Maybe I'm doing something wrong that I don't know about... Someone please enlighten me if I am.. Here's the situation: My hubby does not go to church.. We are both members of the church that I attend as are my children.. My 13 year old met this girl a few months back and Her mother and I met and decided it would be ok for them to hang out. This family is TOTALLY amazing.. They homeschool all 4 of their children who are the same ages as mine. This girl is an amazing young lady and their her first conversation with my son was about purity and she wanted him to know where she stood on the issue and she layed out her bounderies.. I have prayed for my children and their future spouses for a while now and I feel like this is an answer to my prayers.. Anyhow, we went on a mini vacation a few weeks ago and stayed out of town and went to another church the following morning.. youth pastor found out and gave my boys a lecture about being faithful to the church yada yada yada.. We let it go thinking that maybe he was just playing with them.. We decided to go back to this church last week. The other family and ours drove the hour drive to get there. Mind you, my husband won't go to church but WENT here.. With no arguments either. LOL.. Youth pastor finds out and is irritated at the boys. He stopped wednesday night service and got onto all the youth for not singing and being disrespectful. Good, he needed to do that since they were all talking and playing during worship service. Then he proceeds to throw in that if you don't like it here on Sunday mornings don't go to another church then come disrupt this one on Wednesdays.. WHAT???? The kids were really upset. They felt it was directed to them. Other mom texts the youth pastor and basically he brings up my son and how he is missing church to hang out with his girlfriend on Sundays. That he's invested so much time with my kids and that they are so impressionable and he would hate to see them leave the church and go astray.. HELLO?? I homeschool my kids so I can teach them the godly way.. Other mom tells him that Nick has a heart for god that is unusual in boys his age and that's why she allows him around her daughter.. He went on to say that he takes it personally when students go to another church instead of coming to church and being a part of HIS ministry.. Other mom says that if Tim (my hubby) is going to this other church and that's what it takes to get him on fire for God he should be happy.. NOPE It's all about HIS ministry and HIS pride.. I'm so stinking tired of this.. I'm seeing more and more arrogance with this guy. He is constantly getting onto my oldest saying that he is running kids off out of his ministry.. UGH!! I'm seriously thinking of leaving this church and going to the other one even though it's an hour away.. There are a LOT more issues going on besides in the youth. I'm just really tired of churches thinking that you have to keep God in a box and only bring him out on certain days and only in THEIR building. And what angers me even more is the fact that my husband who already thinks negatively about church is having to deal with this.. Shouldn't they be glad that we are attending church even if it's at another building?? Am I wrong for going to another church EVERY couple of weeks??? Seriously? I don't get this. And I'm totally confused right now. The youth pastor asked the boys to go out for a burger with him yesterday we told them no.. So today they are supposed to go with him IF they want to.. Hubby said that if he makes one remark to the kids about going to church or having worship at home he's going to come unglued on him. He was so mad yesterday and I hate this. Youth pastor found out that other mom had a bible lesson with her kids and my son and went on to say that God gave man the ability to make the church building so you can worship there and not in peoples homes.. This is TOTALLY not what I have told my children.. You can worship Christ anywhere and anytime.. Not JUST in the church building.. Oh and we're having issues with other members now.. One of which is my husbands boss.. UGH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just want to scream.. I'm so mad and so confused.. I told the other mom that Satan is probably laughing his butt off right now with what's going on.. And how it's funny that he can use seemingly Godly things against God's people.. And SOMETHING good HAS to be about to happen because Satan is really working overtime here lately.. Sorry this is SOOO long.. If you've read this far you are AMAZING.. LOL.. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.. Angela
First, I don't see that you're doing anything wrong at all. I used to go to youth group at one church (with friends) and Sunday service at another. Not a single person ever said anything to me about betraying them. That's ridiculous. I think you're right on that Satan is having a good time with this situation. This youth pastor has serious issues and he's going to be the one to turn your children from the Lord/church if you aren't careful.
I wouldn't trust that youth pastor AT ALL. And I wouldn't let my kid meet with him one-on-one. NO WAY!!!
