I think the title say's it all. I am looking for the pro's and con's of co-sleeping. My children love to be in our bed. It get's a little squished. I love it my dh not so much. :angel: Do they make a "family" sized bed
When our little ones were babies, we had no problem with this. As they moved into their own bed, though, we were reluctant to allow it because it can soon become a habit. When scared, then maybe, but otherwise no.
I don't know the pros and cons. I think it is different for every family. I know in this home, the rule for 18 yrs. now has been, only 2 people in bed at a time. This has always worked for us for many reasons, and if we could go back and change it, we wouldn't. I always like choices like that, you know the ones you wouldn't change if you could.
I agree, it's what works for your family (as long as you practice it safely). It also depends on the child. Our first was such a poor sleeper we came down to one rule: baby can sleep wherever baby WILL sleep. I *wish* he would have slept in our bed. We never had a problem getting them to move out of our bed - but each either moved into bed with a sibling or into another room with siblings, so that probably helped a lot. It was never an issue for us in terms of space (we have a king sized bed, which helps A LOT). And it *never* prevented my DH & I from having an intimate relationship. I never understand the comments from people who think co-sleeping will prevent a husband and wife from finding ways to be alone together. Where do they think all the younger siblings come from?
I do have a friend that has a large family and they let the youngest sleep in bed with them until the next one is born, and then that one sleep with her and her dh and the other one moves to their own bed. She has talked to me about this causing trouble with one of them not feeling loved anymore or as important when the baby came around. To me that would be a con.
My son will be 4 next month. We have co-slept since day one. Actually day 2. The nurses brought him in from nicu (was a c-sect under GA) because they could not console him. He nursed adn slept in the bed with me there. The3 remaining days he slept there. He never slept in his beautiful crib we bought (other than occ nap). It made nursing so much easier....as I nursed until he was 2.5y As a babe we had an arms reach co-sleeper attached to the bed. For a while before we moved we had a futon bed pushed up against our queen....then when we moved we bought a King futon. Sometimes hubby will sleep in our guest bed...he tends to be up all night so rather than disturb us he sleeps there.
I am a member of a large group of local women who, among other things, are ardent co-sleepers. They tend to put multiple beds together (often on the floor) to make room for everyone. Often they'll add 2x4s or something else to the box springs to fasten them together (because moving apart during the night can be dangerous).
I think it's a personal choice. No one can tell you are wrong for co-sleeping or not. Sounds to me like the real issue is the disparity in how you and your dh feel about it. Maybe your dh would agree to friday night sleepovers... of course this depends on the age of your kids. If they are too young it may confuse them or cause issues if you allow it one night but not all nights. I'm not sure.
I agree with Ava, it IS a personal choice, and nobody can tell yuo that you "can't" co-sleep. I think a decision needs to be made by both you and your DH because the last thing you want is friction because of an issue like that. I am actually opposite of most, I think. I absolutally will NOT let my babies sleep with me or DH. Even sleeping in a chair with them is a no-no to me. We've known several families who have lost children due to suffocation by sleeping with them. Purely accidental, and I'm not saying that Co-Sleeping leads to this at all. I will let our older kids sleep with us if they want to starting at 1 year of age. Again, personal preference. :/ Edited to add: There are different types of co-sleepers oout there to choose from, however! Just choose one that works best for you!
Sorry ladies! I am way too possesive of my personal space and privacy! I absolutely do not allow kids in my bed. I also feel like independent sleepers are healthier emotionally and less likely to suffer from separation anxiety and the cling-yness that I've seen come from sleeping with mommy. I've seen moms become a little resentful of their sleeping situations because kids couldn't sleep alone even as old as age 8! These moms had trained their kids(unintentionally) to be afraid of being alone and now they never get a good nights sleep in their own bed. Maybe I'm a mean mom,but nothing irritates me more than clingy kids. Okay,I'm ready...start the tomato throwing.
I won't be throwing any. :lol: I see how co-sleeping would be helpful for breastfeeding, but we didn't co-sleep (totally NOT my thing at all), and for medical reasons, I wasn't able to BF either of my children. It just wasn't an option at all, so I try not to beat myself up over it.
Don't waste time over things like this. I breastfed 3 out of 4. My son just would not adapt. I felt guilty about it but that is a waste of time. He is smart and healthy. In fact he is one of my healthier kids...and could be the smartest...not in common things though..he is a ditz. lol I dabbled in co-sleeping. I did it with each one for a while and then stopped. I enjoy it on one hand but not on the other. It was best for me to not co-sleep after they slept all night or only for nightmares because I really only liked it when I liked it and that's not fair to a kid. lol.
