So my dh and I were asked by our pastor if we would be willing to teach the 13yo's in our church (there are 6 kids, 4 girls and 2 boys). we said yes, but OMGosh they are so disrespectful! Last sunday we decided to do a get to know you class instead of teaching them anything. There is 1 boy that said he hates eveything and kept repetedly telling my dh and I that we were boring. Then 1 of the girls wouldn't stop talking and when we asked her to stop she said that is the way she is and she wasn't going to change for us. Then she told us that we were the 6th set of teachers they have had since Jan because nobody could handle the class and everyone ended up quiting. She said she didn't care what we said cause they would just make us quit too. Then there was a girl in the class whos skirt was so short you could see her underwear! My dh couldn't even look in her direction for fear he would not only see her underwear but end up looking like a pervert. We are not quite sure how to handle them. My dh said that no matter what we are going to prove them wrong and we aren't going to quit. I agree. Any advice would be great.
Do their parents attend the church? If so, I'd first have a talk with the parents in front of the child and repeat what they'd said. Then, I'd make it clear that that kind of talk and behavior wasn't going to sit well with you. Frankly, I'd have no problem in adding that your next step will be to remove them to either spend the rest of the Sunday School class with the children's minister [if there is such a person] or you'll take them to their parents' class and have them stay with their parents there. This also sounds like a big enough problem that getting the pastor or deacons or elders [whatever leadership you have] involved in setting down some serious guidelines that the kids will be expected to follow.
I completely agree with Shelley. I think the problem is big enough to get parents and leadership involved immediately.
Yes indeed involve the parents. And maybe these kids aren't as interested in attending as their parents hoped they would be. Maybe brainstorm so ideas to grab their attention. Can you take class out to do something unorthodox like help the homeless, elderly etc.. teaching them some empathy may be what the doctor ordered here. Also why don't you ask them why they are there. What is it they hope to gain from sending away every spiritual teacher they encounter. Confronting the issue will likely be far more effective then running. Afterall they have had too many instructors abandon them already. Stand firm and loving in Gods grace. And ask they wear more appropriate clothing to the house of God next time. And if the girl doesn't cover her nether regions she will be required to put a cloth over her lap and as demurely as you can tell her when handing her the cloth, that ladies cover their areas when in mixed company. PS I will pray that this situation resolves itself quickly for you in a good way.
YEP!!! Have a meeting with the person in charge of Sunday School, the pastor and the parents. Set rules down, AND FOLLOW THEM. I agree with covering up the young lady's legs. I'd send the disrespectful kids in to their parents, and let them know that this child can't return until there's been a meeting with the parents. If needed, MAKE THE DADS take turns sitting in class with them. Unfortunately, there's a good chance these won't be backed up. Parents will complain, and the church will move on to someone else. They may not really be interested in someone actually teaching, but someone to just keep the kids occupied during the Sunday School time (ie: glorified babysitter!).
Wow! It sounds like you have taken on quite a challenge! I agree with the previous posters who suggested you talk to the parents with the teens present. I would also suggest that you split them up. Your husband can take the boys, and you can take the girls. It will protect the young men (and your husband) from seeing the girls in skimpy outfits. It will also (hopefully) cut out all the boy/girl drama of the boys trying to be rude to impress the girls, and the girls trying to impress the boys by showing how much skin the can show, and being disrespectful themselves to show off to the boys. Hopefully you will be able to get to some more serious spiritual learning by doing that. Good luck!
There are so many things all of you have said that I think need implemented! My dh and I were going to talk to the pastor and have their parents sit in the class with us for a few weeks (if the parents will). If they continue their behavior then we will escort them to their parents. I don't think these are extreme measures...they need done. I am one to take on a challenge but MAN those kids are going to be a handful!!! I do think that doing something like taking them to a homeless shelter is a wonderful idea! I don't know if we can get permission to do something like that on Sunday, but I will see if we can because I do think the kids need to see that they have it great. I will be asking them why there are there as well. My guess is most of them come because their parents make them. There is 1 boy and 1 girl that I think come because they want to learn. I LOL so hard at the comment about handing the girl a cloth to put over her nether regions! I am going to take a towel with me and anyone who shows up with certain parts hanging out will be required to place it on their lap and if they dont' want to they can go sit with their parents. We won't back down, we know they need us and we also think that if so many other people quit, we can't. We need to help those kids.
Good heavens, I really wish you could still paddle other peoples kids! Parents definately need to be invited to sit in on class. and lap blankets need to be handed out at the door. Seriously, dress code should be enforced.
