When I first started homeschooling my DS about a year and a half ago, I had a lot of support from friends and family and I felt good about what I was doing... As Travin's gotten older, I hear a lot of remarks about how advanced he is and how smart & mature he seems, but there also seem to be a lot more of my friends who have negative things to say. The other night I was out with three of my friends, one of which had 2 children graduate from public school, another who has two boys (11 & 8) in public school and another who has a 10 yr old, 5yr old & 3 yr old who are or will be in PS. well the third woman was telling how scared she was for her 5 & 3 year old to get up to the upper grades, because of all of the bad things in PS... after that, they all started complaining about how horrible they thought PS was... i didn't say much, they all know how I feel about PS & they also know I would NEVER judge them for sending their kids there, plus im not one who feels that everything about PS is just horrible. Anyways, right after talking about all of these instances with bullies, drugs, sex... etc, the mother of the PS graduates looks at me & says "well i do think it's important that they get the experience of public school because it's real life"..... THAT'S when I had to speak up. I told them that if they dealt with at work what their children dealt with at school they'd have lawsuits & police involved... Public school is NOT real life. Plus, what's the rush to get them introduced to real life?? They are children! Just because they may experience alcohol later, doesn't mean you put alcohol in their baby bottle! they were talking about if you shelter them too much, they will go out and rebel later on. Please tell me what child doesn't rebel to a certain extent, regardless of background? i know children who's parents have been completely slack in protecting or sheltering them.. did it make them not wanna go out & do those things? No, often times the kids got into stuff even worse. I'm rambling now but my point was that I felt so incredibly alone during this conversation, and these girls are the 3 closest friends i have in town, so to hear how they all felt kind of hurt and even made me draw away from them a bit. i know that homeschooling is not the popular decision, but I absolutely believe I'm doing what's right for me.. and now I'm starting to realize that there WILL be times I feel alone, and there WILL be times that I only have my husband and mama standing up for me... so I'm just going to have to be strong. Thanks for listenign to my rant.. Any comments are appreciated
I think the Bible tells us that there will be times when we will stand alone against the world, and yet not alone, because we've made the right choice about this or that. We'll be persecuted for making right choices. It also tells us to count it all joy. So, stand strong, Jenny!!! And know that we're here backing you all the way!
Way to stand strong Jenny. I really like the statement about alcohol in their baby bottles! I'll have to remember that one. Thanks for sharing and keep standing strong.
Jen, what were they REALLY saying? They spent all this time telling you how horrible the public school was. This is NOT what's best for their kid, and they know it. But, for one reason or another, they feel they HAVE to send their child there. So it comes around to justifying the choice of being in the public school, a place they KNOW isn't appropriate. Your very presence reminds them that it IS a choice, something they really don't want to acknowledge. Because if they acknowlege that it is a choice, then they have to accept that they can do something about it, and they don't want to. So the "real life" comment is just to justify their actions.
I think they really WANT what you are able to give, which is an excellent education for your children, and since they can't or won't homeschool they find ways to make you feel bad about the decision YOU made. Which brings me to the conclusion, are we in 2nd grade or are we adults?
Wowzers! Yeah I hear this a lot too. Your kids are smart for their age, well behaved and so on. Yet I also get the same people telling me I can't shelter them too much. To which I think I am going to start replying that they are only allowed out to stretch their legs once a month and then I board the windows back up lol. Tiresome and yes very definitely hurtful coming from loved ones.
Sometimes it's hard to be confident in your decisions. I admire your determination to stand firm and your wisdom to pick when to argue your views. Sometimes we just have to sit back and listen. Just a side note: Public school is not like the real life. I've worked a lot of places. Some good. Some bad. But non like public school. We believe in preparing kids for life. But, we want to be the ones to determine when.
you ladies make great points.. im glad to know where i can turn during times like these, because honestly, at the moment i have not ever felt like more of an outside than i do now. and you know what? we jus got thru half of a very productive school day, becuz the conversation just gave me all the more motivation to do a kickbutt job at homeschooling
I agree with Jackie. They know they haven't made the best decision for their children and your presence is a threat to their being able to continue to pretend there isn't another choice. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
Totally agree with all the ladies here. I also would add that 'Real Life' after school involves adults who can say No- we aren't subject to the same sort of peer pressure kids get because we are older, wiser, more confident, more sure of ourselves. Kids are trapped. We teach them how helpless they are. That ISN'T real life. Would you stay in a job where you got harassed and picked on every day? No. Would you stay in a job where you were convinced that your work was never ever good enough, and that the boss hated you? Nope. Would you take home work almost every day, and plan on doing it for hours over the weekend, no matter how tired you were or how much you needed a break? Nope. After the end of last year, ds desperately needed a LONG sabattical from school. He was stressed out, burned out, and at the end of his rope. He NEEDED time off from the pressures. He had the summer, and we hoped that would be enough. He lasted a few months into the next year, and started breaking down again. I polled friends- many of whom reported the same breakdowns in kids (especially boys) the same age. Some concluded their kids were just lazy, some threw up their hands in despair. But none had the option of giving their child the time he or she needed to take a break and regroup. What if you had a job, and were that burned out? You would quit, change jobs, or take a break. Kids don't have that choice. They are forced to keep going, even when they have lost all focus for where or why. I was reading my soc text, and I could NOT believe how many of the references in it about ps were about teaching children to be good members of society. Not educating, not training up future doctors, lawyers, inventors, astronauts. Nope. All about them fitting into society. I would add that my book is anti-family, and apparently believes parents are incapable of teaching kids this sort of thing (although they did make a positive reference to homeschooling!). As for rebelling- I tend to agree with you completely. I believe (just me ) that kids rebel as part of learning to be separate from their parents. Part of that separating is figuring out how they will live their lives, what they truly believe in, and what they want for the future. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's all part of the SAME thing. We get to see glimpses of it every few years (terrible 2's, etc etc), but the teen years are when it really rears it's head. I personally would rather have my kids rebel about issues than about addictions! LOL- my 6yo dd won't eat Thanksgiving turkey because it's mean to eat animals. Here, we respect that. (from the other camp: my father felt I had to force her to eat it, because she was too young to decide for herself. ARG).
