Hi everyone. In in the UK after spending 5 years in North America and don' know any other homeschool parents here yet. I have a 3 year old who lives me with me. Her father and I have split, but we have an active and creative co-parenting lifestyle with her...he backs me one hundred percent on homeschooling/unschooling her. My question at the moment is... how do you regard pre-school? I don't want to put her in the "system" yet, but here there is a lot of support/pressure to put your child in the nursery 15 hours a week. (it's a paid for you entitlement) I'm very uncomfortable about putting her in nursery/preschool at such a young age, even though it is the accepted thing... I feel that homeschooling later is going to work better if I don't don't do this to her now... Any thoughts?
I think you have a healthy perspective. At this age especially, children need to be with mum and dad. Many cultures are leaning towards an environment where children are raised by the system. It is an intentional shift away from parents and parental relationships. The UK is one such culture. Many people believe children need group socialization at the youngest possible age. But really, do you want a 3 year old learning from you, or from other three year olds?!
If you don't want to put her in preschool, don't. Feel proud that you have the choice and that is what it is, you are making a choice. If it feels uncomfortable to you, then don't do it just because everyone else is. You can always decide later to put her in, but you can never get back the time if you put her in when you don't want to (and I am gathering that you don't want to). I know that is easier for me to say as I am sitting in my homeschooling friendly community, but know that there will always be support for you (although many miles away) here on the spot. Good luck with your decision, it is tough trying to always do what is best for our children.
I don't believe in preschool AT ALL. Most are glorified babysitting, and the ones that stress academics usually push kids too hard too soon. What can they learn in a preschool that you can't teach them at home?
I think that at 3, there is nothing wrong with keeping her home. I have a 3 year old who has never been in daycare or nursery school at all and he's incredibly social with everyone he meets.
Yes this is what I feel too. The problem I have is that I was in the States when I had her... and I had established myself in the community, had my friends, she had her friends etc. Here back in London it's taking a while to meet people and I'm a little isolated right now because of a serious leg injury caused by an assault, so the conversation has come up with some well meaning friends that putting her in nursery will give me more time to myself etc... I feel it will change her behavior (she's an extremely bright, creative and easygoing child) and that exposure to the nursery environment isn't something I'm comfortable with although it's difficult for me to express exactly why... it's like... I think the brainwashing will start that early? I've noticed some get uncomfortable with the idea that a child is with their mother all the time instead of being in a group of random toddlers with 2 or three 'carers'. She's only three... she's my little buddy. We spend a lot of time cuddling, singing. I think as she gets older she'll learn alongside me working (I'm an illustrator) I know that as my leg gets better I'll be able to take her out more, I'll get more confident. I'll be the person I was before the divorce and the assault. I guess the way I feel right now is that I need to assert my position on this and not give way just because the mainstream thinking here is so closed minded.
Know that any time things get tough because of your decision (or any other reason), we are always open to listen and support.
My disclaimer: my kids are homeschooled because I have lost ALL confidence in the school system to teach them anything of value. I also homeschool because I think the school teaches them lots of less valuable lessons and some truly contrary to free-thinking people. Ok that said.. I think you have to really think about WHY you would send your kids to preschool. That isn't a sarcastic question at all. If you don't have time or don't care enough, then preschool might be great. If your alternative is daycare, then preschool might be great. If, however, you are buying into the idea that 'everyone does it', be wary- that's a trap. I fell for it, too. And ds's preschool was a nightmare for him and I. And dd learned zero there. Both kids, however, got to learn that not all adults like them, not all adults treat them fairly, and that the loudest kids get the most attention.
I think you nailed it on that one! I also believe it's just an opportunity to brainwash. Especially given what I perceive about the UK. And I think you have a wonderfully healthy relationship with your daughter that will help her cope with the changes in her world. Imagine life from her perspective: mommy and daddy split up, she moved to another country, she leaves behind an entire life (the only one she ever knew existed), mommy is badly hurt, and now mommy doesn't want her around all the time? You're absolutely right to just put your foot down. Then pass the bean dip.
I don't feel that I want to...and that's a good way of putting the question... other people would say to me "because she would get to be around other children her own age" ... the thing is, her dad takes her out to the playparks pretty much everyday and sometimes she plays with kids there, sometimes she doesn't... she plays very nicely with other kids when she sees them. A lot of the time she's happy doing her own thing. This idea of socialization is the thing that people harp on about, normally with eyes wide in horror at the idea of Homeschooling... any links to studies or books about that? I don't see how being around 30 toddlers is going to help her in the real world. She's a super extrovert now... I think we will be fine if I can just make one or two Mom friends with similar age kids and see them regularly... Ooh that Bean dip site looks interesting! OOOOhhhh and now I read it I realise that I don't need the studies, sites and books to affirm my stance on this....I'm dealing with friends who are nursery teachers who think they know everything about children you see....
The studies ARE there...and they say that hs'ed kids are much more positively social. Keep in mind that NONE of us keep our kids in a vacumn. You mentioned that her dad takes her to the park almost daily. And she's social with kids there. My children are involved with others through sports, youth group, church, AWANA, homeschool co-op, playing with kids in the neighborhood, use to do 4-H. My oldest gets together with friends every Monday night to swing-dance. There's art classes at the Recreation Center. Plenty of opportunity for "socialization".
Yes and I was very social before with her when we lived in the States.... park everyday, friends with kids three/four times a week... this has been a big change and challenge for me, I am feeling more solitary at this point in time...I haven't made friends with kids here yet, but it will take time. I do see that friends with older kids who are at school and enrolled in loads of after school projects seem to have these overworked looking kids that they don't seem to know anymore. They ferry their kids around and complain about their behavior. I've been told "She would love preschool, she'd get a lot out of it" as though I'm getting in the way of her having fun by wanting to keep her with me. I feel as though I'm subtly being undermined (or I'm allowing that feeling to happen) because I've been at a low during the last few months.
Ah.. and I think that's a trap as well. The 'experts' may know kids in general, but they don't know YOUR child. And there is no way someone who spends a year with your child then moves to a new group could know yours as well as you do- you who have watched every stage of development. I love teachers, don't get me wrong. But there's this weird attitude that says they know all kids better than the parents do. And that simply isn't true. I won't get into our sordid tale, but I will say we trusted the 'experts' to teach our dd. It wasn't until after they had failed, and I made a concerted effort to help them teach her, that I saw the 'man behind the curtain'. I am left shaking my head at them. They missed out on so much potential just because they refused to see dd's strengths, and to think outside a very small box. Studies have proven that kids who are homeschooled do as well or better (all the studies I've seen say better) on academics. And more recent studies say kids do as well or better socially as well. I don't have the study here, though.
Facts/stats/studies on everything homeschooling (including socialization) can be found at NHERI I feel where you are coming from, with the hurt leg and not being able to get out much. My husband has been out of work for 2 years. We started out having plenty of activities but we haven't had any income since the beginning of Dec, so, naturally, we had to drop all of our activities, even free ones cost gas to get there, so my children haven't been going to do anything lately. But we didn't consider putting them in PS/daycare/preschool for a second. They are still much better off here at home than institutionalized. And here are my thoughts on the so-called "socialization" that PS offers http://cowsdontmoo.com/homeschooling/why-homeschool/what-about-socialization/
