My son turned 10 this April, something tells me it is time to break silence and introduce him to the idea of reproduction. he has no clue. My parents didn't say a word whatsoever when I was little, and I didn;t appreciate it later in life. All my education I've got on the street from other kids. DH is out of picture on this, he thinks it is totally inappropriate to discuss "such things". My 10 years old son asked me last night, after putting his tooth under the pillow: hmm, I really would like to know why Tooth Fairy does need all these teeth, but I sure hope she'll come this night. What do you think, Mom? Innocence is so sweet. But what age to break a silence? Maybe someone can help me with a book choice, or a video of the animals. I prefer a book w/pictures where everything is being explained without me trying to find right words.
I don't believe that there is an age that is too young to teach a child about reproduction and family planning BUT it can be done in an age appropriate way. The easiest way to teach it is to allow your child to ask you the first question and go from there. You know what he can or can't handle for information. Public schools around here don't take the chance that parents will educate their child on sexual health (because many don't and won't). It is part of their curriculum so I have to make sure that they're ready for what the teacher is going to teach them (in grade 6, how to make an oral damn) Don't make up words for anatomy... a penis is a penis.. not a "doo doo" or what ever else it might be called. A breast is a breast, not boobs or anything else. Don't entertain anatomy related jokes. If you depend on peers to teach you (as you learned yourself), you aren't necessarily going to get correct information, it isn't going to be age censored (they tend to be far more vulgar about it) and it may be in the "heat of the moment" when they're not making good choices based on knowledge rather based on the raging hormones that take over.
I started discussing reproduction with my eldest when I was pregnant with my youngest - she was a toddler at the time. And then I just kind of kept up the conversation from that point, gradually offering more information as we went along. With my son, since there wasn't an obvious "let's start talking" moment such as a pregnancy, I did a "human biology" course in Grade one. Basically, that consisted of reading Usborne books to him, including one on "Where do Babies Come From?" That started the discussion and again - we've just kept talking ever since. Now, my church does run sexuality education programs for grades 1 through to adulthood (and even one for senior adults!), and my children have taken them all along. I've helped teach the Grade 5 children - which would be about where your son is at. At this age, we talk about the biology of reproduction in a factual way, but we also talk about human relationships. Bullying. Peer pressure. Boys and girls. Puberty. Facts and fiction. Sexual orientation. Masturbation. Even sexually transmitted infections, since many of them have heard about AIDS on the news, but they don't know what it is. We do a LOT of clarifying, and it's always amazing to hear what the children have been picking up from different sources. I can't count how many times a kid has said, "My parents were watching Law and Order last night and..." They also are beginning to develop strong opinions on controversial subjects at this age. I've had to referee spontaneous debates among the children over abortion and gay marriage and all sorts of other topics we'd think of as "adult". They're very aware and thoughtful at this age. Since many of these are uncomfortable topics to discuss with your own children, especially as they approach puberty, I often recommend using books as a way of getting started. You can even just leave them lying around where your son is likely to find them! Then, keep an eye open for topics on TV or in the newspaper, and mention them to your son. Tell him stories about when you were young. Tell him what kind of man you admired, and who you hope he'll grow up to be. Give him a girl's perspective. Hopefully, down the road, you'll be able to convince your husband to fill him in on the male side of things. Spring is a great time to start! The trees are pollinating, birds are laying eggs... if you just look around, you'll see a dozen different way to begin talking about sex. (P.S. Let him keep believing in the Tooth Fairy! He doesn't have that many more teeth to lose anyway. :lol: My son knew lots about sex, but he was still stuffing teeth under his pillow and staring up the chimney for Santa when he was 12. I don't think knowledge destroys innocence - I think it actually protects it, by allowing children to make good choices.)
Great input Megcanada, thank you. Thank you, Brenda My mother was the type who said the word "sex" with blush. She avoided mentioning ANYTHING about sex and gender, so when I had my first period , it was a huge scary surprise. My father, on the other hand, was making constant jokes about me growing, about my round behind etc. you've got the idea. I got it so wrong in the beginning, trying to avoid any contacts with men. Nevertheless I feel I have to provide a healthy education for my son, yet don;t know how, it is just not in me. I tend to avoid the topic, like my mother, yet realize it is not the best rather worst way to go about it.
