how to encourage someone who is touchy! I have this amazing 13 year old daughter. She is smart, determined, and capable. However, whenever she is faced with a challenge that she really doesn't want to do (pre-algebra) she is a chronic under achiever. I honestly think she believes that she is doing her best. However....I KNOW without a shadow of doubt that she could do better. If I told her tomorrow that I'd give her 100 dollars for an A in pre-algebra, She would have that A. I believe in her that much, and I've seen what she can do when she REALLY wants to do something. Any time I try to communicate this to her, however she takes offense. She says I am pushing her too hard and asking for the impossible. Partly that is because she is at a very touchy age. It doesn't take much to set her off. something like, "umm, looks like your jeans are a bit tight, maybe we need to shop for more" will send her off wailing " you called me FAT!" So how do I communicate that she CAN do these hard things; that when she is faced with a challenge she can rise to it, even if it's something that is not fun? (part of this, I think is that school has always come so easily to her. She's never really had to push through hard things and spend alot of time trying, failing and trying again ,until she's succeeded. It seems that now if something doesn't come easily at the first, she is ready to call it quits moaning that it's impossible.)
I don't know but if you figure it out let me know! My teenager is the same way only not with her school work but everything else.
Well let me say it this way. In PS I breezed through the work. And then when I got to HS at about 14 I found it far harder and there were just more things to think about. My grades went way down. My mother constantly reminded me of how well I used to do, and why was I not doing well now. It wasn't that I wasn't capable, it was that applying myself at that age was really difficult. I didn't have a motivation to work really hard. Perhaps finding something to motivate her will work. Like you've already said if you were to reward her with 100 dollars she would do it. Well find something more budget friendly to motivate her.
This can be a sign of perfectionism. Sometimes a tendancy toward perfectionsim makes a kid not want to even start if they fear they may fail. So maybe directing your approach from a different direction would help. Discussions about school in general that give her permission to fail, but telling her you believe she has the ability to accomplish what she sets her mind to. Also, remember at this age she is entering the "hormonal stage"!! So communication on any level can be difficult. Keep her close, and keep working on your relationship. Foster a sense of respect, and try not to be offended by her. She honestly doesn't realize how her words and reactions can hit her family!!
Sounds like my ds, even though there's quite an age difference between our kiddos. Mine's SN, so when he's feeling the need to have a self-loathing episode I tell him, "Better watch it, your Aspie's showing". I start with humor to try and shaking it for him, possibly following with "If this is too hard for you then maybe we need to try last years work"...the thought of having to waste time on already-learned material usually works. I like to add to his prayers at night with a notation of thankfulness for our given talents and abilities. This is where he peeks a look at me (I know cause I'm waiting for it, LOL).
good news! I was able to talk to my dd about her math grade. It went well. I acknowledged that she is trying but I wanted to help her improve. I outlined my plan to help her improve. We will see how it goes. I told her that I really believed in her that she could get above a 90% on her math. So here is what we are going to try. She has to watch the DIVE CD-ROM each day. She has to do her work and I will grade it immediately. Any missed problems must immediately be reworked till the correct answer is found. Math is not considered done till all corrections are made. As a bonus...I gave her an equal number of M and M's as she has problems. Each correct problem she keeps a candy. The missed ones I get to eat :wink:
Isn't this age just lovely! My daughter is just like that. What works for me is sitting down with her and saying "wow, let's work on this together maybe you can help me cuz I don't get it either" Some how for her to help me it seems better to her.
