I know I have talk to you all about this before. But, this subject is really hard on me and only gets harder. What I am talking about is my family they are so againist me homeschooling my dd's . They don't think I am doing the right thing. I have 10 brothers and sister and my mother and not one of them talk to me. When they do it's short sweet and they never ask me about my girls. When I bring them up the subject is change about someone else really fast. I am so heart broken. My husband and I have done so much for them all. I just can't believe they are this way to me. Like I said there is no phone calls nothing unless I make them and when I do it's short and sweet. I can't understand WHAT I did WRONG!!!!!!!!!! They always tell me my girls will never amount to anything and they are missing out on alot. I tell them I have them in alot of things. We are in a homeschool group, they are in 4 - H. What more can I do? I have been praying on this for along time and hoping they come around but it only seems to get worst. What do I do???? I cry and ask WHY???? The girls ask I try to tell them in a nice way that some people don't like what other people do and all we can do is hope and pray they come around someday.... But, when will that be???? I try on our side send cards, gifts nothing comes back saying they got anything. I send some of the girls work along with there art work nothing is ever said they got it. I ask them and nothing> WHAT DO WE DO??????????????? Before we all get UCLERS wondering what to do. Thanks for the help Kris TX :lol:
You're right, we've been through this before. And no improvement, huh? Maybe it's time your DH tell you family that he will no longer tolerate their being disrespectful in this area, and the next time they do, he takes you and the kids and simply walks out on them. No, it's not my number one solution, but all the "nice" stuff doesn't seem to be working. If they start in on you when he's not around, you leave. Don't discuss it, just go. Perhaps you need to distance yourself from them to keep the sanity of you and your family.
Big Hug, Kris!!! I'm sorry to hear that they are so uneducated that they need to act in such a manner. A person can only give so much blood before they are tired and hurting from giving so much of their blood. The answer is in your heart as to how much blood you can give before YOU say "enough!" Have you tried sending a letter to Dear Prudie to see what she says and get it in the newspaper? Maybe we could get you on Jerry Springer or one of those other trashy (sorry if you watch them) daytime shows. All I can do is shake my head in disbelief that people can be so cold and shallow. Unfortunately when your girls turn out better than the whole lot, they will be the first ones in line to take the credit for how well they did in life. (argh!!!!) Big Hug and truly listen to your heart. Cutting off contact that doesn't exist is less stressful. If they make some comment about how you never call or send cards anymore you could just say you are so busy with work and family that you haven't had time.
Kris, That stinks! :cry: I'm so sorry they keep treating you so poorly! I think I agree with previous posts. No contact is better than contact with total stress and hurt feelings! Try to find some good homeschool buddies for you and your girls, and concentrate on those positive relations. It may never NOT hurt, but if you have some positive friendships, it can help ease the pain some! Your family would be better off not dealing with the negativity all the time. Tell your girls, as I'm sure you do, how special they are, and that if they set their mind to it, they can be whatever they want to be! There are a lot of stories of people in the past that prove that. Tell them how proud of them you are, and that if they have difficulty in something that's okay--in fact it's GREAT, cuz since you HOMESCHOOL you can work with them on it until they master it, THEN move on! :!: That's something kids in school don't get! :wink: I will be praying for you and your girls!
