This is our third year to have Ben schooling with us. Before he came to us, he was homeschooled, just like his 6 older sibs. But he was "the different one" in the family and wasn't happy to just follow Mom's plans - he insisted that he had to go to school and nothing else would satisfy him. So since we've known the family like forever, and they knew that we were "doing school", they figured we were a good compromise because public school was totally out of the question for them. This week I've been having a little difficulty with Ben. I mean, he's the sweetest 13yob you'd ever want to meet, but I guess that just makes puberty that much tougher - always distracted by whatever's going on in his head. Ben's a bit slow. His mom seems to think that he's just dyslexic like his brother, but I can tell there's more going on. He's mentally slower than other kids his age. Lately, he's been forgetting a LOT! He's just finished the first half of 4th grade math with difficulty, but passing the whole time, and we get to the first quiz in the next unit and it's like he has never seen a fraction before nor has any clue what one is so he failed it. We're trying to finish up 2nd grade reading, and taking the first quiz of that unit, he suddenly forgot what "alphabetical order" meant! So he failed it. He's usually an 80-85 C tester, but he's flat failed a couple lately, and saying "but you know I forget easy" very often. I know he has limitations, and I try really hard not to lose patience with him. When he first started with us, DH thought the boy simply hadn't been taught consistently at home - his mom admitted that the only "curriculum" she'd used was MUS and read-aloud books and that the only spelling/writing he'd done was perhaps her shopping list or a brief letter to a cousin, and I was surprised to hear this because with her other kids she'd used a variety of things including Lifepacs, ACE, Seton, Abeka, and Saxon - so DH thought that with consistent daily teaching, he would soon pick up and "be normal" (eventually able to do the same academics as other boys his age). He hasn't and he won't because he isn't. He's a great kid, hard worker, good heart, and fun to be around, but limited intellectually. His mother says that his being with us has been a wonderful blessing to him and to her, and she plans (if God wills it) for him to be with us until he graduates (his older brother just "graduated" at age 20, so Ben could be awhile!). Then yesterday I found a piece of paper with a list I had written of things that Ben could not/did not do when he first came to us at age 11. He did not spell his whole first name consistently - sometimes -min, sometimes -man, sometimes -men. He did not know his address. He did not know his middle name. He could not tell time, nor name the coins and tell their value, nor measure anything, nor draw a straight line with a ruler. He did not know the month or date of Christmas or New Year's Day. He could not name the days of the week or the months of the year. He could name some, but not all of them, and not in order. He didn't know his birthday. He did not flush nor wash hands after toileting. He had NO table manners. He has all of these skills and more now, so I'm going to keep that list and refer to it now and again, to remind me just how far he has come from where he started, so I can stop focusing on how far he has yet to go.
If you haven't yet, I'd be sure to sit down with mom and make sure she has reasonable expectations of what his time will you will result in. If she insists he's just dyslexic, she may expect that you'll eventually have him at a level comparable to others his age. That could cause problems down the road. Other than that, it sounds like you are doing well with him. I would allow him to review and retake those tests that he fail. It sounds like he's also dealing with self-confidence issues. If he can retake and review and remember a bit more, that will boost his self-confidence. It won't solve the problem of his long-term abilities, but a good healthy dose of self-confidence does wonders for a special needs kiddo. It sounds like he's a real blessing to be around. Praise the Lord he has you in his life!
Lindina~thanks for sharing your story. Your last two paragraphs reminded me so much of my oldest DS, and reminded me of just how far he has come. He had and sometimes still has times when he seems like he has never learned something that he has been doing for 12 years now. He has many LD, but is one of the neatest young man you would ever meet. Thanks for reminding me of how much he has over come.
Perhaps this boy is fighting years of being stigmatized/categorized as dyslexic. If his mother never used a curriculum with him but all his other sibs how would that adversly effect his own thoughts of himself. I think congratulate him regularly on every acchievement he makes. Build that young mans self esteem up. And keep on moving forward. God bless you for taking a honest interest in his education.
