Does anyone have any ideas on this? Do your kids know any sort of self defense? I mentioned in another thread that Phillip was pushed off of his bike and had it stolen by four kids. They didn't hurt him physically, but it DID leave him feelling vulnerable. He said he wanted to carry a "weapon" with him now, maybe a big stick. He's thinking if he's jumped he can use it to fight them off. "I can get at least one good whack in on someone's head, that will stun him, and he'd be out of the picture!" MY thoughts are that they'd surround him, take it from him, and then he'll get it even worse!!! But at the same time, I want to take his feelings seriously. I don't want him fighting, but I don't want him having a victim mentality, either. I want him to be able to stand up for himself with confidence. I've talked with Carl, and he's going to think on it. I was just wondering if anyone of you have been there, and what you did about it.
We had our ds in Karate for awhile. Back when he was in ps, he mentioned using the blocks to protect himself.
I have heard wonderful things about martial arts empowering kids to protect themselves. I know the lessons can be pricey, but I think it's worth it for the child to not feel vulnerable (if you can eek it out of your budget, of course).
Jackie, I used to teach martial arts (for about 35 years). One caveat: go and visit a class before signing up. Listen to the instructors, and if they often use more violent terms, such as "one punch one kill", go visit someplace else. If they won't let you observe a whole class without commitment, go visit someplace else. If they guarantee a certain belt rank on a certain schedule, go visit someplace else. If they emphasize honor and respect, keeping your cool, doing your best in class, defense, outthinking the opponent, stopping the opponent rather than breaking limbs and "overkill", and concepts like that, you may have found the right place. You may want to look for a judo/jiujitsu, kung fu, or aikido instructor rather than shotokan or tae kwon do. Just a difference in basic philosophy sometimes. Let me know what you find in your area?
The guy that is Carl's best friend has a brother that use to be an instructor. This guy is a good friend of Carl's family, use to be his brother's roommate. I think Carl might talk to him. We laugh, because right before we got married, this guy had Carl's oldest boy in class at the Christian school. It was a pretty rowdy class with mostly boys, and they kept bugging Matt to "show us some moves!" So one time Matt did. He pulled Carl's son up, and then accidently hit him in the chest, leaving a big black and blue place!!! Carl is constantly teasing him about his "abusive" ways in the classroom, lol! Lindina, I hear what you're saying. If we were to do something like this, I would want the emphasis on SELF-DEFENSE. You only use it when needed to protect yourself, but it IS OK to protect yourself, even if that means hurting the other person.
My kids and husband are very involved in martial arts. We do American Karate, which is a unique mix of the various martial art forms. My kids are testing for their high brown belts, and then they just have red then youth black. We're pretty fortunate because they get their instruction from the sitting 10th degree black belt in American Karate [meaning there is no one who outranks him] and from the standing 10th degree black belt. Our academy allows you to try out a class for free [most reputable places do]. Ours is very big on respect---- respect for self, others, country. Their main rule in class is a simple one: if you hit someone, they get to hit you back. That seems to give the kids pause and really exercise self-control. And, really, martial arts--- if taught correctly--- is really all about that: self-control. There are Christian academies founded by our instructor in the area that are very cheap. They only meet once a week, but they're also only $10. So, you might look around and see what there is and even ask other homeschoolers what they're involved in in your area.
I will chime in with what the others have said. For about 9 months now, my son (6) has been in a martial arts class (following the John Barrett Acadamy of Martial Arts). I love that the instructor sees himself as a life coach, not just a teacher. He focuses on overcoming bad habits, developing self-confidence, and only using physical force as a means of self-defense. He stresses that the moves are not to be used unless you are under attack. He teaches how to use your voice and general presence to protect yourself before ever using your hands or feet. My husband says that this class is nothing like what he took as a kid, but it is a good thing because it is helping our son in more ways than just being able to fight.
My kids all take tae kwon do and I love it! The emphasis at their school is "learning how to fight so that you can avoid fighting." Our instructors are awesome! My kids have learned many ways to get away from someone if they are grabbed or attacked. Their instructors always tell them that the best place to be when there's a fight is somewhere else, so once they break free, they are encouraged to run away if they can. But if they can't, they know how to defend themselves. I pray they never have to use it, but I feel better knowing that they could if needed. I know we get off pretty cheap on lessons around here because the instructors teach because they love tae kwon do. They only charge what they need to cover their expenses (they all work other full-time jobs), so we pay $35 for each child after the family discount, which works out to be less than $5 a lesson. Totally worth it for what they get. I would definitely look into it for your son. If these kids have already gotten away with bullying him once, I wouldn't trust them not to do it again.
