I will start with a little background information: From May 2007 to December 2009 I worked as a CPA (which included a lot of travel and long hours) while my husband went to school. During this time my children went to a very nice and big private Christians school. The children loved the school and thrived in it. As of January 2010 we moved, my husband went on active duty with the Army, I got the opportunity to again stay at home with the kids, and the kids (at the time 4 and 6) got to begin being homeschooled. We started with the A Beka curriculum for my oldest (Jonah), and my youngest didn't really do any school (Jacci). He hated it. It wasn't the staying at home it was the curriculum. After he completed the year (kindergarten) I spent a lot of time looking into curriculum that seemed to work better with is learning style and interests. So starting in September 2011 we started using "Sonlight" (first grade for my son, and kindergarten for my daughter). They loved the material. And they looked forward to school everyday and even wanted to do school on the weekends. Just because they loved it. But we have notice that over the last 4 to 6 months that my son has began to withdraw from other children completely. It isn't that he is shy because he has known these children for about a year and use to be great friends. He seems to be not be able to interact with them and avoids actually playing with others. So last night my husband sits me down and asks me "How are things going with school?" I say GREAT! Then he explains that Jonah is really really struggling with interaction with other kids (I agree, but say there isn't much I can do about that, and I am doing everything I can already). He then explains that this happened to him when his mom homeschooled him and that he struggled into his teens just to be in a group setting. And the only way for he was able to over come was to go to a regular school and learn how to on a daily basis. We can't afford the private school in our area that actually offers a classroom environment for him (which is what he needs), so our only choice is the near by smallish public school. Also if one goes both will need to go. That is what my husband wants, and I completely agree with him. BUT it is hard for me to let go. While I worked all I wanted was to be home with the kids and now that I am the best thing maybe for them to go to school. I guess I am looking for reassurance, and/or to hear from others with similar issues. Please post telling me your thoughts!
It might be a little traumatic if you put him in ps if he is struggling socially. Was he withdrawn at all when he was in the private school ? Maybe you could get him some counseling so he can learn how to interact better with kids his age. Also, have you tried putting him in Sunday School class or a sports activity or something similar ? My 12 y/o has been withdrawn practically her whole life. Which is funny because her sisters are a little too social :roll: I have put her in counseling and it didn't help anything. We forced her to go to Sunday School and every sport the recreation center offered. It didn't make her any more outgoing. She had gone to private Christian school up until 4th grade and a 1 day trial at PS that went HORRIBLE. She does really good if she has one or two friends come over to the house, but in a larger group setting she withdraws. I have come to the realization she doesn't like to be around alot of people, and that is OK. Not everybody does :wink:
If you feel that PS is the right thing for your family than that is what you should do. However, it sounds like your son is dealing with a lot (moving, Dad being active military). The school part of it sounds like it is going great. It sounds like socialization is your issue. Have you talked to your son about what is going on? Maybe he is getting bullied. Maybe he just doesn't have similar interest as those kids. He is old enough to tell you what is going on if you approach it the right way and hear him out. Before calling it quits on HSing (it really seems like that is what you want for your family), I would maybe try to get him involved in other activities with kids (soccer, karate, art class, whatever). Maybe you could try to meet some other moms with kids his age and have playdates. My gut is telling me that HSing isn't the problem here. Of course, I am not you and I don't know your family as well as you do. I would just explore some other options first. BTW, why do both kids need to go to PS if one does? I am going to make decision based on each child and what is best for them. I don't know if there is some weird state law where you are though. I will pray for you and your family as you make this tough choice. I think you should pray about it and make the decision that you feel is right in your heart. You always do what is best for your family and don't let anyone second guess your decisions. HUGS!
Both the kids attend Sunday School (weekly) and and we have play time after church every Wednesday. They also attend group art classes. When he was in private school he was very involved with the other children. And he has always been very out going. We moved and started homeschooling in January 2010 and but it wasn't until July/August 2010 that he started to withdraw. When asked he makes comments of not knowing how to play with the kids. He never had any trouble with the classroom setting and seemed to thrive in it. But out of what I wanted was why we began homeschooling. He didn't really care either way. Does this make sense?
