Hi I'm back for visit. Thank you all for being so supportive of me in the past! My question today is...do any of you have a bipolar person in your lives??? How do you deal with that person? Do you attend support groups? If you are married to a bipolar person, how do you stay married? I'm finally figuring out that I've been married to a bipolar person and I didn't even realize it! While he was in therapy about 5 years ago and getting himself checked by a psychiatrist and his depression medication (little bit of Zoloft) was working, he was my husband that I knew and loved. About the time my husband stopped his therapy and his regular doctor (internal medicine) just kept renewing his zoloft without a check up, my hubby has changed into a person I don't recognize. I catch glimpses of my husband every once in a while. And those times are precious. My husband is in a mania mode right now. He is projecting all of his issues onto me and others. He's moving at the speed of light and not stopping to sleep or eat very much. He was in the Urgent Care/hospital about two weeks ago for intestinal issues and I was right there by his side. At that moment he seemed sickly and depressed and told me he didn't want to divorce me, which was his plan a few days prior. For about 3 days he was sickly and it was almost a relief because he slowed way down. After that though he told me he was back! The spending of money, emotional abuse, lying, cheating and risky behavior started again. He ran a marathon this past weekend and made phone calls to his girlfriend. Hubby says that he is just fine and doesn't need help. Just a few weeks ago he told me he needed help and that he is inside somewhere and made an appointment, which ended up being cancelled. From moment to moment his statements and moods change. It's scary and it doesn't make logical sense! I'm soooo confused on what to do. We have had a few marriage counseling sessions. Those can't possibly work though unless he gets in for psychiatric help and gets meds worked out. I did take all the money out of our joint savings account and put it in my personal account. I promised to do all of the billing. I have to protect my entire family at this point. Unfortunately, he still has his credit cards. Hubby is still suppose to lose his job by the end of the month. I know that is putting stress on him too. I'm surprised that they've kept him on this long with the behavior that he is showing. I deeply love the man that I married. I mourn the loss of that person at this time. I wish he could come back to me! I still care for my husband as a human being and do not wish him harm. I am at the point of seeing a lawyer though. I also have a job interview this week. Whew! I am glad that my children are in summer school for at least a few hours, so I can get some things done. Thank you all!
This is very heart breaking to me just reading it. I can't imagine living it. It is so sad to know that the man you love is inside of the man his condition has made him into, but because of his condition he isn't seeking the help he needs to get back to who he was. That just is just so scary to me. I am praying he gets the help he needs to come back to you and your children, but until then you do need to go see a lawyer at least for advice before you are ruined financially.
Have you/can you talk to his physician? Could he be declared a threat to himself or others with the mania? If you could get that to happen, then he would have to be examined and could then be put on medication.
I'd have to agree. I would do anything possible to get him into a doctor's office and get the medicine he needed to him ASAP. Perhaps the Mania and the other symptoms are prohibiting or making it hard for him to admit he has a problem or that he has so much going on at once that he can't focus on what he's feeling and what he needs.
Thank you ladies! I have been wondering about talking to his internal medicine doctor. I talked with the Urgent Care doc. about 2 weeks ago and explained some of the behavior I'm seeing. He then asked about threat to himself or others. The question sounded as if it was suppose to be immediate danger (in my mind I'm thinking a knife to his throat or others type of thing). He is a threat to himself in some ways...it's just not immediate maybe??. You ladies are right when you say that the illness itself masks him wanting to get help. When in mania mode he sees nothing wrong and everyone else is crazy. It's very hard to live with. He's going around telling people that I'm nuts. Yet, a few weeks ago he stopped at friend's houses saying, "I'm worth more dead, than alive" Yikes! I suppose people could take that 2 ways. Either they take it as he is trying to kill himself or feeling sad about himself or they could take it as I'm trying to kill him to get at his insurance money. I did find out though that he went and changed his beneficiaries on his policies. Great! His mother is our insurance agent too and seems to believe what he is saying (that I'm crazy). At least for lunch today he was somewhat normal. It was one of those normal glimpses I get. It seems he can cycle through these phases within a day or within hours....very strange. I wish I had known all of this bipolar stuff and I maybe I could have gotten him help a long time ago. My kids obviously are seeing changes and feeling tension. They keep crying that they miss their daddy. :cry: Heartbreaking.