Martial Arts...definitely. My daughter just earned her black belt this past spring. Her first move in a confrontation would be to run, but if that were not possible, she has an arsenal of kicks, punches, head butts, grabs, twists and chops at her disposal now. Until then, I wonder if a loud horn or whistle would be a good idea. I think that years ago they use to sell a "scream alarm". It was something women could carry with them that would make a really loud screaming noise when activated. (It may have been an infomercial from ages ago, so it may not be good, but I'm thinking of anything that could help draw attention his way if he needed it.) Also, I wonder about pepper spray. That could be used against him, but if he got the first shot of it at his attackers, it's unlikely that they'd be able to get it away from him. There's also the danger of the wind blowing it back in his face; it wouldn't be lethal though...just really uncomfortable.
To be quite honest, I doubt anything like this will happen again. He just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was riding by alone on his bike, and they chased him on foot. He was winning until he came to the busy road a block away and had to stop because of traffic, and they caught up. The one guy yanked Phillip from his bike and took off. He had sense not to get out the cell phone and call for help until they left, because he was afraid they'd take that, too. But they don't know him, he doesn't know them. It's just he's a little nervous going any further than the corner right now, which I can understand. I'm thinking the church around the corner offers classes, so we will check them out when they start up in the fall. I think we're pretty settled on it!
My oldest son has been in tae kwon do for several years now. I think it is awesome! I don't know how well he'd do in a situation with several other children, but I know he'd do a lot better now than he would have if he had not had all that training. If anything it has improved his confidence and physical agility. I would definitely check out the teacher first. His teacher is a gem.
We have been involved in Tae Kwon do and mixed martial arts for 7 years, and my son is currently an instructor at his studio. Some advice - realize that a good studio with a good instructor will teach the student that it is NOT ok to fight - that we use tkd only for defense when necessary. Also, it can take YEARS to earn a blackbelt, and some kids think that they are ready to take on the world with only a yellow belt, OR another kid will find out the student is taking martial arts and egg him on to see what he can do -- both of those can lead to disastrous situations. So please not that learning martial arts will not be an immediate fix. All that being said, I wish ALL kids in the US had to do TKD (or another martial art) -- I like to think my ds 14 is wonderful due to my great parenting, but his study of TKD is a huge part. He is responsible, dependable, and self-motivated (yes, mom still has to light a fire under his butt for many things) but his behavior is exemplary. He is confident and capable, and able to take on challenges with a great attitude. That, and he is extremely disciplined (in most things, haha!) and he now looks for these same attributes in his friends as well. Try not to think of TKD or the like as a solution to an immediate problem, but an opportunity to empower your son/daughter. Good luck finding a studio!
Jackie, the thing about martial arts is that it builds confidence in the student, so that they look less victim-like. This is true for kids as well as for ladies who have to walk to their cars or into the mall alone. If you exude confidence and LOOK like you know what you're doing (not cockiness but confidence and awareness of your surroundings), you're less likely to be tagged as a victim by those looking for someone to victimize. This is proved by research (interviews) with prison inmates who are there because of mugging/assault/rape of strangers - they picked the ones who looked like a victim. I used to get asked to go to the mall with friends all the time -- it wasn't as much of a friend thing as it was a bodyguard thing... at a time when there was a spate of parking-lot muggings going on at the mall.
Jackie, after all we've been through with Andrew it is something we are still thinking about. The assault back in January was not the first one but it was the worst one and how many times have I wondered if he had some kind of self defense training would the results been different? Would he have been able to block the punches that resulted in both skull fractures? Would he have walked away from it instead of being carried off in serious condition? Questions I'll never be able to answer but ones I think of on a regular basis. If I didn't (currently) live in such a small <nothing> town, I would enroll the boys in self defense classes but we have nothing around here so I will wait until we get moved to where ever we are going and then I will enroll them. No child, whether 2 years old or 20 years old, should have to walk looking over their shoulder or wonder who's going to beat the tar out of them.
My oldest take karate. I keep forgeting which one but our Grand Master taught the Japanese military. He don't look like much but man that old man got some moves. He always shows a move or two during testing day to all the students. I tell my daughter that it is okay to use the moves if she ever needs to in a self defense situation. Also I read someones we can get a self defense one day class thru one of our military services again not sure where and I plan to set it up for both the Boy and Girl Scouts of our community.
Our girls take Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, and Judo. I like BJJ the most, because it's less about fighting and more about self defense... and you don't have to be physically strong to use the moves, like you do with kicking and punching. The goal is to prevent the other person from harming you, not to harm them.
Ladies, sorry it took me so long to respond; I have been at camp for a week! Lindina, I think you made a valid point, that the confidence from taking a class carries over in how he carries himself, etc., so he doesn't have VICTIM written all over him, and people hesitate to "attack". I think we're pretty decided to find a class this fall and enroll him in it. But I also hear what you're all saying about picking carefully, and finding a good instructor who is teaching the kids that it is used as a LAST RESORT!
