This is my first year hs. We began our year at the end of May my oldest is in K. So far the year is going well. It is not without its challanges but going well. But recently my dad passed away 08/22/10 to be specific. I am the only child, my parents were divorced and my dad never remarried. Also dad lived 5 hours away. So now my life has become a little more complicated. Anyway I have so much on me dealing with the loss of my dad and all that comes with it. Being a wife, mom and the added role now hs mom. Hubby generally works a lot of hours during the week. He is the bread winner so I have to deal with the schedule he has. Anyway long story short I generally vent to hubby when he comes home and today he tells me that he thinks I should put the kids in public school so that I can reduce my stress level. :shock: I think the emoticons speak for themselves. I was not expecting him to say that in a millon years. So now I am feeling that I cant be free to share whats on my mind because I dont want to add wood to his fire. I don't know what to do or say. He told me yesterday that we will need to evaluate our hs situation at the end of the year to see if the added stress on me is worth the time and stress on our marriage :shock: help!
I am very sorry about your dad. The suggestion that your husband made, may just be that he sees how stressed out you are right now, and he doesn't know how to help. My husband has given me a couple of shocking responses over the years, and after talking about it, it all came down to his concern for me. I think that sometimes when they don't know how to fix things, it just comes out wrong. Hope this helps a little. :-(
Well, I don't know your hubby so it's hard to offer advice. Is he normally a deal with it yourself kind of man. Perhaps he is feeling the stress of work himself? I know this is my first year hsing also and I have had some doozey days where I need to vent to hubby. I even have called him at work and complained. His stress goes up when mine does so he doesn't like when I am stressed because it crosses over to him. Perhaps your hubby is feeling the same way. And perhaps your venting is being taken out of the context you meant it in. Of course at the end of the year you should evaluate overall how the year went. But don't jump ship at the first storm cloud Hang in there and you have come to the right site to vent. So feel free to blast us with your frustrations as we all get it. Ohhh three boys I just looked up and noticed that. And you say the oldest is only in K...well who wouldn't be frustrated Those preschool years are really hard. And I have one boy and he gives me enough angst Let yourself relax. It's just Kindergarten and you are just getting your toes wet and theirs also. The kids need to learn the routine as much as you do. Take your time. Vent here when necessary. And let hubby know that it's not homeschooling so much as needing a strong shoulder to lean on
I SO get what you mean. what we as wives have to understand is that a man is programmed to "fix it" when something is wrong, not just listen sympathetically. What we say:honey, I have a problem, can we talk? what he hears: I can't handle it, you fix it. this is not a criticism, I love that my dh is a take charge kind of guy. This is just how men and women are different. Deep down, our guys just want to take care of their families and this is how they do it. they fix stuff! No, it's not always exactly what we need, but it's what they know to do. That's why we have friends(and forums LOL), so we can vent safely! reassure your hubby that you are committed to hsing and that life just has a way of throwing us for a loop but you will be fine. then come here to let off some steam! and please accept my condolences on the loss of your dad.
My dh and I have gone the rounds with me venting and him telling me how frustrated he is when I vent to him. He would never in a million years tell me to put the kids in school though because of our convictions. The only advice I can give you is what has helped me. When your dh gets home DO NOT VENT TO HIM! Also, DO NOT call him at work to vent!!! It took me a looooooong time to figure both those things out. I finally figured out that when I really need to vent I either 1) call my mom or 2) wait until after the kids are in bed to vent to my dh. That way he has had time to unwind and relax before he feels bombarded with "problems". This has made a world of difference.
I agree with Leissa. Husbands do that. You want to share your feelings, because talking about it can help. He wants to fix the problem, because he loves you. Share your feelings with him, but consider how you want to present them to him first. Maybe you can ask him specifically for things he can do that will be helpful so he can feel like he can help you... "Honey, I've been feeling ____ and was thinking we/you could ______." or... "Today has been rough. I know this isn't going to last forever, but could we just cuddle for a while? It makes me feel better to be next to you."
I agree, that men really are the "fixers". When I ent to my DH he takes that as a cue to fix whatever the problem is. What we say:honey, I have a problem, can we talk? what he hears: I can't handle it, you fix it. Exactly. They think we're telling them for a reason. For most/some of us (I know it's true for me) sometimes we just need to TALK about it and it becomes much easier to deal with and to accept and think about the situation with a clear head. They don't see that. They really want to ease our stress, and make us happy, so they try and fiv our problems, and sometimes the way they do it is a little gruff/rough
I agree with the others. Husbands want to fix things. Sometimes my dh will tell me while quite exasperated "what do you want me to do?" I tell him that I don't want him to do anything - just listen. Anyway, were you able to take any time off from schooling since your father's death? You started the school year early and your children are young. Take a month or two off and then get back on track.
Husbands are the worst when you just want to VENT. LoL. my husband has asked me "well do u jus want to put him in public school?" well i know when it comes down to it, my husband would never want that and he's normally just saying it to try & offer a helpful (uh not so helpful) suggestion. Sometimes I just want to talk to him about it all. But I agree with something a PP said... don't call him & vent at work & give him a few hrs after he gets home from work to talk to him about it. That will allow him not to feel so much stress about the situation. That's something I have to work on in myself cuz I'm the worst about venting to my husband at all the wrong times
I agree with the idea of taking some time off of school. Maybe you could take this time to just do the fun parts of school. Have story time, crafts, board game time, and etc. When things have settled down and you have had time to grieve you can jump back into your normal routine.
I agree with the others hubbys want to fix the problem, not listen to us vent about it. My hubby, knows PS isn't an option, and he doesn't want it to be, but still I try not to vent too much about our schooling stuff because I don't want him to be thinking that it's a bad idea.
Thanks guys hubby and I had a talk last night. I did tell him that I will no longer be discussing certain things with him. He did not like that. But it is the best thing to do because the way each of us go about resolving our problems is completly different. I generally don't call him to vent at work. And I told him yesterday that I know when he listens to me his first response is to fix it. I also told him public school will not reduce my stress but a maid will help or a few hours to myself consistently would be nice.
Well I think you need to take a break and grief then get back to school. First of all they are young and it wouldn't take much to get back into and get caught up on things. Second, you need to talk to dh and let him know you just need someone to talk to and you knew he was the best person for that. No you don't want to sent the kids back to school you just need to vent, everyone vents no matter what job they do. Sorry for lost. I hope things get better soon. Do take a break.
