We are currently homeschooling dd, 6yo, due to the school failing to teach her anything. Dh and I both agree that if we had left her in, she was doomed to failure. Our ds is 9, and does very well at ps. However, the jealousy and his hurt feelings are growing. He knows why we pulled out dd and initially I had asked him if he wanted to be homeschooled as well. He resoundingly said no way, he'd stay in ps. Over the last week, though, things are getting.. worse. For the last week he has been asking to be homeschooled. His reasons are all rather... vague, though. He hates the librarian (I can't stand her either), he hates getting up in the morning, he has only one friend. Dh and I talked about it and dh feels that ds's reasons aren't strong enough but did say he would support whatever decision I make. Today ds refused to go to school again, so we did a homeschooling day. After it was over, he said it was interesting but he'd rather stay in ps. That's what he's saying now.. tomorrow morning he may very well change his mind. I know ultimately my dh and I are the parents here, and get to make the decisions. But my job as mom is to look out for the well-being of my children and I'm just not sure what is the best thing here. I honestly despise our public school system because they act as though they are 'saving' the kids.. like us parents are drunken idiots and the only time the children are really ok is during school hours. However- my ds is getting a decent education, and his teacher is wonderful. I'm not sure it's fair to pull my ds based on my own emotions. So I guess what I am asking is... are vague reasons and my own emotions enough reason? Has anyone pulled their child and really wished they hadn't? And if staying in ps is the best course of action here, what can I do to minimize hurt and jealousy before it turns into anger and resentment?
Some kids are always going to want what they can't have. If they're home, they want to be in school,etc. You have to examine your reasons for hsing dd. if it's only for academics and you think ds is doing fine in ps, leave him there. For us, we are hsing because we feel it is our God-given responsibility and a calling to keep our children at home being raised in the safety of the family environment. For that reason, ps is not an option for any of our children for any reason. You may have different reasons. Only you can decide what's right for your kids. If he is feeling left out, maybe making a weekend a month(or however often) just about him. Some one on one time with a special activity of his choosing can make him feel more "a part" of things. Let him know that his success is as important to you as his sister's and you will always be supportive of his school work. Maybe you could arrange to volunteer at his school one day a week in an area that is visible to him so that he can see that you are involved in his education. But if you do decide to bring him home, make sure he understands that this is a commitment and there will be no jumping back and forth just because he gets bored/lonely/left out/mad at mom,etc. But in my opinion, "vague reasons and your own emotions" are simply your mother's intuition about what is best for him. And I think that's good enough!
My advice... take it or leave it. Tell him to think about it, and that he has the option to leave PS at the end of the term (which I assume is Christmas?). He can try homeschooling for the Spring, and if it doesn't work out, he can return to PS in the Fall. If you're having a hard time deciding as an adult, you can bet he is as a child. Maybe he wants to leave his options open. This is a way to do that without anyone's feelings being hurt.
I would set a time frame for him. Tell him that if at the end of this school year he still wants to homeschool, you could try it for a week or two over the summer, and then he could make a final decision before the next school year starts. Kinda like I would tell my kids when they join a sport and then decide they may not want to finish or for one reason or another, they need to stick out the season. Then we would reevaluate come next season weather they join or not. Danielle
For what it is worth I sympathize. Last year my DS started homeschooling he was six. And DD just started in JK. She resented being sent away for half of the day while her brother got to stay home and 'play' lol. No playing was happening. It became a power struggle to get her on the bus. I figured she needed to finish the year because she was doing fine. This year they are both at home. Next year will be doing this again. I love having the opportunity to teach them. And hang in there.
Only you can answer that question. But, IMHO, mama emotions are usually good basis for decisions LOL If it's causing hurt, jealousy, anger and resentment, is it really the 'best course of action'?? When you have more than one kid, sometimes you have to make a decision that's best for one, be the decision for everyone. (It's late-I know this prob isn't coming across right.....) Sometimes you have to make a decision for the family as a whole. Have you ever had to punish one child by taking away something, (or had one sick) so you cant go to the park (or where ever that day). If you're the only adult home, and one kid can't go to the park, then no kids can go. There are lots of families however that homeschool one or some but not all their kids. So, if you think it's best to leave him in PS, then maybe it is. My advice is pray about it. Write out a pros and cons list (have your son do the same) Answer any questions he may have about homeschooling. He may not really know what to expect from homeschooling long term. Maybe try homeschooling over the Christmas break, then have a family meeting, but make clear the final decision is up to mom and dad. Let everyone put in their 2 cents. Either choice you make will effect your whole family, so everyone should talk it out. Just know, what ever decision you make-it's not final or irreversible. Which ever you choose now, you can change 6 months from now. Neither decision is likely to scar them for life
Great post, Sonita. We had put our kids in ps while we built our home. Before we were finished, ds13 was begging to come back home. Dd10, however, was content to stay in ps. We knew her teacher and trusted dd would be safe and cozy under her watchful eye. Long story short, dd10 started to feel the same as your son. Her longing to be with us started to make her find things at ps that she was not content with. Now, let it be said that they both had the choice at the beginning of the school year. She based her decision on wanting to play a sport which you cannot do here in IL unless you are full-time at ps. So, by October, we knew that come February after volleyball season, she would be coming back home. By that time, though, we had encountered so many problems with the local ps administration that we were glad to be done with it. I think there is alot to be said for having a child "own" the decision to homeschool. Obviously we need to make the final decision, but with my kids, it was very important later on to have them know for themselves why hs was the right option because there will be days when ps seems like it wasn't so bad. And even if ps isn't so bad, they know that hs lets us all be together.
I think I might be an oddball parent here but my kids dont get to make the decision about where they school at. Not that I wouldn't hear them out, but their education is my responsibility and I make the decision on where it happens (with DH of course). How they "feel" about it at the time has very little influence on the choices I make. I agree with a PP in that it is my conviction to homeschool my children. However, if you feel your son is better in PS then leave him in public school. If you feel he needs to be taken out, take him out. I agree that your emotions are your intuition though and I would definitely use that to guide my choice. Pray hard, talk to DH and then make the decision.
