private school arena, you will see a spectrum of intelligence. So, why do people expect different results from homeschoolers? My son is not academically strong and does not enjoy book type work or textbooks, but that is OK. There are MANY people in ps in the same boat. So, my child is normal. If a child thrives on book learning-they are normal (many people like that too). If a child is not ready to learn algebra even in their senior year--they are normal. I want to be able to focus on my son's strengths and help him where he is weak, but not over emphasize the weaknesses. I don't want to drill him to death so that he can be where someone else thinks he should be. Sue May, I agree wholeheartedly with your comments about different way of being intelligent. If only we all could get past the notion that to valuable you have to be book smart.
Well, Faythe is SURE not going to have superior grades! But I keep telling myself that God has a plan for her just the same. If she were in a "real" school, she'd be fighting to "keep up", her self-esteem would be so much lower, and she'd compensate in inappropriate ways.
I feel that pressure from my mother in law now. She was very supportive of our choice until her daughter put her kids into public school. Now they seem very determined to convince me and the rest of the family that the kids in public school get a much better education. They are very defensive too because all the other kids in the family and extended family are homeschooled. I guess they assume that we are all thinking she doesn't love her kids as much as we do. Silly. Not eveyone is cut out for homeschooling and we truly don't care if she homeschools or not.
I feel that way at times when other mothers tell me their K or 1st grader just loved their ancient philosophy study done entirely in a foreign language. My third grader is barely squeaking through multiplication and we haven't even touched history and my 2nd grader reads on a K level. then I wonder if I am the worlds most negligent mother for not pushing my children harder. then I have to remember that I am not raising children for my own recognition. I am building men and women for Christ and He doesn't care if they are not geniuses. I like what was said earlier about each person's individual gift and how everybody has a different "bent"
I don't have any pressure from anyone but myself. And the pressure I put on myself is not to create a superior mind, but help my children live up to their full potential. And that isn't accomplished by pushing, but by tailoring and guiding.
I don't I tell my girls they can be anything they want to be as long as they put there minds to it. Some times I feel kids need to be kids, we need to take all this pressure away from them. I think its the parents that want there kids smart so they can look good not the child. Everyone learns different, thank god.
