This is most of a venting post - thank you for listening! We met at a homeschooling meeting, and clicked; our kids clicked instantly, so we would schedule play dates and sleep overs on a regular basis. But these last three day were just a disaster, I have no idea where our relationship will end up. And I feel so bad about this. Myself, my friend "Vikki" and another mom decided to try and coop for schooling 3 days a week. The kids are mine is 9, and two others are 7 and 8. They play together so perfect. But when it came to schooling all of a sudden I realize, that our all three approaches are totally different. I follow a certain curricula, while "Vikki" unschooling (as a result, her child do not read at age of 8 and a half), and another child (7 years old) just started learning her abc-s; but she is progressing very fast. And it is all O.K., but they had a hard time accepting me following a curriculum, calling it a 'book epidermis". They need 40 minutes for everything, while I need 4 hours... I was blamed for this, and eyes were rolled, and my feeling were hurt. Day one and day two I just tried to keep it peace and quiet, putting my 9 years old down to the level of unschooling kid, but today I brought with me our own math and grammar, and it was disaster. I can handle it, but I feel so sorry for my kid that our today's cold war can affect his relationship with his friends... I tried to reason with them, that everyone is different, and that is how I feel I do this, but they were just pushing into stuff like "oh it is too early, it is not way to go" and pushing me to drop everything and to crafts and music and foreign language with them (since I am a bi-lingual, they want me to teach their kids my lingo). Well that's about it, thank you for listening everyone
I think this can be worked through IF all the moms concerned can agree to disagree on the education thing. There are so many differences between any two homeschools, that it would almost be impossible to find a perfect match. While it might be great if they did the same thing as you, so everyone could "study" together, that may not be possible (without a lot of tension). I would look at it as a friendship and not a co-op sort of thing. That being said, last year I met a woman who did homeschool MUCH different than I did. I was almost shocked at the little amount of curriculum they used(only math). I even had some thoughts that her kids would never learn all they needed to. Well, I have changed since then. While I use more curriculum than she does, I am more relaxed and we don't use curriculum for history and I am even going to try an alternative class for my son next semester centered around "outdoor living skills". I don't give hardly any tests. I guess I am saying, while unschooling may seem a little "out there", it may work for some people (I have read some great stuff about it) and believe it or not a lot of study has been done on how pushing early learning can be detrimental and delayed learning doesn't mean they won't learn enough. In a nutshell, I hope they don't judge you and likewise you won't judge them. Then, I believe the friendship can prosper.
I'm thinking that having just playdates will help your friendship with the parents and the kids' friendships a lot more than trying to blend such very different learning/teaching styles. It might be possible that you all could get together over one subject or another, like science or history, which would be done aloud and with projects instead of worksheets, but it might not. If there's a way to pull out gracefully, and continue to be friends for playdates, that's what I think I'd do....
Funny this came up because I just got an email from a friend wanting to get in a co-op. I have never wanted to for the very reason you are describing. Maybe this could be more like a playgroup kind of thing. And I like Lindina idea of maybe doing a subject that can be done aloud. Or if they are into crafts and you like their friendship you all do crafts. Sorry you are going through this.....its a tough call. I know being with my twin five year olds day in and day out I long for some adult conversations, but I sure don't want to deal with someone else's style if it does not suit us. And I don't mean that to sound rude. That is why we do not do co-ops. We do however do playgroups. Good luck with this!
Thank you for the inputs! My son benefits a lot in this connection, since him and I are mostly home alone (husband is a distant type of a person, he is not involved in our lives whatsoever), and I really want to keep the friendship for the sake of "socialization" for him. And yes, I do enjoy talking to the moms also. DS read a story yesterday to the other kids who don;t read yet; then we did a discussion of this story, then they did a drawing of what they just heard. Then two other kids started their "school" - counting by 2 and 3 and practicing letters; while I sent my son to do his math worksheet. It took the other kids complete their "school" 30 minutes, and everyone joined for the weaving, then everyone went play in the snow. perfect setting for the other kids, but when we came home, DS was tired and we did a little bit of geography reading and that's it. I opened another discussion about Waldorf group, I think I am answering it myself - it won;t work, I feel so uncomfortable without structure and following the plan. Playgroup only will be perfect, it was twice a week before, but yesterday two other moms and I didn't feel comfortable with each other and our good-byes were fake and cold. I will try to work through, please say a prayer.