All above recommendations are fabulous!! It's so sad that modesty and respect have been thrown out the door anymore. Sadly, the moms probably dress the same way as the girls and see nothing wrong with it. We stress modesty heavily in our home as a way to show respect to God and the body He gave them as well. I would absolutely make sure the Pastor and church staff are present at a parent meeting and make it clear they support your requests. Please keep us informed on what happens!
sounds like the parents are "spiritually lacking" or they know the kids are bad and they hope the Sunday school can straighten them out I have had students like these but they were always from the bus ministry where the parents sent the kids as a sitter and really didn't care about their kids that much. I had a kid that would just come and sleep. I figured her home life was pretty crappy and she just found some peace in my class Your students sound like spoiled brats. I would guess with their behavior that the parents may not be very supportive and probably will want you "out" for complaining about their little darlings. I hope that is not the case but I have seen this happen in a Church I would fast and pray about how to handle the situation. The situation sounds like someone has past the buck for to long. The others have given great idea. These kids seem like they really need you and your dh.
I can guarantee you that my girls would NOT get out the door dressed like that, to church or anywhere. And if one were to buy such an outfit, it'd go in the trash and they'd be out the money. So yeah, it's a parenting thing. You need to get a copy of Ken Ham's book, "Already Gone".
I know it's a parenting thing. My girls are required to wear shorts and skirts to the knee and if it's a skirt they have bike shorts to wear underneath. There is no way I would let my girls dress like that. I also would toss anything in the garbage that didn't meet my standards of modesty. I think the parents are probably tired of fighting with their kid and said fine do whatever you want. It's sad. My dh and I came up with a plan that we are going to try. First we are going to talk to the pastor and see if he can schedule a meeting with the parents and the kids. Then we are going to have the parents join us for 2 weeks. Then if the kids still act up we will have stuff on hand for them to do...such as: reading the church newsletter front to back while we are teaching the class. At the end of class they will receive a pop quiz about the newsletter. If they don't want to do that then we will escort them to their parents. As for modesty, we will be bringing several heavy blankets for those who choose to dress inappropriately. They can then place them on their laps. For those who talk to much and won't stop, we will have them stand up front and help teach the lesson. It will defiantly be a challenge, but I am sure we can handle it. We will probably have to change the way we handle a few things, but I know we can do it.
I have another option...divide and conquer. You take the girls and do a study on modesty...your husband takes the boys and does a study on godly wisdom. Also, if the two of you could find ways to talk to the students individually outside of class, it might help. I think teenagers are like dogs...alone they can be great, but in a pack, they sometimes turn vicious.
I flat-out tell people that it doesn't bother me so much that they're disrespecting me. It bothers me that they're disrespecting God. Sounds to me like they have a problem with authoritative heirarchies. God comes first. Always. If they're not there to show love and respect to God and to learn from his Word, they don't need to be there at all. It corrupts those who ARE striving to do their best. Parents and church leaders need to be told what's going on, for sure! It would be nice if you could secretly video or audio one class session.
As a former Sunday School superintendent I really feel for you. One of the first things I would do is write up a code of conduct for the class. This should be given to both the kids and the parents. Let them know what is acceptable (behvior and dress) and what is the consequence of breaking the code. This way you will have documentation when they come back to you and say " I didn't know that" or "You never said we couldn't do that". The next thing is make your lessons out of the box. This group is not going to work with traditional classes or lessons. Start out classes with games, hard core Christian rock, or something physical. You need to throw them some curve balls. Also go with the flow, for the one kid who says this is boring have him meet with you one day and have him help plan the class, for the girl who always talks give her responisbility in the class..tell her you understand it is hard to be quiet and that sometimes she feels like she has to burst and tell someone something. AT that point come up with a code or a look that you can give her to tell her that she is talking too much but will not seem like you are calling her out in front of the entire class. Deal with each one of the trouble makers on an individual basis outside of the entire class. You will never win them over and change the behavior unless you work on it privately. It is the nature of the beast at this age.
sounds like you all have your hands full. But, you two sound strong and if anyone can do it I know you two can. Good luck.
I am back to report how Sunday went. I ended up having to teach by myself because my baby got sick and dh had to stay home with him. So, when I got to the class no one was there. I wasn't surprised. I looked around and found the girls hanging out in the hallways, so I told them to go to class. They grudgingly came. I couldn't find the boys and I figured they would come when they were ready. So, I had prepped a lesson on kindness and how we should treat others. I started teaching them and they were talking and not listening. Just as I was a bout to go get the pastor the boys walked in. I figured I should see if they acted the same as last week before I go get anyone. So, once the boys got there I told them that I was glad eveyone was there because my dh and I had some rules we needed to lay down. I told them why dh wasn't there too. The only rule I gave them was to respect us. I told them that if we felt anyone in the class was being disrespectful that they would have to read the church newsletter and give a 2 minute oral report at the end of class. You should have seen their faces!! They were so shocked that any adult would stand up to them! The rest of the class the all sat there quietly listening and paid attention. I know they were listening because at the end of class we had a Q&A session about the lesson and they ALL participated!!!! WHooo!!!! Maybe this won't be so hard. Plus the girl last week that wasn't modest....well she WAS! If she comes again dresses inappropriately I will pull her aside and talk to her.