Kris, Prayers to the Lord and (((hugs))) to you, Sister in Christ! Just remember that none of us are better than our Lord, so if He had to endure the riducule for choosing God's way, so must we. I know it might not feel like it right now, but if you begin to concentrate your fellowship with other likeminded people, it is amazing at how quickly brothers and sisters in Christ become our family. I agree, then, to a point, about the communication with your family being limited...but not hastily by any means. I am a firm believer in giving up the rights to myself the minute I gave myself to Jesus. Pray that the contact you have with them will be Spirit led and Spirit filled and that the Lord will accomplish His purpose in your strife--which we know as well as He does that His purposes are always accomplished, He just wants us to make sure that we are in agreement with Him about it :wink: You have such a tender spirit, which I'm sure is why you are being attacked by Satan in this manner. He knows that you value your family and their opinions, and he knows that if he can get you to cave into them then he has you just where he wants you. It's a battle, really, and I'm sure that many of us here are willing to carry you in prayer while you are not as strong because of the exhausting war your family is making you endure. Just remember that ideally, our prayers will be for your family to come to know Jesus the way you do, where they will respect His will in your life and want to build you up, not tear you down. Until then, please know you have support here.(((((hugs)))))
Kris, Hang in there, pray, pray, pray and try to accept it. I know this is so much easier said than done. (I just spent the weekend with my in-laws :shock: ) and they have done all of the things you mentioned. My dh spoke to them last year. While they will never be supportive at least now I don't have to listen to them. Nowl there is a lot of silence. I try to fill it with prayer and then I call my mom. Tammy
Kris, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I haven't had to face negativity regarding our homeschooling, so I don't know how you feel, but as some others have stated, the Lord does. Here are some verses I hope help you: 1 Peter 2:19: For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a man bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. (And there are more verses that go on further into chapter 3). 1 Peter 3:8, 9: To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3: 13-17: And who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong. I think the answer you gave you children was just fine. I don't know their ages, but I think you will be teaching them a valuable life lesson in how you deal with these difficult circumstances. As Brooke said, surround your self with Christian friends who will be supportive and encouraging. Blessings to you,
Hi Kris, You and your family are in my prayers. Hugs from me to you, too. The Lord knows your pain and He can change their hearts. Just keep praying and focusing on Jesus. We can never please everyone. Our goal should be to please God, instead. Continue to love them, pray for them, and respond to them in love. Don't expect anything in return and don't let their negativity bother you. It's not worth having ulcer over this. Put your energy into homeschooling your kids and bringing them up in the Lord, instead of trying to win your mom and siblings' approval. Your kids and your husband need you! "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 May the Lord comfort you and give you the strength and guidance you need. blessedmom
I have a simalar story! Not about homeschooling but again family headache! In Sept 2001 I felt the urge like many Americans to be close to my siblings like when we were kids. So I began by calling once a month to my brother (stationed in SD) the other brother (Army GA) and one of my sisters. It got old fast you know the tollerated calls of politely answering my question but no meaningful talk. My heart was broken! So I began to do what most here have sugested PRAY and I did hard. I prayed for my 3 brothers and 2 sisters to come to know Jesus(the reason I feel like I am being tollerated) I asked God to give me at least one meaningful relationship with one of my siblings Oh I longed for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And on day I was online and a name came on my screen godzillaslayer wanted to talk with me. Being new at computers I had no idea what or who this was. So out of desperation of wanting a new friend I responded. It was the middle brother who I had no contact in Years!!!(the one I ask for alot of prayer for) In the past year we have become very close PTL. He is a Christian. And we have been able to form a badly needed relationship. I still have trouble with the other brothwers and my one sister is a pain. But today my other sister is here for a visit. PTL Hang in there!!
JImmie Lu, I tried to send an e-mail to you the other day by pressing the email button at the bottom of your online message here and writing a message, but it came to me! Did you get it too? Not sure what happened. Anyway, thanks for the welcome! Good to see ya! Hope all is well with your family!
I want to thank all of you for the support and yes I will contiune to pray. I think I agree I will shut them all out and put my enegry into my family. Some days will be hard when you want your family so bad to understand but we will get through this and with all your help I will. Thanks alot ladies. I really needed the support. Kris TX :lol:
If you do decide to "shut them out" to protect your family, keep them constantly in prayer. You need to be willing to open up to them if and when God tells you. My SH "shut out" my MIL for a while. She and I now get along fairly well. She went through some things that helped her to realize that some things she blamed me for were NOT all my fault (involving my step-sons, her grandchildren). I've forgiven her of those things in the past, and am glad to say that we have been able to put the past behind us.
