We were gone from April 4th thru the 10th. We went north to LaConner where the tulip festival was happening. We stayed at a campground in a rented trailer. Many of my husband's family were there, so I went prepared. I made up some t-shirts for Braxton. There were three of them with different sayings on them. 1) I'm Not Naughty...I Have Autism 2)Don't B Rude...I Have Autism 3) I'm Autistic...What's Ur Problem? His family have been my biggest problems because of his birth father. They are always looking for Andy in Braxton. it just irritates me..GRRRRR...Anyway, I also made up business cards telling about Braxton's condition with the number of the American Autism Society number for information, plus the website for the National Shaken Baby Coalition. I want them & others to be educated. I passed out a lot of cards & will continue to do so. When we got home, I was talking on phone to my hubby's sister, who was also there. Then she had a bombshell for me. She calmly & carefully asked " Have you guys thought about putting Braxton in an institution." As I felt my blood boil, I asked her why? She said "Well, at the tulip festival, I heard he was hitting Paul in the back." Actually, he does more of a pawing than a hit...I let her no we would not even consider it & we take one day at a time. Little does this family know, they will NEVER see my son at one of their family function anymore. I have totally had it with them. I told her we were a 'normal' family & our son was part of us and we want people to know him for who he is, not who the sperm donor is...Paul's dad is one who I get into it with constantly. He just goes on & on with his rude comments. Then Paul's siblings say, "Oh just let it go. That's the way dad is. he says things about all the kids." I tell them "Not about my kids!" I just don't know how else to get through to them..Any ideas? Well, anyway, I did enjoy the tulips until the fragrance went into my sinus passages & caused major infection..But, this too shall pass.. Sarah
Wow Sarah, that's tough! I think you did a great thing with the shirts and cards---GOOD FOR YOU! We have some friends who have an autistic son. They love him dearly and do the same kinds of things to draw attention to the need for more research and to get the word out that these children are okay, kwim? I'm so sorry the family doesn't see it that way and wants to institutionalize him! You ARE doing what's best for him, and he will be waaaay better off for all you do! My son is adhd, and my sister told me I should have him medicated. We chose not to do that, and can handle him fine. It's not horrible, so we work with it. Your son is much happier with a mom who loves him so much! I wish I had some answers of what to do! I wish they could do some research themselves! I'll pray for you!
Sarah, I think you did a wonderful job at handly it. The t-shirt and cards that was great. I have a nephew just like yours and they are going the same thing. Going to tell them what you did. It might help the mother alittle. I will pray for them and hope they do some research.
Oh, Sarah! I use to teach special needs kids, and believe with all my heart that the more a parent works with them and treats them as "nomal" as possible, the better the child does. I think if someone suggest I institutionalize my child, I would have gone home and bawled my eyes out!!! I want to tell you the story of one of my former students. Stephen was a wonderful 1st grader with Cerebral Palsy. He is a "hemi"...partial paralysis on one side of his body. He walks with a limp, talks normally, and has some memory problems. I found him to be a complete joy (as was my whole class that year!) On conference day, his mom came in and said, "Stephen's my little vegetable." I was SHOCKED!!! I honestly didn't know what to say to her, because my initial reaction was to tell her off!!! Fortunately, I didn't, because she went on to explain. When Stephen was born, the doctor told her he would never be more than a vegetable. He would not be able to do ANYTHING...walk, talk, reason, know her, etc. The doctor suggested putting him into an institution from day one where he'd be "cared for" without being a "burden" to her. She refused. She loved her son, and wouldn't accept what the doctor said. And her son, while not a "normal" child, was a capable little guy with a future ahead of him. So when she said "That's my little vegetable", it was said with pride, defiantly proving to the medical world just how WRONG it is! So be encourage! Parents who refuse to accept "reality" can sometimes CHANGE that reality.
Jackie, I have to agree with you 100 percent. When my oldest was born they told me she wasn't going to make she had all these problems and if she did she would have lots a problems and be very small. well my dh's had I have tryed for years to have kids and I wasn't going to give up on this one. I fought them and loved her so much. Now she is 13 and towers over me by 8 inches. So, don't let people tell you anything about your child. You know best. Keep your head high Sarah you know your child more then anyone else and you know what he can and can't do.
