Today I feel like a complete failure as a homeschool Mom.. I KNOW I'm not supposed to compare my kids to others but I can't help it. My kids have been in public school before and it didn't work well for them. two of them have been held back and the third one was going to be as well. We apparently have some kind of learning issues at least according to the public school. We've been out of public school for 4 years now. We have had GREAT improvements BUT I don't feel they are doing as well as they should be. My 5th grader has issues with reading. I mean she can read, and she can narrate back perfectly but she can't read outloud very well. She was asked to read outloud in AWANA a few weeks back and she was completely embarrassed. Then to top that off, they got new books for the fifth graders and they are VERY hard. You really have to think. I mean really, they don't seem like a fifth grade level. My daughter tries very hard and has not been able to get past a certain area and has NO awards for this year. My 7th grader can't do division to save his life. We've been working on the same book for nearly 2 years now!! UGH!! I just want to pull out my hair. I can't seem to get any of them motivated to get their work done. We've taken a week off because our allergies have been aweful and I thought that would help with the motivation. But nope. It made it worse. The only one that seems to be doing ok is my oldest. He's not on the level he is supposed to be in math but that's not too big of a deal. At least not for me. But I wonder what other people think when they realize that my kids aren't on the same level as their kids.. Know what I mean?? Am I really doing ok?? Why aren't my kids doing as well as public school kids their age? I keep asking myself these questions. I know that my kids have what I have taught them concreted in their brain, but am I taking too long on teaching them the things they know? I'm seriously about in tears I'm thinking that I should give up and send them back to school. I don't think it would help as far as education would go but I wouldn't have so much stress on me. I know that sounds selfish, but geesh, this is HARD. And having one that doesn't have a single bit of motivation doesn't help.
Have you checked their eye tracking and focus (not just a regular trip to the optometrist)? Have you had them tested for learning disabilities? If not, those two things should be first on the list, because if one or both is an issue, it won't matter where they're having school. They'll still end up frustrated and behind. I have an eye issue that wasn't diagnosed until I was 19, and the only reason it was then is that I was a test dummy for a screening my mom was doing in her adult education classes. She had no idea why reading was always such a chore for me. I did well on tests, but I cheated my behind off every chance I got when it came to literature (Cliff's Notes and such like that). I still have trouble reading aloud in front of peers (adults). I'm fine reading for children, though.
(((Hugs)))!!! IT IS ALL O.K.!!! My 4th grader was straggling for a while with his math this morning, then I gave him few problems from the 3dr grade, he "got it", was very happy. So we will probably go back to the third grade math curruclum for curtain stuff, then will move forward a little; then once we get to the point when he gets stuck, we will take our time, simplifying some problems. I do like to knit. I do big things like sweaters. I do mix up sometimes with the patten; so I have to stop and go back, and it is ouch, but there is no other way to fix my knitting problem and get back on track with my pattern. One way - to back up to the point where I got lost. The same with math maybe? Divisions: does he know his multiplication facts as well as his own name? If he does, simplify the problems, go back to 2 digit number divided by 1 digit number, then 3 digit number divided by 1 digit number etc. And BTW, amrican way to divide in colomn is so much harder that russian way (I am from russia). The other day when my 16 years old step son showed me how to divide 345 by 23 I got slight headache right away - what a mess. Start with the fact that all the motion goes from right to left - opposit from how the brain works, how we read and write. If you need a little bit of encouragement, check out this link - 50 most successful people who failed in the beginning: http://www.onlinecollege.org/2010/02/16/50-famously-successful-people-who-failed-at-first/ Hope it will help a little! We are so lucky we can homeschool our kids to get into a comfortable sane pace without racing and competing. Brain develops in its own pace, too. Whatever my son couln'd get last year - this year many things are like nothing for him, while some he still struggles with. I let him working on a little simplier things so he can feel good about himself; because there is nothing wrong with him being a little slow with math, we will be there - and so will you
Deep breath! You are doing a great job! Teaching is hard- especially when you have learners who take longer for it to cement in their brain! They do not need to be on-level with their peers- they need to be doing the best for them! You are seeing progress so you are not a failure! The beauty of homeschooling is moving at the pace that is best for the learner- some people just need more time then others! Don't be afraid to go "back" a bit and build up confidence and give the brain a chance to mature. Just like every child walks at a different age, every child learns at a different pace- go with your child's pace!
