I don't know what to do with ds12. I've posted about him before. I feel that he's very intelligent, but he doesn't seem to apply himself AT ALL in school. He's working on his 2nd year going through his Delta MUS book. He's on lesson 20 now. But TWO years!!?? It's like he doesn't care at all about anything that he's learning. I've tried to find something that would interest him and go with that, but even then he has an attitude. He tells me all the time that he doesn't care about school and doesn't want to learn. His dad sat down with him and made him read a book and tell him what he read because he supposedly can't remember ANYTHING he just read. He was able to do it then but the next time Dad did this he acted the same way that he does with me.. Can't remember. Even if I read something to him and ask him to narrate back to me he says "I can't remember".. I SERIOUSLY don't think he has a learning issue.. But then again, I have to wonder how someone can "not remember" how to do ANY of their school work. When I give him his math assignments, he grumbles over them and then says "I'm just going to get them wrong anyway". He does this with ALL his assignments. And I'm SICK of it.. I don't feel like I'm getting ANYWHERE with this kid. He's emotionally draining me. I'm stressing out all the time over what I could be doing to cause this or how I can "fix" this problem.. During school he causes all sorts of problems. He gets up and down from the table constantly. I have given them all the freedom to get something to drink or snack on durning school, but he takes it to the extreme being up from the table more than he's there his doing his work. So, he's lost that freedom. The other day, when I was doing my dd6 AAS lesson, he was throwing pencils and erasers at the other kids who were trying to do their work. One of the pencils came flying at lightening speed into the other room where I was. Making a HUGE thump on the wall. Total chaos. It's this stuff every day during school. We NEVER have a day that he is totally focused on his work. And if the others are, he does all he can to break that focus.. This is only during school. He doesn't act this way when we aren't doing our lessons.. It's not like I allow this behavior. I hand out some harsh punishments when the kids act out this way. But with ds12, he could care less and is right back doing this same crud then next day. I'm hoping that someone here can give me some insight on what I need to do. I am considering placing him back in school. My husband says that if he goes back they all go back. He doesn't want him singled out.. The others are excelling in their schoolwork so I don't want to send them back. And they don't want to go back. The fact that we are dealing with this has caused me to have a lot of anger towards my son. And I don't want that. I love this kid, but I'm SO very frustrated right now.. Thanks for listening to my vent. Any advice is appreciated. Angela
IMO this sounds more like a behavioral issue. I think if he chooses to behave this way then he absolutely should be singled out. Not saying that PS is the right way or wrong way to go but he absolutely should receive consequences for misbehaving.
Also, have you always HSd him? Could it be that he wants to go to PS? Have you asked him why he behaves this way? Is it only during school?
I have found, my ds 13 will play the "attitude game" with me occasionaly I think that is what it sounds like your 12 yr old is doing. We can struggle trying to 'fix' what is not broken or we can buckle down and tighten on our school rules. I had a sign up in my room for years I got the idea from Kris I think... "the more you Whine the more work Time!" I would add on more for the work he complained about. Even now he loves MUS for the video part but complains when he has to do the work, but he would not have it anyother way! We did SOS last year and he was getting A on everything but still complained that it was too hard. It is an attitude thing for the age and fact he is a boy at this age for the most part. I have an older son who went through this and I rode the roller coaster with him, lol, I choose not to ride this time! I am taking the control levers and allowing him to ride it alone while I stand there at the side with a 'barf bag' for when he gets too overemotional over his school> thinks get taken away, time for fun gets cut and time for more work is lengthened. My son is really good at math, but we did not realise this until we used Horizon MAth, in grade school. Unfortunately they do not go past 6th grade. I would suggest trying something different for his math for a while -- dd took 2 years for Alg 1 with Life Paks, so it can happen! She went on to graduate early and is in college now so its not because she could not learn it but she had her own attitudes to deal with. Remind daily ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING !
I would talk to my dh and not view this as a punishment. I would look into the local school and see all the benefits that my son could get at the middle school level (sports, electives, clubs...). I would make sure that it didn't seem done in a moment of anger. I would talk with my husband about how beneficial hs'ing is to the youngers and that this way your ds gets something of his own. A lot of times acting out is a way for attention. The oldest often does this b/c the youngers do get more attention and probably need more one on one time right now. I would make this all about him. I would make it about giving him something of his own. He gets to go to school and show how well he can do, how mature he can be, try out for sports, clubs...take a certain class. I would make it a positive thing. I would not make going to school a punishment, but more of a lets spread our wings and see how you do in a school environment now. I would approach it this way with my dh as well. That maybe this is just the time for your ds to go to school. It isn't a bad thing. It could be a really good thing for you and your family.
