I homeschool my 5 (boy)and 7 yr old (girl). I've asked several times on here for advice on what to do with my 7 yr old girl. I'm borderline about to send her back to public school. I've tried reward system, taking everything but her air away, time outs, spanking, letting her choose what/when to do school. Nothing phases her. She just doesnt want to do school. She throws a fit, rolls on the floor, cries and tries to negotiate. Now I've started "I don't fix lunch till all your work is done". This is working for now but I know soon it will grow old. I've bought countless crafts, offered park, chuckie cheese, zoo, aquarium, money. Nothing motivates her. She has the "I don't care I'm going to do what I want to do" attitude. My days for her are not loaded with work. It is a very light load bc I know how she is so I'm def not asking too much. I DO NOT want to send her back to public school. Please help with ANY advice.
Today, Focus On The Family posted on Facebook the first half of a (repeat of a) radio broadcast by Cynthia Tobias, on dealing with the strong-willed child. See if you can locate it online at their website, or if you're on Facebook see if you can find it on their FB page. I liked what I heard today, and I'm looking forward to hearing the other half tomorrow. I may have to get her book, the one she's talking about on this broadcast. Our son was definitely strong-willed in addition to being ADHD, and probably some other initialed conditions as well. We had some major go-rounds with him growing up, and he at age 29 is JUST realizing that we did love him and do love him and did whatever we did out of love for him - AND he's starting to apologize every time we talk now for everything he ever did because he has two sons of his own now, who are JUST LIKE HIM. I wish I'd had Cynthia Tobias living next door back in those days! I wonder how much exasperation she might have saved us and him back then.
I think I'd try giving her choices - she sounds like she is the type to need to feel in control. Help her write a list of what needs to be done and then let her decide which to do first and second. Also give her options of what not to do - would you like to leave the colouring today for example - she must still do the work, but can leave a part that is not so important. I would probably also try moving school around and not just having school in a particular room - let her sit on the floor if chooses or dance around the room - again let her choose so long as the work is done too. And you should probably stick to one chosen discipline method as consistency is key with discipline - do your method for a month or two every single time before even considering switching. The other thing is: how much work are you leaving her to do independently and how much do you help her with - at age 7 she probably needs your constant attention and help which may be hard with a 5 year old around too. If she likes having you around you could do half her work for her - if there is writing then she writes one word you write the next - just make whatever she writes double as long so she is really writing the amount you require. The same works with reading together.
No advice, but I hear you! My 7 year old ds does the same exact thing. I remind him that that throwing a fit for 30 minutes just extends our school day (which can usually be done in an hour). Scribbling on your paper for 15 minutes takes much longer than just writing 5 sentences. In my mind it makes complete sense to just get it over with and have the rest of the day free. Not so much in his mind.
That is the way I see it too. Since it seems so reasonable to me then I get upset with her wanting to drag it out all day long. Thank you all for the great advice. I think one thing I definitely struggle with is consistency. I will def check out Cynthia Tobias. I've read a couple of books but they've really not worked with the lifestyle we have. I just want her eager and happy to do school but I guess that is what we all want.
Sorry, but this seems like a lofty goal right now. In the long run, of course you want your daughter to be eager and happy to do school, but right now I think the focus should be on her just doing school. Even if she isn't happy about it, as long as it is getting done, I wouldn't push it.
My mom sent us the link to the broadcast last night! After listening we ordered her book right away. It's called You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded). I hope it's ok to share this link... http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio?ID={73AFF678-6E13-40D9-8581-F8D2E732BA4E}
Yes, 7 years old is still too little to expect much on her own. I agree with sitting with her to do her work. Don't send her away. And yes, the strong-willed child is a handful. I have one myself. My dd is 15 now and although she is much better, her strong-wills still do come out and when she's got her heels dug in against something (like her work) its a battle. A few suggestions (and you will just have to try things-different things work for different kids): * Don't leave her to do her work. She can have her own desk/card table/workspace in the same room. My daughter told me later that when I would "send her away" to do her work it bothered her and made her feel lonely and unloved. I don't know why! Its not like I sent her to a closet. Whatever reasons, its how she felt. *Allow some things to be done orally. Watch a DVD on a science subject instead of making her read the material. Switch things up ALOT. My dd told me about this, too. She would get bored easily and that would make her act up. Also she didn't want to be told what to do so much. I then began to make a workplan for her and she could decide what to work on, when. The only stipulation I make (even now), is she cannot interrupt when I'm with the other two. She has to work on something she can until I can help her. *You have to find something that matters to her and there is, you just haven't found it yet. I read that in a Strong-Willed child behavior book and I believe it. One thing I found is she has to finish her work even if its on the weekend. Unfortunately something like that does impact your plans but you should only have to do that a couple of times before she learns its no fun. *If your husband is on board with it and can do it, get him involved. My husband would call home at lunch and ask if I was having problems with my daughter. Then he'd talk to her. If things were going good, he'd still talk to her and say some encouraging words. If not, some discipline would be discussed. Nowadays, my husband's job is in town and he has a small office. If she acts up, I say the word and my husband comes home and she has to go to his office for the rest of the day and do her work there! OMG...that works really, really well. Hope this helps somewhat....
I'll put in a plug for this book. I found it a revelation http://books.google.com/books?id=oW...OB ABBOTT" gentle&pg=PA5#v=onepage&q&f=false
Did you listen to the second part Heath? I'm off to see if I can download the podcast on iTunes again
