That's insane. It's our JOB to teach our children to be productive adults. That training starts from day 1. Not teaching them is shirking our responsibility!! That leads to adults who can do nothing for themselves and think everyone owes them something! UGH!!
That's craziness. My girls are both mildly autistic, so they are a little behind in their self-help skills, but I let/make them do as much as they can for themselves - within reason, of course. They choose their own clothes, and I only help if they ask me to, or if they come out wearing a plaid purple shirt and flowered orange pants. :lol: They have to ask for snacks (except for fresh fruit or veggies.. those are "on tap" anytime), but if the snacks are in reach, they can get it for themselves. They can't cut hard cheese by themselves, but they can sure go get it and bring me the (butter, not sharp) knife. They know what movies and tv channels they are allowed to watch, so they can turn those on by themselves. They have their own folders and bookmarks on the computers, and they can turn the computer on and play with those. If they pass our set boundaries, then they lose their privileges. They are 9 and 7, so they are perfectly capable of understanding where those boundaries are. And they are also learning that when they have privileges, they also have responsibilities. They can take every single toy out of their toy boxes every afternoon if they want to, but they have to clean their room every morning - and I don't help them with that. I do have to stand over them some days and nag/cajole/growl, but they pick up the toys and put them away. Am I a lazy mom? Well, sometimes. :lol: But I'm teaching them to take care of themselves, which is part of my job. I'm not going to be doing their laundry or choosing their clothes or cutting their meat when they are in college, so I need to teach them those skills while they are still here.
Gulp....I do that too...must mean I am a lazy parent. It doesn't happen every day, but there are definately days where I am so tired and the kids get my 19mo out of bed when she wakes up and get her ready for the day...in fact most mornings when they do that they also put her in her highchair and feed her breakfast.
I have thought about this a lot today, didn't have anything else to think about, LOL. But anyway, I think this parent might be the lazy one. Often parents who think this way, are to lazy to teach their children how to do things right, and it is just easier for the parent to do it then take the time to teach the child. Now that's lazy, IMHO Wow, to have thought about it all day, I didn't put it into words very good. Sorry.
I agree. It is much harder to help a child do something then to just do it yourself although the long term benefit is that you have less to do. Typically the easy thing is classified as being lazy now at the expense of the future not the other way around.
Ooooooooooooooh, Amie! I'm seriously LOL'ing here. I haven't read all of the responses, but it sounds like your "friends" are doing their children a terrible injustice. THIS is why we have kids going off to college who have no. freaking. clue. how to do anything on their own. They pay to have their clothes washed at a dry cleaner, or (yes, I've actually SEEN this one happen with my OWN EYES), they'll bring/buy enough clothes to last all semester, and then carry a truckload of laundry home at xmas to have mom wash it for them. REALLY?! How totally insane is that?! FOR THE RECORD... my 4 year old can: Sort all the laundry with little help from me Put his own dishes in the dishwasher (my 1 year old even dumps his plate in the trash and then tosses it into the sink because he's too short) Get a drink from the fridge Follow several instructions in order when given to him all at once Call 911 (only when necessary...we've only pretended) Use the remote (usually, it's a funky universal one with a screen and a million buttons, so even I get confused) Get dressed from head to toe with NO help from me when I say "Ok...! Time for everyone to get dressed...!" And a million other things that don't come to mind right now. My son is *so* abused. :roll::lol:
I never realized how little I was allowed (forced?) to do as a child until I actually had a house to run. My husband taught me to mop. No joke, and I know how sad that is. I simply had never done it. My mother, who I love dearly, didn't have the patience to wait for me to learn. She was a very good housekeeper, and things got done - but not by me. After six years of marriage I can clean house all by myself, but my children - little though they may be - are learning to help. I don't want them to grow up and be as I confused as I was the first time I tried to mop by myself! I was, however, allowed to get a drink all by myself
My mom had NO CLUE how to do anything when she got married. I've heard so many horror stories about ways she nearly burned down the house. :lol:
This whole topic is funny to me! I was raised never being allowed to do anything, never having chores, even asking for them but not being allowed. Now my mother is beside herself when my children take their dishes to the sink and clean the table or put their laundry away. Anything my kids can do by themselves they do for themselves. I cook for my family, I clean for my family (bathrooms, floors, dusting), I wash clothes for my family and anything beyond that is their responsibility. My oldest (dd14) is at high school and dance all day but she has to keep her room clean, put her laundry away, do dishes, take care of her puppy, mow the lawn, etc. My youngest who is homeschooled(dd7) takes care of her puppy, puts her laundry away, cleans her room, makes her bed, wipes down her bathroom counter, helps do yard work, cleans her own dishes to the sink, pours her own drinks, chooses her own clothes since she was 2, and does anything else I ask. It is doing the child a disservice to do everything for them . they will grow up knowing nothing!
I still to this day can not iron, well I can but just one shirt takes me forever to do and hubby gets frustrated with me so he takes it and does it himself (he learned in the military). DH cannot cook, his mother wasn't much of a cook and didn't have the patience to teach, I am teaching hubby to cook because he really wants to learn. Growing up I took care of the animals, vaccuumed, swept, mopped, did the wash, dusted, washed dishes, and cut grass. Mom never thought I needed to learn to iron, she felt it was a waste of time though she would iron daddy's clothes. I am teaching my boys to do all that I do, and hubby will teach them to iron because I want them to be able to live on their own and take care of themselves! I do not want them to rely on me or their future wives for everything.
I wasn't given chores as a child. I remember helping control freak mom fold washcloths and towels and it was never good enough so eventually I quit helping. mom was an excellent cook and baker, but again, control freak, I stayed out of the kitchen. etc. etc. I'm slowly re-raising myself and learning all the things I feel should have been taught to me. One of my biggest reasons for being a fan of homeschooling is that by doing so I'll have the opportunity and time to get the kids involved in care of the home. So, IMO, you're a good mom for letting/teaching/encouraging self-reliance. From reading your lists of what your 4 y/o's can do, it's apparent I need to push my 4 y/o a little more. He's good, but not THAT good...
This is us to a TEE! Word for word, exactly. I am also amazed how many people I know who do not make their children pick up after themselves. :shock: If there are other kids over at our house I always make the same comment before they leave..."Is there anything you need to help put away before you leave?", so people take a hint. Luckily most of our friends have the same rules as we do, but there are a few I wonder about. And FWIW...my now 8 year old was playing on the computer by the time he was 3. Supervised, but he could do things with that computer that I didn't even know about! :lol: I should add that I do 'sometimes' pick out both my sons clothes (3 and 8). It depends on where we are going. If we are going out in public, I at least want them to match and look decent. I usually tell my oldest to pick out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt he wants to wear. If it's for church I usually lay them out for him because if he had his way he'd wear comfy (sweat or running) pants. lol My youngest LOVES to get himself dressed and pick out his clothes. If we aren't going anywhere I just let him wear what he picks out, but if we are going out of the house I at least make sure he looks presentable and may have to just change his shirt or pants so he matches. Independence is important to teach them. Isn't that one reason we are here for anyways? To raise them how to take care of themselves?
Oh yes sometimes I have to pick out my dd7's clothes too. She has been choosing her own clothes since she was 2 but sometimes when we go out to eat or someplace nice and she comes out with a polk a dot skirt and stipped top saying "but they're both purple! they match!" I have to put my foot down and find something myself.
