Co-sleeping is one of those things that falls into the "as long as it's comfortable for both parents and kids" category. Along with things like how long to breastfeed, when opposite sex children can go into public washrooms by theyselves and when family members need to start being more modest around each other. I started c-sleeping with my babies from our first night in the hospital after they were born. For the first 6 weeks or so we used a co-sleeper in the bed, so there was no fear of rolling onto the baby. After that, they were just in bed with us. Around 12-18 months, we'd move them to a toddler bed next to our bed after they fell asleep, and they climb back in with us if they woke through the night to nurse or whatever. I'm currently transitioning my 2.5yo into a twin size bed in the kids' room. All our kids were in their own beds/room full time by 3yo.
I have always allowed my littles (4 and under) to sleep in my bed anytime they wanted to. Now my older boys are still welcome to my room if they need comforting, but the rule now is that they may not sleep IN my bed but instead may bring their pillow and blanket and camp out on my floor. If they ask before they go to bed for the night DH many times will move their mattresses onto our floor and allow them to sleep there. This has always worked well for us. My 6 and 7 year old rarely sleep in my room anymore, unless they are upset by something or have the occassional bad dream (rare). My baby HATES to be in bed with me so often he just falls asleep in our room and then moves to his crib, he does however like to sleep with his big brother, so many nights I find the baby has crawled into my oldests bed to sleep. My oldest loves this BTW, it makes him feel special to the baby!
Pros: Bonding with infant/toddler (for both parents) Safer Healthier (immunological benefits) for baby due to frequent breastfeeding More independence (in the long run) Higher self-esteem Better for brain development I sleep better and longer Cons: A king size bed is more expensive than a crib, but is so worth it! I've co-slept with all my kids until about age 2-3. They gradually transitioned to full-time in their own room over a period of a year. My 2.5 year old co-sleeps with me several hours a night right now. Some nights she stays in her bed all night. Usually weaning and the end of co-sleeping happen around the same time. After weaning my little ones seldom co-sleep unless there is a bad dream. In that case my dh or I would usually comfort them in their own bed so co-sleeping doesn't have to take place in only one bed. Thought this quote from this article summed up the sex issue in a humorous way
The most common question co-sleepers are asked is about maintaining a sexual relationship with one's partner. The answer is simple. Go someplace where the baby is not. Enough said. For those who consider unlimited access to their sexual partner more important than meeting the needs of their baby, cat ownership is a wonderful alternative to parenthood. You can just toss a bowl of Nine Lives on the floor and frolic around the house whenever the mood hits you. Ok, maybe it's my pregnancy hormones acting up (I've been moody all day, so I apologize) but...wow. I think a parent's bed is a place for parents only, UNLESS a child is sick or has a bad dream. I...enjoy...my husband and I don't want to have to sneak out of my room to have sex and sneak back in my room like a teenager. Now, if one of our boys needs us and comes into bed (which is extremely rare for Bo, and Paddy is still in a crib, so he can't really get out and rarely does he alert us to the fact that he may need something) I think the "urge" can definately wait. Our babies needs comes first, but I do like to have my Hubby time. Isn't having a healthy sexual relationship part of what keeps the marital bond strong? After saying that: When the new baby comes, he will sleep in our room in a bassinet/crib, but will not enter our bed. I feel that his needs can be properly met in his own bed across the room, or a couple of feet away. I didn't think the quote was too funny. Again, sorry about the hormones. It's been happening all day. I'm sure I'll read it tomarrow and I'll wonder why I got so offended.
It isn't the hormones. At least not for me. LOL I am not pregnant and I think the quote is stupid, although I was not offended. The quote leaves out the word husband in place of sexual partner. Perhaps the author of the quote wasn't married and did have her/his child with a sexual partner. I do not know because I didn't read the article. But the word husband holds so much more meaning than just a sexual partner. Personally, I couldn't minimize my husband to just a sexual partner because the value of a husband is so much more to me. I could get a sexual partner anywhere off the streets. Plus, I am not married to my child, I am married to my husband and we make choices on what we believe will be best for the marriage and in turn, our strong marriage will help make a strong secure home. A child's security doesn't come in a bed. It comes from the loving parents and the stability they provide in the home. So if co-sleepers believe co-sleepings will strengthen their marriage and family, horray for them. I don't know. Perhaps it is me. :lol:
We did the family bed thing and now my 10 year old has major issues sleeping alone in his bed. We both loved him in the bed with us (as he is the best thing that has happened to us!!) but if I could do it over, I would do it differently. He is getting used to sleeping alone but it is taking forever for him to really get comfortable in his room. He is otherwise a really easy-going and great kid so I don't think personality is an issue - just the comfort level of being alone.
The quote was meant to be funny - not serious. Please don't be offended. Meeting the needs of your baby doesn't require co-sleeping. I do strongly believe in what is called nighttime parenting, but that can be done without co-sleeping. We all have different perspectives and family dynamics. Personally I don't understand why needing a master bedroom with a parent-only bed is required for closeness whether that is frequent or infrequent.