Hi Deena I'm glad your friends do the same sort of things for the autistic child. People need to be educated. I have not experienced ADHD, but I have heard there are problems associated with it. One just never realizes what is really going on with a child or the poor parents. I am glad you chose not to medicate. I am concerned that our granddaughter whom we will be adopting may have ADD as both her parents do. I ma trying to learn a bit about it so I can be aware. Thanks for the prayers. Sarah
Kris.. Thank you. I bought the t-shirts & got fabric paint at WalMart. I was going to use stencils, but I found the free handing much more effective & I did the word Autistic & Autism in different colrs to make them stand out. I think for Christmas, I am going to send each family a little book about Braxton.. Sarah
Jackie.. The story of the little guy in your class really touched me. Thanks for sharing it. The doctors never thought Braxton would be able to walk, but at 14 months he did. He still doesn't peddle a trike, but he recently has learned to swing himself. Yesterday was a beautiful day. There are a lot of little kids next door. Braxton was in the back yard on his swing & watching the kids. I knew he wanted to play, but I have been too afraid to let him out of the yard. Well, he did manage to escape. I found him next door playing, joining in with them & having a blast. The 10 year old girl told me he was ok & she would make sure he got back home. I kept checking in on him & saw thewm also playing in the front yard. The yard is not fenced. I watched and saw he was just fine!..Three hours later, he came home. I took pics of him & the kids playing..He always surprises me...My goal is to work with him so he will be able to care for himself when I am gone. He puts away his clothes, does vacuuming, sweeping, puts clothes in laundry, takes out trash & other things. He wants to cook, but I just let him help. I too, refuse to believe he won't be able to care for himself. Thanks for the note. Sarah
Wow Kris! That is great. Now, you even have someone to get things down for you. At age 5, Braxton is a bit over 4' tall. It amazes me at how much the 'experts' think they know about a kid. All the book learning makes them more knowledgable than the parents. I have been going round & round with the school psychologist lately over how we handle Braxton when he gets out of line. We simply send him to the bathroom. We tell him in a firm voice "Go to the bathroom"..He goes in & comes out surprisingly with a differnet attitude. Anyway, he isn't toilet trained & we didn't want him confused. So, we use 'bathroom' for discipline & when we take him in to potty, we use 'potty' or 'toilet'..We ahve no problem getting him to sit & try to go. The 'expert' says we should send him to his room. I say "Why reward him?" We tried that & he just played. The expert said sending him into the bathroom will make him afraid to use toilet. I said <"Well, maybe he will be afraid to go to bed if I send him to his room" The 'expert' kept pushing me & finally I firmly said "Look, we will continue to discipline in our way. When it doesn't work, then we will find something else. We are the parents." He was quiet after that. lol Sarah
ABall...I showed hubby this thread. He has said things to them before, but after this, he realized what a serious problem it is. He si so mad at his sister for saying this. I think he too, isn't going to put up with it & get stronger about it. As it is, next year we are supposed to go on a cruise to Alaska with the family. His mom told me 'no kids'. I told her as long as we are paying our own way, they have no say. By the way, it was no kids for everyone as this cruise is for a 75th wedding anniversary. But I stood my ground & will continue to. I cannot think of leaving my kids for a week. I ahve a feeling we won't be going on that cruise & go to Indonesia instead
Sarah, you sound as if you're doing a GREAT job! It's wonderful that the other kids were willing to let him join in with their play. Not all children would do that. I could see my Rachael taking him under her wing like that and promising to make sure he got home OK. And good for you for standing up to the "experts"!!! Just how many of these "experts" are parents of a special needs child? Braxton sounds like a very blessed young man!
Sarah, It is sad and maddening that you have had to deal with such ignorance and rudeness from family members. If it were me, I would greatly reduce contact with them. I would really hate exposing my children to such bad treatment from relatives. Also, I would simply not go on a vacation that my children were not welcome on. If you go and take your children on that kind of vacation you can expect that they will not be treated like they are welcome, afterall, it has already been expressed that they are not. Having an all adult get together on occasion(like for a few hours) seems understandable, but I simply can't imagine telling family they must exclude their children who are still dependents from a week long vacation. That would simply be unthinkable to me. Sherry.
I agree with Sherry. I'd find a family thing to do! What would you do in Indonesia? You're doing a great job with your son! I hope your husband really sees the way things are, and is more firm with his family!
Sherry...This family has its fill of 'special needs' people. The problem as I see it is that none of them like bio father & he did some pretty horrible things. They seem to always be looking for him in Braxton. We are going to reduce contact with them. My dh knows I am serious about it. I told him I had no problem with him going to gatherings, but it would be without the children & I. I doubt he'll go either, but I do not want him to alienate himself from his family & me be the cause or pressure. All of dh's siblings kids are raised & that is most likely why 'no kids' was in it. They may have been [planning this cruise before Braxton came. I am not sure. But his mom acted like it should be no reason why I can't leave for a week (after all, someday you'll be gone). I sure wouldn't enjoy the cruise so why waste the money? I am not going.
Deena... My dh has a friend from internet in Indonesia. We have met his wife & kids via web cam. They send us gifts & call here sometimes. They live in Jacarta & thought it'ld be fun to go there. Sarah
Welcome back, Sarah! I'm sorry the trip was so stressful. I hope as time goes by your husband's family can detach their feelings about Braxton's bio dad from their expectations of Braxton himself and that they can learn to love him for who he is. That's so sad. Indonesia sounds like fun! I had a Compassion child there, but he aged out of their program this spring. (I started sponsoring him when he was 6 and now he is 20.) It would be wonderful to actually get to meet him. ~ Marylyn
I hope so Marilyn.. Why don't you go with us & meet him? Did you get my email I had sent you in answer to yours? Sarah
Wouldn't that be fun? We couldn't afford it, though. I did get your e-mail, yes. Didn't I answer it?? This last week was SO busy! I'm sorry. My younger daughter is being evaluated by the school district tomorrow. She is aging out of the state ECI program when she turns 3 in June (on Jackie's birthday!), so the school district will pick up her services after that. I am expecting them to recommend that she go into their 3 year old program. If it is a half day program we will probably do it. I'm hoping it's half day and only 3 days a week, but that's probably too much to ask. ~ Marylyn
Not only is it MY birthday, but it is also Marylyn's littlest sibling Sarah's birthday. I was Sarah's camp counselor at Judson Hills, and she's gotten VERY UPPITY lately! Thinks she can just run off and get married and have kids!!! IMAGINE!!! I keep telling her that NOONE I had at camp will EVER be old enough to get married OR have kids!!! LOL!
