A close relative 'found out' (we hadn't told him yet) that my dd was being homeschooled. It's great living in a small town <sarcasm smiley>. To say he was awful is to put it mildly. His big complaints: why didn't I have dd tested for an LD (I didn't because dd doesn't have an LD when she can do auditory learning as well as visual), and don't I think she DESERVES the best education? (I said yes, that's why I'm doing it). (on a side note, if she stops learning what I'm teaching and I honestly think she might have an LD, then I WILL have her tested. I'm not against it, I just can't see labeling her because there was a disconnect with school) ARG. There was a lot more to that conversation, but once again he made it clear that not only does he think I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, he also thinks I'm incapable of teaching a 6yo. Then he hung up on me. I don't know what I want.. advice LOL. Support... I just know dh and I thought long and hard before making this decision. We tried to work with the school. We had numerous meetings. We made suggestions which they completely ignored. It took MONTHS for us to decide this was the best course of action. ... none of this is 'easy'. We haven't been at it long enough for it to even be routine yet. Certainly she's a studious and capable kid, but after less than 2 weeks at it, it's not like she's suddenly doing algebra or can read the encyclopedia. Dh said jeez, if he was that worried why didn't he ask what curriculum we were using? Then we both agreed that that, too, would be overstepping his boundary but at least it would have shown concern rather than just being a jerk about the whole thing. *sigh* I'm mad, frustrated, and sad. What I'm NOT doing is questioning my decision to pull her out. Do you bother to try to 'prove' to them that it's working? Or do you just write them off entirely? Anyway.. sorry for the rant.
Honestly you aren't going to "prove" anything to them. I had this issue when I first started homeschooling years ago of dealing with people's questions. It freaked me out when people found and or to talk about it. Now I proudly say that Grace is homeschooled and I will be more than happy to talk to anyone about it. Confidence will come with time and three years from now you will be able to defend yourself against people like this. I would say something like "thank you for your concern regarding our child but frankly it isn't your business."
Great response, MonkeyMamma. I had to deal with this early on as well. People could understand why we pulled ds with Tourrette's Syndrome out of ps, but why did we have to "do that" to our younger dd as well? :roll: The only one I felt like I had to somewhat reason with was my mom, and that was only because of how emotional she was about it. She took me homeschooling my kids as a slap in the face to how she raised us. That was 8 years ago. I still get badgered occassionally by a certain aunt who is a ps teacher. I answer her matter-of-factly. I figure if those are her only teachable moments, I should at least try to help her learn. Like MonkeyMamma said, confidence will come. And with it will come the ability to know who to respond to and how.
What MM said!!! YOU are the parent. IT IS NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS. You do not consult them as to the best way to raise your child. It is NOT open for discussion/debate!!! Also, any comments need to be directed to your husband. He needs to make it clear that HE is the one to address, not you. He may need to set boundaries at family gatherings, to the extent that if they start harrassing you, your family leaves. And be sure to keep plenty of bean dip handy to pass out... http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28
Is this relative on your side of the family or your dh's? If it is dh's, then I would calmly redirect the family member to question dh. If it is yours, then I would take a unified front and say calmly that DH and I believe that we are providing the best education for our child and hang up. There is no need to defend. There is no need to convince or try to convince some one that you are right. You are the parents. Say it once and don't repeat it. If they bring it up again, then hang up or walk away.
Sigh I sympatheize. I have a Aunt who despite being a wonderful woman apparently thinks I am incapable of doing a good job. She makes her thoughts of disapproval known whenever the topic comes up. But frankly I don't doubt my ability and neither does my DH so I just ignore her although it does hurt that someone who is so close can be so hurtful and inconsiderate.
I can sympathize with you too... I just started my first year hs'ing and have hid in my house practically as to not have to confront people. So funny how quick people are to judge.... I think they feel guilty cause they can't or won't do it themselves. Or maybe they just are afraid of the challenge or the possibility that you might be the best teacher for your child. So they tend to put others down who choose to. It seems time always tells and when he or they see what a progress your child has made and how happy they are ... They scratch their head and say WOW... she was right... unfortunately for you tolerating getting verbal beat up is part of the deal. I'm sorry for that and I wish people would open their minds becoming a help not a hurt... (((hug)))
I don't argue, explain or debate our decision to homeschool our girls and or grandson. I will talk to people who I feel really want to know more about homeschooling. I am not rude or anything, but I just don't argue religion, politics or family business.
sending you hugs I totally understand how you are feeling. my mother in law is the same way. Last saurday she asked my kids (5 and 7) "don't you both want to go to REAL school with other kids?" I got SO mad but i did not respond out of respect for my husband (who was also in the room) But TRUST me, DH got an earful when we got home. He's going to talk to his mom this week. We just have to believe we are doing the right thing for our kids and not listen to other family members/neighbors/friends but its so HARD!!!