I am assuming this is regarding the closeness of a husband and wife. Personally, I can't imagine not having a place where my husband and I can end our day together or come together during the day in privacy and this doesn't always mean sexually. As I posted in another post, we can have sex anywhere at anytime. Still, I believe we are one; a unit that my child has no part in. Then we have the family unit. One day my child will leave the home and I will still be married to my husband. Having a place of our own is important to us. This doesn't mean that co-sleepers can't do this in there own way. This is what Handsome and I believe is best for our family.
I think you really should talk this over with your DH.... figure out what part about it he is against and see if it is as important an issue as the reason you are for it. If so, then maybe you should not, but if not, then maybe he'd be willing to concede. No matter what decision you come to, though, make sure neither of you will be resentful to the other one (or the child) because of it. Do what ever is right for YOUR family. Co-sleeping is a lot like homeschooling... can be a great thing, but it's not the right decision for everyone. For the record we did not co-sleep, but until they were sleeping through the night they slept in a bassinet that attached to the side of our bed. We felt they were safer there, out of harm's way of us possibly suffocating them, but they were RIGHT there with us, too, so we felt very close to them. Once they sleep all night they move to their crib in their room. Both our boys share a room and will shortly be sharing a bed, I think. Our youngest will be moving out of his crib soon, and while we have bunk beds for them, our oldest has already said they'll be sharing the bottom and just using the top for company. LOL We've all gotten very good sleep with this arrangement and it works for OUR family. That's what you have to find for yourself.
Yes If a room has a door privacy can be accomplished, right? I totally agree. I don't see what this has to do with the issue though. I may have a few places in our house that my kids shouldn't get into, but there is no piece of furniture or no room that isn't accessible to them.
My oldest two have slept together in the same bed since they were about 3 and 6 years old (they're 5 and 8, now). They have bunk beds, but they choose to sleep together (sometimes on top, sometimes on bottom, sometimes in a camp made on the floor LOL but always together). They're capable of sleeping by themselves, like when my older boy goes on a sleepover or something, but they prefer not to sleep alone. I don't think it makes them insecure at all. My husband is away right now working, and I'm finding that I really dislike sleeping alone, too. As for the whole sex/intimacy/privacy issue, it has never been an issue for us. I mean, obviously, since we've co-slept starting with baby #1 and went on to have two more LOL I will fully admit that there have been times when it's been inconvenient or even kind of annoying, but for us, the benefits outweigh the short-term, minor annoyances. The same is true for a lot of our child-raising decisions. We do make some sacrifices as parents for the good of our children, but at the same time we make sure to nurture our marriage. They stay young for such a short time.
There is NO WAY I would allow my children to sleep with dh and I. A husband and wife need that private alone time IMO.
Research actually shows that children who co-sleep are more independent. But the clinginess you don't like is most likely a personality trait. I've co-slept with all three of my kids when they were young. I have one child that would be considered clingy, another child who would is anything but clingy, and another one somewhere in the middle. My most independent sleeper is the clingiest. The child who co-slept the longest is the most independent.
I think that is better for kids to sleep in their own beds, or at least a sleeping bag on the floor near by they are insecure. But seriously we only let little ones there when they were scared and needed attention we did not have the awakeness to give, so they got our arm to rest on and ta da. I had a friend years ago who kept a spare matress under the bed when the kids got older they could come in at night when scared and sleep there. They lived next door to a juvenile hall though so this was a security issue for them too.
I am confused.... I thought the OP was interested in FAMILY co-sleeping, not BABY/parents co-sleeping (and I answered accordingly). To me, there is a big difference between the two. The article to which Embassy linked is relating to BABY/parents co-sleeping; the researcher (McKenna) in the article seems concerned with Mother/Baby Research. Are we discussing BABY/parent sleeping or FAMILY co-sleeping?
Apart from the paragraph it was written in, I agree it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the issue. The sentence in bold refers to what this thread is about, to co-sleep or not and we choose not to because WE believe it is best for our marriage and family if Handsome and I have a special place that we, as a union share with each other. I think that's great! My child has access to any room and piece of furniture and to her parents but not access to our bed when my husband and I are together in it; with a few exceptions that I already posted on another post. EDITED: Changed thread to post.
I am curious if this research strictly compared co-sleeping with nonco-sleeping. Is that a word?:? As far as I am concerned, there are far to many factors that determine a child's security and independence. I have never co-slept yet Ems is very independent and secure. She is a lot like her mom. :lol: I don't know how good that is. My dear friend co-slept with her son and he struggled sleeping alone and had problems with security and was not independent in the least. It wasn't until she put him in karate, around the age of 13, that he developed the confidence to sleep alone and became more independent. When her daughter was born, she put her in her own room right away because she didn't want to go through the problems she had with her son. Her daughter is very independent. So as far as I am concerned, co-sleeping is a very small piece a a larger picture.
Personality probably has a lot to do with it. It would be difficult to draw any conclusions with research that didn't compare to those who encouraged independent sleep. Here is some research from McKenna's article:
Again like everything else I think whatever works for your family. I presonally don't do it because of everything Patty has said. I love my private time with my husband and can not imagine having the children in OUR marital bed.
