I know I'm new here, and I don't know how any of you will react to this, yet I feel like this is the exact place I need to post this. I'm not married, and I'm pregnant, but I want to go back to my church. The father's an illegal immigrant, and up until very recently I had no idea we could get married in the US, but apparently we can. I didn't want to go to Mexico and break a law that could have him banned from the US for 10 years upon returning, and staying in Mexico isn't an option. We're currently filing for his papers with the help of an attorney and he is the one who told us we could get married here. I want to go back to my church because I want my pastor to marry us =/ I respect him a great deal, but after leaving the church years ago due to a move, I've been hesitant to return. I'm not sure what has made me hesitate, but now I feel like I NEED to go back. But at the same time, I'm worried they will look down on us for our child. I need advice from other Christians.
We had a homosexual woman attending our church for a while. She is a fairly new Christian, but was raised in the church (her dad was a Baptist preacher). She left about a year ago. Well, this past week, Chris showed up again. EVERYONE was coming up to her to welcome her back. She has been missed, and we were glad to have her back. No, we do not approve of her lifestyle, and she knows that. But she is still welcome. No matter how many times she decides to leave or for whatever reason, we will welcome her back.
Go back. You left because you moved. Stuff happens. Now you're back. If these people never heard of the Prodigal Son, it's time they heard and learned something from it. Go see your pastor first, one day during the week, rather than just show up for services. Talk with him about getting married. He may want you and the guy to live separately for a little while before marrying you two. This is a normal request. Discuss with him about your circumstances, and about returning for Sunday services. He can give you a heads-up about what you might expect from the parishoners. I wish you well!
If your church is worth attending, which I assume it is based on your desire to go back, they will be welcoming. Call the pastor ahead of time, explain the situation, and ask his honest opinion of how you will be treated. He should have a good idea of what sort of parishioners attend currently and how they will react to you. I will be praying for you and your situation. I personally know how hard it is to fear being shunned or treated poorly due to a pre-marital pregnancy. Our oldest son was the ring-bearer in our wedding There were Christians who were horribly rude to me. But there were Christians who were wonderfully loving, too.
Bah, I hope not. Living apart would kill me, and be a financial burden that we can't afford right now. I know my pastor himself would be accepting. He offered to marry my ex-best friend, who I attended with, when she got pregnant. She didn't accept, and never did end up married, but the fact that she is no longer my best friend indicates what kind of person she became anyway...But I know he would offer the same, which is what I want. however, I am very concerned about certain members who have seen me since I've been back and have had not so great reactions...It was only a few but they seemed disappointed, and disappointment, in my eyes, is much worse than anger. I think I will have to see the pastor. It has weighed so heavily on me for so long that I can't really imagine it getting any better unless I see him. The church is definitely worth going back to. I know that they are loving, caring people for the most part.
Oh my! I could have written that! When I called my mom to tell her I was expecting, she said, "Um. I'll have to call you back." Then she hung up. She wasn't angry. She sounded so disappointed. It about killed me. I wanted her to yell at me and tell me how awful I was. The sound of heartbreak in her voice was unbearable. And it took her two days to call back. By then she had worked out her own feelings and was totally supportive, but those two days were agony for me (and probably for her). The truth is, you're going to have to deal with the consequences of your choices. And sometimes those consequences are going to be unpleasantness from those around you. Yeah, it sucks. Plain and simple. But the fact that God is pulling you to this church (ok, that's presumptuous of me, but that's what it seems like) means your life will be better if you go.
Living apart may be a financial burden, but it won't kill you. Explain that to the pastor - maybe he'll know of a solution to this difficulty. But living apart for a short time MIGHT (or might not) be required.
We had a very similar situation at our church. What happened? - The pregnant mom was embraced by all, and several of the older moms helped her through. - There was a baby shower that was a big success and attended by many. - One young family offered up their home so the pregnant mom had somewhere better to stay. Honestly, I can't think of one person who looked down on her or made her feel unwelcome. Genuinely, everyone saw it as an opportunity to help. I'm sure that, if you follow your plan, you'll face nothing but smiles and welcome - and practical help.
Trust me, it feels that way to me too. It was not a building up, or anything, it was a sudden realization that I needed to go back. I can't really think of a bigger sign than that. I would have gone back that day, but then I looked at my obviously pregnant belly and it hit me that I might not be accepted... I'm beginning to think, by your responses, that the fear is just another little deterrent, like an "I'm too busy." I think I will go Sunday morning between services and talk to my pastor. Thank you so much for your advice and support.
Yes. Now understand that there ARE churches that would look seriously down on you. And if you find that the case, I would suggest you find one that won't. Find one that, while not accepting sin, are willing to show love and acceptance to people regardless.
Go. You know, no one is without sin, it's just people can see yours is all. I don't know why some Christians act as if sexual sins (homesexuality, premarital sex, etc) are the only sins there are! Grates on my last nerve! Just keep in mind, every person in that church is a sinner just like you and me!!
I was 16 and unmarried when I had my first child. My church was incredibly supportive. Yes, there were some who thought I should be more "ashamed" of my situation. But the pastor himself said that when Jesus dined with tax collectors and adulterers, the reaction was the same. There will always be those who judge. Are you going to let them determine your spiritual growth and that of your child? If God is calling you back, who are they to argue with God? You will never regret going back. you will regret staying home!
Thinking about you and praying you will find the courage to take the first step back to church tomorrow. God bless. Beth
I talked to my pastor yesterday! And by that smile I'm sure you can guess...It was a positive experience. They had a special prayer for us after the 11am service, and welcomed us with open arms. Most of them were just saying they were so happy to see me again, and they asked how far along I was, and seemed excited for the baby. After explaining what was going on, he told me he would definitely marry us and that we would have to get together to set a date. I don't know if it will be before or after the baby is born, since I don't know if I can get everything worked out in less than 8 weeks. I'm so glad I went. I feel that the weight on me that was pressuring me to go back is gone, and my heart is light again Thank you so much for the encouragement and support.
