We are not real big on our kids saying sir and ma'am. This irritates my mother. We encourage them to say it around older people (especially Grandma) because it's important to them. But, they usually forget. I tell her it's because they are so comfortable around her. Does anybody else have a similar problem? How do you handle it?
Well, I actually use the Sir and Mam wherever I go, still my kids have mostly picked up on the people at our church. That andt eh preschool teachers who go by Miss Lulu ad Mr Jack, ( fake names lol) so that helped a lot. Maybe work at when you talk about grama and grampa when they are not there, talk about Grama as Mam, and grampa as Sir Grampa
As you can guess, I was raised with saying sir and ma'am. Ironically the military broke me of the habit. Co-workers would complain when I said it. They said you should only say it to officers. My dh was not specifically raised to say it, but he does to older people and bosses.
I encourage my kids to say sir and ma'am to all adults-even me and hubs sometimes. To me, it's more than just good manners, it's a sign of respect. It's hard for kids to remember sometimes that there is a different set of rules around just Grandma. Esp if they ARE really comfortable around her. Though at 12 and 14, I would venture to guess they don't say it because they know you don't feel it is important for them to say it. I know by that age I def knew when and where and around who I was supposed to use sir and ma'am and when and where and around who I could get away with not using sir and ma'am. I'd either tell Grandma you don't think it's important or tell the kids it really IS important to Grandma and stress that before each visit to Grandma's house.
We have never even thought about saying that. We are from the northeast and its not very common up here. I think people can just as respectful if they dont say it, and you can be extremely disrespectful if you do say it. Respect is more of an attitude not words. If I think my kids are being disrespectful they are quick to know about it.
I didn't grow up saying it, I was taught to use Mr or Mrs and their first or last name. However while we lived in the south for 4 years...it became a habit with me. because I and hubby do it, the children do it.
We say Sir and Ma'am all the time. I was taught that it was to be used when given a direct order or asked to do something. For example, if I tell Ems to clean her room, she should say, "Yes, Ma'am." If I am speaking to an adult stranger in public, I would address him/her as Sir, Ma'am, Ms, or Miss if she is a minor. If I am talking to an acquaintance I would usually address them as Mr or Mrs unless I was given permission to call them by their first name. I still call my dad Sir. I also call him Daddy for everyday chit chat. But when he asks me a yes or no question or asks me to do something, I still say Sir. I even call Handsome Sir from time to time.
Okay, disappearing post again! I know I posted to this thread yesterday! And it's not here today. Anyway, what I said was that we don't have much problem with that, because we taught our kids to say Ma'am and Sir - maybe not EVERY time they spoke to us, but often enough to be familiar with the concept - and our kids are teaching their kids to say it. We remind the littles when their response to us seems a little too off-handed. Our kids at school are also taught it at home (most of them have been, anyway) so it's not usually a problem at school. My dh still often says, "Yes, ma'am" to me, too... Not that I think I'm "due" it, it's just a habit of his.
I do remind my boys to use those titles, but I am more concerned about the attitude behind the words than the words themselves. But if it bothers your mother, maybe you should get the kids to use those words when they are around her?
We are in the midwest where all the world is informal. That being said, we often get asked if Dh is in the military because my children refer to people as Sir or Ma'am if they are strangers. If they know the person but not well enough to use first names, we use Mr. and Mrs. We have not been militant about it, but Dh and I are both respectful of others that way and our kids just picked up on it. I want to add that the person being spoken to is always the authority on how they are being addressed. If Grandma wants to be referred to as "Ma'am", then by all means it would be disrespectful not to address her as such.
Sir or Ma'am are only used when speaking to strangers around here. But I do encourage the kids to call people how they would like to be referred to. For examply most of the homeschool parents would like to be known as Mr or Mrs. Blank and close friends and family often like to be called by name. That said I do expect my kids to respond to requests we as parents make using 'Yes Mother' or 'Yes Father' only so we know they have heard us and understood what the request was. Manners are important and we discuss manners but they go far beyond just calling someone by a title.
We have never 'told' our kids to use the titles for ourselves or other folks. My dh or I wasn't 'raised' to use the titles either. Totally out of respect for adults, my dh (raised in the south) would refer to adults as sir or ma'am a lot. In turn this rubbed off on me. Now it comes natural to use the titles when someone has earned my respect (or a stranger that hasn't given me reason to not respect them). Right or wrong? I don't know. Our dds seem to have learned by example & use the titles when it is called for. Blessings!
Also from the Northeast and those titles, like Northernmama, are reserved for strangers only. So nope, kids don't use them. I do expect them to use their 'please' 'thank you' and 'excuse me' manners. I expect them not to interrupt when someone else is talking (they struggle with that one... heck even dh and I do sometimes). I do think unless it bothers you and dh, I wouldn't sweat it. Your mother isn't raising your kids, you are.
When we lived in the west, sir and ma'am was not used. In fact, it was seen as insulting to customers (I worked in a bank) because it indicated they were old. Sooooo, we move to south Texas with boys 7, 5, 3. My boys were considered heathens because they did not say (to strangers) yes sir, no ma'am etc. Strangely enough, we had asked them to use "yes sir, yes ma'am" to us when we gave them instructions, but only then, and only us. (don't know now our reasoning. So, now in the Bluegrass state, you better believe we all ma'am and sir everybody, and in church it's "brother" and "sister". In the west, if you didn't hear something, or didn't understand something you would say, "I beg your pardon" (which adults thought was cute when my tykes did that) but out here it's "Ma'am?" Took some getting used to.:lol:
I think the best thing would be to let them know that they should address people they are unfamiliar with using formality-be it sir and ma'am or Mrs. Smith or Mr. Jones. After they get to know someone they should ask what they would prefer. If the person wants to be called by their first name - then that would be polite. My mom does NOT like to be called ma'am and to do so could be considered impolite. She knows that some people have an ingrained habit. I personally would prefer to be called by my first name or Miss and the my first name. I agree with the person that pointed out that rudeness can accompany formal speaking and informal speaking can be done with politeness.
I don't carp on sir and ma'am all that much, but I do ask that my kids answer me politely...ie..."yes" or "ok"" no thank you", rather than "yeah. "and "nah." Perhaps the lack of the ma'am might not bother your mom as much as the casual answers they are giving her. ?
Yes, FairFarmHand, you're right. Since "yea" doesn't bother me, I don't think to correct my kids on a regular basis when they say it. I often answer them with yea. I've gotten lazy since moving back south. I have a hard time taking in a lot at one time, so I haven't always answered or acknowledge my kids as soon as they talk. My mom says I ignore them. It is not intentional. I tend to "turn" off the background noise in order to keep myself sane. I used to be able to multitask when I was younger (before I had kids). I really miss that ability.
oh my word....my dh just fussed at me last week for "letting my ds yell at me." the problem is that someone is always talking around here and I just tune them out; the only way they can get my attention is to yell at me!