All over this church I am finding things that I TOTALLY disagree with.. I really think it's time to move on.. One of the main things that I've been hearing lately is that if you don't come to church you don't love Christ.. I totally disagree!! I love Christ with all my heart and soul.. I've given EVERYTHING to him.. Everything I do is to bring glory to Christ. I don't go to church every single service. So I took that personally.. I DO love God!!! And this was to the SPARKS during AWANA.. Lets just keep God in the box (church). My relationship with God has nothing to do with Going to church.. I seek him always.. And I find him more OUTSIDE the church than in it!! I'm sorry, I am just SO upset over this.. I don't know how to deal with it. I've been praying all morning for God to open my eyes to see what it is that he wants me to see through this. And that if something needs to be said that the holy spirit would give me the correct words. And that I would not lash out. I'm not a confrontational person but there comes a time to stand up firmly for what you believe.. On the flip side of this, I have to say when things like this happen I find myself digging into the word to find the answers. So I'm getting more bible study time.. That's a good thing.... Angela
My dh didn't start attending church with me till this year. I have attended several church just me and my boys. I am going to tell you that your "youth pastor" has a unhealthy need/attachment for your kids. He is getting the idea he is the spiritual authority over your boys this maybe because your dh does not attend. I would also seem that others in the church are trying to be your "spiritual head" You are a more spiritual mature Christian than your dh or maybe he is not a believer at all. You are the spiritual head of your home. You make the decision spiritual regarding your family The church head pastor and minister do not make the decisions for your home. I really think that the church has a unhealthy interest in controlling you in your spiritual walk. I would pray seriously about leaving this church environment. My dh would of never attend a church if I attended one this nosey into your personal decisions. It would turn him away from christ I will tell you attend a very traditional church that believe in male leadership but they have never question my reason for attending or not attending at times. They know in my heart my ministry is at home and being the best Christian example to win my kids and dh's heart toward cchrist. Please Pray Hard I see this minister as a wolf in sheep clothing.
Sounds like there's a serious spirit of control in that youth pastor. We've encountered this so many times in the church that we now home church. The bible I read says that where two or more are gathered....right? Praying for you, sorry that you are going through this.
Find. another. church. Don't let this guy around your kids any longer. That need for control in a church environment can be dangerous to you and your children's spiritual health.
I hate to say it, but I agree with everyone else, this is not a health church. I hate saying that because I never like to suggest one leave a church, but this to me is not a church...I'll be praying that God will guide you to his will and that wherever he would plant your family that your hubby would come too!
Wow! What an ordeal. Let me just say that I am sorry you are having to deal with this. That is awful. Have you talked to the head pastor about any of this? It might be that he doesn't know what his youth pastor is saying/doing. I agree with the previous posters who say that he might have a control issue. He definitely has a pride and arrogance issue. I also agree that you should definitely NOT leave your children alone with this man. You don't want them soaking up the poison that he is spewing at them.
I too think it's time for you to get away from there. Especially if you've found a place where hubby will attend. It's so important for kids to see Daddy in church. I would let the head pastor know why you're leaving and let it be. Good luck!!
Yes. That is the number one thing right now. And a pastor (or youth pastor) that doesn't recognize and encourage that has serious problems.
I think the youth pastor needs to go. I'd be afraid to leave him in charge of kids. I don't know how to say this, but his controling nature could be an indication of greater problems. Take the things you've said about him and put them in the context of a dating relationship. If a woman was dating him and describe the things he was doing, would a red flag not go up that this man was a likely abuser? That's what I thought of when I read your post.
I faced a similar situation. I was going to a deaf church and it was all good at first. Then I started missing some Sundays here and there but coming to Bible Study. The pastor really laid into me for misssing sundays. He told me that I'm a disappointment to God. HUH?! Okay, maybe I am. I stuck it out for two more months and I vented on FB about their issues. Some people sided with me saying he was not right to say that and other people were all defensive that I was attacking their culture. that's when I pinpointed the problem. Culture? No, it's about relationships. Not a culture. Sounds like this youth pastor feels it should be a culture, not a personal relationship. Leave the church. I was so much better off wandering from church to church looking for a church home rather than going to that church and being controlled. They did so much damage in my family. They left my husband confused and he turned away from the church, but thank God they did not manage to turn my husband away from Jesus Christ.
I'm soooo scared to uproot my kids.. I KNOW this is not a good place for them to be.. They love hanging out with the youth. I need some serious prayer from you all. My husband says to leave them there because they have friends. He's not thinking about this in reguards to spiritual things.. He doesn't get those things. I'm afraid theres about to be a HUGE fight in this house and I do NOT need that right now.. There is SOOO much going on..