This is the reason we're not in a co-op either. TO ME (and that's just me), co-ops are a complete waste of time at this age/grade. I'd rather have him finish his work quickly at exactly, 100% the right level and speed FOR HIM, and then have plenty of time to play later. I don't want to re-teach what he just "learned" at a co-op, and I don't want him to be bored if the co-op is doing something below his level. No one wants to feel like they're doing the wrong thing, and no one wants to feel like someone else's kid is either way ahead or way behind the group, so why even bother? I think co-ops are great for higher level courses, especially if the parent is uncomfortable with the subject matter, but at the elementary level, it's completely the wrong choice for us.
I always find it sad when homeschool parents get upset on how others homeschool. The whole concept of homeschooling is to be able to teach stuff the way it works for your child. Maybe if you could sit down and talk to them, with the "I'm not upset, but where this works good your your kiddos, it's not working that well for mine. I would love to do the foreign language with you guys, but could we just keep it at that?" It's a hard situation, adn I am sorry you are going through it!
Maybe just set a day of the week aside for playdate, foreign lang, and crafts. Realize that is all that day will likely be and try to fit your curriculum into the rest of the week. I understand what you are saying even though I haven't done a co-op. Anytime people have differing opinions it can become a sticky topic. Best to leave it out of the friendships if they are the most valuable aspect of the relationship.
Thank you for the support everyone! The good news - we all exchanged emails and at this point I believe the friendship will go on, I am so happy about it. The "bad" news, one of the moms is a very structured person, she created a program that we supposed to follow, and she does not do to it any other way than what they already started. Another good news - we agreed we will join play time after the school, I have to finish earlier, but it is doable. I am sorry for all this commotion, I was so upset and ...lost? unsure? But with your support and some positive thinking I feel so much better now. A little bit guilty (not being able to fulfill their expectations and be a perfect match for them), but overall it is all o.k. now.
Ivanna - I think you found a solution. You said in one post that your son read to the others and then had a discussion about it. He did his math while they did their studies, that is "independent work". You did the weaving together. Maybe you need to do a similar set up only two times a week. This would help the other students with comprehension, not upset your friends, and allow socialization for all the children. You then have 3 days for your studies. Just set it up for your son to do the easiest study material during the days you socialize. If the other moms still want to do it 3 days just say you can't make all three, but look forward to being there for at least 2 days each week. (I always blame something like this on my DH, he is happy to shoulder it. I say he is uncomfortable changing things too much.) I really hope this can be worked out for you.
For the Son, that is true that the kids had a wonderful time together; that was an awesome three days for the kids - but pretty stressful for me. Although they did some stuff together, and my son did his math on his own, he constantly checked in asking: whatcha doing now? ..and had hard time to concentrate. He did 1/3 of his daily math, and half of that third was done incorrectly. I didn;t have any time to spent with him, because it was my turn to do math with the other two kids. Knowing my DS personality, he really needs a quiet environment to be able to concentrate. Another thing - we didn't do neither Language Arts, nor geography, no music or foreign language. I am not doing the whole lot of things with my son, very basic things, yet they must be done on the regular basis and in a nice "working" setting without interruptions. Well at least we are still friends (I doubted that yesterday LOL), and little by little we may squeeze ourselves into their activities after our school done only. That would be very nice. Thank you for your support!
Maybe the good Lord was allowing you to glimpse into another homeschooling family's life so you can better appreciate your own! Be thankful you homeschool your children and not her's. You are right, we all do it differently, but that is no excuse for a lack of respect!!!!!
I do a co-op with another mom, and it works well for us for a few reasons. 1) She really lets me do my own thing with the science, while I let her do her own thing with history or art. What we do agree on is that the lesson should only take about 40 min to an hour to complete. We confirm with each other what the "overview" will be (ie, this semester I am doing astronomy and anatomy for science, she geography) to see if we want to modify our science or history at home, or jump on one another's band wagon (for example, I had science all planned out since last year, and when she asked what I was doing I told her and she said "what are some books you are using? I will get those for my kids too" so she just did "our" science for her curriculum this year since she had no definite plans yet). The most important thing is to sit down with the moms first, agree on what you want to do, and then figure out ways to modify what you want to do with the students abilities. We let the 4 yr old do the co op with the 12-14 yr olds, and we have her draw pictures instead of write down the material. Options like those can be lifesavers for co-ops. Also, perhaps instead of doing all subjects together, just pick one or two where you all can do larger projects and save the more independent/individual work for when you are at home. Perhaps three days a week is too much, and one or two would work better. Discuss this with the other moms in advance. Good luck.