I have one child in ps and one child I hs. Both are thriving where they are. Each kid is different and each kid is going to have different needs. I suppose you should evaluate the needs of you kid and go from there. What do you feel would be best?
I didn't vote in the poll because I don't know what is the right thing for your family. I think you could continue to homeschool and just make an effort to put him in a group setting every day. Put him in Cub Scouts, Sunday Scout, chess club, sports teams, homeschool groups, art classes and any other activities he might enjoy. Could you find one or two other kids he likes and have playdates with them? PS can be very different than Christian school and the social skills he learns might not what you had in mind. My kids have always been in PS until this year and one son still is in PS. I started homeschooling because I just couldn't stand the "socialization" that my son was getting in PS anymore. My son is shy and he said a good day in PS first grade was when nobody talked to him the entire day "because at least they aren't making fun of me."
I didn't vote, either. Nor did I read everything everyone else said, though I did scan through them. Others suggested alternative ways of "socializing" other than school. I would echo their comments. Get him involved with clubs, sports, church, whatever.
I didn't vote either, because we have only been homeschooling since October, but I did find your post interesting. My dd (who has been out the longest) tended to be rather shy and quiet in ps- rarely talked, sat by herself at lunch, and played with imaginary friends at recess. I've experienced the opposite of what you have. Since she's been home, she's very outgoing and confident. She plays happily with other children (she always has outside of school) and is finally more confident with the adults she knows and will talk to them, too. I don't know what to tell you- other than that I am surprised. I do believe children need opportunities to play with and interact with children, but ps tends to be very dog-eat-dog. Ds, always social and popular, was just pulled a few weeks ago and is still healing from bullying battle scars. If the problem really is a socialization one, there has to be a better way than ps.
Another no voter.. like Meghan, we have experienced the opposite. My daughter went from being withdrawn and having no friends to being able to hold conversations with anyone she encounters. She has made several friends through our activities and has blossomed. She spent K-8th grade in public school, so I know HS has worked for her. My gut tells me your sons behaviors have nothing to do with being homeschooled. I would look at what is going on in your household (moving..etc) before doing something drastic like putting him in PS. That is the last place you want to put a withdrawn child that doesn't want anything to do with his peers.
I don't want to offend you, please don't take it that way But could he be suffering from depression ? Withdrawl is one of the top signs of depression. Trust me. I have been dealing with it since I was a little kid, and still struggle with it as an adult. It could be triggered by the move or worrying about his dad's job Also, wanted to point out loss of interest is another big sign of depression.
I second Jennifer's thoughts. My first reaction was that he may be depressed, in which case making another major change in his life by putting him in public school would not be wise. Has he said that he wants to be with children not stop all day long? If he has not associated his withdrawing with homeschooling, you shouldn't either. There is so much that can be going on in his mind that it is best to determine the cause of the withdraw before changing anything at all in his routine. There are so many possibilities...anything from being more mature than the other kids, to the kids just not being his "type" of friends, to depression and the list goes on and on. Sure hope everyone's ideas help you out.
I was thinking the same thing. I suspect that all of those big changes are playing a part. Making a schooling change might even make it worse.
I agree with the others that suspect depression. My husband was a military kid and went through it several times growing up. The stress of constantly moving and not always knowing if daddy was safe (and once knowing for sure he wasn't) really impacted him. At that time kids could get a few free sessions of therapy to try to help them deal with it. I don't know if that is still available, but it might answer the question for you. If what comes out is that he is lonely and needs to be in a school setting then you know for sure what to do. If it comes out that he is dealing with a lot of emotions from all the changes maybe they can help him work through them.