Is he someone who acts like this regularly, or do you think he's just concerned and ignorant on the subject? The reason I ask is because I respond to every person differently. I never get defensive about it anymore, I just share my honest feelings, but with some people I give very short answers and others I elaborate. If this person doesn't respect you at all I'd say don't waste any energy on him at all. If he's ordinarily someone you are close with, then I'd be more polite (even though he isn't polite), but from your description it seems like he's the former. I wouldn't lose much sleep over that. Over time your critics will be forced to accept that home schooling isn't the horror story they imagined. That doesn't sound like much consolation, but it's beautiful when it happens! My in-laws were very against home schooling. They wouldn't really argue with us about it, but it was more of a WHY!?? in a horrified voice followed by months of anecdotal stories of home schooled children who were 10 and couldn't read. :lol: Now I bore them with the details of our curriculum, so they don't dare ask anymore for fear of my lengthy response (I've found this to be very effective). And at every opportunity I have my children read something to them. Next time he calls, if you want to entertain it, I'd just act really excited and tell him to review such and such curriculum, and blah blah blah to offer advice, and would he like to teach a class? I'd be willing to bet that if you asked him to help he'd never call you again.
I don't even quantify it for those who question any more. No matter how close. I let my kids intelligence speak for itself. The reality is that the average person knows so little about homeschooling that they don't even think before they speak. They assume homeschooling means you're bringing your kids home and all they do is play all day, watch tv and eat junk food. Truly. My stepmother used to be the biggest negative influence on us, regarding this. Of course, the first time my oldest did her standardized testing and tested 3 grades higher than the school system would have had her in for grade. She seriously changed her tune. And now, that my oldest is a competitive gymnast (and so is my neice - a few levels higher than my daughter), my mom keeps trying to convince my sister to homeschool my niece. Her logic "if Krista can do it, so can you!". LOL Oh well. Don't let the turkeys get you down!
Could you imagine sissy doing school all day and then the gym all night? And meets on weekends? She'd be EXHAUSTED!!!!
Hold your head up high and know that YOU are doing what is best for your child.. I would for sure not give someone who acted so rudely to me any sort of explaination. Don't waste your time worrying about what others think. Trust me, it's not going to help anything to try and explain it to them. After 4 years of homeschooling, my mother in law still has an issue with our decision to homeschool our 4 kids. My oldest is now in Highschool and she assumed that he would be attending public school now that he's older.. NOT gonna happen. No amount of explaining to her "why" is going to change the fact that she thinks "kids should be with kids their own age".. So I don't even try. It's not worth my time. I know this is what's best for my kids so I'm going to do it.
Don't try to prove anything to anyone. Let the results speak for themselves. It may take several years, but who is he to judge your childs achievement? I have a similar problem with my MIL, but we don't see her enough for me to care.
This type of response is ***sooo*** ironic to me. I had dreaded this with my mom (I have no doubt that is exactly how she would have responded - even if she didn't say so). Sadly, she passed away before we had children, but almost right away, my MIL started saying things to my DH like, "But *I* didn't do that with you, *I* didn't do that either." (Me, she kept treating like an inexperienced but well meaning foolish young woman. Which is ironic, because when she was the same age I was when I had my first, she had two kids (and two step kids) in high school.) ANYWAY, my wise DH stopped her short and said, Of course we weren't doing things the way she did - we aren't her. And our son wasn't him. We needed to do what worked for us & our son at that time, not what worked for for my MIL when my DH was a baby. She was very satisfied with that - I think it went from a perceived criticism to an affirmation. If you really think you can't reach someone, I think it's definitely worth letting them know the topic is off limits. Just refuse to discuss it.
((hugs)) to everyone. Thank you guys!! It is someone I had been close to, but in order to BE close I've had to smile and nod repeatedly when this person has said extremely hurtful things to me. I'm just not sure I have the patience (or the desire) anymore. It is someone on my side of the family. Dh's family (even my mil) has been extremely supportive. They trust that we're doing the best thing we can for our kids, even if they disagree. It has been a blessing to have them. Wow, it's crazy reading these responses how much I can relate. Anything I do that is 'odd' is wrong (which includes well.. everything LOL since I've never been much of a follower). The oddest thing of all: I was raised in a house with no running water and no central heating. It was the 70's, and it was all very 'back to the land'. People smoked around us, drank around us, swore around us. We had almost no toys at all, and I remember being very lonely. That isn't how I raise my own kids AT ALL. I consider us extremely close. I do believe in discipline, but I believe mental and emotional health is just as important as physical. My dh and I talk to our kids a lot. I really can't pick much out that we do that is 'odd', unless you consider being a stay at home mother strange? LOL. I think the weirdest part for me in all of this is that the concept of schools is so new, as is the idea that one has kids, and after 6wks, sends them off for most of the day to be with someone else. Even now, it seems... idk, kind of unnatural biologically. Not right or wrong, necessarily, but just not.. what we as animals are supposed to be doing with our young. Anyway.. I digress on that. Too early, and not enough coffee Thank you all again!! I'm going to reread all of your responses
Sorry you were so lonely in that setting. Sometime we'll have to swap stories about growing up that way. I thoroughly enjoyed the ruggedness of it. My dad's whole family lived on the old family farm in much the same way, so we always had cousins to play with, get firewood with, run to the privy in the middle of the night with.... My mom has always retained somewhat of a city-girl mentality. That might be why she resents me at times. I'm just like my dad. The psychology of it all is way too complex to discuss here on an open forum, but I think she didn't like living the way we did and can't fathom why I chose to be a rogue in so many ways. Incedentally, my folks have a modern home with all the ameneties now....but dad just hooked up a wood furnace again......