My X-DH is Bi-Polar. So is our son. Everything that you mentioned in your post sounds like it could have been written by me concerning my ex. My nightmare with my son is another story that I will live until the day I die. We don't divorce our children. You have a firm understanding of the situation. The only thing left is what direction to go. I wasn't able to get inside completely until I spoke with my son. He was abl e to explain the workings of his mind. It is definately a roller coaster. My son told me that when he is on medication for this he doesn't feel "normal". To him it feels like he is being held back, slowed down, sluggish, drugged. The doctor told me this is common and that bi polar people tend to self medicate, either with alcohol or illegal drugs. They are constantly looking for that "high" or "rush". That is why my ex cheated... it was a rush. My son has a problem with this as well (not married), but is aware of it and is trying to control it. He said that first it seems the girl he is with is tying (slowing) him down or holding him back. Then he says the euphoria of meeting someone new with the risk of being discovered tempts him away. I know several others with this condition, yet have not met one that has it under control. That may be because the ones that have it under control don't show it and have no need to talk about it. My heart goes out to you, I can relate to the pain. Protect your family. Ask your attorney about posting a notice in the news paper that you will not be responsible for your DH's debt. This notice will have to print both your names. I'm not sure what the legalities are as far as what debt it covers, how far it reaches (past and future). I know I had to do it. If you do get divorced go in armed with copies of the credit card statements showing he did the charges. You will need this if you have joint cards. Your name is there and you can contact the company and get verification of who signed the slips for the charges. Don't wait too long to get those, the company may try to tell you the records are stored and it may cost. I wish I could give you better news. Of course my opinion is tainted by not being able to salvage my marriage. I can tell you this. Even though I have moved on in my life and have remarried, I still love the man my X-DH used to be before his illness took over.
You mentioned marrage counciling. It actually may help. You can voice your concerns and he will be forced to face them. I myself was mis-diagnosed bipolar a couple years ago. I did a lot of research on it. Although I am not bipolar, I do have PTHD, which is the most likely of all conditions (that I know of) to be mis-diagnosed as Bipolar. Bipolar Disorder is very difficult to deal with. There is no way of predicting the behavior or moods of your husband. You have to find a median in which he knows you are there for him, but where you can also protect your family, and yourself. Being married to someone who is bipolar can be a rollarcoaster and emotionally draining. You do need to know that, in the event your husband is prescribed and actually takes meds, that not all meds work for all Bipolar patients. If the dose is incorrect, or the medication itself reacts badly, it can make your husband not feel anything. No good, no bad, no right, no wrong. Which can be worse than the bipolar symtoms alone. I say this so that in case he decides to get help, you can keep an eye out for this. (This is what happened to me when I was on the meds, and a friend of mine that is actually bipolar as well. It got to the point that I questioned my love for my children.) If this starts happening, I suggest you get your husband to the doctor ASAP, but don't let him stop the meds. Have the doctor change them instead. There are a lot of websights that are made for people living with a bipolar person. They help you understand what to look for and how to deal with different behaviors. I will see if I can find a few and PM them to you, if that is ok. I wish you all the best, and hope everything works out for you and your family.
FortheSon-((HUGS))) Wow! I'm glad I found someone who has been through this. I did read that 90% of marriages with bipolar people end in divorce (especially during mania mode). Yah, I figured the rush that dh gets from running, biking, swimming, doing races and being with another woman is what it is. He also has to be super community guy by volunteering on boards of financial institutions and by doing a community blog. I do wonder if he's actually taking his Zoloft. I haven't seen him take it in a while. I haven't kept track. Before three weeks ago I wasn't quite sure what I was dealing with. He used to tell me that he just had depression and seasonal affective disorder. It all added up in my head and I started telling one of my sisters and she informed her husband (who has depression and knows a lot about psychiatry). He mentioned bipolar. That's when I started doing research and it dawned on me what I was dealing with.
You are welcome to PM me anytime if you just want to chat. I wish I had more support when I was going through it. ((((Hugs!)))) back.
WIMom, (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) I have never been in your shoes but you have to do what is best for you and the children. It sounds like you try and try. I have a great friend that has a son who is bioplar and Lord does she go through the ringer with him. He is not married was but it didn't last. Hang in there remember we are here for you if you need to talk pm me or yell.
scrain-oh...post traumatic stress disorder...I was wondering what you meant too. That's odd that you mention that. An educational psychologist at our church listened to my hubby talk about his work situation and she said it sounds like people have ptsd there because of the stress they are under. Her sister works in the same building as hubby, so she knew a little bit of what was going on there. I suppose he could have ptsd, but with his history of depression, family history of bipolar and his running addiction and female addictions I'm still thinking bipolar. Just in case though....how does one recover or deal with PTSD? Thank you ladies for all the hugs and support!