Think about this, you took them out of ps because it wasn't working for them. That fact has not changed regardless of what level they are. Think about how much more ps would have failed them by now and how much more they would be struggling. The reasons you hs school them haven't changed. If anyone says anything to you say "They were struggling in ps and now, now when they struggle I am right there to help them through it, rather then letting them be frustrated like they were in ps." Know that what you are doing is giving them the personal attention they need to succeed.
mommix3, take a nice deep breath. Take a moment and think about what your reasoning for taking your children out of public school. Was it just because they weren't doing well there or did you have some other goals in mind. Think about the goals that you laid out. I am not sure what method or curriculum you are using, but sometimes we pull our children out of public school and use the same methods that they use there. That doesn't work. And then, if you are a Christian homeschooling family, remember, that is more than just academics. What does God have to say about educating our children? I read your signature. READ IT!!!! Be encouraged. God is faithful. God never places before us something to be done without giving us the power to do it. Hang in there.
Hi MommiX3, My son just graduated in June of this year. He has Asperger's Syndrome (considered high functioning autism) and ADHD. When I started homeschooling him, he was in 6th grade. He had not mastered addition and subtraction after 7 years in the public school system (including Pre-K and Kindergarten). He was math phobic. He cried at the mention of multiplication and had a complete meltdown at any hint of him doing division. He had been doing 3rd grade Saxon in 5th grade, and that was way above his level. I had to teach him how to add and carry and subtract and borrow. To make an exceedingly long story short, I used every resource, trick, or method available to teach him to do math. He seemed to have no math awareness at all. I just plugged along teaching him the next thing as soon as he seemed to master the current concept. I felt he was just getting farther and farther behind. I had to fight to teach him anything related to math. He didn't seem to retain what he had learned. I even gave him an extra year in high school, so I could give him one more chance to master basic math. This summer he was tested by a professor at a local university. His overall score in math was near 8th grade, but (in one area) he scored 11th grade. I fully expected him to score in the 6th grade range overall. Years of tutoring have made a difference. I had no idea that he had made so much progress. I had felt that I had totally failed him in that area. In reading, he topped the charts with college (13th grade) reading level. I am very proud of him, and now I know that homeschooling has been effective for him. There were lots of times that I felt he was not making adequate progress. I wanted to send him back to public school, so I would not feel like a failure, but I took him out because he felt like a failure. He has recovered so much self-esteem during these years at home. He has just begun to recover from his school phobia. I am so glad I did not send him back to public school. There are lots of kids that do well (and even thrive) in public school, but he was not one of them. In January, he plans to attend a local technical school to study to be an IT Specialist (computers). He is an Eagle Scout. He is an Assistant Scout Master. He volunteers in the Media Ministry at our church. I said all this to say, it is hard to imagine how well things will turn out when you are in the midst of the battle to teach a struggling learner. I am on the other side and have learned that diligence and hard work pays off in the end, no matter what it looks like in the middle. Hugs and hope, Susan
Thanks for the encouragement. Most of the time I don't feel that we are doing enough. I feel that maybe we are too relaxed. I feel like I'm missing something. My oldest and my youngest are excelling. The middle two are the struggling learners. Mainly my 12 year old. DD10 was diagnosed by the school with dyslexia. One of the reasons we pulled her out. She is not showing any signs of dyslexia and has been tested for tracking issues and does have them and as long as she does her exercises she doesn't have reversal issues. She's learning her math just fine and she does understand what she's reading and LOVES to read. DS12 on the other hand doesn't seem to even want to learn. I don't know what to do with this kid. I'm having his eyes checked soon and will have them do the test for tracking issues at that time. He complains that his eyes hurt after he's been doing his work for awhile. My daughter did the same thing. So maybe this will help. As far as the math goes, I give him drills using calculadder and math u see online drills with his multiplication tables. He's improved dramatically in the last few months. I'll continue to do theses and continue to work with him every day until he gets the division down. I just wish there was something more I could do without burning him out. The reading issue will hopefully be resolved once we have his eyes checked. I've just had "one of those days" today. I even sent the kids to bed at 8. I sorta feel bad but I needed some time to myself. I REALLY hope tomorrow is better. I'm going to get up, swish and swipe my bathroom, take my shower, read my bible and pray, then get breakfast going and have some school. Hopefully we can get to the pumpkin patch tomorrow as well and go for a walk in the park. I need some fresh air and sunlight!
Have you tried these? http://www.bigbrainz.com/ (The free version is fine... you don't need to buy it.) http://www.multiplication.com/ http://www.coolmath.com/
I like to focus on the fact that most of what we have covered in school my children can actually remember how to do. By slowing down and actually making sure they learn it and not just "have done it" means they will be able to use it in life. Schools have to keep up with schedules and can't slow down for the kids to make sure they really know what has been covered. We may not have done as much as the local public schools but if our kids can actually use what they have learned we are still ahead.