OK, I didn't vote either, but not becasue I didn't want to. The option I wanted wasn't available! Here is my opinion, since you asked...lol! You are doing the right thing in my mind ONLY because it is honoring your husband's wishes! Since he is the head of your home, if he says ps, then ps it is. But, you can pray hard that God will change his heart, if it is the Lord's will for your children to be at home. I am a strong believer there is no other place for a child than at home. For us, homeschooling is, and will forever be, the only way. PS's are getting worse and worse and they will do their best to indoctrinate your child with worldly ways and now even "alternative" lifestyles! If your child is withdrawn because of something he is going through, then don't expect ps to make it better. It may even get worse. There are mean kids, bullies, and alot of peer pressure to fit in. If I were you and my husband allowed me to continue to homeschool, then I would get involved in a homeschool group and try to find some friends for him that come from a likeminded family. Check out other activities too, like mentioned above. Also, you did do a big move! Maybe the anxiety of that didn't kick in right away...you know, new home, new bedroom, kinda exciting. Then comes the lonliness because you do not know anyone. Get him around other kids! If you decide to send him to ps, maybe wait until the beginning of the next year. That way he doesn't have the extra pressure of being "the new kid", since so many other new ones show up at the beginning of the year. Maybe even by then he will make friends and all will be great again!
YEAH!!! Carrie, usually I'm the one saying such things! Though I'm not sure Dad has absolutely said he must go back to school. I think right now he is expressing his concerns (as is 100% appropriate...I'm thrilled Dad is observant enough to pick up on this!)
I rather agree with most on here. I am not sure what school and social have to do with the other. If he is doing great in homeschooling and everything is fine in that area, then you need to focus on the social reasons he is withdrawn. The fact that it came on all of a sudden seems odd to me. I would agree to look into reason why. One doesn't tend to be outgoing one moment and then not know how to play with kids the next. I doubt that putting him in a class with new teachers and kids would help him feel more 'outgoing'. I see it causing more stress. If socialization is an issue then I would say to focus more so on that. Get him into playdates and activities. Encourage him to be more friendly and how to play with others. I think overall I would be concerned with the all of a sudden issues though. I hope you can pin point what is going on
I didn't vote and just glanced over the other responses. I didn't vote cause I can't say what's right for your family. Only you and your hubby know that. But-I did notice depression mentioned. But didn't (in my skimming) notice anyone say maybe that's just his personality. Maybe even in PS or private school, he wouldn't be any different. The first thing most people say against homeschooling is 'what about socialization' IMHO-in my experience with PS (my own Prek-12 and my son's 2 years there) there is very little socialization in school. Yeah-they are in a room full of people, but they are to sit still and be quiet. That's not socializing. In fact, more than once at school I was told "you're not here to socialize" Socialization is always an issue when you mention homeschooling and if a person in an intrvert or suffers from social anxiety, etc, it's blamed on homeschooling. But I know plenty of PS kids/adults that have those same problems/issues/personalities and no one blames it on them going to PS! I just don't see PS solving this problem. I know it seems like it would be an easy fix, but I personally don't think it is (though I could be wrong as I know very little about your situation) I think one thing you should do is ask yourself why you chose to homeschool in the first place. You main goal for your kids with homeschooling, and are you willing to give it up for this one problem. Every kid/family has problems they must work through whether they homeschool or go to PS. What you really need to evaluate is will PS help this problem? Or will such a big change cause even more problems for him. Does he need more interaction with kids than he gets now? Will PS offer that? (PS here offered my K son 20 minutes of recess a day-not much socialization) Can I offer that and still homeschool? What if he's bullied at school? There is a lot to consider. And no one but you and your hubby knows what's right for your family. But, no matter what you choose, don't feel like a bad parent if you are doing what you think is best for your child. PS isn't for everyone and neither is homeschooling. If it isn't for your child, it doesn't mean you failed as a parent, it just means we are all individuals and that's a good thing-world would be very boring otherwise
I think that there are other ways to socialize your child besides pubic school. BUT if that is what you feel is best for him than by all means do so!! Is he having trouble with only a few kids or is it all kids?? I mean is he only around a certain group of children and acts like this or is there other groups that he is around and still has the same issue? Nobody's picking on him? I would definately start by placing him in a sport or other group setting before you put him in public school. Mainly because if he is having an issue interacting with others, it's going to be VERY difficult for him if he goes to public school. So ease into it a bit first. And being in sports might actually bring him out of his shell and you could still continue to homeschool. Just my thought on it. Hope all works out for you.