PTSD normally takes a significant life event that is very traumatic. For example, a rape victim, or someone who has been in a war. It is similar to Bipolar Disorder because of the depression. The big difference is that with PTSD, many people cannot sleep because of nightmares (AKA night terrors), whereas with bipolar disorder, people cannot sleep because they simply are not tired. I have lived with PTSD since I was about 14, (I am now 26). I have tried different meds for it, but the biggest change is facing the fact that I have the disorder. Talking to someone who knows a great deal about PTSD helps.....a lot! And find out all you can about the disorder. I firmly believe that knowledge is power. This disorder, and pretty much all other mental disorders, have certain symptoms. If you know what symptoms, or in the case of PTSD, triggers to look for, you can then deal with them better, stop them from happening, avoid them, and possibly even predict them before they happen, like in my case. Above all else, you MUST determine and deal with what began the PTSD. In my case, it was molestation. If you deal with it in your own mind, things will get better, and life in general will get easier. If you need someone to talk to about PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, or just a general friend, PM me. I am almost always on the computer! Hope this helps.
WIMom, ((((((((H))))))) I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is really tough. I have not been married to someone who has bi-polar though my sister-in-law was bi-polar, but I was married to someone who was a severe alcoholic. Being married to any one with a disorder is really tough. My heart goes out to you. My only advice to you is to do what is best for you and your children. No one else will do that for you. If they would, they would have done it already.
Heartbreaking! Didn't read all the posts but one thing that stood out was the fact that he has a girlfriend. Does he take all this crap out on his girlfriend or just you? Sorry this is happening to you.
I'm pretty sure he just takes it out on me. In the text messages I've read between the two (girlfriend and dh) he talks about how I'm crazy and he has to make sure the kids are safe with me! She writes him back all the supportive words that he loves to hear and that she misses him. To me he tells me things like he doesn't like the way I chew or that I've ruined a supper that I've made for everyone, that I live in a cocoon, telling me that he's been with me all day, so he needs a break and tells me he needs to go off to see his dad (not true...he goes to see her) and name calling (not swearing though). For almost a year now I've felt extremely battered by these words and statements, of course. I'm now starting to realize that it is his illness and it isn't me at all! There are times in the day or just some days where he is kind and loving toward me though...it's just weird.
I still say you need to protect yourself and your family. If you choose to stay there and see if it can work out, no one should speak against you. Just don't put blinders on. I would keep a journal. Jot down the date and time and the derogatory comments he has made, do this each time it happens. If he says he is going to his dad's and is gone an hour or more, call his dad. Say that you needed a gallon of milk/loaf of bread/etc. and you thought he might show up there. Then log it in the journal what time he left, where he said he was going and what time you called. If you find that someone has spoken to him and he told them things against you, jot it down. What he told them, their reaction, etc. I say this because it sounds like he is setting things up that if he leaves he can state you are crazy and others will back him up. He might even try to get the kids this way. You don't show this to ANYONE. This is only to use if you need protection in court. Tuck it away securely. The one thing that the psychiatrist told me about this condition. The good lord gave these people very high levels of IQ. They are compulsive thinkers - planners and tend to plot out things methodically. Again, I say protect yourself and your children.
The saddest part about this entire post is.....it's correct. If he is truely bipolar, in his mind he will plan things out as if in a daydream, but never plan on acting on them. And if the mood hits, he may end up acting on them almost un intentionally. You do need to protect yourself and your children and a journal is a good idea.
((((HUGS)))) I don't know if my dad is offically Bipolar, but he shows many signs of it. He is a very loving and caring father, but was very hard to live with. What made him smile on minute may make him mad 2 hrs. later. We never knew what the mood would be. But anyway...I just wanted to encourage you that if you do journal all the negitives (good idea IMHO) use it just for court reasons and don't read it at anytime. If you read over it you may become focused on it and read it and read it. This will cause you even more hurt and depression. I think, you need to stay focused on the positive, for every lie and hurtful thing you write in one journal you might want to write a positive thing about your husband in an other journal and read over all those positve things everytime you have to write something neg. Believe me, it helps live everyday life.