Right now, my kids, ages 3 and 6, really only know that Mommy's and Daddy's share the same bed, and they used to live in Mommy's tummy. Occasionally, my son has asked me questions, usually when someone close to us is pregnant. At his age, I personally don't see the point in discussing sex, beyond those very innocent parameters. But, I agree, that by 10, you should start educating him more fully on what things are called, and at least a very basic picture of what sex is. With any luck, he will thing the whole thing is gross!
My son was about that age when he started the puberty process so I just talked to him as he went through the beginning stages. Such as "Mom, why do I have hair under my armpits?" So I answered his questions. When his voice changed, at 11 or 12, we discussed that. It was never just one "talk", it was many, over a period of time. I found a really good website when my dd started puberty at age 8. It was the WebMD for kids. It's done in a QandA style so kids can just ask their questions and up pops the answer in a very fun, non-threatening and age appropriate way. It made it way less awkward for me, and I'm sure her too.
LOL!!! He will...:lol: Agree, at 6 yo there is no point of going into details. he asked me Mom how did I actually got out of your belly, where is the hole? Not from your butt like Auntie Jenny's sheep?? He saw the sheep had a baby, a couple of years ago. I thought, whew... right, not from the butt. And then I stuck. Help.
I drew a picture, lol! But if you're not good at drawing, you can print out a black-and-white diagram online. Here's what I told my son: I said (pointing to the picture) boys have these bits here, which you already know about. But here's what girls look like inside - all girls, whether they're cats or dogs or cows or people. There's a uterus for growing the baby. And there's a special hole to allow the baby to come out. It's not in a girl's butt. It's in front, and not at all part of her digestive system. And then I named all the parts for him, properly. No silly names or anything. It's easier if you just draw or print a picture. And hey! Use Auntie Jenny's sheep - you don't HAVE to talk about human beings right away. You can explain how the baby gets food from its mother, and what belly buttons are for, and even the interesting information that all mammals have belly buttons, just like people do. You've got the perfect opportunity here. He doesn't have to go on thinking lambs get born out of sheep butts. It could be embarrassing for him in later life. Make it science unit. It's easier that way! :lol:
Thanks Meg. Why it is so difficult for me??? he knows by now that animals come out not from butt, but from a special "hole". Didn't get to the point where hole is just yet though. Feeding baby, belly button - it is all covered by not. What is not covered - pollinating part. Sigh.
How about asking your librarian for help? There must be a book you can just read to your son. You've got my sympathies! :lol:
Thanks Meg. I will, and I was going to. I thought to ask here though knowing many have dealt with this already and might share their experiences. I really want to do it once and for good, and in as graceful manner as possible. As I mentioned, I am not 100% comfortable myself, so need some little help here. Thank you everyone for the suggestions
When my son asked how the baby comes out (I think he was 4 or 5 at the time) I just told him that Mommies go to the doctor, and the doctor helps the baby come out. Luckily, that was enough for him. At your son's age, I think, like Meg said, a picture (it doesn't have to be super graphic) would be good... even if it is embarrassing.
I went to a protestant private school as a teenager, and they used these black-and-white line drawings of the insides of men and women. We had to learn where everything was and label it all. We thought it was stupid at the time, but ten years later I was a mom and I had a young nanny and her little boy over for a playdate. We were chatting as the children played and she mentioned that she couldn't use the Pill. I asked her what she was doing instead, since I knew she was in a steady relationship with her boyfriend. She said, "Oh, it's okay. We just make sure we always do it standing up." So I grabbed a pad of paper and I began drawing. I drew her insides. I drew sperm (and their wiggly little tails!). I explained sex, conception, pregnancy, STDs (as we called them then), the whole nine yards. I said, "That wedding dress you got on layaway? You're NEVER going to be able to afford it, if you get pregnant now! You might already BE pregnant, for all you know!" Fortunately, she wasn't. But right at that moment I was SO grateful for those line drawings back in high school. And I promised myself that my kids wouldn't grow up knowing nothing. (BTW - it's perfectly okay to say to your kid, "This is really embarrassing to talk about, and it's fine if you get the giggles. But you got to know it.")
Great story Meg LOL! I remember in school, in 9th grade or so, we had anatomy course; I vividly remember the text book with the colored pictures, muscles, stomach, etc. and lots of giggles. But I still do not recall how they explained the insemination process. Basically I knew as little as it takes two to make a baby, but technically I had no idea HOW until much later, by practice. Sorry. School did nothing to educate us, neither my parents. That just was not right. We'll be there.
