Alyssa is 5. I have talked about her on here since she was born and all who remember can tell you this girl has her own mind. Well, the past few nights it has manifested at dinner. I have had kids who refused to eat before but my will was always stronger and the problem faded quickly. My son is still picky. I do not make issues out of dinner or food. I simply expect my kids to eat what is put before them. They do not have to finish their plate. They simply have to eat. I do not reward or punish with food. However, I will not allow a child who refuses dinner or veggies dessert. Not because it is a punishment but because hunger is meant for nourishment and treats are treats...you don't grow on sugar. At any rate...I am lost right now. Alyssa has often in the past expressed not liking dinner or a portion of dinner. However, she used to just eat it or deal with the consequences...which was no dessert for those who do not eat veggies or no seconds on mac and cheese or anything (but veggies) unless you finish your plate. Meaning...I don't let my kids eat three servings of mac and cheese or noodles if they ignore the veggie or protein on their plate. I always explain this from a nutrition standpoint. I want to teach proper nutrition. If that approach is wrong or the source of issues...or you see something flawed in that please tell me. I would like another opinion. At any rate...Alyssa has actually refused dinner. One night she had two bites and that was it. Last night she refused to eat because she didn't like it. We had fish, stuffing and green beans (not a gourmet meal but it's nearing the end of the week..lol). I ran out of juice so we only had water to drink. Out of frustration for this becoming par for the course in the past few weeks, I put her plate in the fridge and said she would have to eat that before eating anything else. I can't say that was the best approach but I thought she would give in and eat it for dinner rather than having to face the plate again. She called my bluff and simply had nothing to eat for dinner. This morning...I forgot and she had pancakes with everyone else. UGH. She had lunch because I decided I'd give her leftovers for dinner again at that point....thinking that made more sense anyway. Well, she didn't eat it again. Called my bluff again and decided not eating was better than eating her plate. She did not cry, scream or act like she was winning a battle. She really did not seem like she was rebelling...not snottiness or attitude. Not saying this isn't disobedience...just saying she did not act out in that fashion. I felt I had to stand my ground and do what I said. Now, I had no emotional investment in this. I did not yell or beg. I stated the terms...lol...simply. I did not talk about it or make a big deal out of it. I did ask why she refused to eat and she said she simply didn't like the food. The food was not spicy or even have a distinct taste...it was mild white fish. She is not required to eat that plate now of course...I can't starve her to death. I just don't know where to go from here. I never had a kid able to hold out like that. I feel horrible for her not eating dinner for two nights...but she did get breakfast, lunch and snack as usual. She had the option of eating even half of her plate to get what was for dinner tonight. So, if you think I am a monster...please don't respond because I really didn't come here to be insulted. I just need a strategy that works. You see, I cannot make her favorite things for dinner every night. We would be eating in an insane fashion. I am also not going to make her an alternative meal...I am not a restaurant. She normally will do what is asked of her even if she does not want to. This is unusual in the fact she is holding out for so long. She is very picky so finding foods she likes is difficult...even if she helps in prep she may decide she does not want to eat it. So HELP!
I don't see anything wrong with the way you handled it. You told her to eat her food, she did not, so you offered it again the next night, she refused. She won't starve missing two suppers. At this point you can either a) give her the same meal again tomorrow night or b) give her what ever is offered tomorrow night. You have made it clear that she will either eat what is offered or not eat, that simple. She knows you mean it, so at this point I would just put something on her plate tomorrow night and she will either eat it or do without until breakfast.
Thanks! I think I needed to hear that I was not an abusive parent. LOL. My son was just as picky but would NOT go to bed hungry...so he ate. She is choosing not to eat. My dh thinks I should spank her for not eating. He is not here for dinner as he works 2nd shift now. Maybe that is even part of the problem....she never out right refused when daddy was at the table. So, I will not make an issue out of this...it will be plain and simple..eat or don't eat.
You made your point to her Ava, you taught her that you will not make her another meal and that she will either eat what you made or not eat. She now knows that, so if she's hungry she'll eat. A child will not starve themselves (A normal, healthy, child) under normal circumstances so if she's not eating she may just not be hungry, or she really doesn't like what you made either way she now knows that mom will only fix one meal per night and if I don't like it I may CHOOSE to go to bed without supper.
I agree with what you did Ava. And if it helps any, I had a Dr. tell me just today, that we should not force a child to eat and to not make a big deal out of them not eating. She said it is a battle that a parent can't win. I don't know if I agree with that, but... She went on to say, pretty much what you said, eat or don't, plain and simple. So I guess if you are being abusive, which I DON'T believe you are, then the Dr. was telling me to abuse my children. I only prepare one meal a night for my family, eat it or don't, it's up to you.
I don't think you handled it wrong at all. I don't think she should be punished for not eating. The natural consequence of feeling hungry is enough. I would keep her plate and give it to her later if she asks for something to eat, but I probably wouldn't serve it to her again the next night. My rule would be you eat what is served for dinner or you wait until breakfast. If she really doesn't like what's being served and chooses not to eat that night, then fine. She'll eat an extra big breakfast in the morning. I have a picky one as well (dd6). There have been times when she's only eaten one or two bites for dinner. Later, when she's complained about being hungry, I've offered to go heat up some of the leftovers for her. Or, when she wakes up the next morning wanting breakfast as soon as she opens her eyes, I remind her why she's feeling so hungry. On the other hand, I do try to make sure that there's something on the table that she will eat or I give my kids the option of making a sandwich. Sometimes she still decides not to eat, but I feel that is a choice she can make.