The girls in this family seem to have intelligence within the average range. The oldest boy too. But Ben's brother DC#5 is severely dyslexic - they've tried everything! Vision therapy, Sylvan Learning Center, tons of phonics and other types of reading instruction, tons of tutoring by other people - and he still can't read. I'm not sure about his intellectual capacity because I haven't had that much to do with this young man other than purely social contact, but he seems to be "intelligent enough". And he got through Algebra at home with MUS. And the farmer he works for has put him in charge of work crews (migrants from Mexico, from whom he has learned some Spanish). But Ben, the 7th of 7, is just different from all the others. He's the only one with ADHD. He's the only one who wasn't satisfied to do homeschool but insisted he had to go to school. He's even happy to just do school with us, even now that he's the only student. When his mom came to us to discuss the possibility that he could do school with us, she was crying and saying, "But what if he can't do it?" So I think she has some idea that his cognitive functioning is not like the others, but we have never passed those words between us. She knew all along that he was not the same as the others, and she really had no idea what to do with him because he just wasn't enough like the others for her to do with him what worked or fit with the others. At the time, I think we had three or four others in our little school. The mom was not exactly dead-set against prescription medications, but she was trying everything short of seeing an actual doctor about his hyperactivity. She was trying every possible combination of herbal stuff, and although there was a noticeable difference in him when he took it as compared to when he didn't, it really wasn't doing the job. We (including one of the other moms) encouraged her to discuss it with his pediatrician - no harm in asking, right, just collecting information? But it wasn't until she realized that EVERY other child in the room was on meds (which they all had been before they even came to us), that she decided to try it. Once he was on meds, when he was 12, she realized that 1) appropriate meds are not horrible, and 2) she could have had him "like this" (functioning more nearly like the others) a long time ago. She realized that with the supports she had in place at home already (notes/charts on the wall, little cards on a ring, stuff like that), Ben could do his chores, get himself ready in the morning, whatever she asked him to do, a LOT more easily than without meds. He could actually remember things he was told (well, better anyway), and in the evenings he could actually carry on a sensible conversation with them at home. Because he could pay attention to it. More recently, his dr. prescribed a divided dose of the adhd med, one morning, one noon, AND an anti-depressant for evening, which has helped him sleep better and also as a sort of side benefit enabled him to stop bedwetting, so he was able to join Boy Scouts and go camping with them for the very first time. She's still not happy to realize that he MAY need to take meds of one kind or another for his whole life, but she's SO very happy that he's able to do some stuff with other boys his age. She worries about him making friends, because when the olders were at home they were involved with homeschool groups, and the others made good and lasting friends there, but #5 is now 20 and just graduated, and #6 will graduate this May, and Ben's the last one, so they're not doing hs-group anymore. I think I'll encourage her to go ahead and do it anyway, at least for the field trips -- heck, maybe I'll go with them! However far we get academically in a year is however far we get, and for the forseeable future, we'll just pick up where we left off. He took and passed his Hunter Safety course this fall and got a hunting license (his mom sat home and sweated it out and prayed the first day he went out with his dad with a GUN). He's gotten his first deer, geese, rabbit, and now kills varmints around their place (possum, armadillo, coyote, etc.) regularly, even though he's still scared of being outside after dark. [They have gardens and raise chickens, so they can't tolerate the varmints. They also have a couple of sheep with lambs, a blind goat for a pet, rabbits, chinchillas, and a donkey, not to mention the dogs. And a ferret inside the house. Occasionally they have raised baby pigs, too. It is so fun to go to their house!] Ever since he's been with us, Ben has helped DH with the Food Pantry. He's learned the routine now, and all the adult volunteers there just love him. He's tall and strong, so he helps load and unload things, move cartons, etc. He's also learned things like not to jump into line first when it's time for lunch and to let all the elders go first, to swallow his food before talking and use his napkin, how to relate to people of all ages (although their family habit has been since he was small to visit the nursing home one Saturday a month), to listen carefully when given instructions, and the hierarchy for listening to instructions (dh is the boss, so if someone else tells you to do something, even the pastor, check with the boss first!) -- eg, work skills. He also takes it upon himself to sweep, empty trash, and to clean the bathroom at school. Just because he sees it needs doing, not just when I ask for help. One really big thing his mom attributes to us is that he has learned to take instruction from a MAN. His dad is a trucker, and is often gone for a week or two at a time, so Ben was used to taking orders from mom, and therefore was relating to women in authority rather than men. It took a great while for Ben to start relating to DH as his teacher, but now he also works better with his dad when he's home, and dad's job has changed some so that he can spend more weekends with Ben and take him to Boy Scouts and do "guy stuff", so relating to DH (as boss at Food Pantry as well as teacher at school) has helped him with his relationship with his rather authoritarian dad too. Sorry to get so long-winded, but there's just so MUCH to say about what a great kid he is and what progress he's made in the last couple of years -- even if he is still doing 2nd/3rd grade reading/spelling/English and 4th grade math. I truly think that any self-esteem issues he may have are the same as any other adhd kid who's 13. He's the only one of 7 who's concerned at his age about having a girlfriend and getting married, and he's noticed that the girls he thinks are attractive don't seem to be interested in him (yet).
That is a fantastic report of everything he is doing. I will say this if he suffers from dyslexia reading and academics will be harder. But it is doeable. And more doeable by the sounds of it with his meds. My husband is an electrician and he works with another man also an electrician who is dyslexic. He said school, PS that is, was torture to get through and it's a daily struggle for this man to read still. It's not something to be overcome in one night. But it sounds like you are working really well with him. And perhaps the smartest thing that boy has done is to see the need for himself to be taught by someone who wasn't a family member. It has allowed him to grow in his confidence and abilities. Again congratulations.
I think the demanding to go to school must have been a God thing. And at our school, CAN'T is a 4-letter word! >grin<
It sounds like you are doing a great job. He's progressing and seems to be in the right school setting for him. Thanks for sharing this with me, I've had some similar issues with my ds13 and reading your post has inspired me.
You are such an example of a true teacher. Your heart for your students amazes me. Thank you for sharing all you do. Your posts always bless me.
What a great reminder that homeschooling is about SO much more than academics. I have a delayed son, 12 years old who started homeschooling in June reading at beginning 2nd grade level. He tests with an IQ in the low 80's, yet this is one really smart kid despite the IQ results. He may never be able to spell well, and will always have deficits, but I needed this reminder about how much more we are teaching at home that is of value. Thank you for sharing this!
