Hello, I am new to homeschooling, having just began this September. I pulled my 14 year old son out of public school and began homeschooling for his 9th grade year. I am not having too many behavior problems with him - IT'S HIS 4 YEAR OLD SISTER that is causing serious issues and making homeschooling next to impossible. Since most of my energy has been shifted to her brother, she is very jealous and has begun to retaliate against him and me and everyone in the household. Therefore, I thought that if I invested in getting preschool books for her and balanced the attention in the educational area that this would help the jealousy issues- but instead, SHE JUST WANTS TO PLAY WITH TOYS and has no interest nor displays any attention span towards learning for more then 10 minutes a day, if that. She refuses to try and learn her ABC'S or 123's and refuses to try and use a pencil to write. She also has no interest in coloring or drawing pictures. She is a very physical child that mostly enjoys outdoor activities and demands that we spend 3, 4 and 5 hours a day outside, hiking, climbing, etc. She does not display any ADHD or similar disorders - BECAUSE, she also likes and is able to sit for 2 or 3 hours playing with her toys, peacefully. BUT - WHEN SHE IS DONE OR BORED WITH THAT - TROUBLE BEGINS! If I don't take her outside, she will run like lightining over to her brother and grab his school books and rip the front covers off of them. She has already ripped two of his text book front covers into shreds (each cost me around $30.00 - $50.00 a piece). She also attacks him - kicking, biting, spitting on him and his work, throwing toys at him. Nothing works and I am forced to have to go outside, so she can get her energy out. The other issue is that my son does not display too many behavior issues, but learning ones. He constantly needs me to be there so he can ask for help on (EVERY SINGLE QUESTION, ON EVERY ASSIGNMENT I GIVE). He is unable to take the initiative on his own and needs constant reasuring and constant prompting - (HE WAS IN SPECIAL ED IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS AND THEY DID THIS WITH HIM, SO HE IS USED TO IT) We are forced to have to take numerous breaks due to the fact that his sister interrupts his learning and my son is not able to study by himself unless I am right there to help him - question by question, subject by subject. Please help, any advice would be wonderful!!! NOTE: Sending my children to Public schools IS NOT AN OPTION.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I think (and sorry to people who have other luck here) that 4 year olds tend to be demanding little people even on their best days. I haven't been homeschooling long enough to really give great advice on that, beyond telling you my dd (6) constantly needs me to tell her she did something right as well. With dd, it is more of a confidence issue than anything, and I'm hoping once she realizes she can do it (and that it's ok to make mistakes) that it will chill off. As for the sib rivalry- ugh. My only newbie suggestion would be to tell your dd that if she is super quiet and good, then all three of you will get to go outside. And if she's a brat- no matter how much you think she needs to go outside, don't let her. That seems mean, I know, but if you give in when she's throwing a fit than she gets rewarded for bad behavior, and I don't think that works out very well. My kids fight like crazy sometimes, too, but destroying each other's property is a definite no. I love play doh. It seems to work pretty well on all kids, and I've yet to have mine get bored with it. I also used to give my kids tubs of rice (or sand.. or even flour in a pinch). Throw in a bunch of measuring cups and let them make a giant disaster in an easy to clean area. My kids love water, too, but I hate the cleanup :roll:
I am with PP's. As much as I think that she needs to have some outside time, I think at this point she is using that as a way to get your attention. I would not reward her for such behavior. I would sit down and set out your expectations with her and then set up consequences. Then follow through. I mean to be honest if my child acted that way s/he would be seeing the backside of my spanking spoon(*ducks*). That is in NO WAY acceptable in my house. At her age if she is fine just playing with toys I would let her do that. Set some aside that are only brought out during school time. We also love sensory activities like the rice. Is it possible for you to leave the back door open and let her play outside? That's what we do here. Even my 2 year old goes in and out. I just check on him often. I do think that however you handle it you need to get a hold on it now rather than later. Praying.
She's obviously not ready to do formal learning like ABCs and 123s. Don't try to force it. I'm with Anna about spanking for tearing up the books. That's behaving like a 2 year old, not a 4 year old! And I also would probably allow her to go outside for short periods alone (supervised from the doorway or window) -- and while I'm checking on her, my ds would be learning to work alone for a few minutes too.
Wow, I am seeing a little tyrant at work here, and if she is allowed to continue, your llfe will be one long hissy fit! I'm not near as nice as some of the PP. In my house, that behavior got a kid a busted butt!! Not very PC, I know. but I had one just like that and I knew I could not let him control our home. He got his little rear spanked quite a bit and lots and lots of "time outs". (This usually involved one or more adults physically restraining him as he was physically aggresive and has been known to bust my lip on occasion.) By being really consistent in your discipline and alot of patience, you can really turn alot of her anger and anxiety around. Then ds may be able to work more comfortably and with more confidence. Good luck and we'll be praying for your situation.