Remember that God has given you the strength to teach his children all they need to know.. Sometimes you need to take a step back and look at what your doing.. Are you teaching them curriculum that maybe worked for one child but is not working for this one?.. I think the biggest thing I learned was that when my child didn't get something it didn't have to do with them but with me. I had to adjust and find out there learning styles and change the way I taught.. Don't feel bad about having your bad days we all do... But remember the Lord has given you everything you need to walk out this christian walk.. Be encouraged and count the blessing you do have.. you have children that are alive.. You have the privilege of not only watching your children learn but growing with them as they learn.. We aren't perfect we all fall short somewhere but in Christ we can do all things.. Comparison isn't good for your soul my friend.. God has a unique plan for your family that no one can do but your family.. and the same with other families.. God has a different plan for your family than for mine.. Is it wrong no, because God knows what works for his children.. I was a part of a homeschool group that did that and I made sure I didn't speak about my children's progress in a way that was boastful. If I am going to boast about anything it needs to be in the Lord.. I did speak up and say that others needed to be aware of boosting as well... I remember one time this person had a 5 yr old child who was having a hard time reading and others in our group were talking bout how there kids read at 4 and what not.. I could see the discouragement in the person face.. I than reminded her that we are all different.. My son didn't read til he was over 6 yrs old that is because I choose to take it slow with him.. He is 7 now and is were he needs to be with reading.. Just remember you are doing what God has called you to do and what works for your family is great.. I always remind myself that we are different and God does have a plan for my family and than what ever it is it will be well worth it in the end because God's hands are all over it.. Praying for you ...
Maybe it's time to deschool? Even if you have deschooled before, maybe you need to do it again. There is pressure, TONS of pressure, on parents, from everywhere, for everything, for our kids to be the best at academics, sports, socialization, everything. To vax or not to, to breast or formula feed, to stay home or work, sposies or cloth diapers, the list goes on and on..... When you homeschool, it seem magnified. Take a deep breathe. Do you have a statement of your goal(s) for you and your children and homeschooling? If not-sit down and think about it. Decide what your long term goal is for homeschooling. Is it academic excellence? (mine isn't) Is it to build character? To instill a life long love of learning? Is it to prepare them for college or their chosen careers? So decide what your goal is, put it in writing and hang it up where you can see it often. Then, when you are having a bad day, read it. See if that battle you are fighting at the time is worth fighting. Is that battle helping you reach your goal? In parenting (and homeschooling) we have to pick our battles, otherwise we would be battling everything constantly. I know I pick my battles, and the ones I choose to let slide, other moms fight and vice versa. For me, I'm not going to battle my kids about their choice of clothing just because it doesn't match-I don't care if the match or not-it's not an important battle IMHO. IF they want long hair (I have boys) fine, I'm not going to fight that battle. If they don't want a hair cut, they don't have to get one (this drives my mom CRAZY! LOL) These are battle that are important to some parents. They are NOT important to me. So I don't waste energy on them. Some parents would fight the battle to make their 1st grader read and read on a first grade level. It's another battle I've decided not to fight. He'll learn to read when he's ready. If it's when he's 8 or 9 instead of the standard 6, I'm okay with that. Until then, I'll read to him and he's learning LOTS of other stuff. Not reading isn't holding him back at all. Why not sit down and make a list of all the progress they HAVE made in being homeschooled. Post that up where you can see it as well. The point I'm trying to make is. Compare your kids to no one. Compare your parenting to no one. Just do what you feel is best for your kids. Keep your expectations realistic. Celebrate all the triumphs, rework and change what needs to be changed in areas that aren't working well.
I have several friends with children who have really struggled with learning issues. Reading and basic computation have been a huge struggle. However, they have noticed huge leaps of improvement with the onset of adolescence. Keep working and trying new things. It will click.
You guys are awesome!! I'm So glad I have all of you to come to when I'm feelling down. You always have something to say that lifts me right back up to where I need to be. I love you guys!! Thanks for always being here. Angela
As usual, I'm a bit late here, but here's my 2 cents worth: DS (12) was diagnosed last year with convergence insufficiency. This is a weakness in the eye muscle(s) that causes eye pain & eventually headache after the eye muscle has struggled to focus for too long. He has 20/20 vision. It made no sense to me why his eyes would "hurt". Fortunately, the optometrist we went to tested him for it (the optometrist has it also, so maybe he is more aware of it?). In PS, it was an annoyance to his teachers that he would "look around" so much while he was supposed to be doing his work. Since we started HS, I have realized that the looking around allows his eyes to re-adjust & refocus. Of course there are times he just isn't focused, but that's an entirely different issue.
