Hello everyone. I have a few years before I will actually be homeschooling, my little one is 10 months. I'm a little obsessive when it comes to gathering information. I like to be as prepared as I can, especially for any new adventures. When I was pregnant I mentioned homeschooling to my husband and received a very negative reaction, this is another reason why I am starting research early. I have my work cut out for me getting him on board. I have listed about a million positives to homeschooling and all he can center on is "what if she's a sports nut?" and "I want her to have lots of friends". He has two older children, a boy 19 and a girl 14. I try pointing out things that have happened to them at school and explain how these things will be avoided and he doesn't care. I also can't seem to get him to understand that just because she would be surrounded by a bunch of kids does not mean they would be her friends. His 14 year old hangs out with these girls who are absolutely rotten to her and she thinks they're her friends. I just don't know how to get through to him. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
My ds was obsessed with Karate, we put him in. The sensei was.. strict would have been ok, but this guy was arrogant. Ds hurt his knee doing frog hops and that was it for Karate. Dd still cries sometimes when she thinks about her ps 'friends'. One picked on her on the bus. None played with her at recess. When I pulled her, I put notes in all their boxes at ps giving them her phone number. No one ever called her. Not one. And some of these kids had come to her birthday parties, and she had gone to theirs. When push came to shove though, they weren't her friends at all. Our local sports ALL go through the Boys and Girls club. Nothing is at school here. We will probably enroll ds in something if he decides he wants to do it- so far he doesn't seem to care. Obviously, those stories won't help your dh to get on board, but I do understand your concerns. I will tell you that you need your dh's support. I went through a similar issue with my dh with my children. Our kids were already in ps, but my solution was to give him space to SEE what was going on. My dh went to all meetings with teachers, went to the RTI (intervention) meeting for dd. He dealt with the school nurse (who treats parents like neglectful idiots). He watched her struggle, and watched her make progress with me. I had to let him experience what I was so he could understand what I was talking about. It wasn't enough just to say, "honey, this is what we need to do." It didn't hurt that a few months after we pulled ds there was an article in the local paper- our state ranks 27th in the nation for education. Not exactly a glowing endorsement for our ps system.
If I were in your position, I would research all the offerings in your community that address his concerns. Some idea: "extra curricular" activities (sports, martial arts, music, dance, etc) homeschool groups - these can be loose or structured homeschool coops - usually offer classes. There was was where we lived when we decided to homeschool. It was huge - more of a regional group. But they offered a very wide variety of classes, a family dinner dance each year (think prom, but every one could go - even parents. I was SO psyched about getting to wear a formal dress!) The other thing is a little more difficult to quantify. My kids usually finish their schoolwork WAY before public school lets out. They have that time to pursue other interests (NOT video games or TV). Usually, their choices are something I see as very positive. Finding friends, in our experience, isn't a problem as long as you are active on some level in the community - that could be a coop, classes, church, even just being at the park.
Reading your message, I'd suggest you're focusing on the wrong thing. As a man, I can say this: Once we get an idea in our head, we can be stubborn and dig in our heels when someone challenges that idea. Your arguments right now are not going to make much difference. Plus, you're inferring that the two older children have been parented poorly, and that's not going to help. Personally, I'd focus on all the things that homeschooling will allow your husband to do: 1) Spend more time with his children. 2) Have more say in what and how they learn. 3) Have greater freedom to take vacations and the like. So, in addition to making it clear just how important this matter is to you, maybe ask him to help choose curriculum. Encourage him to get involved. Even though most of the time commitment would be yours, allow him to feel a sense of involvement and have more say in your decisions. Indeed, be willing to allow him to choose entirely the curriculum. (And that's a test for you: Are you willing to let go enough to do that?)
I love that Steve responded! Having a man's point of view on this is invaluable. You do have alot of time before a final decision needs to be made. Much can change in 4-5 years! My kids were in PS too and my husband was opposed to the idea of homeschooling when I brought it up. He finally saw how miserable my kids were and agreed to try it for the remainder of one year. Once they were out and he saw how much they had been taught but didn't understand (even though they got excellent grades) he agreed to "extend my contract." Now, nearly 7 years later, he's a raving fan. Best wishes!
Can you tell me exactly why you want to homeschool? There's lots of reasons (all just valid!), and I might respond differently based on why YOU want to do it.
+1 for Steve's post. I would also like to add that maybe your husband needs time to think this out a bit too. I'm not big on making decisions quickly, I try to weigh the pros & cons etc. And right now he's probably not seeing the pros from your point of view. Having something he can read might be helpful too. You have some time, let him get used to the idea a bit. You may want to think of a subject area where your husband has a strength and something to offer the kids, something he gets excited for. For me it is science, science is dad's domain in our house and it's great fun.