Spanking never worked here so I had to become creative. I went to the stand in the corner until you count to _ so it teaches counting and they hate being put in a corner. If they came out of the corner they were sent back to start over and yes the first few times took a lot of restarting. But now they know I mean it. And I have also sent them to their room if they are acting up. I will say 'obviously since you are misbehaving you are tired and need to be in your room for some alone time. You can come out when you are ready to aploogize for your bad behaviour and act your age.' My kids are 7 and 5 so there can be a lot of rivalry some days since I have both a boy and girl. As to the ripping things up to get you to take her out. Don't take her out, I agree it's rewarding her for her bad behaviour. As to your son having a hard time doing his own work. Tell him that you have to get your daughters behaviour under control because it's just to wearing to try to do both. So if he has a problem move on to the work he can do and wait until you are available to do the other work. And for your daughters ABC's and 123's try using them in a game of hopscotch or something else simple where it seems less like learning. Have a bowl of alphabet soup and play who can find the _ first. Lots of learning can be done in fun ways without the worksheets. Hang in there it will get better.
It sounds like the main issue here is that your 4yo needs discipline. I can understand her jealousy, especially if previously your time was all on her while your son was at school. However, that does not mean she can destroy books, or attack her brother to get her way. I would suggest an If - Then chart for her. Basically you lay it out IF you bite your brother THEN you get a time out (or whatever you punishment is) IF you tear up your brothers books THEN you do not get to go outside today, IF you ruin your brother's school work THEN you loose a toy, game, whatever, IF you aren't quiet while I am working with your brother THEN you will get no TV today Basically you need to make a way that she knows ahead of time what the consequence will be to her actions, then you teach her that "Because you CHOSE to bite your brother, you CHOSE to have a time out so you will sit here for 4 minutes" Then she learns that by misbehaving she is also choosing to have a punishment.
Yes, I agree with the others... it's a behavioral issue with your 4 yr old... but I also hear there is a lot of need for 1 on 1 with your son. You may already be doing this, but I would recommend a staggered schedule. Do one subject with your son, then spend time outside with both kids, then work on another subject after setting DD up with an independent activity, then spend time playing a game with dd. Hopefully if you give alternating attention your dd won't get to the point of becoming violent. You also need to train your son to do somethings independently. Work one or two problems with him, then let him do a couple on his own, then come back and work with him some more. It will take time to wean him off the contant one on one attention, but he will get better if you work on it. I hope it works out for you! Good luck! Edie
I understand the frustration. I don't think this issue would be a problem in my home-country overseas; but it seems in this truly wonderful country parents are scared to discipline their kids. I agree with the others who mentioned a little bit of spanking for destroying books; I'd use time-out mat or chair or standing in the corner for a few minutes and then approach her with "do you understand why you've been punished?" - and demand *sorry* to her brother and to Mom. It is better to cut off behavior like this now because I don't believe in improving it on its own. When it comes to schooling - my opinion it is way too early for her to do formal schooling, it might be done in game/fun way while reading a book or in the kitchen trying to count apples etc. She is a small child who likes to play - awesome; however when a tantrum is in sight - be kind yet firm enough to "punish" her with time-out mat for few minutes until *sorry* is said.
I agree with the others. She should NOT be destroying things and hurting her brother. If it were me, I'd nip this NOW with spankings (time outs never worked with my kids). There is a scripture in Proverbs that says 'Foolishness if tied up in the heart of a boy (or girl) and the rod of dicipline is what will remove it'. I wholeheartedly believe this is true. Something about it, the sting I guess, just wakes 'em up! God also sets the example for discipline when the Bible says 'Those He loves, he disciplines'.
Let her go outside alone in backyard to work some of that frustration off and the oldest might get some work done. Also stick to the punishment when she gets out of control.
I would not let her continue this behavior. It's not something she is going to grow out of. It will only get worse. For distroying things I would "paint her back porch red". We believe in spanking but we don't do it over everything. Somethings they loose privilages or time in the corner for. So find something that works for your child and stay consistant. She can't keep trying to run the house. You're the mommy and the manager of your home not her. As far as your son constantly needing one on one. Why not help him with a few problems and then have him do a few on his own without you there and then comeback and help him with a few more? If he has issues with reading alone, help him read then let him answer the questions or do the assignment on his own. Just do a little bit at a time gradually working towards independence. I have a 14 year old and this is what we do. He's almost completely independent now on most subjects. Oh, and I did allow him to use my teachers books so he could check his answers on his own. He also used it to help study farther if he didn't understand a concept.