Hmm. These are views that is not familier to me. We went to my 2 1/2 year olds well baby check up today, and I had a similar situation with him not eating. The Doc said that all kids go through growth spurts and will eat eat eat and than stop for a while. He told me to be patient, not force him to eat anything, and to be sensitive to the fact that even kids have preferences. I make the same meal for my family each night. If the boys eat great, if not, that's fine, no pop corn later.
My 3 yr old often battles dinner. Now we put a timer on when the rest of us finish our dinner. He as 15 min from when we finish to eat his dinner or he goes to bed. End of story, no snacks, nothing. He pushes it once every 2 or 3 months, probably just to see if we are still serious. But we still put him to bed, he'll cry for 20 min and then lay there and complain until my other son comes to bed at bedtime. Then he gets the same bedtime story as the other, but he doesn't get out of bed. The next morning he is hungry, and at dinner the next night he always finishes! We still sometimes battle whinning and complaining. But at least he eats.
There's a book called "decieveingly delicious" by Jessica seinfeld. She gives recipes that sneak veggies into meals. Mac n cheese made with sweet potatoe (same coloring) or chicken strips made with veggie purée and than rolled in special k cereal. I have tried a few of these and my boys love them, however, he's always loved his veggies to begin with.
Oh, and we are sure to put a minimal amount on his plate too. I understand that maybe he needs less food, but I won't tolerate a kid that just won't eat b/c it's yucky. He'd only eat jam sandwhiches if I would let him! I make deals like that at lunch time, but at dinner everyone eats!
I think you did the right thing, and I would continue to do it. Yes, kids have likes and dislikes, but they're very adaptable. Adults aren't so adaptable in their tastes. Whatever we learned to like or dislike as children ... that's pretty much set in stone. When I think about my kids not eating what I give them, I have to think about the cultures around the world who have only one meal a day, and that meal is always the same... plain rice cooked in dirty water. They've survived for centuries getting only the occasional meat or veggie. Some people live into their 100's eating very simple meals like that. Our kids in this time and place are spoiled rotten. I have the same rule - you don't have to eat, but if you don't, you're not getting dessert. I like that you put it in the fridge for later, too. My kids waste too much (and they've learned how to waste, too ... by "accidentally" spilling their food or whatever. Irks me, but I don't let them know that.)
Hi don't throw the bean dip I was just thinking that sometimes kids refuse foods not to be difficult but because they may innately know that their bodies have a sensitivity to it. And for myself I always knew that about seafood. So if she does it again with fish perhaps that is part of the issue. Now that said you did fine. I too make the rule eat or no snack, dessert, whatever. And your meal sounded fine. I only allow milk or water anyway at meal time and then only half a glass so they don't fill up on it. I know your frustration both my kids are horribly picky and always have been. And yes of course you have to get the veggies and protein in. I also agree with other posters who said kids won't let themselves starve and now that my son is seven he will come back later in the evening and ask for his leftovers So I am holding out hope that his sister who is five will be like that too in a couple of years or less.
You did fine. Our dgs is 5 and much the same way. He'll eat just meats and starches and cheese if you let him - rejects veggies (at my house, anyway) even if he loved them when he was younger: carrots, green beans, broccoli, cabbage, even corn! Says he doesn't like mashed potatoes, either, and only wants "baby rice" (plain white rice with no gravy of any kind) when we have that. He still says he'll "taste" new things, but after one taste he says he doesn't like it, whatever it is. He'll eat steamed cauliflower sometimes, and occasionally I can get him to eat one small floweret of broccoli. That's it. When his father (our ds) was his age, he'd eat just about anything we put in front of him, but I think where they're living right now (with her parents) they tend to neglect veggies way too much. So when he's here, we have the same rule as everybody else seems to: if you don't eat supper, you don't get dessert or treats or anything else until breakfast.
I was an extremely picky eater as a child (and am not better now, but I do tend to eat healthy vegetarian meals). My mom use to literally pull out her hair trying to get me to eat. She would also save my plate for days at a time, telling me that was my only choice. Guess what - I could go up to four days surviving on just water. By than the leftovers had been tossed and the battle would begin again. By the time I was twelve, I was in charge of feeding myself though my menu choices were limited to what was in the house. On an interesting note, I absolutely refused to drink milk and eat all meats other than chicken. Recently learned I have extreme reactions to milk and most meat. Even as a child, I knew eating it would make me sick but no one would believe me. I'm not saying that your child has a food intolerance, but it is something to consider. Being that God has a sense of humor, my middle child is a mirror image of myself. Due to my own experiences, I won't force him to eat. He gets a choice of what is prepared or a piece of fruit and a cup of dry cereal. No extra cooking required, and he still gets a choice of what to eat. Drives my husband absolutely nuts, but that is a whole other story.
My 3 year old son regularly skips dinner. He just is not that hungry sometimes. He has gone from eating lunch at noon and then nothing until breakfast the next day. I just make sure he is eating healthy the rest of the day. I would have done basically what you did. My rules sound a lot like yours.
my dd 9 is like this.. if she does not like it than she will not eat... she has been like this for the past few years. My hubby was a picky eater as well but his mom would just fix him something different. I just tell mine that she can't have any snacks until she eats what I cook... that said my dd is still in a size 7/8. lol......very tiny to me, but hubby saids he was so what can i say... When my dd is hungry boy can she eat! lol........ Ava you did good.... I just wished that i could have held out on dd 9 when she started, but than daddy would have just gone and openned a can of ravoli!
