I am planning on starting homeschooling next summer/fall for the first time. Since we are 99% sure that we are going to do it, I have started talking to my family about it. They are less judgmental than I was expecting, but they all bring up socialization. Honestly, that was the first thing that came to mind when God first put this whole thing into my heart. After a little bit of research though, I have put my mind to ease about that issue. I tell them that studies have actually shown that kids are better socialized when homeschooled because they don't worry as much about peer pressure and can socialize with all different age groups. It is also true that everyone seems to know one freakish person that homeschooled. However, I always say that we don't recognize most homeschooled kids because we don't see anything different so we don't know they were homeschooled. Anyway, I know a lot of you have been doing this for a long time. It is probably clear to everyone now that your kids are perfectly socialized. Do you have any advice for a newbie dealing with this issue? TIA!
My advice is to not argue the issue, simply let your children "speak" for themselves in this case. My family used to worry about that, BUT once we really got to homeschooling and they saw the difference in my children compared to PS children they understand that socialization is not an issue anymore! I have people who are complete strangers to me coming up to me and asking how I get my children to play so well with others, honestly I don't think the answer is homeschooling, but rather the answer lies in the fact that I expose them to children of all ages and they play well with them all because the rules are always the same, now if they were in school it would be more difficult for me to create those situations but not impossible so I won't say that because I homeschool my children are better socialized, but I believe that homeschooling has made it easier to teach them good social skills.
There are plenty of ways that homeschool kids get socialization. Church, scouts, sports programs, homeschool co-ops, summer camps..... the list goes on and on. Socializing is learning how to interact with other people so any time that your kids are around other people they are learning to socialize. Believe me there are very few homeschool families that I know of that stay at home all the time. Most kids are involved in a whole bunch of different activities giving them plenty of time to learn how to get along with others.
I think you gve them a wonderful answer. Make sure they know the difference between socialization and socializing. Learning how to get along, what the rules are, the customs of the society you live in, that's socialization. Finding friends and engaging in activities with others, that's socializing. Opportunities for socializing will differ according to where you live. Some areas have tons while others are more remote or are just composed differently and have few. Church activities, lessons you can't do at home (in a formal sense like music or art or drama) or performance groups, sports teams or something like Chess Club, Scouts, a co-op or support group to belong to, neighbors to play with -- all of these will vary according to where you live and the circumstances of your life. But that's true for public-schooled kids as well as homeschooled kids - stuff to do when you're not doing school. Yeah, but ps kids are around kids all day -- maybe, but they don't have a ton of time during a day to BE friends, because they can't talk in class, may not have recess, may not be able to talk in the cafeteria (depending on the school), AND have to put up with bullies on the bus... and none of us want those things for our kids.
One reason some people feel homeschooled kids are "weird" is that they tend to be different from their unsocialized ps "peers". That is, people see the unsocialized ps'ers and think that all kids that age are the same way. But they aren't, of course. Homeschooled kids tend to get along better with all ages, from infants to old people, than ps kids who only know how to get along with their age peers because that's all they've ever been around. (Not all ps'ers only know how to get along with their own age peers, either, but it's the common perception.) Homeschoolers tend to be less "up" on popular culture, driven by fads, or the hottest this'n'that, and tend to choose reading more often as a leisuretime activity. The public at large see kids misbehaving in public and blame the parents or society at large, never considering where those kids go to school. Until they see misbehaving homeschoolers (and whose kids haven't misbehaved at SOME time?) and then they blame it on homeschooling. Then when they see a group of kids behaving very well, they ignore it -- unless they find out they're homeschoolers, then they "blame" the good behavior on "how restrictive their parents must be!" Go figger!
WHAT SOCIALIZATION ISSUE??? Lol!!! Really, socialization is the biggest "non-issue" there is. Simply tell those that ask that yes, you know you can't keep your children isolated. They'll have plenty of opportunity to get out and spend time with other children their own age. You really don't need to say more than that. Lindina, back when Bush ran against Kerry, I was in the school and the fifth grade class went to lunch, having to cut right in the middle of the VERY LONG line to vote. The kids were exceedingly polite. When I finished voting, I went in and told the office how well-behaved their students were, just for the reason you mentioned. If one kid had acted up, EVERYONE would have been fussing, so I felt someone needed to mention when they did well.
I usually respond with school is not for socializing, but for educating. We socialize, and WE choose who they get to hang with, not the district.
I agree, Krista. One of the main reasons that I want to homeschool is because DS has a really bad kid in his pre-K class this year...and this is at a private, Christian preschool. DS has really picked up some of his behaviours and also the teacher has a really hard time trying to get the kids to focus because he is always acting up. They were learning so much at the beginning of the year and I feel like she has given up. This is a great teacher with one bad kid. I can't even imagine a mediocre teacher with more than one bad kid!