((((Kris)))) When we were homeschooling sadly enough this happened with my aunt and me. Since her mom (my grandma) raised me we were like sisters, and then poof she felt suddenly disgruntled, her feathers ruffled around me, and you know what i finally figured it was flat out jealousy of my ability to be with my kids 24/7/365! The family who says all these negative things about you homeschooling may also see the happiness you have and want it, and be saying "well why can't I have that myself?" and then jealousy just destroys relationships. And you end up blowing up, avoiding people altogether, saying things you dont really want to say, avoiding that family member at get togethers.... you know what? You can pray for them, and this is so awesome because all you need to do is give God the situation, with faith that something will change and with expectation that the sadness will be resolved, and then sit back and wait and watch what awesome things happen. And they may be very little, almost unnoticeable things, but there is a domino effect and then, the closeness that was lost is there again. Some people just don't think with an open mind. They are not retarded, stupid, or slow. Their brains are just wired diferently and they physically cannot think the way you do (open minded). Lord, forgive them because they really don't know what they are doing. Boy, when I realized that it made my whole life a lot easier. I used to get it from family too, about homeschooling all those years we did it exclusively. And when I saw that they could not help their negative responses to me about it, I saw that they were truly concerned for my kids and then their remarks were not painful to me, because I knew the source was out of love, not disgust at me for my choices. I hope things change for you, I cant imagine having 11 siblings and not hearing from them. I'm an only child, and all I ever wanted was siblings! (Probably why I had 4 kids, to make sure they did). And that is awesome that God allowed your mom to give birth 12 times!! Wow.... Love, Carolyn
Hey Kris......... Well, if it counts for anything, I for one can say you are doing the RIGHT THING! Something else to realize about yourself is that with your personality type and make up, it seems that when family members say things like this its well *devastating*. In otherwords, realizing what pushes our buttons, gives us strength to empower with ourselves with some *armor or ammunition*. Some days we just need to use our armor to repel unkind words, other days we might have to get out our pistols! :lol: I just taught a learning styles/teaching style class this past week...and it seems that your a Socialable Sue That means you THRIVE on relationships that are meaningful. They are basically more important than at times *you own needs and even academics*. Its your very life! Your the type of person who makes a great friend and good communicator. On the flipside, Social Sues can just *wither* at criticism. Because of that, I want to give you a GREAT BIG HUG and say *hang in there* and say get close to that support group. Socialable Sue's NEED a large circle of friends and support group. Its easier for those of us who say *just blow them off, it doesn't matter* because our very breath isn't tied up with their approval. For those whom approval is needed, this is a very hard! So I sympathize, I won't say *blow them off* because I know thats easier said than done for you. I do say continue being the great teacher that your are! Continue pouring yourself out to your children, husband and friends. Don't set unrealistic expectations of your girls or family either! Measure any progress in tiny steps. I wish I could say it would get better, but somehow when extended family knows it bothers us, instead of doing the Christian thing like *staying out of other's business*, they become *busybodies*. Just know you can email me off forum ANYTIME......and if you ever plan a trip this way....stop by my house for a BIG cup of coffee and BIG hug. I'm a good sounding board! Press forward and don't look behind girl! Blessings Tina
Tina Tx and all the ladies thanks so much for all your help. Yes, Tina I am a Socialable Sue. Yes, I need to shut them out of life and just but all my engery and time to my hubby and girls. I have been very active in the Homeschool group which has help alot. Me and my hubby had a long talk and decide we are far enough away from them we don't need to answer the phone thanks to caller ID. We are going to put are engery into our little ones and show them all our love and GODS love too. We went this week end to climb a moutain with the homeschool group took us 5 and 1/2 hours from top to bottom. What a climb. It was 5 miles round trip but along ways up. We had a wonderful day and long talk with other mothers and they were very supportive and lovely to our family. Thanks again with out you wonderful ladies I think I would end up in the nut house. You all give me wonderful support. Thanks again. Kris TX :lol:
