Usually, when I meet other Mom's who don't homeschool, their first reaction to my homeschooling is,"You must have a lot of patience." This is almost always followed by,"I could never do that." Today, a mother at DD's toddler class gave me those two lines, followed by,"I was a teacher for 5 years, but I could never homeschool. I can't stand being around my kids 24/7 and I can't wait until they're old enough to go to school." After I picked my jaw up off of the floor, I got to thinking, how many mothers actually feel this way, but don't come out and say it like that? Being around your kids all day, every day is challenging, but I absolutely love it! I feel so sorry for the woman who told me that, and for her kids, who fortunately weren't old enough to understand what she was saying (hopefully).
I get this feeling every year around this time. Not me personally, but I get the feeling that too many other parents feel this way. They go on and on about how thankful they are that school is starting again. I think it goes back to how little our society values children. It starts at home with parents feeling like little Johnny is such a burden. We go on and on about how expensive kids are and how much time they steal from us. But you have to have kids to prove you aren't selfish. :roll:
While I can understand having Mommy Time, I am always floored how some moms can't possibly understand being around their children all day. Have they forgotten that they brought them into the world? The child didn't come into their lives to make them miserable. Sometimes I believe people have children so they can have the title of "Mommy" but really do not want to be one.
I think it's partly a societal thing, partly a learned thing, and partly a selfish thing. And I have a whole sermon on selfishness - I think it's a natural thing that a lot of people never get hold of and tame. People are selfish without really even realizing they are selfish; they think as long as they aren't outright rude that they aren't being selfish, and that's just not true. To tell the truth, I was like this before we started homeschooling. This is a big part of what the Lord has taught me in the last 4-5 years. The fruit of the spirit is LOVE, and how do we let that love manifest in our lives? If people judged how much we love our children (and spouse!! get that one!!) just by how we treat them - not only in public but if they had access to the "private" times in our home also - what would they think? While I'm not all about what do others think, it really made me realize how I outwardly treat those that I love the most. And it was all about making sure I was as comfortable as possible and getting to do the things I wanted to do when I wanted to do them, etc. But I never saw it like that until the Lord had me take these thoughts captive and examine them. It's a big one, and so MANY MANY moms are like this without even realizing it! The Lord has put it on my heart to start facilitating change within the church on this very point. It's a big deal, and I think most homeschooling families "get" it a lot better than those who don't homeschool. Maybe we have to, in order to spend the amount of time with our kids that we do. I also wonder if spending so much time AWAY from the kids feeds this wrong mindset. Which came first? I don't know. But, yeah. I hear and see this a lot, and it makes my heart bleed. I've been there!
I get really upset at the start fo the school year when other moms are glad their children are going back to school. I've come to the conclusion that when you are with your children all the time, you learn to cope, but when they are in school and entertained you find vacations difficult. I seriously wonder though, why people have children if they don't want to be with them.
Having children is a choice I made, because I wanted to be a mother, I wanted to be surrounded by my children, I was saddened by the thought of sending them off to school. My children aren't always perfectly behaved, they make mistakes, sometimes I need a break, but I wouldn't change it for anything! I feel so badly for the children whose parents don't care, don't want them, and can't wait for school to start again! Unfortunately there isn't much anyone can do to prevent this. I have a couple of friends who do not have, nor want children. I commend them for acknowledging the fact that they know they would not be successful parents, they both love my children but they also love being able to give them back when they are finished with the "fun" stuff.
I totally get that all the time too! So many people out there have no clue how much of a joy it is to get to know their kids on a day to day basis like this. They tend to want to push off what they think they can't handle and then blame the school for messing up their kids. They don't want the responsibility. I know a parent that will run away ( into another room) when the kids get at each other instead of dealing with it. It frustrates me and I end up getting into it with said kids! lol
I read something similar recently on my fb page. It made me sad, honestly. But here's the thing: before I started homeschooling, the start of school every fall was a relief (short lived, though). I'll tell you why. Because ps kids are brats. We get a few hours at night (shared with: homework, a little bit of playing, and trying to reconnect with sibs) to try to instill values in our kids. And those are the hours when they are already tired and cranky. My kids used to fight CONSTANTLY. My ds wouldn't listen to me. And when he was unhappy, he made sure EVERYONE knew it. During the summer, they could only handle 'free time' for so long before they became completely bored. It was too quiet at home, there aren't enough distractions and people to talk to. By 1/2 way through summer, my kids were sick of being home, too. Fast forward to homeschooling: sure my kids still fight, but they ALSO have learned all sorts of behavioral rules from dh and I that they were missing out on before. They are used to finding ways to entertain themselves, and they can let their creativity flow when they are bored. They still fight, but they also work together MUCH better, and they often compromise without adult intervention. So my long winded point is that homeschooled kids are a joy to be around because we have the hours to instill those values and that calm well-being. ps creates exhausted, cranky kids who never have a chance to learn the rules and who live in a frenzy of activity most of their waking hours. Is it any wonder that ps parents think ALL kids are frenzied and irritable almost ALL of the time?
You know what. I feel this way sometimes. Sometimes I need a break. But...I never would say I can't stand to be around him, but in all honesty, there are days when he works my nerves, and I just wish I could send him over someones house for an hour or two. He's normally pretty good at knowing when mommy needs mommy time. He will either go watch a movie, find someones house to play at, dismantle his computer or something. Sometimes we lay together, like today, it's storming. He has Asperger's so he freaks out over rain and storms. Lately his new thing is he can't sleep. He's up at 1am because it's been raining for 2 weeks here all night and day. Again, my nerves, I am tired because i am trying to help him sleep....but I could never imagine myself without him. When he wnet to NY for a month I was happy for the 1st day or two and then I missed him & wanted him to come home.
Meghan: I completely agree. My DS had some behavioral problems that were starting to become serious and worrysome while he was in PS. Those problems are all but gone now. He's a completely different kid than he was 2 years ago.
I have always homeschooled until this year. I always hated it when other mother couldn't wait until school started. Then over this last summer I was having a horrible day. It was one of those days that you just want to scream at your kids and throw your hands in the air and give up. They were being so horrible. My dh came home and I told him I could wait until they were in school! He looked at me and walked away. A few minutes later he came back and said, "do you really mean that?" It caught me off guard and I had to stop and really think about what I just said. Of course I was excited for them to embark on a new adventure, but not having them around me was going to be hard. Now that school has started it is WAY harder than I thought! In the mornings they are pretty mellow (except for my 6yo) she throws fits everyday about how she hates school. When we get right down to what the problem is, it is usually something to do with she doesn't have time to eat her lunch, to she wanted to go on the slides but her friends didn't want to. At one point it was that she had to sit on the floor too long and it hurt her back (we were in a car accident years ago and she still has problems from it). I told her this morning that if she still wanted to be homeschooled by the end of this week we will evaluate it and see what would be best. She is my 1 child that gives up when things get hard and whines if everything doesn't go her way. When they get home they all sit down and do their homework and there is less fighting between them! So far they are loving school and we have so much less contention in our home. BUT I still miss them so much while they are at school all day. I would like to have them back home, but when the Lord told us to put them in school we did it. If the Lord wants us to homeschool again we will.
I don't have time to read all the responses but wanted to comment anyway. It always amazes me about this too. I have also gotten those phrases thrown back at me. I can't imagine not having my kids with me all the time. We are such a unit. Sure there are times when I want to walk out the door and never look back but those are very rare and usually at PMS times. LOL My kids are almost grown and won't be living with me much longer I will miss them and our times together. I know that we have built such a good relationship with our kids that we always be close. Why would any parent want someone else to know more about their child than them? Why would any parent want someone else raising their child but them? That's whats wrong with society today. So many people rely on someone else to do it for them and we are stuck with disrespectful teenagers and some adults. I love my kids and I love hanging out with them. I love watching how their minds work and hear about all the things they are going to do. Don't get me wrong I'm not their friend I'm their mother but they know they can come to me for anything. Being a friend is for later in life when they are responsible adults and don't need a parent taking care of them.
Meghan, excellent points. But even K and 1st grade moms say this. I was the same way, before I decided to HS. I was literally counting down til my oldest was in school. It took a lot of reading abt homeschooling (which came by accident, it was never my intent) for me to shift my perspective. I know it was learned in my case. My mom quite obviously hates to be a mom. Which made me sad when I realized it. She taught me that being a SAHM was "wrong", implicitly, I think. She's forever "worried" about me because I'm "with my kids all the time." But that's just her; I love her, but she's very selfish. I've had to work hard to not emulate her. Where did she get it? idk Two of her sisters were SAHMs. I get that line all the time, and I never know how to respond to it. Because the fact is, it's hard for me, and sure, it would be nice to have a lot more "me" time in the day. So my (mental) response is that I put what's best for my kids over what's selfish for myself - but that sounds self-righteous, lol. So usually I shrug and say, to each our own, or it's what's best for us. Sometimes I'll laugh and say, sure, it's hard, but totally worth it. Probably the best response.
When my middle child was scheduled to go to K I was excited! I was going to put my youngest in daycare and go back to work and have MY life back! BUT, things worked out differently, my son ended up staying home for K, then we brought my daughter home, and after a couple of months they were different kids! My oldest was finally getting enough sleep, they fought less and were less grumpy.... it was wonderful! We didn't plan to homeschool, but when we started I knew we would never go back. I totally agree with Meghan. Kids are different when they homeschool vs when they attend ps. I LIKE my kids more since we started homeschooling!
"you must be so relieved that they're back in school! No more headaches!", said the cashier at walmart last week whil ringing up my school supplies. She'd probably fall down if I told her my kids were actually hs'ed. People all around me have that notion. I think it's because you dont have to make any effort. You can clean, cook, watch tv, do whatever the heck you want while your kids are being taken care of by someone else....
It amazes me, because it was such a headache when my dd was in 4k, 5k & 1st grade. I had to get her up early, drive her to and from school, then do homework with her when she got home. I dreaded school starting. Don't get me wrong. I love getting a break from the kids. They spend 1 weekend a month with my mom. Gives us both a break from each other.
I guess y'all think I'm terrible, but I get tired of being around my kids 24/7. Sometimes we need some space from each other. I don't consider them a burden, but I do like a break sometime.
We aren't talking about a break or Mommy Time. The people we are talking about can't wait to ship off their children to school because they DO NOT want to be around them. Their children are chores to them. We all need a break to regroup and just be alone sometimes. The difference is that our children are not burdens to us. So no, we don't think you are terrible.
Right these people who need to spend more time with their kids usually too are the ones who want to get rid of them. I think we all want to send our kids off at some point becuase kids especially 13 yr olds! HA! can be turkeys, but then comes 14 and they return to helpful kids for a year or so haha