I have two kids. One is homeschooled and has never been to school at all. The other goes to public high school but was homeschooled before that. There are some great kids in ps! However there are more problems than not. School isn't about socialization and that isn't the only place kids can meet other people. I can honestly say that ps is what is right for dd14 but NOT dd7. There are so many other options for getting kids out there. There is church, 4H, homeschool groups, and just plain living life! Without a doubt my dd7 has more confidence than my dd14 did when she was 7. That child can have a conversation with ANYONE not just other kids. Also the fact that dd14 was homeschooled before gave her a confidence in herself that I honestly havent seen in many kids her age. Socilization is WAY overrated when it comes to public school. If anyone asks you about the "S" word again you could be snarky and say something like "well actually my kids won't have time for socializing what with being chained to the kitchen table conjugating latin verbs and all". Or you could tell them "Don't worry! I plan to beat up my kids, call them names and take their lunch money so they won't feel left out."
I always say 'Do you mean besides the skating, choir practice, bible classes, field trips, outings with friends, co-ops, etc?' I tell them we've run out of socialization time and need to do actual schoolwork. Really, I don't get the question much anymore because once they meet my kids, they realize there is no way my kids are unsocialized. Don't worry. It will all work out for you. Trust in what God wants you to do.
I understand- and I've heard (and worried) about that concern as well. So here is how it's going with my own dd: In ps, she was a mouse. Barely spoke at all. Usually she sat alone at lunch, although she says she had a best friend. As often as not, she played with her imaginary friend at recess. HUH? Umm... yeah. She wasn't teased or picked on, and she's about the sweetest little girl you can imagine. But that's how socializing works at our ps. Now that she's homeschooled... she's a different creature. This weekend my in-laws remarked at how much more confident she is. She talks to them now, instead of whispering something to me. She has MORE time to play with kids, and the kids we have over PLAY with her.. she's never lonely in the crowd. She also stands up for herself more, and is much less afraid to share her opinions. And that's without adding lots of homeschooling families to our circle (we've only been at it a short time, and still working out the kinks). We see our in-laws (little girl only a year younger than dd) two or three times a week now. On the weekends, a little boy (a year older than dd) comes over to play for several hours. And of course, my children have each other as well. My ds, in ps, deals with daily ridicule on the bus, and sometimes isn't included on the playground. Lunch is so rushed there isn't time to talk AND eat (I have had lunch with him several times and frankly am appalled at how quickly he's expected to 'shovel' in his food). And if the 'noise' gets too loud in the lunchroom- which isn't loud at all imho- they make all the kids raise their hands (meaning.. they can't eat either) and be silent so they can tell them they need to be quieter. He's a popular kid, but that's what his day is like. The rest of the time is sitting at his desk, doing his schoolwork. Personally, I don't think the 'socializing' part of school is all it's cracked up to be. Obviously not all schools are like ours, and I understand that.
In addition to the things mentioned above (church, boy/girl scouts, sports, etc.), our children took small-group Spanish classes with a former missionary and made friends there. Our older daughter sang in a homeschool chorale, and our oldest son played homeschool baseball. My wife would sometimes meet up with other homeschooling moms to go on a field trip somewhere. The nice thing is that we knew the friends our children were making came from families with a similar mentality to ours.
I wouldn't even engage in a conversation about it! In the beginning I would explain what we planned to do and how DD would be "socialized" but people would just blindly argue! Then I'd get snarky, but that just made things worse. Now I don't engage in that conversation (I end it with a "yes, socialization is a concern for all parents" and then change the topic) and I let the fact that my DD is the most social and outgoing girl speak for itself! Not to mention the zillions of birthday parties she was invited to last year! And the 20 kids that came to her's!
I once saw a tee shirt that had a cartoon picture of a pregnant teenage girl, a teenage boy smoking, and a beer can sitting next to them both...on the bottom it said something like "WHAT socialization?" Kinda sums up how I feel. Yes, my kids will be exposed to these things, but in an environment where I know whats going on and am able to talk to them about it. Another one I like is "I home school because I've seen the village and I don't want it teaching my child"
Question: "What about socialization? Dc needs to be exposed to things so he'll be able to live the real world!" Answer: "Exposed to the real world? Do you mean, head lice, the common cold, the uncommon cold (bronchitis), swine flu, bird flu, chicken pox or are you referring to some other disease spread by "socialization"?" :twisted: I don't "play well with others" when they ask that question. Like another poster has said, it's our choice who ds hangs with. Not the school district's.
