I had a youth pastor like this when I was an older teenage. My mother was the church secretary and, while I did attend Sunday service, it got to the point that she asked me not to go to youth group. The youth leader got so bad that he was dictating punishments for non-church-related infractions (e.g. Susie got a bad grade. Mom had to call Pastor Kevin to find out how she should punish Susie.). But it started just like this situation. Then we found out he was having an affair with two of the youth girls and being emotionally/verbally abusive to the rest of the group (your youth pastor is already abusive). I would not allow my children near that man even another minute! ETA: My mom DID try to talk to the senior pastor and the youth pastor. They both told her basically what Steve said - That the church was family and what they said goes. My mom nearly lost her job there because she wouldn't force me to attend youth group. (I was a college student by that point). They said that any family who wasn't fully committed to the church was betraying it.
We have decided to leave them in the youth... For now.... BUT they are NOT to be in fellowship alone with the youth pastor.. He is a controlling person and my husband has never liked him from the beginning. Even before that part of his personality came to light.. He knows that we are upset with him. Didn't say it so much as showed it.. He's paying close attention to my youngest son. Waving at him during service and patting him on the back asking if everything is ok with him and his g/f. Then out of the blue he gave my son $9.. Just walked up and gave it to him... I thought it was a little bit weird,but my son has done yard work and stuff for him in order to pay for certain youth functions that I didn't have the means to pay for. And then he didn't get to go to them.. I'm feeling a little bit uneasy but I "think" as long as the boys are not alone with him everything will be ok.. This youth pastor has SO much potential! And I pray that he will be able to learn to put a cap on his controlling behavior.. Thanks for your support and for everyone's comments. I appreciate all of them. Even the ones I don't agree with..
Go with your gut. More times than not, it's God speaking to us. Although I understand where Steve is coming from, I am still with the majority. Yes, there are problems with every church, and each of those problems should be dealt with. If more people stuck around to solve those issues, there would be less people church hopping. You did NOTHING wrong. Churches should NOT be competing against each other...we are all worshiping the same God, are we not? Yes, there is a certain sense of being loyal to your home church. Your home church is where you should serve. Your home church should function as a second family (not in place of your 'family' though). However, there is nothing wrong with using other outreach ministries at other churches...that's what they are there for! I also don't think it's wrong to visit other churches. That is what people do when they feel they need to move on. I would not be surprised if this youth pastor felt threatened and that is why he's acting out like that...not ok! This youth pastor needs to get over himself, and FAST! I would not hesitate to say something to the powers that be. Also, I would pray hard about it. I think it's a large sign that your husband didn't hesitate going to this other church, and he wont even attend the church he is a member at! If hubby wants to go to the other church, I would follow. In any case...this youth pastor has no Biblical support for his actions or his little 'messages'.
