At what age do you talk to your children about "the birds and the bees" and how much do you tell them? I am wondering when we need to have this talk with my 5th grader and how much we should say. Thanks!
I took both my girls out for a weekend when they were eleven. We used several books, Beautifully Made! by Generations of Virtue http://generationsofvirtue.org/store/index.php/books-for-girls/beautifully-made.html and an American Girl book...The Care and Keeping of You...? It was suggested by the girls' pediatrician, and it is VERY good. It's one that you might not want to "sit down and read", but one my girls would refer to again and again. One thing I REALLY liked is the it emphasizes that "real women" are NOT the ones you see glamourized on TV or at the movies. If you want to see what a "real woman" is like, look at your mom or your teacher or your neighbor. There was another book I borrowed from my Catholic neighbor that was put out by some Catholic organization that was also very good. I'm having fits right now, because Phillip will be 12, and Carl hasn't taken him out yet. He says guys mature slower than girls, and he sees no signs yet in Phillip. He PROMISES me he'll do it this summer! Sigh.... I'm TRYING to be submissive and silent in this, lol!
I started the conversation with my daughter when I was pregnant with my son. She was a toddler at the time, so obviously I kept it very simple. I did a semi-formal "Body" unit in kindergarten. Sort of "Your Body and You" thing, including personal hygiene and where babies come from. Our church also has a comprehensive sex ed curriculum that starts in kindergarten and continues through to senior adulthood, so that was a nice parallel to what we were doing. Every few years, or so, there'd be another church series we could sign her up for (I think it was kindy/grade 1, then Grade 5, then grade 8, then Youth... plus there's an adult one, and a senior one). Basically, I didn't have a "Talk". I simply started a conversation with them as soon as they were old enough to talk, and I've kept the conversation going ever since. We've had many, many talks with our children. It's not all serious, either. Life is ridiculous, and it's healthy to laugh. My son isn't terribly interested yet, but my daughter loves this topic and can't get enough of it. She's regularly appalled by how little her peers know. It's actually gotten to the point where other teens will come and ask her, if there's something they're curious or confused about. There SO much to cover, I don't think you can do it in a single conversation. Sex is the least of it. There's also relationships and media and power and male/female roles and hormones... I'm still learning myself. I recently read a very interesting book on what happens to the female body during her cycle, before I passed it on to my daughter. I had no idea about a lot of this stuff!
I tried approaching this topic with my daughter when she was 10, but she wasn't ready to hear it yet, so we only delved into some girl info she needed to hear, because two of her friends had already begun their menstral cycle. Since then, we've had a few mini-talks. It was only this year, age 12, that she was finally ready to learn more. (She's not too thrilled with any of it, either. )
I have answered questions as they have come up, but I wanted to bring up the topic when my kids were not at an age where it would be uncomfortable and I wanted them to hear it from me. So around age 7/8 they learn how the egg joins with the sperm. I have yet to discuss STDs and other details about hormonal changes and how to handle them.
I really wish I had not waited so long, if I had it to do over again, I would have started the dialogue as soon as they could speak! I would have done it gradually in stages as they got older, but I would have handled it just like teeth-brushing, table manners, tying your own shoes,etc just like we teach anything. Instead, I had to have an immediate crash course all at once when my dd started her monthly at age 8! Believe me, neither one of us was ready! I really don't think it's a good idea to wait very long. My 9ds is showing early signs of puberty and I am so glad I learned my lesson and started having discussions with him early.
Well, yes, we did dialog all along, but we still had a time of sitting down and explaining more exacting details, such as menstration. At that time, we went into more details, what to expect as your body matures, etc. It was also a time for me to get away with each girl individually. We went to a nice hotel/lodge, read the book, talked, went out to dinner, read and talked some more, watched a fun movie (like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers or The Pirate Movie), read and talked some more, stayed up late and ate all kinds of junk food. Just a nice Mother/Daughter overnight!
It depends. My ds is 10, and I'd really like dh to talk to him now. But neither one wants to do it right now. My worry is that ds will learn somewhere else, and learn some weird twisted version. At least, though, he's homeschooled so much less chance he'll learn by reading the grafitti on the wall at school Some things they've known since they were very little- they both know babies come out of a special place on mom's body, they know girls get a monthly period (i had to explain this one because ds thought I was bleeding from my bum and was quite disturbed). Both know some basic puberty facts. I don't know.. it's a constant push pull. We have goats, so some stuff I haven't been able to completely shield them from (although I did let ds misinterpret what he saw). Dd was watching a wonderful documentary on dolphins yesterday and there was a lot of mention of mating and sex (nothing descriptive though, and you couldn't tell what they were doing). dd said, "What?" and I replied, "never mind... watch the baby will be born next!"
That's kind of where I am with Phillip. I wanted it done by now, but DH is putting it off. So I'm REALLY TRYING to keep my mouth shut and trust him on this!
dd1 is 9. She got the full story this summer. (We've been talking about it forever.) dh is getting up the courage to tell ds (7.5) :lol:
Do you believe it is important for the same gender parent to have the talk? I've had the talk with both of my boys. Dh would have waited much longer plus he didn't want to have the talk. I don't see how it is much different than teaching other things or is there something I am missing?
Yes, I think it's important for the same-gender parent to do it. But if that's not what is going to work best for you, that's fine. I mean, can you imagine having your DAD talk to you about getting your period? EEEEWWWWW!!! And I can imagine my son wouldn't want to discuss things like that with his mother!
LOL.:lol: My Dad - no. My sons haven't shown any discomfort thus far, but they haven't hit the teen years. My oldest did ask a question that threw me for a minute. I had to remind myself that this topic is not embarrassing and I want my kids to be able to ask me anything. While I haven't gone in depth about periods, my son didn't have problems discussing it with me. It is just an aspect of science to him.
There are "guy things" I simply don't understand, just as there are "girl things" my husband doesn't get.
