http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/index.cfm I wished I knew where I got this link. It was during one of my late nights cannot sleep so websurfing here I come. Where I live they don't have classes like back in the states for adopting. It's mysterious over here and when I talk of adding to our family thru adoption I get crazy looks along with very few awsomes thrown in. The country we are actually trying to adopt from in not a Hauge country and there have been just a handful of adoptions in that past few years. I just thought maybe some of these course would be helpful to us or if we should just spend the money on some books that previous adoptive familes have recommend us to read. I have all ready read thru the handful they have here. FYI-we are at the very early beginnings of this as in I am waiting for replies from some agencies both local and stateside.
We adopted our yougest daughter from China before the Hague requirements went into effect. May I ask which country you live in now and which country you are planning to adopt? If the country you are going through is not a Hague country, then you really don't need to worry about taking the classes. The major thing you should know as an adoptive parenting is that adopting a child might not be all rainbows and lollipops. A LOT of children have issues due to their abandonment/circumstances surrounding their adoption that all the love in the world wont cure. I have two adopted children, my 15 yr old came to live with me at age 7 and I adopted her at age 9. She has wounds from her first 7 yrs that will never heal. She has learned to cope with it, and she is much better emotionally now than she was 8 yrs ago, but there are still hard days. Attachment disorders are difficult. I have a friend who adopted a 7 yr old and after 1.5 yrs at home she is now in an in-patient facility to help her deal with RAD. Look up RAD, and understand it inside and out. It is very common, especially with older children. I know of several families that have disrupted their adoptions because they were not prepared for hard times. Two of my four kids are adopted and all though we have had some rough times with my older daughter, I would do it all again. My younger daughter was only 20 months old when we adopted her, and she has been an absolute joy. She has had no issues what so ever other than being a bit clingy when we first brought her home. I would love to add more children to our family through adoption, but I have come to realizeat this time its not in Gods plan for us.
You have gotten some very good advice from Jakk. One of our 3 children was adopted, and we are in the process of adopting domestically again. I would strongly suggest that you read, read, and then read some more before adopting. The Bethany Adoption Forums are an excellent place to learn more about adoption; they are open to everyone, not just those who have worked through Bethany. May God bless you and give you wisdom as you begin this journey.
I have been reading and talking to families who have adopted young and older. I have talked with families with minor needs to major. I have been learning about the process for over 2 years. We have met our financial goal and ready to contact 3 agencies here. Our fourth child will come from an Asian country. We are currently living on a military base in an Asian country.
Four of our seven children are adopted from foster care. They were adopted at different ages and after being with us in foster care for different amounts of time. Each one is special and precious to us and each came with their own set of issues depending on age and circumstances surrounding their lives before we knew them. We went through a parenting class for foster/adoptive parents and found it helpful. It was called MAPP. Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting.
If you are leaning towards an Asian country I would steer you away from the China program. My daughter has a heart condition, and it took us 16 months from start to finish four years ago. The regular program is running on a FIVE year wait at this time. China's special needs program is iffy. I know WAY too many families that have adopted a "minor" special need (in my opinion any adopted child should be considered special needs) and wound up with a much worse condition. My daughter was dx with a certain heart condition, and when we got her home and to the cardiologist we were told she does NOT have that condition, but a completely different condition. We thought she might have been misdiagnosed but the Cardiologist said there is no way to confuse her condition with the one she was given in China. There was also no way it was a translation mistake either. If you have kept up on the China program, you will see that it has come to almost a halt and in the last 3 yrs the number of SN children being referred as "healthy" is quite frequent. Some speculate they are trying to phase out their "regular" adoption program and go only SN. I took foster parenting classes and they prepared me for what I experienced with my older daughter. The class was called PACES. You might want to see if there is something like that where you are located. Also, adopting from foster care, in most cases, you know ahead of time what issues come with the child. You will know if there has been alcoholism, sexual abuse or what ever issues are known. I would love to adopt from the foster care system, but my DH is not on board.
All 5 of our children are adopted, 4 are from Kazakhstan and 1 is from Kyrgyzstan. We have trans-racial (Kazakh and Kyrgyz are Aisan) and ethnic Russian, we have older adoptees (3 were adopted at 8, 10, and 11), we have infant (2 were 11 months old), and we have special needs (cleft lip and palate, auditory processing disorder - severe). We also have experienced serious reactive attachment disorder...not with our older adoptees at all but with our one son adopted at 11 months old. Sure, older kids sometimes have RAD or other issues. And sometimes they don't. Our cleft kiddo was adopted at 8 and he is the most joyous, sweet natured child ever. Our daughters came home a year ago after terrible neglect and witnessing incredible violence, and yet they are deeply loving, caring, wonderful girls. It is easy to take in only the negative stories and have great fear due to them. After all, the negative stories get ratings! Who ever shares much about the thousands of older children adopted who love their families and adapt reasonably easily? Do your research, read books, take classes if it helps...but the single most effective tool we used to prepare ourselves was to speak via internet and phone with families who had adopted from the countries we adopted from, and who adopted children roughly the ages ours were. We spoke with hundreds of folks, and it helped prepare us far better than any agency training did. And I'll tell you what, I wouldn't trade our kids for a million bucks. No, it hasn't all been lollipops and rainbows, but then neither is biological parenting either. We just have different issues to deal with, that is all, with none of it being any more overwhelming than what others have...different maybe, but no worse than most other families who have 5 kids and decide to homeschool Oh, well, I guess throwing in the English language learning at the same time WOULD make it a bit different! Hahaha! Warmly, Cindy LaJoy
We have contacted a few agencies with two being most promising. I am both excited and fearful because we do not get to pick our child but will hopefully be closely matched. Right now the country we are wishing to adopt from has a close on accepting any new applications until they basically get caught up on the applicaitons they already have. We are considering special needs and told this to the agencies before we learning about the current hold though some agencies are not effected by this. Kinda the waiting game right now. We know where we'd like our next child to come from now it's the paperwork and online course to take. I found a yahoo group with families who have adopted from our country of interest so that should be helpful. China and Korea are not an option for us at this time due to personal reasons.
We never qualified for China due to income or weight Oh well...we have the beautiful family we were meant to have. The process can be daunting, and there are so many considerations. Thank goodness for the internet where families can learn from one another! I don't know what I would have done without it. Do a lot of research on your agency, find independent references by internet surfing. The majority are legit, but even if they are some are just better than others. One thing I would add though is that you need to know there will be absolutely not support post adoption from 98% of them. They take your money, get you your child, and then they are done with you. Your homestudy agency (if different from your placing agency) may offer more support should you run into issues, but be prepared to go it alone and be your own advocate should you find you have challenges. But then, I think most families who adopt internationally are already pretty good at that Cindy