We are not co-sleepers in general. But I'm not against it if it's what works for your family. I think that there are studies on both sides of the fence. I mean, really, how reliable are studies sometimes, right? I think a kid is going to be clingy if a kid is going to be clingy....I'm not sure that co-sleeping would HELP or HURT that kid...I personally, love cuddly kids, but I hate being cuddled with when trying to sleep. Actually, my husband and I have a king-sized bed and we rarely cross over midline while sleeping! LOL We have friends who have 6 kids (well, just had their 6th), they are sweet, independent, smart, non-clingy kids. And they co-sleep from birth. The oldest two have moved out of the family bed into their own rooms on their own - not by prompting of parents. So, for them, it obviously works. My kids are FIERCELY independent and have been since birth. I've never had clingy kids. Now...I don't think that's because we didn't co-sleep, I just think it's their personalities. They actually seem more clingy now that they're older! LOL But they've ALWAYS loved to cuddle and be held...even my almost 11 year old will still cuddle on the couch with me most days. I don't know. No tomatoes for either side for me. I think if it works for you, and you and hubby are in agreement, then go for it. I, too, would be concerned with not being in agreement. Someone will need to compromise without being resentful.
I don't think this makes you "mean" at all. I enjoy my space and privacy with my DH, and that is one of the main reasons for the only 2 in a bed at a time rule!
I like my privacy as well. I would go nuts if I slept with my kids. It is very confining. Just not for me. I enjoyed it when they were babies...but not every night. I just couldn't be a co-sleeping parent. I dont' even go to bed at the same time as my kids.
For the families I know who do it, one parent seems to be on-board with the idea, one isn’t…and it seems to be some source of tension. To my mind, co-sleeping is something to which both parents need to agree. Here are the drawbacks for our family: 1. There are a couple “toss-and-turners” (won’t say who one is ), so a good night sleep would not be had by everyone. 2. I want the girls to understand that people need their own space. On this note, I also favor a set bedtime….Except for sickness and emergencies, at 8:00 p.m. I am off the mommy clock for the night! 3. With two young children, there isn’t enough romance in this household as it is!
I agree with Leissa, I am for personal space and some privacy. I love those kids so much and they are with with all day long but I need my space . Plus it's the only time I have with my dh.
That would be a definite no-go in our house. In fact, our room is virtually a no-go zone for the kids at all. Especially with homeschooling, kid-related stuff is everywhere. Our bedroom is our one adult sanctuary. The door stays closed. The kids know they can enter only after knocking and receiving permission [if we're in there] or after being told they can go in to get something [if we're not in there]. I love my kids, and I love our together time. However, we all need space and time apart. Keeping our bedroom an adult-only space is something my husband and I both are adamant about. Of course, as others have said, you do what works for your family. I would add to what others have mentioned, though, that if your hubby isn't on board with it, then it shouldn't be done. Any benefit you think you might get from co-sleeping is going to be outweighed by tension in your marriage.
Pros: I get more sleep, my baby gets more sleep. I loooove sleep. Cons: I miss sleeping alone with husband.
No co-sleeping here. Handsome and I share a bed because we are married and our bedroom in general is sacred. While we can easily have sex anywhere in the house, and we have LOL, our room is where we come together each night and close out our day with adult conversation and discuss what came about during the day. Again, we also talk about these things other times but our room and bed is something that WE share together. There is a bond that husbands and wives share that children are not part of. In my mind, just because I had a child doesn't mean I am no longer my husband's girlfriend, this isn't to say that co-sleepers are not their husband's girlfriend. Since Handsome and I enjoy each other a lot we have no intention on running to another room when we want to have sex because we would be running to another room many times a week.:lol: Again, sorry if that is too much detail. NOW, sometimes when Handsome leaves to work, Ems comes and joins me in bed and we also sometimes have a girls night in my room and Handsome goes to Ems room. We have popcorn and watch a girly movie or we will have a slumber party in the living room. On a few occasions we had Ems in our bed, when she was younger, because she had just lost her finger. On a couple other occasions she was really sick and Handsome and I took turns keeping an eye on her. But generally, no children allowed. When Ems was born, immediately I put her in her own room. I had a bed in her room so I could get up with her the first couple of weeks but after that, I returned to my own room and would get up to nurse her. Ems and I are very close and she is also very secure. So I have to say that it depends on what works for each family. The pros and cons would depend on whether or not co-sleeping worked for your family.