Praying. And I understand it is hard for you to leave but that youth pastor does sound very controlling and scary. If those are the teachings he is dishing out I would move on friends or no.
I agree with everyone else. Before I leave though I would make sure the Pastor knows why... I *hope* he doesn't know that his youth pastor feels and speaks this way. But if your husband is willing to go to the other church, that is where I would be.
As always, I have a different opinion!? :roll: 1) Personally, I believe that our commitment to a church should be as strong as the commitment to our family - because the church is designed to be a family of families. Yes, I get frustrated with our church at times, but I quietly avoid the issues. In the overall scheme of things, they are not a big deal. In all my life, I've never switched churches, except when we relocated. 2) There will always be things with which we disagree. If they undermine the Christian gospel, that's serious. If not, they are not worth a fuss. For some issues (views on science is one), I simply bite my tongue. For others (disliking the music), I find ways to serve during that part of the service. If something causes a rift with another church member, I go out of my way to resolve the problem - and have often found some wonderful new friends. 3) When a church leader is overbearing (thankfully, we've never faced that), I suggest meeting with them - and maybe others in a leadership position - to sort it out. Even though you may be in the 'right', don't sit back and complain: Go deal with the matter. Last weekend, I was visiting Britain. I happened to visit a small church I attended as a child. It used to have a thriving children's ministry, and they did so much good in the town. Today, the numbers are tiny, there is no children's ministry, and it turns out that the leaders come each week from another town. Looking into it, it seems that one or two leaders became very overbearing. For example, I learned that one of them physically pinned an old friend of mine to the wall when he refused to agree with the leader over a comparatively minor point. It's a church where those attending can feel free to stand up and talk for a few minutes, so I did. After the service, a couple of people I knew almost 40 years ago came up and were very complimentary. They quietly mentioned that they had stuck with the church through thick and thin - and right now it was thin. They suffer from a lack of good teaching and the liberty to exercise their own spiritual gifts; there's almost a sense of oppression. Despite all this, they are very active in certain ministries, visit the sick and needy in town, and remain faithful to the Lord. They would NEVER consider leaving the church. I have no doubt that the Lord will be faithful to their actions and humble submission. Over time, maybe they will be the reason the church once more thrives. The point is that, when there's a problem in the church, what purpose does it serve - other than feeling better in ourselves - to leave? Will this fix the problem? Will this improve the church's ministry in the area? Will it allow church leaders to fix problems and reassign staff? We say we're willing to suffer for Christ, but 99% of such opportunities relate to sticking with a church or family relationship - and we pass them by. What a powerful witness when we "keep the faith" by remaining faithful to the family of families to which we belong. As always, forgive me for my undue candor and opinionated comment - but I would like to prompt some thought on the matter. PS - our younger daughter, and some others in the church, attend a different ministry on Sunday evenings. Our church has been nothing but supportive of that.
It seems to me that if she does stick with this church, she just might be putting the church family ahead of her biological family. I agree with you that you shouldn't go church hopping over minor issues, but I think the fact that her husband is actually willing to go to another church but not this one is reason enough to switch. The issues with her children and the youth pastor is something that does indeed need to be addressed with the other leadership in the church, whether or not they stay.
I will be praying for you and your situation. Now on to my comments and opinions. Your husband saved or not is still above your "church" family. If he won't go there but will go somewhere else then follow his lead. God may be dealing with him on his level at this other church even though it's an hour away. You have to go where your feed the word not just have your ears tickled with a good sermon. Your youth pastor comes across as "It's all about me" attitude. To get on to someone for having a bible class outside of the church where he is not present is a huge red flag for me. Does that mean he never reads his bible or praises God in his own home? I personally wouldn't let him anywhere near my children as a one on one. Your children need to know that something is not right. Mature youth pastors don't act like that. I would definitely talk to the Senior Pastor with youth pastor present if need be. Get the situation under control now. If it can't be handled in a manner you see fit including your husbands opinion then leave. Yes, your kids have friends and I understand that we had to go through a similar situation last year. Your kids will make new friends and still be able to keep the old ones. We make sure our kids still see and hang out with their friends from our previous church. Exposing your children to someone who is obviously not a mature christian in leadership could do more harm than good. As I said before your husband comes before your church family always. Best of luck. I will be praying for you. This is what I really want to say! Run