Oh Angela (((((hugs))))) first. I could type this same thing about my 13 yo ds, sad to say, but for 3 yrs. now. This year is much better however, but still having many of the same problems. He is like this in many areas of his life. He does the same thing wrong time after time like he never learns from the consquences. Anyway, I just read this idea in a "Christian" book on Heart Issues, and I believe that that is what it is and I tried the idea with him cleaning his room. And after living like a pig for as long as I can remember, he has kept his room clean for over a month now. Here is what I did and I am about to try it on school issues too. I told him to get a piece of paper and fold it in half long ways. One one side of the paper he had to write down why he should clean his room and keep it clean and on the other side he had to write why it didn't matter if his room was a complete mess or beyond. I don't know, but it's seems to have solved the problem, I don't know what else it would have been. It was like he saw the reasons in his own eyes and not mom or dad's. I hope that makes sense. HTH. And for what it is worth, I agree with J&C's mom he should be singled out. I don't think PS is the answer, but that is JMHO.
How are you punishing him? Maybe more priviledges need to be taken away or for longer periods of time. Maybe you could tell him that he has to re-do everything that he makes less than 70% and if he needs to he will have to work on Saturday while everyone else is enjoying a free day. I would definetely not let him watch TV or play video games until he does his work with an appropriate level of effort.
This is what we did in our house and it works wonders. My boys love anything electronic...so they know that until all their work is done for the day (including making all corrections for missed questions, which keeps them from rushing through everything plus daily reading), they don't get to use any of it (computer, video games, tv, mp3, etc.) They begin their work first thing in the morning. I never have to keep on them about finishing their work, because they know that the sooner they finish (with all correct answers), the sooner they get to have fun.
The thing I am noticing most about the tone of this post and other posts is that your are getting more angry with your son. This is not good for him or you. Your relationship is strained. That is why I don't think it is the end of the world if you put him in ps for a bit. I would do what I wrote earlier and make it a positive thing and not a negative thing. You need to think how his behavior is impacting your family dynamics and relationships. I don't think it is singling a child out if that is what they need to succeed.
There's something about that 12/13 age! I think all 11yo should be hung on a hook in the closet and fed through a slot until they turn 18! LOL! >JK, of course!< But seriously, while I was reading your post, I kept thinking that if he complains about how he can't remember anything, it's too hard, etc., then maybe present him with the same page of math facts/problems (English sentences, science passage and questions, history passage and questions) day after day after day, until he finally gets the point and does it in a heartbeat. And remembers it. And no electronics or other privileges until he does. When he complains about seeing it for the third day in a row, remind him that he said he couldn't remember it, so he must need to repeat it until he can remember it. Personally, I think there's something to Dr. Phil's "strip his room" philosophy...and this is similar.
Several thoughts. Learning how to learn is a learning process. Perhaps your son does not remember things because he does not know how or what he needs to remember from all the words he just read. My son has trouble retelling a story. If the story floats around in his brain for a day or two, he does better. He also sounds unmotivated to learn and do his work. Perhaps if there is some sort of reward for doing his work. Your husband gets rewarded for working--a paycheck. The learning styles do not seem to fit him. Yes, there are times we have to do stuff even if we don't want to. Hopefully we don't ALWAYS have to do things that we don't want to. Perhaps if you can figure out his learning style, you can mix up his school work to fit his learning style. If your son enjoys the outdoors, perhaps some of his learning can be outdoors and about the outdoors as in survival skills. It also sounds like a behavioural issue, but more than just acting up. If you can figure out the other nonbehavioural issues, then the bahavioural issues may take care of themselves. God gave us parents challenging/difficult children to keep us humble.
I like this idea. I'm using it. We do this to some extent, but I think it needs to be done consistantly. Maybe then he would get the idea. I had him read his literature book today and asked him what he remembered. " nothing" was his reply. I told him to reread it and after EVERY sentence tell me what the most important thing was. He magically remembered what he read and didn't have to reread.. :shock: Hummmmmmmm...... I gave him a TON of praise. His attitude got better afterwards.. I think that we are both angry with each other and this can't continue. Thanks, everyone for your insight. I appreciate you all more than I can say.. God Bless, Angela
My ds14 did this for several years. He went to ps for 6th and 7th grade while we built our house and desparately asked to homeschool again after that. His 8th grade year hs'ing was spent doing exactly as your son seems to be doing. I grieved over his seemingly lost potential. I agonized over the character lessons I seemed to have failed at teaching him. Then, miraculously (and I don't use that word lightly), ds14 started this school year as a mature young man. He told us that he was sorry for how he had acted in the past and stated that he wanted to be treated like a mature young man and that he decided it was time to act like one. Thank you, Lord!!! We just kept loving him--even when we were angry at each other--until we were all broken down and desparate for change. We had to learn to encourage his heart and offer him hope that we were ready and eager to give him more freedom and choices if he would handle them correctly. I never realized before that all I ever did was condemn ds and he felt like any effort was pointless on his part because he couldn't please me. He never realized that we really did want him to become more independent and free (middle school aged kids have something screwy in the brain :lol: ). It was a very hard time in our home, but we got through it. Not sure if ps is the way to go for your family....ours accidentally reaped the benefit of ds attending for two years. Ds realized just how much he appreciated hs'ing in a way that he never would have realized without going to ps for a time.