That's what gets me about this line of thinking....PS is not real life. If you had someone hurting you, bullying you, sexually harrassing you at WORK, you can complain to management, file a complaint, go to EDD, call the police, etc. There are laws in place to protect the employee. If your complaints fall on deaf ears, you can quit. May not be the best option if you really need the job, etc, but you can. Kids in school cannot. Zero tolerance is a joke. Many times the kids aren't believed, no one does anything until its too late, and on and on. Grrr, this topic really gets me going. For every person that says to me "Great job homeschooling..You're doing the right thing", I have had 3 people tell me how stupid/controlling/sheltering/selfish I am being. I have had to grow a thick skin over the years to get over it, and not let other people get to me. In the early years, my husband would have to give me pep talks to help remind me why we are doing this, because it would hurt my feelings so much. Now, I must say that I am much stronger now and know how to respond to negative comments.
My MIL is a primary head teacher so she does not agree with what we are doing - she is so deeply entrenched in the school system. If the subject is ever raised directly there is always sniping so it isn't talked about anymore. Which I feel is a shame as she would have so many wonderful things to offer the children. But I see it as her loss not mine. I don't know where the quote is from but I use it a lot as it sums up where we are and what we do.... We are walking the road lesser traveled but it is a more interesting journey! Another one which is used a lot here in the UK too is "United as Home Schoolers we stand but divided we fall" due to our diversity. Hope these thoughts help - We are all alone but altogether - doing what we think is best for our children.
I also completely agree with Jackie. People don't like it when someone challenges them to make big changes in their lives. My brother was very supportive and understanding of our choice to homeschool until his wife decided that she would rather go back to work and have my mom babysit for them than make the financial sacrifices to stay home anymore. Now suddenly he feels threatened since we are willing to make those sacrifices and do so on a much smaller income and is constantly questioning our decision. It does get annoying that people feel they have the right to question our decisions, but would be furious if we questioned theirs.
Excellent point! What about institutionalized schooling is like real life? I love it when people point out that in a job setting, we work with people of all ages, not just our age-mates. Can you imagine a bunch of 37 year olds, working together, and expected to operate lock-step with one another....all at the same point of learning and understanding? Instead we have people of all ages, all socio-economic backgrounds and in all stages of life and understanding regardless of their age. That's real life. OH, and as adults, we are allowed to shop at any grocery store we choose. Can you imagine having to shop at the grocery store that is nearest you whether you like it or not? That's the problem with school systems that make children attend their neighborhood school and forbid them from attending the school of their choice --and homeschooling is our obvious and viable choice.
JennyB - I have been homeschooling for 16 years. I can tell you that your friends comments were made because they are all worried that they have made the wrong choices for their own children. Try to find it within yourself to forgive them. Just be assured that you are making the right educational choice for your family! There were times when I questioned myself about continuing homeschooling (when my oldest was nearing high school age). I prayed about it and God gave me the courage to go on. I'm so glad that I did!!! My son is graduating with honors this May and I couldn't be more proud of him! I copied this post from another site. I thought that you all might find it interesting. Originally Posted by graygables I would also add to this line of thought that high school today is not at all like high school was when we were kids just like it was nothing like when our parents were kids. Add to that we've had some interim years to romanticize the experience (if it wasn't horrible) and ah, those were the days, weren't they? Or not. I taught high school 15 years ago. What I saw then was enough to convince me to homeschool my children. When High School Musical first came out, I saw the green gleam in my kids' eyes and I told them flat out, if that were REALLY what high school was like, I'd send 'em in a heartbeat, but it's not. It's about kids who push girls with broken arms into lockers just to be mean. It's about "holding it" because you know if you go to the restroom between 3rd & 4th that you are going to get beat up, offered drugs, or see kids doing things kids shouldn't be doing. When I first announced I was homeschooling 15 years ago, back before it had gained momentum, people would say, "How are you ever going to prepare them for the 'real world'?" That remark always made me mad. I would say, "When you are at work, when was the last time someone stole your lunch money? When was the last time someone offered you meth in the washroom? When was the last time someone walked by your desk and shoved your files off onto the floor?" For many, THAT is their high school experience, not the posies and proms and homecoming rah-rah-rah that is so commonly touted as the necessary "rite of passage" which has absolutely NOT A THING to do with the "real world".
